Finding
title: finding
pairing: Yixing/Luhan, Sehun/Luhan, friends!Jongin/Yixing
wordcount: 3184
description: Yixing can only wait for Luhan to figure it out.
notes: originally for hybridchickens in runandgun, here.
Yixing flopped onto the floor of the practice room next to Lu Han. Jongin was lying on the other side of Lu Han, and Sehun was wiping sweat off his forehead with a towel.
“Sehun-ah, throw me a water bottle?” Lu Han requested, holding his hand up. The bottle landed on his stomach, and Lu Han grunted at the impact before whining to Sehun about throwing it too hard. Sehun laughed and walked over to lay all over all three of them with his head on Jongin’s stomach.
“You’re heavy, get off,” Lu Han complained, shoving at Sehun’s body.
“Make me,” Sehun replied snarkily, jabbing Lu Han in the stomach.
Lu Han pursed his lips for a few seconds and then turned to Yixing, who nodded slightly. Yixing mouthed a countdown, and on three, they heaved Sehun off and dumped him on the floor. He gave a shriek of surprise, and the duo cackled, high-fiving each other for their success. Jongin slapped Sehun’s thigh playfully, earning another yelp from the youngest member of the group of four.
Sehun muttered something about evil bastards under his breath but stayed on the ground where he had been dropped. Lu Han proceeded to sit on Sehun’s thighs, laughter still dancing in his eyes.
Yixing watched them bicker playfully, Sehun eventually flipping Lu Han over to threaten the older, mirth gone and heart hurting a little. Jongin nudged him with a meaningful look that said, Let’s leave them alone. Yixing wanted to protest, but he knew it would do no good. Lu Han was laughing again, and any possibility of Yixing bringing up maybe meeting up tomorrow to study together was gone. He grabbed his bag and followed Jongin out of the practice room. Sehun and Lu Han didn’t even seem to notice the departure of their two friends, and Yixing felt another pang in his heart.
Jongin slowed his walk to fall into step beside Yixing, and for a while neither said anything. It was a comfortable silence, and anything they might have wanted to say was understood without words.
“So, Lu Han,” Jongin said casually, breaking the silence.
Yixing stiffened, pausing for a moment. “What about him?” he said carefully.
“You know what. You should also know…it’s pretty much useless.”
“I do know. I’ve tried,” Yixing replied.
Jongin looked at him doubtfully. “It doesn’t seem like you have. You’re just as in love with him as you were when I met you two years ago, and it’s been over a year since all of us met Sehun. Lu Han was just about gone two months after that.”
“I’m not doing anything,” Yixing said.
“That’s the problem. You should be getting over him. Moving on. You already know, and I’m pretty sure you aren’t even being delusional.” Jongin kicked at the pebble in front of him as he walked, not bothering to keep eye contact.
“Jongin, I’m fine, really. Just give me some more time. You don’t get over someone you’ve loved for years that easily,” Yixing said pleadingly. He would really rather not talk about this topic, especially since he argued it out with himself all the time anyways. There was still a small part of him that believed he had a chance and wanted to hold on to Lu Han forever.
They reached Jongin’s apartment building, and both boys stopped.
“Well I hope it ends soon because I don’t want to watch you pine over him any more. I think Lu Han’s catching on too, that something’s wrong with you. Maybe he thinks it’s just a mood, or maybe he’s just too distracted with Sehun to notice anything. You should pull your act together before he starts bothering you about it,” Jongin said, giving Yixing one last look filled with worry before disappearing into the building.
Yixing stood there for a moment, a little surprised at Jongin’s forward words. Jongin had been dropping a few wary words lately, but this was the first time he’d completely come out and essentially told Yixing to get over himself. He supposed he deserved it, but as he resumed walking, his mind drifted back to the endless possibilities he had dreamed up over the years, all delusions and wishful thinking.
--
The sound of his phone ringing woke Yixing up the next morning, and a quick glance at the screen told him it was from Jongin. “Hello?” he said sleepily, rubbing at his eyes.
“I just woke you up, didn’t I?” Jongin asked.
“You did, but it’s okay. It’s getting a little late anyways,” Yixing replied.
“Oh okay. Well I just wanted to apologize for last night. I was a little insensitive, and I’m sorry.” Yixing could just see Jongin scratching the back of his head nervously and chuckled a bit at the thought.
