Fic: All Greek to Me
All Greek to Me
Bob Bryar/Frank Iero | PG-13 | 3, 609 words
Beta'd by crystic
“Scoot over,” Frank tells Bob.
Except he doesn’t give enough time for Bob to comply, immediately sitting himself down on top of Bob’s lap. Bob tries to push him off, but Frank only pushes back and ends up elbowing Bob in the stomach.
“Shit, man,” Bob breathes out. He finally manages to push Frank off, but all Frank does is smile and lay his head on Bob’s shoulder. Then he reaches out to the book Bob was reading - was being the key term here - and flips through the pages, not looking like he’s going to give it back anytime soon.
-----
It hadn’t taken long for Bob to discover that Frank showed his affection by annoying the shit out that person; Bob honestly felt like he was in elementary school when he discovered that Frank had stolen his shoes. He had looked everywhere for them, turning anything he came across inside out and asking everyone, more than once, if they had seen them. They were his only pair and fuck, man, he loved those shoes.
Not until he finally got around to buying another pair - after walking around a borrowed pair for a few days - had Bob found his original pair of shoes. Well, he hadn’t really found them as so much as hit his head on them while climbing out of his bunk. “BOB SUCKS DICK” was written in big, Sharpie-bold letters on his left shoe and penises drawn all over his right. Bob looked around to see if Bert or Quinn were hiding around the corner.
Instead, he saw Frank biting his lip to stop himself from laughing. Bob wanted to throw one of the shoes at him or strangle him, but he wasn’t sure how the band would react to their new drummer strangling their guitarist during their first full tour together. Instead, Bob just grunted, flipped Frank the bird, and went back inside his bunk. Besides, it’s not like Bob couldn’t put up with something like that; he just really loved those shoes.
Bob also loved his sleep.
He got over Frank stealing and vandalizing his shoes, but it was hard to get over Frank climbing into his bunk at ungodly hours of the night and disturbing his sleep. Especially when Frank did that every single night. Having toured with The Used, Bob had adjusted to becoming a light sleeper, but after a while, even Bert learned to not mess with Bob’s sleep. Ever.
Frank didn’t get the hints, even when Bob woke up and kicked Frank out of his bunk. The kicking resulted in Bob accidentally kneeing Frank in the balls and waking up later to find his toothbrush in the toilet.
“What the hell, Frank?” Bob had said. Frank didn’t respond though, even when Bob slammed his fist on the small kitchenette counter. None of the other guys looked up from what they were doing either, Bob noticed. That made him wonder if this was all some sort of initiation where if you can’t handle Frank Iero, you can’t be in My Chemical Romance. All of them were probably secretly laughing on the inside, maybe even placing bets when Bob wasn’t around.
Or Frank was genuinely an asshole.
Bob looked over to Mikey, texting away on his phone, and then over to Ray, who was writing something down in a notebook--probably chords to a new song. Maybe they’d just become immune to Frank’s bullshit
Frank continued to crawl into Bob’s bed at night, but he no longer prodded at Bob or licked Bob’s face or drew on Bob’s arm while he slept. Instead, he curled up at Bob’s side, pushed Bob as far back against the wall as he could go, stole Bob’s blankets, drooled on Bob’s pillow, and sometimes farted in his sleep.
It became a routine towards the end of the tour. Frank would climb into Bob’s bunk, Bob would grunt, then go back to sleep and wake up the next morning to push Frank the fuck out. After a while, Frank stopped messing with Bob’s stuff - less because Frank no longer wanted to and more because he felt like his life was in serious danger after he stole Bob’s phone and spent the entire morning chatting to phone sex operators about their day. Instead, Frank took up all Bob's personal space to get back at him.
He wasn’t sure if this was better or worse than having his stuff taken and most likely destroyed by Frank.
-----
Things really haven’t changed.
Only Bob doesn’t fight back as much anymore. He just groans a whole lot. But the less responsive Bob becomes, Frank just finds more ways to terrorize him, which makes him wonder how he’s even survived being in this band for as long as he has. Truth is, he guesses, he loves this band--even Frank. Especially Frank sometimes.
Mikey comes up to him once after a show. Bob is on his second cigarette, resting his head against the wall and drifting off in thought. To his left, Mikey is on the phone texting, his thumbs moving non-stop. They stay like that for a while, bumping shoulders every so often.
“Yeah, Frank,” Mikey says when Bob finishes his smoke. Bob glances over and Mikey is looking right at him.
