Love you like I do..Chapter 4
Title: Love you like I do
Pairing: Vam: Ville Valo/Bam Margera
Rating: don’t know
Disclaimer: Not mine, I can only wish. This never happened except in my sick mind haha
Dedication: To Catclaw - the perverter of minds and twister of innocence.
Chapter 4
It was unusually quiet in the Margera house when our lovers arrived.
“BRANDON COLE MARGERA!”
“Ape! What the fuck! What have I done to get middle named?” Bam whined to his mother.
“I don’t know, but how am I supposed to get where I need to go with all those paparazzi out there? What trouble have you got yourself into this time?” April continued to berate her son.
“April.” The smoothness of Ville’s voice instantly calming Bam’s mother. “I’m very sorry about all the commotion outside but it’s my fault, I’m afraid.”
“Oh no Ville don’t you try to cover for *him*.” She replied, her tone softening
“I assure you I’m not. However Bam does have a few things he needs to discuss with you and Phil.”
“Huh? What’s my boy go to discuss? We’re not having another film crew in here Bam, and no more rock stars. Except you of course Ville.”
“Thank you Phil,” Ville said graciously. “I’ll wait in you room Bammie.” Ville almost whispered praying that Bam’s little chat would go well. Bam nodded with a small smile.
“Uh, mom, dad, there’s something I’ve needed to talk to you about for a while now.” Bam said uncertainly.
“Oh no, this has got to be bad, he hasn’t called us mom and dad since he was eight.” Phil mentioned to Ape, cutting Bam in his tracks.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is too hard maybe I’ll just tell them something else and then when the papers come out tell them it was a dare and I was stoned.
No Bam don’t be an idiot your whole life they’re not *that* stupid to buy that shit. You need to tell them.
DON’T WANNA!!
DO IT!!!
Ok Ok!!
Bam shook the little voices arguing in his head away, he took a deep breath.
It’s now of never, come on big fella; let’s get on with the show.
“Bam honey, whatever it is you know we’ll always support you, we always have with you skating and all the MVT stuff and your production.” Ape told Bam looking at his worried face.
“Well mom, this isn’t like my skating shit, or any of the other stuff.”
“What’s the worst it can be son, after everything you’ve done. Next you’ll be telling us you’re gay!” Phil laughed. Bam wished before he spoke next that he’d known that that would be the last time Phil ever called Bam son.
Bam looked at the floor, unable to meet his father’s gaze. He felt ashamed of what he had to say.
“Oh God! You’re not fucking gay. My son isn’t gay. You…You’ve had girlfriends and, and stuff.” Phil roared.
“Nuh uh Phil. I’m not gay.” He paused to take a deep breath, knowing from what his father had just said whatever reaction he got was not going to be a good one. “But…” Phil sucked back in his sigh of relief. “I’m bisexual, ok?”
“Oh Bam!” Ape squealed happily, wrenching her son into a lung crushing hug.
“Ok, you’re not freaking out in a bad way, this is good.” Bam gasped nervously through his mum’s hug.
When Ape finally released him from her death grip embrace he looked to Phil, who hadn’t said anything for a while. He looked to his Dad for some sort of reaction from his big revelation. He didn’t get one. Phil couldn’t look Bam in the face he was so ashamed and angry.
“Phil?...Phil?!” Bam repeated. He got nothing. Bam wanted to cry, he’d done it now, after everything he’d put his family through, the thing that made his dad hate him was him being happy.
“PHIL!” Ape screeched impaitentally.
“What the… No it’s not true. My son is not a faggot. I only have one son now.” He said voice shaking
Bam could feel some anger of his own rising inside him, absorbing all the choked up feelings of rejection.
“Look, if you don’t like that your son’s bent. Well, well you can go get bent. You fucking bigot. Jess knows he’s cool with it, the guys know, they’re cool. Even freaking Novak’s cool with it. Now you can either accept it or not, it’s who I am. Either way it’s going to be all over the papers tomorrow morning, along with pictures of me and Ville making out in the car lot of Kenny’s! So There!” Bam yelled unable to contain his rage any longer.
Phil, without warning, punched Bam in the face, knocking him to the ground. Ape screamed, but was frozen in shock. Bam put his hand to his mouth he felt blood trickle out of the right corner of his mouth. That was one hell of a blow to knock Bam down and make him bleed. He pulled himself from the ground.
“Fuck you, you can knock me down but I’ll always get straight back up.” Bam said slowly, still shocked himself that his father struck him.
“You’re not my son, my son is dead.” Phil spat back.