Yixing was also surprised at the fact that Jongin was apologizing at all. He generally was not the type to apologize (and admitted it too), so anything of the sort was out of the ordinary.
“Hmm, it’s fine. Everything you said was true anyways. I need to get out of this stupid mindset I’m in right now. It’s probably your job as a friend to tell me I’m a dumbass anyways,” Yixing said. He walked into the bathroom and set his phone down on the counter beside the sink.
“Anyways, we can meet up later today? We didn’t quite get to fix that one move since we got sidetracked,” Jongin said.
Yixing agreed to meet Jongin at three and hung up. He discovered three texts from Lu Han, one from last night and two from this morning. The former apologized for getting distracted and had the typical good night that he got all the time from Lu Han. The following two asked if he wanted to meet up for lunch. His phone told him it was already almost eleven, and Lu Han was asking for noon. He sent a quick text back confirming the meeting and stepped into the shower.
When Yixing stepped out of the shower, he was met with a new text containing a smiley face, which was also not unusual for Lu Han and brought a smile to Yixing’s face. Even though so much had changed in the past few years, Lu Han’s cheeriness and small habits had not. It reminded him of when he first met Lu Han and had been unsure what to make of the baby-faced, always happy older boy who sent texts saying good morning, good night, and sometimes just emoticons.
With that memory still on his mind, Yixing left his apartment to meet Lu Han.
--
Lu Han was already sitting in the restaurant, staring out the window lost in thought when Yixing arrived. Yixing had to snap his fingers to get his attention, startling Lu Han for a moment before a giant grin broke out across his face, his eyes crinkling at the edges.
After the waitress (who flirted heavily with both of them) took their orders, the two friends settled into a comfortable chat.
“So how have you been lately? We haven’t talked much recently,” Lu Han said, frowning slightly as if pondering why that was so.
“Fine. Classes are a pain in the ass, dancing till I fall over, hanging out with Wu Fan and everyone else,” Yixing replied, shrugging.
“Ah, how is Wu Fan? I haven’t seen him in a while either,” Lu Han mused.
“He’s good. There’s a new kid named Zitao who looks up to him a lot. It’s kind of cute,” Yixing laughed. Zitao was a quiet kid who had moved from China not too long ago to further his wushu skills as well as learn a new language. He was struggling a bit with Korean, which was where Wu Fan came in. Their professor had asked Wu Fan to help Zitao (though sometimes Wu Fan’s Korean was questionable and Yixing personally thought Lu Han would probably be better). Wu Fan had talked about being intimidated by the younger boy despite being taller, but it turned out Zitao was actually a really sensitive kid who cried a lot. Wu Fan being Wu Fan had taken the younger under his wing, and now everyone loved and doted on Zitao.
“I think my professor’s mentioned him, actually. I didn’t realize Wu Fan was the one in charge of helping him out. I’ve been really out of it, haven’t I?” Lu Han said. His voice was full of regret that he had let himself drift away from their group of friends so much.
Yixing himself felt a little bitter about the amount of time Lu Han had been spending Sehun especially in the past few months. If not for dance class and Jongin and Sehun’s upcoming collaboration, Yixing would barely have seen Lu Han. He rarely saw Lu Han without Sehun also being there, actually, and that alone threw off the whole effect.
He and Lu Han used to have long conversations about everything and anything, and they had shared an incredible sync that had always amazed the dance instructor, hence why they were often paired together. They had finished each other’s sentences and practically known the other’s move before they did. Their friends had joked about them being soul mates, which both had laughed off: Lu Han because the thought had never crossed his mind, and Yixing because he knew it was impossible. All of their friends knew Yixing liked Lu Han and pushed them together often, but Lu Han, while intelligent, was incredibly dense. Matchmaking had been Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s favorite pastime for a while. Nowadays, they wondered what exactly it was about Sehun that had drawn their friend away. Sehun had met the group but never really adopted himself into the circle. Everyone liked him well enough, but to put it simply Sehun ran in a different circle. Jongin and Yixing had become close with him through dance class, and Sehun had obviously been enraptured by Lu Han from the very beginning.
Yixing and Lu Han continued chatting idly when their food arrived, drifting from topic to topic aimlessly, and it almost felt like it was before. Lu Han’s phone rang halfway through their meal, and from the way his face lit up, Yixing knew it was Sehun. He stepped out to take the call and returned practically glowing. Yixing smiled sadly to himself before resuming his conversation with Lu Han.