“Yeah?” Bob asks. He's staring down at the ground. There’s actually gum on the floor, right next to his foot. He needs to remember not to step there when he leaves.
“Yeah, Frank.” Mikey repeats, “He’s like that. You know, his way of showing affection…” There is a long pause before Mikey says, “He likes you. A lot.”
Bob is still looking at the ground when he says, “The fuck? Are you saying we’re suddenly in grade school again? And, like, Frank is that boy who pulls the pigtails of the girls he...likes?” But when Bob looks over to Mikey for an answer, Mikey is already halfway down the hall, fucking texting while he walks.
Bob pulls out another cigarette because, apparently, Frank is pulling his pigtails. Next he’s going to be chasing Bob down the halls.
Two days later, Frank does chase Bob down the halls.
It’s the last day on tour and, while exhausted, they find that running around and acting ridiculous helps get everyone’s mind off of finally going home. It also helps stop anyone from admitting how much they’ll miss each other and how weird it’s going to be for the next few weeks.
Bob is laughing when Frank manages to jump up on Bob’s back, even with Ray’s promise to “protect him from Frank.” And Frank is laughing when Bob makes him fall to the ground two seconds later. But when Bob helps Frank to his feet, they both stop.
“When are you going to confess your gay love for me and cry like a fucking baby about missing me and stuff?” Frank asks.
“What makes you think I’ll miss you?” Bob grins and pets Frank on the head. Looking a little hurt, Frank rolls his eyes before he punches Bob on the arm. Bob grunts, “Yeah, I won’t be missing that.”
There really isn’t a chance for Bob to miss Frank. He's barely inside his mom’s house, putting down his bags by the door, when Frank calls him. Bob tries to ignore it. If it’s an emergency, he’ll leave a message right? But Frank calls again and again, and Bob answers on the third call.
“Yeah?” Bob answers, then mouths out an apology to his mom.
“Hey, Bobbert. What’s up? How are you? How’s your mom? Tell her I said hi, okay?” Frank sounds like he hasn’t seen Bob for a month. Bob tells his mom that Frank says hello. She asks if everything is all right, and when Bob nods, even she gives a small questioning look.
“Umm…”
“So, hey,” Frank quickly replies. “Yeah, I’m so tired right now. I can’t even wait any longer to see my bed. Like, I won’t even say hello to anyone, I’ll just run straight into my room and crash out on my bed. I should lock my door and blast my radio. It’ll be like fucking high school all over again. Oh, man, that’s kind of scary. But no, I think I’ll probably want to go back on the road the next day...”
Bob stops listening after a while. For being tired, Bob thinks, Frank still manages to talk a mile a minute. By the time Frank is done Bob is sitting down on the couch, shoes off and drink in his hand.
“Is this why you called me?” Bob finally says.
“I miss you,” Frank says back immediately.
Unlike Frank, Bob takes a good few seconds before replying. “Yeah, it’s a little weird. You know, thinking about not seeing everyone all the time. I guess I miss all of you guys already.”
“You said you wouldn’t miss me.” Frank’s high-pitched laugh is always contagious, making Bob laugh back.
“I miss you least of all,” Bob lies. Frank doesn’t reply so Bob says, yawning, “You know? I think I’m going to go enjoy my bed while you’re dreaming of yours.” He's not lying that time, and he heads straight to bed after hanging up. It did feel a little weird being away from everyone, especially Frank.
The smell of bacon and syrup is so good that Bob doesn’t mind that he wakes up before it's even noon. Yawning, he stumbles into the kitchen, zombie-like. It takes Bob a couple seconds to fully adjust to the lights and realize that Frank is sitting down in front of him.
“Morning,” Frank chirps.
Bob jumps a little from his seat, because Frank, well, why the hell is Frank here? Bob’s mother offers no explanation, just sets down a plate of food in front of them and pets Bob. Frank tries to reach across the table to do the same thing - Bob thinks it's maybe because he does that to Frank a lot - but Bob stands up before Frank can do anything.
“I’m going to go pee,” Bob grumbles. Instead, he goes back into his room, lies down, and closes his eyes. He's not sure for how long but, when he opens his eyes again, Frank is lying right next to him.
“Hey,” whispers Frank. “Your mom's leaving for work in a little while. She told me to tell you to make sure you eat your plate when you wake up.”
“Yeah.” But Bob doesn't get up, instead rolling over. Not giving Bob a break, Frank crawls over Bob to face him again.
“Yeah, no, go say goodbye to her before she leaves. I already ate your food, so don’t worry about that. Was real good, by the way. You missed out. There were chunks of banana in the pancakes, she said they were your favorite.”
