to risk it?
Title: Kids?
Characters: Elena Munez, Jared Phillips (jaggedjared)
Universe(s): A Safe Harbor/Falling Starlight
Timeline: Nebula/Disenchanted
Rating: Too Cute for Words. And a bit of smut toward the end.
Written for jaggedjared because the idiots are too fucking loud.
He was sitting on his bed, flipping idly through an industry rag. She knew his brain wasn't really on the magazine from how his eyes barely stopped at the pages and she knew he had something he wanted to say, something he wanted to ask. The tense silence was killing her and she couldn't even focus on folding his laundry so she moved over to the bed. Taking the magazine from his hands, she tossed it across the room and kissed his cheek. "Talk to me."
He sighed. "I need to ask you something and I don't want you to freak out."
"Okay ..."
"And I know you and I know you're going to freak out and it's why I've waited so long to ask the question but now we're getting married and I can't say I do without knowing the answer to this."
"Jared. Stop. What is it? Because now I'm freaking out."
"You've always said you can't have kids. Is that a real thing or is it because ... you know."
Well. That was a surprise. She sighed and stared down at his knees. "Does it matter?"
"If you can't? No. I'm just curious."
That made her feel a bit better. She slid back and lay down, putting her head on her pillow. Jared followed suit. He looked into her eyes, resting his hand on her hip. "There is nothing that says, biologically, that I can't," she said. "But my doctors are all worried about my head and what all the hormones would do to me if I got pregnant." She reached out and toyed with a loose string on his t-shirt. "They're worried I'll just kill the kid, kill myself, kill my partner, kill the cat. You name it."
He was quiet for a long time. "That really isn't fair."
"What?"
"To put that kind of stress in the back of your mind. It's like they've convinced you that you're going to go nuts so you never even try and you're willing to go along with it because you're scared."
She shrugged. "I am scared. I'm scared because what if my hormones go completely batshit crazy and I do something?"
"And what if they don't?"
"You said it didn't matter ..."
"It doesn't. E, I'm marrying you because I love you, not the kids we could maybe have if we wanted to and it was safe to do so. I'm not marrying a family. I'm marrying you. But I also know you want them."
"I really do."
He was quiet and she let him think because she was busy thinking too. Finally he tugged a bit on her hip and she snuggled closer. "I'm not going to push you either way, E. It's your decision. It's your body. And I'm not going to lie, I get scared thinking about if you do have another major episode. Your small episodes are enough to keep me up at night. But if you want kids, I'm there with you. Whatever therapy or medications or whatever we need to go through to keep you healthy, okay?"
She shivered a bit and snuggled close. "Okay." They were quiet for a while before she looked back at him. "But right now ..."
"Yeah?"
"Let's just focus on getting married, okay?"
He smiled. "Deal."
"And that means we should probably have all those other grownup conversations that people should have before they get married. You know, like dishes and stuff."
"Dude, I told you, we'll keep the dishwasher working!"
She laughed. "Seriously, Jared. There's a bunch of stuff we haven't talked about and I'm kind of starting to freak out now that I think about it. I mean, what about where we're going to live or how we manage money and ..." she sighed. "God."
"Hey. It's going to be fine."
"I know." She took a breath. "I know. You keep telling me it is. So."
"What scares you the most?"
She shrugged. "Honestly?"
"Of course."
"Not living with JJ and Micah anymore."
He stroked his hand down her side. "Baby, if it's really that important, I'm okay being a roommate. I mean, I might lobby for a slightly bigger place so we're not all on top of each other but if you need them in your life like that, I'm okay. Right now I've got a single bedroom that is more laundry-pile than furniture."
She giggled at that. "Well, that's true. And you should be the one folding it not me." He gave her his big grin. She giggled. "But ... I mean, we spend more time here than there."
"That's because you scream when you come and then JJ teases you in the morning."
She swatted at him. "When we first got engaged, I really thought I'd be okay with just being roommates with JJ and Micah. I mean, we all get along and they're my sweet little poly family. But I also like our time alone too and now I'm so fucking confused."
