in my darkest hour, you shine [one-shot]
title: in my darkest hour, you shine
author: hika_nishi
pairing: masuda/tegoshi
rating: r
disclaimer: I own the computer I typed this on. That's it.
summary: We’ll be together forever, right?
“We’ll be together forever, right?”
“Of course.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
He’d always been a lonely, awkward kid, everyone thought so, the way he played and ate away from the others, curled himself up on his bed drawing cartoony looking animals in the margins of an old book. Always alone except for that one other kid, the voice for both of them, the one that got in more than a few physical altercations on his behalf. It was always the two of them and he was grateful, thankful for the closest thing he had to a family.
“Massu’s my best friend,” he’d always say, with a gentle smile, arm slung over his shoulder or hand lightly squeezing his. Masuda always returned the sentiment, always followed it by starting an interchange that quickly became all too familiar. We’ll be together forever, right?
Masuda was three years old when he got here, taken away from his parents by child services, malnourished and ignored by them. It was two years later that he first spoke to Tegoshi, a cheerful boy given up by a fifteen year old mother. He hit a kid in the head with a toy plane after he’d dumped a bowl of cereal on Masuda’s head. Later, he gave that plane to Masuda, smiling and saying, “Let’s be friends, okay?” It wasn’t so much a question as it was a fact. Masuda didn’t fight it then and he never once regretted it. Tegoshi was his only friend, and he honestly didn’t need more than that.
++++
“Massu?” five year old Tegoshi asked, knocking lightly on the door of the closet in the hallway. He slid it open, saw Masuda sitting on the floor, knees brought up to his chin. “What’s wrong?”
He didn’t answer, looking down at the floor. To his credit, Tegoshi didn’t probe further, just sat down across from him on the closet floor, shutting the door behind him, poking at Masuda’s leg playfully with his foot. Somehow, even in the dark, he was completely comfortable like that, a small smile crossing his lips.
++++
There was a day when Masuda was eleven, he could remember clearly, a man and woman came in, talked to a few of the boys. They seemed nice, like they would be good parents, but they didn’t give Masuda a second glance. When he went to go to sleep that night, noticeably disappointed, there was something in his bed, something he didn’t notice at first and made him jump. He threw the blankets away, saw Tegoshi curled up against his pillow. “They won’t choose me, will they?” he asked.
“They might, you have a chance.”
“No. I don’t want them to.”
“You don’t want a family?”
“Massu’s my family.” He tugged at Masuda’s hand. Tegoshi spent the night in Masuda’s room that night, sleeping up against him, steady breath hitting his face. It was a phase, he thought, something that wouldn’t happen when they were older, but he’s wrong about that. As the years went by, it became a more common occurrence, Masuda eventually becoming accustom to feeling Tegoshi’s warmth beside him when he went to sleep. They never were chosen to go home with a family, neither of them, and that was fine.
++++
When Masuda turned twenty, officially an adult, he had to leave the orphanage, a standard put forward to keep space available for when new boys came in. “Do you have to leave?” Tegoshi had asked, sitting on the floor of Masuda’s room with his knees pulled up against his chest. Masuda didn’t know how to answer that, at least not without upsetting him further. He smiled suddenly, stood up to sit beside Masuda on his bed, throwing an arm over his shoulders. “I can go with you.”
“You want to, Tegoshi?”
He nodded, resting his head on Masuda’s shoulder. “I want to be wherever Massu is. Together forever. I really like Massu.”
Masuda smiled at him, dimple forming in his cheek. “I like you too.” Tegoshi grinned back at him, stayed still for a moment before leaning in, his lips brushing against Masuda’s. For a moment, Masuda stared at him, blinks a few times. Tegoshi bit his lip, started to apologize, he didn’t let him finish, kissing him deeper, an inexplicable warmth in his chest.
++++
He did exactly what he said he would, moving in to a small apartment, one main room and a bathroom, with Masuda. It’s nothing fancy, just what they could afford on minimum wage salaries. But they didn’t need fancy, they were both with the one person in the world they truly cared about.