Bob grunts, but he complies and manages to catch his mother before she is out the door.
“Just about to leave, sleepyhead.” Bob cringes at the name. “I left your plate inside the microwave; you might need to heat it up.” She kisses him goodbye and that was that. Bob feels like he's in grade school all over again.
“Oh, hey. I like this. I’m going to keep it.” Frank says from behind. He's trying on one of Bob’s jackets, one that Bob hasn’t worn in years. So Bob just shrugs before sitting down on the living room couch.
“Why are you here?” Bob asks.
Frank just sits down next to him and shrugs, but Bob accepts the answer.
Of course, Bob didn’t consider the fact that Frank likes to torment him when he lets him stay.
The first thing out of Frank’s mouth at dinner is, “So, tell me about Bob when he was younger. Start with the embarrassing stories. Like, did he ever run out into the lawn without his diaper?”
His mom laughs, but Bob nearly chokes on his food. Bob never did that, thank God, but Bob gets a weird feeling that this will somehow come back to haunt him.
“Oh, no. But when Robert was four, he had this red cape. Refused to take it off for a week. I finally had to take the thing from him to wash it. He really thought he was Superman,” Bob’s mother said. Bob resists the urge to bang his head into the table. This was definitely going to come back to him.
Sure enough, Bob receives a text from Mikey: “hey superman :)” Which makes no sense since Mikey plays Dungeons and Dragons to this day and actually owns a collection of comics that he’s probably read over more times than he remembers, but Bob lets it go and goes to bed.
When Frank emerges from the restroom, he heads straight into Bob’s room and gets in bed with him.
“I think I forgot to pack my toothbrush so I used yours. I think it’s yours anyway. Oh, and I already unpacked all my stuff and put them into drawers. I hope you don’t mind,” Frank says. They’re not even asleep yet and Frank is already trying to take all the blankets.
“I do.”
“Oh--“
“Why are you here?” Bob asks.
Frank just shrugs, but Bob no longer accepts that as an answer.
Frank and Bob’s mother are sitting together and going through photo albums when Bob comes home. Now he understands why Frank declined Bob’s invite to go with him to meet up with some old friends.
“Can I keep this?” Frank asks Bob’s mom, holding up a picture. Bob can’t see what picture it is, but he figures that it’s one of him as a boy. Bob’s mother doesn’t actually own a big collection of photos and most of the ones she does own are candid, Bob doing child-like things. Really, even as a kid Bob was a bit camera shy and he's glad that his mother didn’t try to photograph every second of his life to keep on record or something. She allows Frank to keep the picture, though, and by the time Bob reaches the couch, Frank has already tucked the photo away.
When Bob doesn’t sit down right away, Frank pats the spot next to him. Bob reluctantly accepts his offer. With good reason, Bob thinks, when Frank immediately put his hand on Bob’s knee and scoots closer.
The smile Frank flashes at Bob is completely genuine. Bob does kind of like it, he’ll admit; in comparison to Frank’s obnoxious behavior, his smile reflects more of an innocent persona. The small, almost shy, curl of Frank’s lips is nearly irresistible to smile back to.
“You two make such a cute couple,” Bob’s mother says off to the side before taking a picture of them. Bob’s smile falls and his mom and Frank burst into a fit of laughter.
Bob feels like he missed some great inside joke.
“I don’t know what to do anymore!”
Bob is sitting on the closed toilet lid, voice hushed and phone pressing against his ear. “I mean, doesn’t he have a life of his own? Or why isn’t he eating your food, flirting with your girlfriend, and sleeping in your bed? I don’t know how much longer I can take this, Ray.”
But Ray just laughs.
“Call me when you finally understand,” Ray says, and hangs up.
Why does everyone have to be so fucking cryptic?
When Bob walks into his room, Frank is taping an old picture of Bob on the wall by where Frank sleeps. There is neither writing nor any kind of vandalizing to the photo; it’s not even folded. It’s kind of a stupid picture, at that.
The picture was taken back when Bob was still in college. Bob is biting back a smile in the photo, but it’s still apparent that he was trying to grin, you can even see a faint blush to his cheeks. He’s wearing a ridiculous sweater that even his grandmother encouraged for him to remove at the time and holding a cup of what Bob guesses is probably beer. Bob never really liked college and he remembers being happiest coming back home.
Things have changed now and Bob honestly feels at more home when out on the road.