“Fine then if I’m dead.” Bam paused trying to gain control. “What the fuck are you doing in my fucking house? Get the fuck out and don’t fucking come back, you wanker.” Bam screamed at him.
Phil just walked off. Silent tears rolling down April’s cheeks.
“Fuck this!” Bam said vehemently as he walked off towards his room.
“I love you baby,” April said in a hoarse whisper.
Bam paused at the door, but carried on walking. As he walked in his bedroom door, the sight that he beheld froze him to the spot.
“I take it by your deafening stomps and slams it didn’t go well honey?” Ville almost whispered.
“Ape’s cool, Phil, well Phil said I was as good as dead to him, but fuck him if I’m dead he can get the fuck out of my house and stop living off me, like he has ever since my skating took off.” Bam replied forcefully. Quite surprised at the force of his answer, he, quite unexpectedly to himself and Ville, he burst into tears. Now that the shock of what he had just said had hit him, and the realisation that his own father didn’t want him, just because of whom he loved. Ville crawled closer to the younger man. He silently cupped Bam’s slightly stubbly cheek and looked deep into his eyes. He couldn’t bear to see him this way. With every one of Bam’s sobs Ville could almost literally feel his heart fall to pieces.
I love your skin oh so white (*starts singing along, the tune clashing horribly with the music she’s listening to*)
I love your touch cold as ice
And I love every single tear you cry
I just love the way you're losing your life
Oh my Baby, how beautiful you are
Oh my Darling, completely torn apart
You're gone with the sin my Baby and beautiful you are
You're gone with the sin my Darling
I adore the despair in your eyes
I worship your lips once red as wine
I crave for your scent sending shivers down my spine
I just love the way you're running out of life
Oh my Baby, how beautiful you are
Oh my Darling, completely torn apart
You're gone with the sin my Baby and beautiful you are
The Finn whispered the lyrics to Bam, and had never meant them more than he did at that moment. Even when he revealed the song to Joanna, his very last ever girlfriend. She was the one who made it so painfully obvious that he was gay. Every time they made love, kissed, even touched, it revolted him. Why did he date her? Because that’s what men are “supposed” to do. Date women. Back then Ville was so far back in the closet that he even proposed to her. So sure that this was what he was meant to do that he even got a ‘J’ tattooed on his ring finger. He was with her for five very long years. Every day reminding himself consciously that he was doing the right thing. Him, a man, was meant to be with her, a woman. But no, that’s just not the way Ville Valo is wired up. Thank God he realised it in time. Ville glanced down at that tattoo on his finger, the skin raw, where he’d been digging at it absent mindedly again, as he often did. As if his subconscious wanted to remove it completely. Hmm wonder if I could get that changed to a ‘B’.
“Oh baby, that was beautiful.” Bam sighed as Ville finished.
“Bammie, my darling Bammie, I have never meant those words until I said them to you.”
“Ville. I. I love you.” Bam managed to stammer out as his sobs began to subside.
Ville leaned in to kiss Bam, swiping the tears off his full lips with his tongue. As they kissed Bam mentally gulped before he slid his tongue into the older man’s mouth, gently grazing it against Ville’s. The Finn couldn’t help but moan into the kiss. The vibrations rocketed through Bam’s body, causing his dick to leap in his pants. He felt those cold slender fingers slip into the waistband of his baggy skate pants, and gently brush over his warm toned stomach down to his groin. Bam clenched up and gasped. Ville instantly withdrew, blushing furiously.
“Too much?” Ville asked looking at the floor from behind his hair.
Bam leaned forward to his unspoken boyfriend’s ear.
“Not enough, my love.” He whispered. His warm breath tickling Ville. Then in typical Bam style, he pounced on his lover. “The colder your touch, the more it turns me oooon.” Bam sang imitating badly Ville croon.
“Hey! They’re my lyrics!” Ville exclaimed.
“I know but what yours is mine and mine is yours!” Bam laughed jumping back out of Ville’s grasp. He let Ville catch him in his grasp. “But I have nothing to give to you but my heart and soul.” He said quietly, looking as innocent as an angel.
“My love even the tiniest fraction of your love would make me the happiest man on the planet for the rest of my life, even if it was only for a moment. You are everything to me. You. Just you, exactly the way you are.” Ville told the younger man.
Bam fell forward on to Ville, plunging his tongue into his mouth, probing every part, tongues tangling. When they eventually broke apart, only for an urgent need of breathage. Ville was straddling Bam’s stomach.
“These Mr Margera.” Gesturing to Bam’s clothes. “Need to go.” The Finn teased.