They talked longer than he had expected, and it was past two in the blink of an eye. “Oh, wow, time passed really fast. I promised Jongin I’d meet him at three, and I have to get my things and do a few things beforehand. I’ll see you later, okay?” Yixing said. How ironic, he thought. For once it’s me leaving him and not the other way around.
There was a tinge of sadness and an emotion Yixing couldn’t identify in Lu Han’s eyes as he waved goodbye, but he didn’t let his mind linger on it.
--
Jongin was already dancing when Yixing walked in, drinks in hand and bag slung across his shoulders.
“Hey,” Yixing said, dumping his bag on the ground and chucking a can at Jongin, who somehow caught it, opened it, and started chugging it down in the span of a few seconds.
“I was figuring out a couple of things,” Jongin said after drinking what was probably half the can. “I want to know what you think.” He restarted the music, and Yixing studied his sharp moves, noting parts that were excellent and those that were a little shaky. He saw the new elements, a couple of spins and pops, about halfway through the song, and he stopped the music. Jongin looked him expectantly.
Yixing complimented and provided criticisms on the dance. He thought the new additions were good but just needed a little refining and small adjustments in exactly how they moved. He demonstrated, and Jongin copied, stopping to ask if it was right. Yixing appreciated how much Jongin valued his input. He personally thought Jongin was the better dancer, but Yixing had more experience that was often valuable to choreographing. Jongin jotted down notes to share with Sehun later.
They worked until six, and by the end they were both pouring sweat and panting on the floor. Yixing leaned against the mirror, letting it cool off his body. Jongin lay a few feet away from him, gulping down the rest of the drink Yixing had bought him. Deeming his legs ready to stand again, Yixing stood up and walked over to pull Jongin to his feet. He pat the younger boy on the back, and after gathering their things, they left together.
“Let’s stop by Sehun’s to drop these notes off,” Jongin suggested. Yixing nodded, and they took a turn towards Sehun’s apartment building. Jongin led the way, walking a few paces ahead of Yixing. They took the elevator up to Sehun’s floor, and Jongin turned the corner first and immediately stopped. He froze for a moment before turning around and trying to push Yixing back towards to elevator.
“What?” Yixing asked, confused.
“Don’t look,” Jongin muttered, pushing harder, but Yixing would not budge. He managed to step past Jongin and peer around the corner, and the sight that met him made him freeze just the way Jongin had.
Sehun had Lu Han pressed against the wall, and they appeared to be in a pretty intense make-out session. Yixing slowly backed up and turned back toward Jongin. One look into his friend’s eyes told him that he wasn’t dreaming, and he felt a flash of gratefulness toward Jongin for trying to protect him and his heart from shattering.
--
It was rather unfortunate that the dance studio closed early on Saturdays, because just about every time Yixing needed to blow off some steam, it was past closing time, and he could only sulk in his room, body tense with sadness, anger, or whatever emotion he happened to be overcome with that day. The best he could do then was beat up his pillow, which was never quite as satisfying.
Yixing couldn’t do anything except lay on his bed and stare at the ceiling of his room. Jongin had asked him if he wanted to stay over or if he wanted Jongin to walk him home, but he had declined both flatly.
He couldn’t feel anything. Everything was numb. There was nothing he could say right now, and there was nothing anyone could tell him. It was just nothingness.
In his dead state of mind, he packed together some clothes and booked a ticket home - real home, in China.
The next morning, he was gone.
--
Yixing turned off his phone after boarding the plane and didn’t bother to turn it back on when he got off. He slept most of the flight, and when he landed he saw his homeland and felt a warm feeling fill his heart. He was home, back to the place where been born and grown up. Yixing had not called his family ahead of time, but he didn’t think his parents would mind.
When Yixing arrived at his parent’s house, his mother was not as surprised as he would think, but that was the way his mother was. She always knew, no matter what it was. Her arms welcomed him home, but her eyes asked countless questions that Yixing was not ready to answer. His father hugged him and asked him why he hadn’t called.
“It was a pretty arbitrary decision,” Yixing said, and it wasn’t a lie. “And I figured I’d surprise you guys a little.” He forced a smile that he knew didn’t convince either of his parents, but they let it go.
Yixing spent a lot of time outside in the following weeks, visiting his old school and all the places he had loved as a child. He saw a few old friends who were surprised to see him but greeted him happily all the same. A lot of things had changed since he had left, yet so much had stayed the same. All the little things made him smile, from the small children running around that reminded him of himself to the elderly walking the streets, smiling at him and asking him how he was.