“What are you doing now?” Bob says, watching Frank grin at the photograph. Bob crawls across the bed to Frank and tries to remove the picture, but Frank just slaps his hand away. So Bob tries harder, pushing Frank with one hand and attempting to take the picture down with the other.
Of course, Frank fights back. He lets Bob push him to the side, but then crawls over behind Bob and pulls him back from behind, making Bob land on top of him. Frank rolls over so he’s on top of Bob, then Bob does the same, and they both continue until they end up rolling onto the floor.
Frank lands on top of Bob and laughs. Being on the bottom with his back and ass in pain, Bob replies in grunts rather than laughs. Especially with Frank seeming like he’s not going to move off of Bob anytime soon, burying his face into Bob’s chest and laughing madly.
“Get off me,” Bob grinds out. Frank only adjusts himself so he is sitting directly on Bob’s stomach. Bob tries again, “Fuck, Frank, get off me.”
“I really think you should do my laundry soon.” Frank says, ignoring Bob. “Had to borrow your shirt, but then I spilled ketchup all over it and borrowed another shirt. But you don’t mind, right?”
“Frank--“
“And you should really stop kicking at night. It’s not cool, man. I’ll make you sleep on the couch if you keep that shit up.”
“Frank--“
“Oh, I don’t think you care, but I lost your deodorant. Don’t even ask how, I’m not sure myself, but one min--“
“Fuck, Frank.” Bob rolls his eyes and pushes Frank off of him, then crawls into bed and ignores Frank for the rest of the night. Surprisingly, it doesn’t take long for Bob to fall asleep.
Yawning and half-asleep, Bob stumbles into the restroom. He takes a good piss before looking into the mirror. Surprised by what he sees, Bob stumbles back a little.
“What the--?” It takes a couple of seconds to flip the words, but across Bob’s forehead it clearly reads, “HI MY NAME IS BOB” in Frank’s obvious handwriting.
Bob is fuming. He rushes back into his room and heads straight over to Frank, quickly pulling the blankets off of him.
“Hey!” Frank groans, kicking into the air. It’s a second or two later of Frank rubbing his eyes before he's awake enough to properly see the words on Bob’s head and have a good, hard laugh about it. “Oh man. Hi Bob.” Frank says in between breaths.
“The hell, Frank?” Bob stands there with his fist and jaw clenched and almost ready to just lunge at Frank. To punch him right in his face--which is saying a lot, because Bob honestly never has that big of a temper.
But Frank just shrugs and no, Bob no longer accepts this.
“Why can’t you just go home?” Bob asks in defeat.
This time Frank doesn’t shrug or push off the question. He looks right at Bob, then up at the ceiling like he's in serious thought. After a couple minutes, his grin is back on his face and he shakes his head before advancing to Bob. Bob wants to step back, out of natural reaction, but his feet stay firm on the ground and he watches Frank carefully.
“You’re pretty stupid, you know?” Frank laughs. But Bob doesn’t have any time to react because Frank takes hold of Bob’s wrist and leans into a kiss. Startled, Bob tugs his arm back, but Frank tugs back harder and Bob finally kisses back.
“Oh,” says Bob. Which is all he says, because Frank kisses him again. And Bob really is stupid and knows that everyone is going to agree when they see him, but he doesn’t care because--
“Oh. Yeah.” Bob tries again when they break apart for the second time. He says, “But you’ll go home now, right? I think your family misses you.”
Frank laughs and nods, and Bob accepts that answer.
“But brush your teeth first.”
Even though they spend a good few hours making out, talking, playing video games and Frank making fun of Bob, Bob still misses Frank when he leaves. Frank probably knows this, because he calls Bob not long after. He also tells Bob that he should meet his parents and tell them they’re engaged and Bob rolls his eyes because he know Frank’s parents and also they are not engaged nor are they getting engaged, but he stays on the phone anyway.
During their first week back on tour, Frank tapes a piece of paper with “BOB SUCKS FRANK’S DICK” written on it to the mirror in the back lounge area. Gerard draws penises for emphasis, slaps Bob’s back every time they’re together, and Bob swears that he even winks creepily at him sometimes. Mikey writes “eww” on it and tells Gerard to stop being creepy. Ray is slightly horrified - very slightly - but still enough to remove the paper.
Two days later, Bob tapes another sign: “FRANK BOTTOMS”, to which Frank notes, “true fact” when he sees it.
This time all three of the guys take down the paper and replace it with: “SHUT UP AND BE A GAY COUPLE SOMEWHERE ELSE.”
There is also “who took my cheerios? -Ray” written at the bottom, but that’s beside the point.