Masuda came home from work one day, collapsing lazily onto their bed, which Tegoshi is currently using as a sofa, letting his head fall into Tegoshi’s lap. “Nobody wanted us,” he’d said that night, Tegoshi looked at him with a tilt of his head, patting his hair softly. “We’re un-adopted orphans. I heard someone say today that people like us don’t know how to love because they’ve never been loved.”
“We’re not like that.”
“How do you know?”
“Because it’s not true that nobody wants us.” He leaned down, kissed Masuda’s forehead. “I want you, and I love you.” Masuda smiled shyly, sitting up so Tegoshi could wrap his arms around his neck. It was the first time either one of them had thrown the word love around. He tightened his arms, pulling Masuda closer until their lips meet, falling back on the pillows. “I want you, Massu,” he said again, lips brushing against Masuda’s. “I’ve waited so long. Touch me, Massu.”
That night is still vivid in Masuda’s memory, even now. They were nervous, clumsy and awkward as they peeled away each other’s clothes. He slid his hands over Tegoshi’s chest, coaxing a moan out of his throat when they brushed over his nipples. He grabbed one of Masuda’s hands, brought it to his lips, sucking on them gently, looking at Masuda as if silently telling him what to do. He understood, kissing Tegoshi, deep and wet, swallowing his moans when Masuda curled his fingers inside, preparing him as best he knew how.
When he slid inside him, Tegoshi dug his fingers into Masuda’s back, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He wrapped his legs around Masuda’s waist, begging for more, faster. His fingernails scratched red lines into his back before Tegoshi collapsed back on the bed, panting heavily, smiling and staring at him from behind sweat dampened bangs.
“I love you, too, Yuya.”
++++
There was an accident, in the middle of that summer, it put Masuda in the hospital for a week, lost him his job. Tegoshi was furious about that, said they should sue his construction company for wrongful termination, but that idea was quickly buried when they realized whatever lawyer they could afford would do nothing for them. He got extra hours at work instead, to keep them breaking even, they had no friends to ask for help, no family to fall back on. Alone. Tokyo was expensive, they learned that the hard way.
Masuda felt guilty every day Tegoshi came home, exhausted from double, sometimes triple shifts, collapsing on the bed, sometimes complaining about something that happened that day, sometimes just sitting in silence while Masuda ran fingers through his hair. He passed out at work more than a few times, a fact he hid from Masuda for as long as possible. “I don’t need you worrying about me,” was his excuse.
In a few months, he was fired, casualty to bad economic times. Their power was the first thing to go, their water next. As the winter comes, they held each other tight at night, keeping themselves warm the only way they know how. “A man stopped me on the street today,” Tegoshi whispered one night, fingers threading in Masuda’s shirt. “He offered me ¥30,000 to go home with him. I turned it down, but-”
“No.”
“Massu…”
“I’d rather die than see you demean yourself like that.”
The idea never comes up again.
++++
Just before Christmas, they were evicted, forced to leave their little apartment, thrown to the street. They make love in their room one last time, Masuda placing strong kisses on Tegoshi’s lips and chest, knees and hips. It’s not so much a celebration of love, rather the desperate sealing of a promise. We’ll be together forever.
It’s Christmas eve tonight, and they have nothing. Nothing but each other, and in this world, you can’t survive on love alone.
++++
How they’ve ended up like this, he still can’t understand, even when he recounts the course of events that led them here, it’s something he can’t wrap his head around. His legs feel odd, like the blood is starting to freeze in his veins. He can hear the snow crunching under their feet, feels Tegoshi start to slide off his arm, grabbing his hand as he falls to the ground, dropping to his knees with him. “Massu,” he says weakly, repeating it again and again until Masuda lays down beside him, close enough that their foreheads are almost touching.
“We. We should get to a shelter.”
“I don’t,” Tegoshi’s breathing starts to slow, warm against the cold snow. “I don’t think I’ll make it.”
“Don’t say that,” tears sting his eyes, freeze on his cheeks.
“I’m so tired.” His eyelids start to flutter.
“Keep your eyes open, don’t go to sleep, Yuya.”
“Massu,” his voice is barely a whisper, softer than even Masuda’s. “We’ll be together forever, right?”
