of vents, rants, talks, thoughts. a lil of everything
I'm having second, third and fourth thoughts about the current Pre-University programme I'm taking... again.
The problem with me is that I am just too stubborn for my own good. Remember when I already decided to take CIMP (or A Levels if I got good results, but let's forget about that now)?
I still want to take CIMP.
I talked to lecturers and I don't know whos of Sunway College, they said the March intake is OVERLY full. w.t.f but yes I am pissed that the lady at the info centre attended me with that snobbish face, Hello, I pay your salary wtf
Now let's return back to my tiny issue, that I'm stubborn.
Because I can't get into CIMP and ended up in MUFY. I am very unhappy.
MUFY is not a bad programme. It's harder but not up till the extant of stabbing your eyes with chopsticks. It is recognised and I get to go in Monash University easier than certain programmes. Well, all these is what they claim.
The only reason I'm not happy in MUFY is because..
Yeah, you guessed it. The stubborn me still wants CIMP.
... I'm such an Aries LOL.
Then the never-ending battles that goes on in my head, the string of 'what-if's.
What if I don't get a job? What if I spent so much of my parents' money and it'll all be wasted? What if I can't do it? What if I die half-way and waste my effort and parent's money? WHat if I commit suicide half-way? What if WHat if What if.
But seriously, the most particular one is, what if I can't get a job?
I admit and know that I am considered lucky. But does luck really helps here? If it does, what if my luck runs out after I say this?
Okay, let's say I have a saner mentality and am not that stubborn.
I'm still dumb. I have bad memory, a lazy gene and a sad knowledge of numbers. Seriously people, numbers and I don't click. I. SUCK. AT. MATHS.
And then I saw the module that I must complete for Maths in MUFY today, blardy hell, it ain't exactly a piece o pie, people. It's hard.
Don't believe me? I even did a survey. I asked 10 people if they felt like jumping of a building when doing Maths A (calculus and functions).
8 wanted to jump off a building while 1 preferred to shoot himself.
Yes, it is that bad. Level of exageration? Maybe 2 out of 5.
Though, I have classmates who are willing to pull me through Maths. Mega and Rais were so willing, even Shu Ting. Thanks guys, but really, I'm the real problem here. I was determined to study beginning of March, but when I got rejected for CIMP, the fire kinda slowed down. I am trying to rekindle it, slowly. It's just that, I don't want to make anymore fake promises about Maths to myself, mom or anyone else anymore.
*exhales*
I dunno guys, I just dunno. I've only started to really think about making a decision yesterday. And that's only because I must pay my semester fees by this week wtf.
I'm most probably going to stick to MUFY. Well, I have nowhere else to go. CIMP at Taylor's would be kind of weird now but waiting for CIMP's July intake at Sunway's would be even more weird and stupid and a waste of time I guess.
I just hope that this is not another mistake I make.
And dear dear voices in my head, listen to mom. Even doctors don't all get jobs after studying so much. Maybe I won't get a job, maybe I'll die.. Argh, just please, shut up, ne?
Lady Luck, please stay by my side.
Now that that is done, let's proceed to my college life? lol
Everything's normal I guess.
My driving's slowly improving but I'll forever NEVER have road-sense wtf. I took a sudden and sharp left turn. speeding past this car who honked at us angrily this evening, I almost missed an exit ok. lol. And I bet the driver's pissed because two laughing teenagers almost caused an accident wtf.
Oh and parking is kinda a bitch.
Econs is hateful. I understand everything yet I don't understand. Don't ask, I don't get myself wtf.
Yerp, everything's normal
Even the guy who keeps annoying, bullying and talking to me. I'm freaked out yo. He even followed me to my car, which was opposite the campus and then he walked back to the campus back to his dorm. wtf. FREAKED OUT I TELL YOU.
Oh and I've taken a liking to this guy. He's really really cute, to my eyes anyway haha and very unique and nice!
I feel like I'm in Primary School again, where I keep giving sweets to my crushes lol. Yes people, I do that. And yes, I do keep giving this guy sweets too wtf. Why, you got a problem with that? lol
Oh oh but people, I think the guy's interested in this other girl. We're all in Globalisation together haha.
But I'll still give him sweets la lol, I just like giving people sweets! ... I think I should sign an agreement with those who accept my sweets that if they get diabetes, it's not my fault wtf.
Anyways, back to the guy. I am dissapointed that he doesn't show interest in me. But it's not a big deal, I think lol. A crush will always be a crush. ... No, I will not fall for him, please wtf.
And besides, the girl he showed interest for is preeeetty! Quiet but pretty. And I think she likes him too haha!
College life, making up for my sucky high school life, without boys and much social life haha.
Oh wait, I'm somehow attached you guys say?
Not anymore darlings. It didn't work out between the idiotic arse and I.
Of course I'm depressed and not ok. Of course I'm still sad, it's only a week. Of course I do wake up with this pain almost every morning.
And of course I know, nobody's wrong here.
But I guess, it just takes time. Proof - I'm better today than I was last Wednesday =)
This is my current fav and emo song. Only a week and it's been played at least 26 times haha