Bob Bryar/Frank Iero | PG-13 | 3, 609 words
Beta'd by crystic
“Scoot over,” Frank tells Bob.
Except he doesn’t give enough time for Bob to comply, immediately sitting himself down on top of Bob’s lap. Bob tries to push him off, but Frank only pushes back and ends up elbowing Bob in the stomach.
“Shit, man,” Bob breathes out. He finally manages to push Frank off, but all Frank does is smile and lay his head on Bob’s shoulder. Then he reaches out to the book Bob was reading - was being the key term here - and flips through the pages, not looking like he’s going to give it back anytime soon.
-----
It hadn’t taken long for Bob to discover that Frank showed his affection by annoying the shit out that person; Bob honestly felt like he was in elementary school when he discovered that Frank had stolen his shoes. He had looked everywhere for them, turning anything he came across inside out and asking everyone, more than once, if they had seen them. They were his only pair and fuck, man, he loved those shoes.
Not until he finally got around to buying another pair - after walking around a borrowed pair for a few days - had Bob found his original pair of shoes. Well, he hadn’t really found them as so much as hit his head on them while climbing out of his bunk. “BOB SUCKS DICK” was written in big, Sharpie-bold letters on his left shoe and penises drawn all over his right. Bob looked around to see if Bert or Quinn were hiding around the corner.
Instead, he saw Frank biting his lip to stop himself from laughing. Bob wanted to throw one of the shoes at him or strangle him, but he wasn’t sure how the band would react to their new drummer strangling their guitarist during their first full tour together. Instead, Bob just grunted, flipped Frank the bird, and went back inside his bunk. Besides, it’s not like Bob couldn’t put up with something like that; he just really loved those shoes.
Bob also loved his sleep.
He got over Frank stealing and vandalizing his shoes, but it was hard to get over Frank climbing into his bunk at ungodly hours of the night and disturbing his sleep. Especially when Frank did that every single night. Having toured with The Used, Bob had adjusted to becoming a light sleeper, but after a while, even Bert learned to not mess with Bob’s sleep. Ever.
Frank didn’t get the hints, even when Bob woke up and kicked Frank out of his bunk. The kicking resulted in Bob accidentally kneeing Frank in the balls and waking up later to find his toothbrush in the toilet.
“What the hell, Frank?” Bob had said. Frank didn’t respond though, even when Bob slammed his fist on the small kitchenette counter. None of the other guys looked up from what they were doing either, Bob noticed. That made him wonder if this was all some sort of initiation where if you can’t handle Frank Iero, you can’t be in My Chemical Romance. All of them were probably secretly laughing on the inside, maybe even placing bets when Bob wasn’t around.
Or Frank was genuinely an asshole.
Bob looked over to Mikey, texting away on his phone, and then over to Ray, who was writing something down in a notebook--probably chords to a new song. Maybe they’d just become immune to Frank’s bullshit
Frank continued to crawl into Bob’s bed at night, but he no longer prodded at Bob or licked Bob’s face or drew on Bob’s arm while he slept. Instead, he curled up at Bob’s side, pushed Bob as far back against the wall as he could go, stole Bob’s blankets, drooled on Bob’s pillow, and sometimes farted in his sleep.
It became a routine towards the end of the tour. Frank would climb into Bob’s bunk, Bob would grunt, then go back to sleep and wake up the next morning to push Frank the fuck out. After a while, Frank stopped messing with Bob’s stuff - less because Frank no longer wanted to and more because he felt like his life was in serious danger after he stole Bob’s phone and spent the entire morning chatting to phone sex operators about their day. Instead, Frank took up all Bob's personal space to get back at him.
He wasn’t sure if this was better or worse than having his stuff taken and most likely destroyed by Frank.
-----
Things really haven’t changed.
Only Bob doesn’t fight back as much anymore. He just groans a whole lot. But the less responsive Bob becomes, Frank just finds more ways to terrorize him, which makes him wonder how he’s even survived being in this band for as long as he has. Truth is, he guesses, he loves this band--even Frank. Especially Frank sometimes.
Mikey comes up to him once after a show. Bob is on his second cigarette, resting his head against the wall and drifting off in thought. To his left, Mikey is on the phone texting, his thumbs moving non-stop. They stay like that for a while, bumping shoulders every so often.
“Yeah, Frank,” Mikey says when Bob finishes his smoke. Bob glances over and Mikey is looking right at him.
“Yeah?” Bob asks. He's staring down at the ground. There’s actually gum on the floor, right next to his foot. He needs to remember not to step there when he leaves.