Though his mom asked nothing, she seemed to understand why he was home. She knew, he realized. She knew because she had seen the same thing happen before; maybe she had done it herself.
“You can’t run away forever, Yixing,” she said the night exactly two weeks after his arrival.
Yixing was silent for a moment. “I know,” he began slowly, “but I need this for a little while.”
His mother said no more, only piercing him with a sad, knowing look.
--
Yixing spent a month and a half at home in Changsha.
It was longer than he had expected but shorter than his mother had expected, judging by the way her eyebrows rose a little when he said he was going back. He spent his second to last day with his old friends, who were sad to see him go, and the last day with his parents, who had been expecting him to go.
His father drove him to the airport and went with him as far as he could go, and Yixing stood and waved for a few moments before turning around to face his life again.
Maybe Jongin had the same intuition as his mother did; when he landed at ICN and turned on his phone again for the first time since he had left, he found a brand new text sent an hour ago that said ‘Welcome back.’ Yixing smiled and sent a response saying ‘Thanks’.
The first place Yixing went after dropping off his luggage in his apartment was the restaurant he had his last lunch before he left at, the one he had visited with Lu Han. A few minutes after he sat down, he received another text from Jongin. ‘They’re not together.’
Yixing heard the same words behind him as he read them to himself, and twisting around, he saw Jongin standing there, a small smile on his face.
“They couldn’t figure it out,” Jongin continued, sitting down across from Yixing. “And Lu Han wants to see you. I didn’t tell him you’re back though.”
Yixing smiled again and said, “I know.”
--
Yixing sat on a bench in the small park a few blocks from his apartment, just about right in the middle of the distance between his and Lu Han’s buildings. He had asked Lu Han to meet him here at six, and he had five minutes left to be on time.
The time on his phone switched to five fifty-seven, and he heard the bench creak a little as another person sat down. Yixing looked up into the face of his best friend, and he smiled.
Lu Han’s eyes were a little confused, but he smiled back. Yixing knew he’d understand with time, and at the moment he didn’t think he’d ever seen anything more beautiful.
pairing: Yixing/Luhan, Sehun/Luhan, friends!Jongin/Yixing
wordcount: 3184
description: Yixing can only wait for Luhan to figure it out.
notes: originally for hybridchickens in runandgun, here.
Yixing flopped onto the floor of the practice room next to Lu Han. Jongin was lying on the other side of Lu Han, and Sehun was wiping sweat off his forehead with a towel.
“Sehun-ah, throw me a water bottle?” Lu Han requested, holding his hand up. The bottle landed on his stomach, and Lu Han grunted at the impact before whining to Sehun about throwing it too hard. Sehun laughed and walked over to lay all over all three of them with his head on Jongin’s stomach.
“You’re heavy, get off,” Lu Han complained, shoving at Sehun’s body.
“Make me,” Sehun replied snarkily, jabbing Lu Han in the stomach.
Lu Han pursed his lips for a few seconds and then turned to Yixing, who nodded slightly. Yixing mouthed a countdown, and on three, they heaved Sehun off and dumped him on the floor. He gave a shriek of surprise, and the duo cackled, high-fiving each other for their success. Jongin slapped Sehun’s thigh playfully, earning another yelp from the youngest member of the group of four.
Sehun muttered something about evil bastards under his breath but stayed on the ground where he had been dropped. Lu Han proceeded to sit on Sehun’s thighs, laughter still dancing in his eyes.
Yixing watched them bicker playfully, Sehun eventually flipping Lu Han over to threaten the older, mirth gone and heart hurting a little. Jongin nudged him with a meaningful look that said, Let’s leave them alone. Yixing wanted to protest, but he knew it would do no good. Lu Han was laughing again, and any possibility of Yixing bringing up maybe meeting up tomorrow to study together was gone. He grabbed his bag and followed Jongin out of the practice room. Sehun and Lu Han didn’t even seem to notice the departure of their two friends, and Yixing felt another pang in his heart.
Jongin slowed his walk to fall into step beside Yixing, and for a while neither said anything. It was a comfortable silence, and anything they might have wanted to say was understood without words.
“So, Lu Han,” Jongin said casually, breaking the silence.
Yixing stiffened, pausing for a moment. “What about him?” he said carefully.
