(no subject)
Oh my god, this week. My life exploded all over me, and I'm still picking the pieces of it out of my hair.
Hokay, so. First, I am working full-time again. It is another shit job, but it is far less shitty than my other job. There are books, and nice people, and some responsibilities that I am capable of taking on. It does give me less free time though, because I have more hours and a 45 minute commute on public transit. Also, it sometimes -- like today -- requires me to wake up at 3:30 in the morning. Boo all over that.
Second, it is fucking cold. I am ill-equipped for anything less than 55 degrees here, especially when it includes rain, fog, and wind that tears the siding off my neighbor's apartment. Yeesh. This weather also completely saps my energy. I fell asleep at 10 last night, and only partially because of today's early morning shift. Working up the energy to do things like write or make food is hard, but I've been forcing myself to do it, knowing that it can (and always does) make me feel better.
Third. My last post... Okay, so while I was living in Vermont this past winter, I had a girlfriend. She and had a great relationship, though I always knew (and made sure that she knew) that I would be leaving sooner rather than later.
Then I left. Four months later, I came back, though only for a visit. We spent most of the 4 days I was there together. (It was good. Maybe too good? Is there such a thing?)
The former girlfriend -- let's call her N, mkay? -- asked me how I would feel if she moved to Chicago. Only partly, she assured me, to be with me. My reply, unsurprisingly, was panicked, particularly after she asked me how I felt about being in a monogamous relationship (Answer: unthrilled, bordering on even more panicked). I'm bad at commitment, bad at staying in place, bad at denying my impulses. I am, on the other hand, very good at leaving people behind. Having someone follow me somewhere is... weird. Unsettling. A huge responsibility. We're back in a "wait-and-see" pattern, because of my aforementioned fears of monogamy, and she should really at least visit Chicago before deciding to live here.
Oh, and then, while I was confessing all of this to a friend, and verbally longing for a strings-free network of people across the world that I could have fun frolicsome sexy times with, she propositioned me. While we were drinking tea and eating scones. Then she followed this with "Your look of panic right now is adorable."
MY LIFE. NOT GONNA LIE, IT NEVER STOPS BEING WEIRD.
Lest anyone think I'm a lazy drama queen, here's the current list of projects/open tabs in Google Docs
-In Medias Res: next chapter is awaiting beta approval. I think I'm three chapters away from the end, after this one goes live. Shits about to get crazy. Or crazier.
-Big Bang: currently stalled. The problem is that it's such a summer story. It's hard to get back in the mood with it when I'm buried under blankets, with my heating pad cranked on high.
-Possible NaNo/WriSoMiFu story: still percolating
-the 5 Problems Logan Solved Like A Boss XMFC fic: grinding my way towards the end. God, I wish it would just shut up and write itself. DONE AND POSTED
-Article about chai: DAMN YOU, JUST BE FINISHED ALREADY HAHA I BEAT YOU
-Article about the Fresh Moves bus in Chicago: awaiting research.
I have also been baking ALL THE THINGS EVER, Cookies last weekend, then scones on Wednesday. I'm thinking biscuits next, because I have buttermilk that needs to go away. Or maybe a pancake breakfast if I can get some folks together for a hangover brunch on Sunday.
Hokay, so. First, I am working full-time again. It is another shit job, but it is far less shitty than my other job. There are books, and nice people, and some responsibilities that I am capable of taking on. It does give me less free time though, because I have more hours and a 45 minute commute on public transit. Also, it sometimes -- like today -- requires me to wake up at 3:30 in the morning. Boo all over that.
Second, it is fucking cold. I am ill-equipped for anything less than 55 degrees here, especially when it includes rain, fog, and wind that tears the siding off my neighbor's apartment. Yeesh. This weather also completely saps my energy. I fell asleep at 10 last night, and only partially because of today's early morning shift. Working up the energy to do things like write or make food is hard, but I've been forcing myself to do it, knowing that it can (and always does) make me feel better.
Third. My last post... Okay, so while I was living in Vermont this past winter, I had a girlfriend. She and had a great relationship, though I always knew (and made sure that she knew) that I would be leaving sooner rather than later.
Then I left. Four months later, I came back, though only for a visit. We spent most of the 4 days I was there together. (It was good. Maybe too good? Is there such a thing?)
The former girlfriend -- let's call her N, mkay? -- asked me how I would feel if she moved to Chicago. Only partly, she assured me, to be with me. My reply, unsurprisingly, was panicked, particularly after she asked me how I felt about being in a monogamous relationship (Answer: unthrilled, bordering on even more panicked). I'm bad at commitment, bad at staying in place, bad at denying my impulses. I am, on the other hand, very good at leaving people behind. Having someone follow me somewhere is... weird. Unsettling. A huge responsibility. We're back in a "wait-and-see" pattern, because of my aforementioned fears of monogamy, and she should really at least visit Chicago before deciding to live here.
Oh, and then, while I was confessing all of this to a friend, and verbally longing for a strings-free network of people across the world that I could have fun frolicsome sexy times with, she propositioned me. While we were drinking tea and eating scones. Then she followed this with "Your look of panic right now is adorable."
MY LIFE. NOT GONNA LIE, IT NEVER STOPS BEING WEIRD.
Lest anyone think I'm a lazy drama queen, here's the current list of projects/open tabs in Google Docs
-In Medias Res: next chapter is awaiting beta approval. I think I'm three chapters away from the end, after this one goes live. Shits about to get crazy. Or crazier.
-Big Bang: currently stalled. The problem is that it's such a summer story. It's hard to get back in the mood with it when I'm buried under blankets, with my heating pad cranked on high.
-Possible NaNo/WriSoMiFu story: still percolating
-the 5 Problems Logan Solved Like A Boss XMFC fic: grinding my way towards the end. God, I wish it would just shut up and write itself. DONE AND POSTED
-Article about chai: DAMN YOU, JUST BE FINISHED ALREADY HAHA I BEAT YOU
-Article about the Fresh Moves bus in Chicago: awaiting research.
I have also been baking ALL THE THINGS EVER, Cookies last weekend, then scones on Wednesday. I'm thinking biscuits next, because I have buttermilk that needs to go away. Or maybe a pancake breakfast if I can get some folks together for a hangover brunch on Sunday.