“Yeah, Frank.” Mikey repeats, “He’s like that. You know, his way of showing affection…” There is a long pause before Mikey says, “He likes you. A lot.”
Bob is still looking at the ground when he says, “The fuck? Are you saying we’re suddenly in grade school again? And, like, Frank is that boy who pulls the pigtails of the girls he...likes?” But when Bob looks over to Mikey for an answer, Mikey is already halfway down the hall, fucking texting while he walks.
Bob pulls out another cigarette because, apparently, Frank is pulling his pigtails. Next he’s going to be chasing Bob down the halls.
Two days later, Frank does chase Bob down the halls.
It’s the last day on tour and, while exhausted, they find that running around and acting ridiculous helps get everyone’s mind off of finally going home. It also helps stop anyone from admitting how much they’ll miss each other and how weird it’s going to be for the next few weeks.
Bob is laughing when Frank manages to jump up on Bob’s back, even with Ray’s promise to “protect him from Frank.” And Frank is laughing when Bob makes him fall to the ground two seconds later. But when Bob helps Frank to his feet, they both stop.
“When are you going to confess your gay love for me and cry like a fucking baby about missing me and stuff?” Frank asks.
“What makes you think I’ll miss you?” Bob grins and pets Frank on the head. Looking a little hurt, Frank rolls his eyes before he punches Bob on the arm. Bob grunts, “Yeah, I won’t be missing that.”
There really isn’t a chance for Bob to miss Frank. He's barely inside his mom’s house, putting down his bags by the door, when Frank calls him. Bob tries to ignore it. If it’s an emergency, he’ll leave a message right? But Frank calls again and again, and Bob answers on the third call.
“Yeah?” Bob answers, then mouths out an apology to his mom.
“Hey, Bobbert. What’s up? How are you? How’s your mom? Tell her I said hi, okay?” Frank sounds like he hasn’t seen Bob for a month. Bob tells his mom that Frank says hello. She asks if everything is all right, and when Bob nods, even she gives a small questioning look.
“Umm…”
“So, hey,” Frank quickly replies. “Yeah, I’m so tired right now. I can’t even wait any longer to see my bed. Like, I won’t even say hello to anyone, I’ll just run straight into my room and crash out on my bed. I should lock my door and blast my radio. It’ll be like fucking high school all over again. Oh, man, that’s kind of scary. But no, I think I’ll probably want to go back on the road the next day...”
Bob stops listening after a while. For being tired, Bob thinks, Frank still manages to talk a mile a minute. By the time Frank is done Bob is sitting down on the couch, shoes off and drink in his hand.
“Is this why you called me?” Bob finally says.
“I miss you,” Frank says back immediately.
Unlike Frank, Bob takes a good few seconds before replying. “Yeah, it’s a little weird. You know, thinking about not seeing everyone all the time. I guess I miss all of you guys already.”
“You said you wouldn’t miss me.” Frank’s high-pitched laugh is always contagious, making Bob laugh back.
“I miss you least of all,” Bob lies. Frank doesn’t reply so Bob says, yawning, “You know? I think I’m going to go enjoy my bed while you’re dreaming of yours.” He's not lying that time, and he heads straight to bed after hanging up. It did feel a little weird being away from everyone, especially Frank.
The smell of bacon and syrup is so good that Bob doesn’t mind that he wakes up before it's even noon. Yawning, he stumbles into the kitchen, zombie-like. It takes Bob a couple seconds to fully adjust to the lights and realize that Frank is sitting down in front of him.
“Morning,” Frank chirps.
Bob jumps a little from his seat, because Frank, well, why the hell is Frank here? Bob’s mother offers no explanation, just sets down a plate of food in front of them and pets Bob. Frank tries to reach across the table to do the same thing - Bob thinks it's maybe because he does that to Frank a lot - but Bob stands up before Frank can do anything.
“I’m going to go pee,” Bob grumbles. Instead, he goes back into his room, lies down, and closes his eyes. He's not sure for how long but, when he opens his eyes again, Frank is lying right next to him.
“Hey,” whispers Frank. “Your mom's leaving for work in a little while. She told me to tell you to make sure you eat your plate when you wake up.”
“Yeah.” But Bob doesn't get up, instead rolling over. Not giving Bob a break, Frank crawls over Bob to face him again.
“Yeah, no, go say goodbye to her before she leaves. I already ate your food, so don’t worry about that. Was real good, by the way. You missed out. There were chunks of banana in the pancakes, she said they were your favorite.”