“You know what. You should also know…it’s pretty much useless.”
“I do know. I’ve tried,” Yixing replied.
Jongin looked at him doubtfully. “It doesn’t seem like you have. You’re just as in love with him as you were when I met you two years ago, and it’s been over a year since all of us met Sehun. Lu Han was just about gone two months after that.”
“I’m not doing anything,” Yixing said.
“That’s the problem. You should be getting over him. Moving on. You already know, and I’m pretty sure you aren’t even being delusional.” Jongin kicked at the pebble in front of him as he walked, not bothering to keep eye contact.
“Jongin, I’m fine, really. Just give me some more time. You don’t get over someone you’ve loved for years that easily,” Yixing said pleadingly. He would really rather not talk about this topic, especially since he argued it out with himself all the time anyways. There was still a small part of him that believed he had a chance and wanted to hold on to Lu Han forever.
They reached Jongin’s apartment building, and both boys stopped.
“Well I hope it ends soon because I don’t want to watch you pine over him any more. I think Lu Han’s catching on too, that something’s wrong with you. Maybe he thinks it’s just a mood, or maybe he’s just too distracted with Sehun to notice anything. You should pull your act together before he starts bothering you about it,” Jongin said, giving Yixing one last look filled with worry before disappearing into the building.
Yixing stood there for a moment, a little surprised at Jongin’s forward words. Jongin had been dropping a few wary words lately, but this was the first time he’d completely come out and essentially told Yixing to get over himself. He supposed he deserved it, but as he resumed walking, his mind drifted back to the endless possibilities he had dreamed up over the years, all delusions and wishful thinking.
--
The sound of his phone ringing woke Yixing up the next morning, and a quick glance at the screen told him it was from Jongin. “Hello?” he said sleepily, rubbing at his eyes.
“I just woke you up, didn’t I?” Jongin asked.
“You did, but it’s okay. It’s getting a little late anyways,” Yixing replied.
“Oh okay. Well I just wanted to apologize for last night. I was a little insensitive, and I’m sorry.” Yixing could just see Jongin scratching the back of his head nervously and chuckled a bit at the thought.
Yixing was also surprised at the fact that Jongin was apologizing at all. He generally was not the type to apologize (and admitted it too), so anything of the sort was out of the ordinary.
“Hmm, it’s fine. Everything you said was true anyways. I need to get out of this stupid mindset I’m in right now. It’s probably your job as a friend to tell me I’m a dumbass anyways,” Yixing said. He walked into the bathroom and set his phone down on the counter beside the sink.
“Anyways, we can meet up later today? We didn’t quite get to fix that one move since we got sidetracked,” Jongin said.
Yixing agreed to meet Jongin at three and hung up. He discovered three texts from Lu Han, one from last night and two from this morning. The former apologized for getting distracted and had the typical good night that he got all the time from Lu Han. The following two asked if he wanted to meet up for lunch. His phone told him it was already almost eleven, and Lu Han was asking for noon. He sent a quick text back confirming the meeting and stepped into the shower.
When Yixing stepped out of the shower, he was met with a new text containing a smiley face, which was also not unusual for Lu Han and brought a smile to Yixing’s face. Even though so much had changed in the past few years, Lu Han’s cheeriness and small habits had not. It reminded him of when he first met Lu Han and had been unsure what to make of the baby-faced, always happy older boy who sent texts saying good morning, good night, and sometimes just emoticons.
With that memory still on his mind, Yixing left his apartment to meet Lu Han.
--
Lu Han was already sitting in the restaurant, staring out the window lost in thought when Yixing arrived. Yixing had to snap his fingers to get his attention, startling Lu Han for a moment before a giant grin broke out across his face, his eyes crinkling at the edges.
After the waitress (who flirted heavily with both of them) took their orders, the two friends settled into a comfortable chat.
“So how have you been lately? We haven’t talked much recently,” Lu Han said, frowning slightly as if pondering why that was so.
“Fine. Classes are a pain in the ass, dancing till I fall over, hanging out with Wu Fan and everyone else,” Yixing replied, shrugging.
“Ah, how is Wu Fan? I haven’t seen him in a while either,” Lu Han mused.