"That's why I'd want a bigger place if we do it that way. Maybe some kind of layout where we can have one side of the house and they can have the other or at least space. Your place is great, but after a while, there just isn't a lot of maneuvering room."
She smiled. "A bigger place.... it really is an option. And maybe that means JJ could finally get Brit to move in permanently. I mean, she already house sits."
"E, us getting married isn't supposed to stress you out, you know."
"Yeah, well ... I told Janet you'd proposed and she extended my klonipin scrip."
Jared snickered. "Gotta love a therapist who knows you."
She laughed. "Yeah."
"Hey, but so what if the world thinks we're supposed to get our own place and live in our own two walls. We're musicians, baby. Our real home is a tour bus bunk. Last I checked, this was our life. Not society's. Part of why I love you is your connection to those two idiots you live with. So we give it a try and if it fails, it fails. But what if it's absolutely awesome?"
"Really?"
"Really."
She let out a breath. "Okay. So ... we talk to the guys and look for a bigger place."
He leaned in and kissed her. "See, not everything has to be a crisis."
"God ... are you sure you want me in your life forever, J? I'm fucking insane."
"Since the day I met you. And shut up."
"I'm a whack job."
"Yeah, well, you're really pretty and make fun noises when I get you naked."
She giggled and leaned in to kiss him. "Things we can tell our kids when they asked why you married me."
"You just said kids."
"I'm dreaming a bit right now."
He smiled. "You know, there are options babe."
"What? Adoption?"
"And surrogacy. When we get there, we can talk about it okay."
She smiled. "Okay."
"But for now ..." he smirked. "You're up to date on your pills, right?" His hands moved up under her shirt and she rolled over as she wiggled out of it. "And you're also not wearing a bra. God I love you."
"For my body?"
"Yup." His mouth descended on her collarbone.
"I can live with that," she moaned. His mouth moved between her breasts and she let the freakout slip out of her mind. This was Jared. They could figure anything out. But as he pulled her jeans down her legs and slipped between her thighs, she couldn't help but wonder if having children with him would be worth the risk.
Characters: Elena Munez, Jared Phillips (jaggedjared)
Universe(s): A Safe Harbor/Falling Starlight
Timeline: Nebula/Disenchanted
Rating: Too Cute for Words. And a bit of smut toward the end.
Written for jaggedjared because the idiots are too fucking loud.
He was sitting on his bed, flipping idly through an industry rag. She knew his brain wasn't really on the magazine from how his eyes barely stopped at the pages and she knew he had something he wanted to say, something he wanted to ask. The tense silence was killing her and she couldn't even focus on folding his laundry so she moved over to the bed. Taking the magazine from his hands, she tossed it across the room and kissed his cheek. "Talk to me."
He sighed. "I need to ask you something and I don't want you to freak out."
"Okay ..."
"And I know you and I know you're going to freak out and it's why I've waited so long to ask the question but now we're getting married and I can't say I do without knowing the answer to this."
"Jared. Stop. What is it? Because now I'm freaking out."
"You've always said you can't have kids. Is that a real thing or is it because ... you know."
Well. That was a surprise. She sighed and stared down at his knees. "Does it matter?"
"If you can't? No. I'm just curious."
That made her feel a bit better. She slid back and lay down, putting her head on her pillow. Jared followed suit. He looked into her eyes, resting his hand on her hip. "There is nothing that says, biologically, that I can't," she said. "But my doctors are all worried about my head and what all the hormones would do to me if I got pregnant." She reached out and toyed with a loose string on his t-shirt. "They're worried I'll just kill the kid, kill myself, kill my partner, kill the cat. You name it."
He was quiet for a long time. "That really isn't fair."
"What?"
"To put that kind of stress in the back of your mind. It's like they've convinced you that you're going to go nuts so you never even try and you're willing to go along with it because you're scared."
She shrugged. "I am scared. I'm scared because what if my hormones go completely batshit crazy and I do something?"
"And what if they don't?"
"You said it didn't matter ..."