“I quite agree Mr Valo, and so do these.” Bam reached up to gently tug on the belt hoops on Ville’s black jeans. Then running his hands up Ville’s naked ribs, to his chest. Lightly tracing the outline of the heartagram around his nipple, giving it a gentle tweak. Ville remained still as he was loving Bam’s touch on him. Watching the concentration on Bam’s face made him want to laugh but didn’t in fear of breaking to moment. Oh so long he had longed for moments like this. Moments he had only ever thought possible in his frequent dreams of the man under him. Ville climbed off, tugging on Bam’s jeans. They undid each other’s pants Ville lifted Bam’s t-shirt over his head, holding in a gasp at the body beneath, sure he’d seen Bam shirtless before, but never allowed to touch, and now he was he intended to make the most of it. Bam flipped Ville over kneeing over him, he kissed Ville lightly, then dragged his tongue down his neck and chest, all the way down to the waistband of his lover’s boxers, and just when Ville thought he’d be drifting off to cloud nine. There was a loud bang upstairs, the front door slamming shut, followed by the sound of April sobbing.
“Hold that thought honey, I’ll be right back.” Bam said with a wink, quickly pulling his jeans back on as he went out the door. This being the second time Bam had left Ville in bed; the Finn was starting to doubt whether Bam meant everything he had said.
Shut up, you stupid voice, Bam loves me, didn’t you hear him tell me, not more than five minutes ago! He’s just come out to him parents and his dad’s disowned him…Maybe that’s why he’s so keen to love me now, so that he’ll be loved in return…replacement technique replacing the love his father gave him for mine. No shut up now that is stupid. Then why’d he bolt? Shut up!! Do you not hear me shut the fuck up!! He’s only gone upstairs to check Ape, she’s just had to make the choice - lose her husband or lose a son or possibly both. Would Jess stand by his little brother to his dad? Oh My God this is so fucking complicated. I’ve fucked up Bam’s life. Argh why? Why couldn’t I have just kept it to myself...?
Ville’s thoughts were interrupted but the bang of the front door opening and sound of the rest of the crew coming home. Ville glanced at the clock. The one he’d got Bam along with a load of other stuff for his birthday last year. “2:00am” flashed on the display. From the sound of it the guys were drunk. So surprised! Not! Ville listened quietly. Everything went silent for a few minutes. Then he heard Jess roar,
“I’ll fucking kill him, how could he do this to you, I thought he loved you, he’s supposed to fucking love you.” Ville jumped out of bed and shoved his clothes back on. Terrified that a very angry Jess Margera was about to storm down here and tear his head off. Jess didn’t come. There was so much noise going on upstairs he couldn’t hear what was being said. So he bit the bullet, took a deep breath and went up. He gasped in shock. The kitchen was trashed, the front room was trashed, every picture with Bam in was smashed, the decks on the wall were all broken and the big heartagram on the wall had been pulled down. SurelyPhil didn’t do this. Ville thought to himself. He saw Bam sitting on the floor next to his mom with Jess on the other side of her and Ryan holding her hands. The rest of the guys were picking up the bits of broken glass and crockery. They all nodded to Ville as he walked by. He looked down to Ape, she was bleeding, and her nose was bleeding badly through the tissue Ryan was holding there. Why was Ryan holding it? Oh yeah, of course, ever since Bam was a kid, him and Dunn had been best friends and when Dunn’s parents had kicked him out Ape and Phil had always counted him as their son. This is a family moment I should leave. Ville turned to go.
“Hey, baby where you going?” Bam called.
“This is my fault, I’ve fucked everything up. I’ll help clear up the mess I’ve made then go. I understand you probably don’t want me and blame me, it's my fault.” Ville replied.
Bam whispered something to his mom, then got up and walked to Ville.
“It is not your fault, none of this is your fault, and the way Phil has acted isn’t your fault. He would have done it no matter when I told him, I had to at some point. When this is all sorted, I want you to stay with my mom while me and Jess go to find Phil. I know exactly where he’ll be. At Vito’s.” Bam said slowly and seriously.
“Bam, what are you going to do?” Ville asked a little scared of what the reply may be.
“I’ll answer that one little bro.” Jess answered stepping in. Ville stepped back still a little frightened. He’d seen Jess brawl; he knew what he could do. Jess stepped forward again and pulled Ville into a hug. “You’re family now Willa, you’re safe. In answer to your question, Bam isn’t going to do a whole lot. I’m the oldest this is my responsibility. The man formerly known as our father, hit my mom, he knocked her about as well as trashing Bam’s house. This needs to be sorted and I’m going to sort it. Just stay with Ape yeah Ville?” Jess said the big man’s voice shaking slightly.
“Of course.” Ville whispered hoarsely.