“He’s good. There’s a new kid named Zitao who looks up to him a lot. It’s kind of cute,” Yixing laughed. Zitao was a quiet kid who had moved from China not too long ago to further his wushu skills as well as learn a new language. He was struggling a bit with Korean, which was where Wu Fan came in. Their professor had asked Wu Fan to help Zitao (though sometimes Wu Fan’s Korean was questionable and Yixing personally thought Lu Han would probably be better). Wu Fan had talked about being intimidated by the younger boy despite being taller, but it turned out Zitao was actually a really sensitive kid who cried a lot. Wu Fan being Wu Fan had taken the younger under his wing, and now everyone loved and doted on Zitao.
“I think my professor’s mentioned him, actually. I didn’t realize Wu Fan was the one in charge of helping him out. I’ve been really out of it, haven’t I?” Lu Han said. His voice was full of regret that he had let himself drift away from their group of friends so much.
Yixing himself felt a little bitter about the amount of time Lu Han had been spending Sehun especially in the past few months. If not for dance class and Jongin and Sehun’s upcoming collaboration, Yixing would barely have seen Lu Han. He rarely saw Lu Han without Sehun also being there, actually, and that alone threw off the whole effect.
He and Lu Han used to have long conversations about everything and anything, and they had shared an incredible sync that had always amazed the dance instructor, hence why they were often paired together. They had finished each other’s sentences and practically known the other’s move before they did. Their friends had joked about them being soul mates, which both had laughed off: Lu Han because the thought had never crossed his mind, and Yixing because he knew it was impossible. All of their friends knew Yixing liked Lu Han and pushed them together often, but Lu Han, while intelligent, was incredibly dense. Matchmaking had been Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s favorite pastime for a while. Nowadays, they wondered what exactly it was about Sehun that had drawn their friend away. Sehun had met the group but never really adopted himself into the circle. Everyone liked him well enough, but to put it simply Sehun ran in a different circle. Jongin and Yixing had become close with him through dance class, and Sehun had obviously been enraptured by Lu Han from the very beginning.
Yixing and Lu Han continued chatting idly when their food arrived, drifting from topic to topic aimlessly, and it almost felt like it was before. Lu Han’s phone rang halfway through their meal, and from the way his face lit up, Yixing knew it was Sehun. He stepped out to take the call and returned practically glowing. Yixing smiled sadly to himself before resuming his conversation with Lu Han.
They talked longer than he had expected, and it was past two in the blink of an eye. “Oh, wow, time passed really fast. I promised Jongin I’d meet him at three, and I have to get my things and do a few things beforehand. I’ll see you later, okay?” Yixing said. How ironic, he thought. For once it’s me leaving him and not the other way around.
There was a tinge of sadness and an emotion Yixing couldn’t identify in Lu Han’s eyes as he waved goodbye, but he didn’t let his mind linger on it.
--
Jongin was already dancing when Yixing walked in, drinks in hand and bag slung across his shoulders.
“Hey,” Yixing said, dumping his bag on the ground and chucking a can at Jongin, who somehow caught it, opened it, and started chugging it down in the span of a few seconds.
“I was figuring out a couple of things,” Jongin said after drinking what was probably half the can. “I want to know what you think.” He restarted the music, and Yixing studied his sharp moves, noting parts that were excellent and those that were a little shaky. He saw the new elements, a couple of spins and pops, about halfway through the song, and he stopped the music. Jongin looked him expectantly.
Yixing complimented and provided criticisms on the dance. He thought the new additions were good but just needed a little refining and small adjustments in exactly how they moved. He demonstrated, and Jongin copied, stopping to ask if it was right. Yixing appreciated how much Jongin valued his input. He personally thought Jongin was the better dancer, but Yixing had more experience that was often valuable to choreographing. Jongin jotted down notes to share with Sehun later.
They worked until six, and by the end they were both pouring sweat and panting on the floor. Yixing leaned against the mirror, letting it cool off his body. Jongin lay a few feet away from him, gulping down the rest of the drink Yixing had bought him. Deeming his legs ready to stand again, Yixing stood up and walked over to pull Jongin to his feet. He pat the younger boy on the back, and after gathering their things, they left together.
“Let’s stop by Sehun’s to drop these notes off,” Jongin suggested. Yixing nodded, and they took a turn towards Sehun’s apartment building. Jongin led the way, walking a few paces ahead of Yixing. They took the elevator up to Sehun’s floor, and Jongin turned the corner first and immediately stopped. He froze for a moment before turning around and trying to push Yixing back towards to elevator.
“What?” Yixing asked, confused.