"It doesn't. E, I'm marrying you because I love you, not the kids we could maybe have if we wanted to and it was safe to do so. I'm not marrying a family. I'm marrying you. But I also know you want them."
"I really do."
He was quiet and she let him think because she was busy thinking too. Finally he tugged a bit on her hip and she snuggled closer. "I'm not going to push you either way, E. It's your decision. It's your body. And I'm not going to lie, I get scared thinking about if you do have another major episode. Your small episodes are enough to keep me up at night. But if you want kids, I'm there with you. Whatever therapy or medications or whatever we need to go through to keep you healthy, okay?"
She shivered a bit and snuggled close. "Okay." They were quiet for a while before she looked back at him. "But right now ..."
"Yeah?"
"Let's just focus on getting married, okay?"
He smiled. "Deal."
"And that means we should probably have all those other grownup conversations that people should have before they get married. You know, like dishes and stuff."
"Dude, I told you, we'll keep the dishwasher working!"
She laughed. "Seriously, Jared. There's a bunch of stuff we haven't talked about and I'm kind of starting to freak out now that I think about it. I mean, what about where we're going to live or how we manage money and ..." she sighed. "God."
"Hey. It's going to be fine."
"I know." She took a breath. "I know. You keep telling me it is. So."
"What scares you the most?"
She shrugged. "Honestly?"
"Of course."
"Not living with JJ and Micah anymore."
He stroked his hand down her side. "Baby, if it's really that important, I'm okay being a roommate. I mean, I might lobby for a slightly bigger place so we're not all on top of each other but if you need them in your life like that, I'm okay. Right now I've got a single bedroom that is more laundry-pile than furniture."
She giggled at that. "Well, that's true. And you should be the one folding it not me." He gave her his big grin. She giggled. "But ... I mean, we spend more time here than there."
"That's because you scream when you come and then JJ teases you in the morning."
She swatted at him. "When we first got engaged, I really thought I'd be okay with just being roommates with JJ and Micah. I mean, we all get along and they're my sweet little poly family. But I also like our time alone too and now I'm so fucking confused."
"That's why I'd want a bigger place if we do it that way. Maybe some kind of layout where we can have one side of the house and they can have the other or at least space. Your place is great, but after a while, there just isn't a lot of maneuvering room."
She smiled. "A bigger place.... it really is an option. And maybe that means JJ could finally get Brit to move in permanently. I mean, she already house sits."
"E, us getting married isn't supposed to stress you out, you know."
"Yeah, well ... I told Janet you'd proposed and she extended my klonipin scrip."
Jared snickered. "Gotta love a therapist who knows you."
She laughed. "Yeah."
"Hey, but so what if the world thinks we're supposed to get our own place and live in our own two walls. We're musicians, baby. Our real home is a tour bus bunk. Last I checked, this was our life. Not society's. Part of why I love you is your connection to those two idiots you live with. So we give it a try and if it fails, it fails. But what if it's absolutely awesome?"
"Really?"
"Really."
She let out a breath. "Okay. So ... we talk to the guys and look for a bigger place."
He leaned in and kissed her. "See, not everything has to be a crisis."
"God ... are you sure you want me in your life forever, J? I'm fucking insane."
"Since the day I met you. And shut up."
"I'm a whack job."
"Yeah, well, you're really pretty and make fun noises when I get you naked."
She giggled and leaned in to kiss him. "Things we can tell our kids when they asked why you married me."
"You just said kids."
"I'm dreaming a bit right now."
He smiled. "You know, there are options babe."
"What? Adoption?"
"And surrogacy. When we get there, we can talk about it okay."
She smiled. "Okay."
"But for now ..." he smirked. "You're up to date on your pills, right?" His hands moved up under her shirt and she rolled over as she wiggled out of it. "And you're also not wearing a bra. God I love you."
"For my body?"
"Yup." His mouth descended on her collarbone.
"I can live with that," she moaned. His mouth moved between her breasts and she let the freakout slip out of her mind. This was Jared. They could figure anything out. But as he pulled her jeans down her legs and slipped between her thighs, she couldn't help but wonder if having children with him would be worth the risk.