Bob grunts, but he complies and manages to catch his mother before she is out the door.
“Just about to leave, sleepyhead.” Bob cringes at the name. “I left your plate inside the microwave; you might need to heat it up.” She kisses him goodbye and that was that. Bob feels like he's in grade school all over again.
“Oh, hey. I like this. I’m going to keep it.” Frank says from behind. He's trying on one of Bob’s jackets, one that Bob hasn’t worn in years. So Bob just shrugs before sitting down on the living room couch.
“Why are you here?” Bob asks.
Frank just sits down next to him and shrugs, but Bob accepts the answer.
Of course, Bob didn’t consider the fact that Frank likes to torment him when he lets him stay.
The first thing out of Frank’s mouth at dinner is, “So, tell me about Bob when he was younger. Start with the embarrassing stories. Like, did he ever run out into the lawn without his diaper?”
His mom laughs, but Bob nearly chokes on his food. Bob never did that, thank God, but Bob gets a weird feeling that this will somehow come back to haunt him.
“Oh, no. But when Robert was four, he had this red cape. Refused to take it off for a week. I finally had to take the thing from him to wash it. He really thought he was Superman,” Bob’s mother said. Bob resists the urge to bang his head into the table. This was definitely going to come back to him.
Sure enough, Bob receives a text from Mikey: “hey superman :)” Which makes no sense since Mikey plays Dungeons and Dragons to this day and actually owns a collection of comics that he’s probably read over more times than he remembers, but Bob lets it go and goes to bed.
When Frank emerges from the restroom, he heads straight into Bob’s room and gets in bed with him.
“I think I forgot to pack my toothbrush so I used yours. I think it’s yours anyway. Oh, and I already unpacked all my stuff and put them into drawers. I hope you don’t mind,” Frank says. They’re not even asleep yet and Frank is already trying to take all the blankets.
“I do.”
“Oh--“
“Why are you here?” Bob asks.
Frank just shrugs, but Bob no longer accepts that as an answer.
Frank and Bob’s mother are sitting together and going through photo albums when Bob comes home. Now he understands why Frank declined Bob’s invite to go with him to meet up with some old friends.
“Can I keep this?” Frank asks Bob’s mom, holding up a picture. Bob can’t see what picture it is, but he figures that it’s one of him as a boy. Bob’s mother doesn’t actually own a big collection of photos and most of the ones she does own are candid, Bob doing child-like things. Really, even as a kid Bob was a bit camera shy and he's glad that his mother didn’t try to photograph every second of his life to keep on record or something. She allows Frank to keep the picture, though, and by the time Bob reaches the couch, Frank has already tucked the photo away.
When Bob doesn’t sit down right away, Frank pats the spot next to him. Bob reluctantly accepts his offer. With good reason, Bob thinks, when Frank immediately put his hand on Bob’s knee and scoots closer.
The smile Frank flashes at Bob is completely genuine. Bob does kind of like it, he’ll admit; in comparison to Frank’s obnoxious behavior, his smile reflects more of an innocent persona. The small, almost shy, curl of Frank’s lips is nearly irresistible to smile back to.
“You two make such a cute couple,” Bob’s mother says off to the side before taking a picture of them. Bob’s smile falls and his mom and Frank burst into a fit of laughter.
Bob feels like he missed some great inside joke.
“I don’t know what to do anymore!”
Bob is sitting on the closed toilet lid, voice hushed and phone pressing against his ear. “I mean, doesn’t he have a life of his own? Or why isn’t he eating your food, flirting with your girlfriend, and sleeping in your bed? I don’t know how much longer I can take this, Ray.”
But Ray just laughs.
“Call me when you finally understand,” Ray says, and hangs up.
Why does everyone have to be so fucking cryptic?
When Bob walks into his room, Frank is taping an old picture of Bob on the wall by where Frank sleeps. There is neither writing nor any kind of vandalizing to the photo; it’s not even folded. It’s kind of a stupid picture, at that.
The picture was taken back when Bob was still in college. Bob is biting back a smile in the photo, but it’s still apparent that he was trying to grin, you can even see a faint blush to his cheeks. He’s wearing a ridiculous sweater that even his grandmother encouraged for him to remove at the time and holding a cup of what Bob guesses is probably beer. Bob never really liked college and he remembers being happiest coming back home.
Things have changed now and Bob honestly feels at more home when out on the road.