“Don’t look,” Jongin muttered, pushing harder, but Yixing would not budge. He managed to step past Jongin and peer around the corner, and the sight that met him made him freeze just the way Jongin had.
Sehun had Lu Han pressed against the wall, and they appeared to be in a pretty intense make-out session. Yixing slowly backed up and turned back toward Jongin. One look into his friend’s eyes told him that he wasn’t dreaming, and he felt a flash of gratefulness toward Jongin for trying to protect him and his heart from shattering.
--
It was rather unfortunate that the dance studio closed early on Saturdays, because just about every time Yixing needed to blow off some steam, it was past closing time, and he could only sulk in his room, body tense with sadness, anger, or whatever emotion he happened to be overcome with that day. The best he could do then was beat up his pillow, which was never quite as satisfying.
Yixing couldn’t do anything except lay on his bed and stare at the ceiling of his room. Jongin had asked him if he wanted to stay over or if he wanted Jongin to walk him home, but he had declined both flatly.
He couldn’t feel anything. Everything was numb. There was nothing he could say right now, and there was nothing anyone could tell him. It was just nothingness.
In his dead state of mind, he packed together some clothes and booked a ticket home - real home, in China.
The next morning, he was gone.
--
Yixing turned off his phone after boarding the plane and didn’t bother to turn it back on when he got off. He slept most of the flight, and when he landed he saw his homeland and felt a warm feeling fill his heart. He was home, back to the place where been born and grown up. Yixing had not called his family ahead of time, but he didn’t think his parents would mind.
When Yixing arrived at his parent’s house, his mother was not as surprised as he would think, but that was the way his mother was. She always knew, no matter what it was. Her arms welcomed him home, but her eyes asked countless questions that Yixing was not ready to answer. His father hugged him and asked him why he hadn’t called.
“It was a pretty arbitrary decision,” Yixing said, and it wasn’t a lie. “And I figured I’d surprise you guys a little.” He forced a smile that he knew didn’t convince either of his parents, but they let it go.
Yixing spent a lot of time outside in the following weeks, visiting his old school and all the places he had loved as a child. He saw a few old friends who were surprised to see him but greeted him happily all the same. A lot of things had changed since he had left, yet so much had stayed the same. All the little things made him smile, from the small children running around that reminded him of himself to the elderly walking the streets, smiling at him and asking him how he was.
Though his mom asked nothing, she seemed to understand why he was home. She knew, he realized. She knew because she had seen the same thing happen before; maybe she had done it herself.
“You can’t run away forever, Yixing,” she said the night exactly two weeks after his arrival.
Yixing was silent for a moment. “I know,” he began slowly, “but I need this for a little while.”
His mother said no more, only piercing him with a sad, knowing look.
--
Yixing spent a month and a half at home in Changsha.
It was longer than he had expected but shorter than his mother had expected, judging by the way her eyebrows rose a little when he said he was going back. He spent his second to last day with his old friends, who were sad to see him go, and the last day with his parents, who had been expecting him to go.
His father drove him to the airport and went with him as far as he could go, and Yixing stood and waved for a few moments before turning around to face his life again.
Maybe Jongin had the same intuition as his mother did; when he landed at ICN and turned on his phone again for the first time since he had left, he found a brand new text sent an hour ago that said ‘Welcome back.’ Yixing smiled and sent a response saying ‘Thanks’.
The first place Yixing went after dropping off his luggage in his apartment was the restaurant he had his last lunch before he left at, the one he had visited with Lu Han. A few minutes after he sat down, he received another text from Jongin. ‘They’re not together.’
Yixing heard the same words behind him as he read them to himself, and twisting around, he saw Jongin standing there, a small smile on his face.
“They couldn’t figure it out,” Jongin continued, sitting down across from Yixing. “And Lu Han wants to see you. I didn’t tell him you’re back though.”
Yixing smiled again and said, “I know.”
--
Yixing sat on a bench in the small park a few blocks from his apartment, just about right in the middle of the distance between his and Lu Han’s buildings. He had asked Lu Han to meet him here at six, and he had five minutes left to be on time.
The time on his phone switched to five fifty-seven, and he heard the bench creak a little as another person sat down. Yixing looked up into the face of his best friend, and he smiled.
Lu Han’s eyes were a little confused, but he smiled back. Yixing knew he’d understand with time, and at the moment he didn’t think he’d ever seen anything more beautiful.