email from timm!
Dear Danielle...
it's so late
and i can't sleep
i bought 'dawn of the dead' and the new 'texas chainsaw massacre' tonight. i'd never seen either.
i watched dawn of the dead... and i liked it pretty well.
i've been watching alot of movies lately. i want to buy cds now. mp3s are fun, but i love having the actual cd so much more.
i'm sinking like a stone in the sea... i'm burning like a bridge for your body.
man, i sit and think about how we'd listen to brand new alot.
and kiss.
and move our lips on each other singing the words.
it makes me smile so much.
i guess with these long mornings, it gives me time to think alot and try to find myself.
and reflect.
and alot of things, i suppose.
darling, just go with this. it's me.
the boy you fell in love with some time ago.
remember me coming over to the apartment and racing upstairs into your room?
i'm sorry for all the wrong i've ever done to you.
said to you.
put on you.
i feel like a failure.
but we're together.
so how can i be a failure?
i can honestly say that youre the first person i've ever been in love with.
i wont lie, i've said 'i love you' before. but i didnt mean it. i wasn't me. i was just caught up in trying to not be alone.
but that's not what i'm about with you.
yes, you take away my loneliness... but it isn't replaced with false feeling.
it's replaced with something warm.
something whole.
most importantly, something real.
love.
wow.
life.
breath.
memories.
words.
i'm so emotional, yet i try so hard to be something more for you.
because you need emotions from me... but for us, you need me to be strong, too.
i'm trying.
oh fuck, am i ever trying.
i want us to be mature.
yet silly and stupid.
completely trusting in one another... because i know i'll never do you wrong... and hey, you wont do me wrong, either.
because we're meant for each other.
i've not acted like it lately, either.
i'm not tim.
i dont know what i am.
in love with you all of the same.
but i should be tim.
...
the boy you fell in love with some time ago.
i can't forget going to the pool with you
against my will at times :P
being embarrassed
but just for you, i'd take my shirt off and swim away.
i didnt know it at the time, but it was freedom.
you opened such a huge door for me.
i've walked through it.
a time or two it seemed to shut on me.
i'm sorry for ever seeming to give up on you.
you were always in my heart.
please believe in me when i tell you that.
the past is full of dust and darkness,
but the past is just that... gone away and nothing more can be done about it.
the present is what i had hoped for for such a long time.
you and me together.
tim loves danielle.
danielle loves tim.
holding hands in public.
kissing in public.
"hey, you, over there... you see this girl here beside me? she's mine. i can look at you and tell you that she is my girlfriend. i'm her boyfriend. we're young. we're in love. you can go back to your life now, just thought i'd let you know that."
maybe it's the fact that youre actually mine.
kind of hard to settle into, since i wasnt used to much more than 'talking' and nothing more or a 2 week relationship.
i am 18 years old.
and just now in love.
danielle, you are a vital part of my life.
youre the reason i kiss how i do.
speak how i do.
love.
laugh.
cry.
smile.
frown.
live.
youre the influence of my existence as i know it right now.
i talk too much at times.
even with this email.
but it's late.
i can't sleep.
and this is my mood.
i can say that this is what i, timothy ray mcintosh, is thinking.
it is my own.
i love you.
more than anything.
it's been proven.
married some day.
hey, remember when you told me some day and it finally came?
it works both ways, sweetheart.
promise me that we can talk more.
and work with things.
communication is the basis of it all.
i hope you feel better from your sickness
and let's get back to wrestling each other
can you get caught up in a foreverlasting summer love...
with the boy you fell in love with some time ago?