“What are you doing now?” Bob says, watching Frank grin at the photograph. Bob crawls across the bed to Frank and tries to remove the picture, but Frank just slaps his hand away. So Bob tries harder, pushing Frank with one hand and attempting to take the picture down with the other.
Of course, Frank fights back. He lets Bob push him to the side, but then crawls over behind Bob and pulls him back from behind, making Bob land on top of him. Frank rolls over so he’s on top of Bob, then Bob does the same, and they both continue until they end up rolling onto the floor.
Frank lands on top of Bob and laughs. Being on the bottom with his back and ass in pain, Bob replies in grunts rather than laughs. Especially with Frank seeming like he’s not going to move off of Bob anytime soon, burying his face into Bob’s chest and laughing madly.
“Get off me,” Bob grinds out. Frank only adjusts himself so he is sitting directly on Bob’s stomach. Bob tries again, “Fuck, Frank, get off me.”
“I really think you should do my laundry soon.” Frank says, ignoring Bob. “Had to borrow your shirt, but then I spilled ketchup all over it and borrowed another shirt. But you don’t mind, right?”
“Frank--“
“And you should really stop kicking at night. It’s not cool, man. I’ll make you sleep on the couch if you keep that shit up.”
“Frank--“
“Oh, I don’t think you care, but I lost your deodorant. Don’t even ask how, I’m not sure myself, but one min--“
“Fuck, Frank.” Bob rolls his eyes and pushes Frank off of him, then crawls into bed and ignores Frank for the rest of the night. Surprisingly, it doesn’t take long for Bob to fall asleep.
Yawning and half-asleep, Bob stumbles into the restroom. He takes a good piss before looking into the mirror. Surprised by what he sees, Bob stumbles back a little.
“What the--?” It takes a couple of seconds to flip the words, but across Bob’s forehead it clearly reads, “HI MY NAME IS BOB” in Frank’s obvious handwriting.
Bob is fuming. He rushes back into his room and heads straight over to Frank, quickly pulling the blankets off of him.
“Hey!” Frank groans, kicking into the air. It’s a second or two later of Frank rubbing his eyes before he's awake enough to properly see the words on Bob’s head and have a good, hard laugh about it. “Oh man. Hi Bob.” Frank says in between breaths.
“The hell, Frank?” Bob stands there with his fist and jaw clenched and almost ready to just lunge at Frank. To punch him right in his face--which is saying a lot, because Bob honestly never has that big of a temper.
But Frank just shrugs and no, Bob no longer accepts this.
“Why can’t you just go home?” Bob asks in defeat.
This time Frank doesn’t shrug or push off the question. He looks right at Bob, then up at the ceiling like he's in serious thought. After a couple minutes, his grin is back on his face and he shakes his head before advancing to Bob. Bob wants to step back, out of natural reaction, but his feet stay firm on the ground and he watches Frank carefully.
“You’re pretty stupid, you know?” Frank laughs. But Bob doesn’t have any time to react because Frank takes hold of Bob’s wrist and leans into a kiss. Startled, Bob tugs his arm back, but Frank tugs back harder and Bob finally kisses back.
“Oh,” says Bob. Which is all he says, because Frank kisses him again. And Bob really is stupid and knows that everyone is going to agree when they see him, but he doesn’t care because--
“Oh. Yeah.” Bob tries again when they break apart for the second time. He says, “But you’ll go home now, right? I think your family misses you.”
Frank laughs and nods, and Bob accepts that answer.
“But brush your teeth first.”
Even though they spend a good few hours making out, talking, playing video games and Frank making fun of Bob, Bob still misses Frank when he leaves. Frank probably knows this, because he calls Bob not long after. He also tells Bob that he should meet his parents and tell them they’re engaged and Bob rolls his eyes because he know Frank’s parents and also they are not engaged nor are they getting engaged, but he stays on the phone anyway.
During their first week back on tour, Frank tapes a piece of paper with “BOB SUCKS FRANK’S DICK” written on it to the mirror in the back lounge area. Gerard draws penises for emphasis, slaps Bob’s back every time they’re together, and Bob swears that he even winks creepily at him sometimes. Mikey writes “eww” on it and tells Gerard to stop being creepy. Ray is slightly horrified - very slightly - but still enough to remove the paper.
Two days later, Bob tapes another sign: “FRANK BOTTOMS”, to which Frank notes, “true fact” when he sees it.
This time all three of the guys take down the paper and replace it with: “SHUT UP AND BE A GAY COUPLE SOMEWHERE ELSE.”
There is also “who took my cheerios? -Ray” written at the bottom, but that’s beside the point.