Masuda tries hard to keep a sob at the back of his throat. That’s usually his line, hearing Tegoshi say it makes him feel helpless. “Yes,” he finally manages. “Forever.”
Tegoshi’s lips curve into a smile, grip tightening on Masuda’s hand. “Forever, just Yuya and Massu. I like that.”
His eyes drift closed, his hand goes limp in Masuda’s. “Yuya,” he whimpers, cold air stabbing his lungs. He brushes a hand over Tegoshi’s face, a task that seems strangely difficult right now, focusing his eyes on his pale skin and soft brown hair against the snow. He’s beautiful, even in the end. Masuda weakly pulls him closer. “I promise, Yuya. Promise.”
--------------------------
Failed attempt at dabbling in tragedy. This started out as a completely different fic, but I wasn't feeling it, so I came up with this depressing-ness instead :x I've been off this week XD I started a Decay sequel at the same time as this because an idea kept nagging at my brain XD We'll see how long that takes me.
author: hika_nishi
pairing: masuda/tegoshi
rating: r
disclaimer: I own the computer I typed this on. That's it.
summary: We’ll be together forever, right?
“We’ll be together forever, right?”
“Of course.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
He’d always been a lonely, awkward kid, everyone thought so, the way he played and ate away from the others, curled himself up on his bed drawing cartoony looking animals in the margins of an old book. Always alone except for that one other kid, the voice for both of them, the one that got in more than a few physical altercations on his behalf. It was always the two of them and he was grateful, thankful for the closest thing he had to a family.
“Massu’s my best friend,” he’d always say, with a gentle smile, arm slung over his shoulder or hand lightly squeezing his. Masuda always returned the sentiment, always followed it by starting an interchange that quickly became all too familiar. We’ll be together forever, right?
Masuda was three years old when he got here, taken away from his parents by child services, malnourished and ignored by them. It was two years later that he first spoke to Tegoshi, a cheerful boy given up by a fifteen year old mother. He hit a kid in the head with a toy plane after he’d dumped a bowl of cereal on Masuda’s head. Later, he gave that plane to Masuda, smiling and saying, “Let’s be friends, okay?” It wasn’t so much a question as it was a fact. Masuda didn’t fight it then and he never once regretted it. Tegoshi was his only friend, and he honestly didn’t need more than that.
++++
“Massu?” five year old Tegoshi asked, knocking lightly on the door of the closet in the hallway. He slid it open, saw Masuda sitting on the floor, knees brought up to his chin. “What’s wrong?”
He didn’t answer, looking down at the floor. To his credit, Tegoshi didn’t probe further, just sat down across from him on the closet floor, shutting the door behind him, poking at Masuda’s leg playfully with his foot. Somehow, even in the dark, he was completely comfortable like that, a small smile crossing his lips.
++++
There was a day when Masuda was eleven, he could remember clearly, a man and woman came in, talked to a few of the boys. They seemed nice, like they would be good parents, but they didn’t give Masuda a second glance. When he went to go to sleep that night, noticeably disappointed, there was something in his bed, something he didn’t notice at first and made him jump. He threw the blankets away, saw Tegoshi curled up against his pillow. “They won’t choose me, will they?” he asked.
“They might, you have a chance.”
“No. I don’t want them to.”
“You don’t want a family?”
“Massu’s my family.” He tugged at Masuda’s hand. Tegoshi spent the night in Masuda’s room that night, sleeping up against him, steady breath hitting his face. It was a phase, he thought, something that wouldn’t happen when they were older, but he’s wrong about that. As the years went by, it became a more common occurrence, Masuda eventually becoming accustom to feeling Tegoshi’s warmth beside him when he went to sleep. They never were chosen to go home with a family, neither of them, and that was fine.
++++
When Masuda turned twenty, officially an adult, he had to leave the orphanage, a standard put forward to keep space available for when new boys came in. “Do you have to leave?” Tegoshi had asked, sitting on the floor of Masuda’s room with his knees pulled up against his chest. Masuda didn’t know how to answer that, at least not without upsetting him further. He smiled suddenly, stood up to sit beside Masuda on his bed, throwing an arm over his shoulders. “I can go with you.”
“You want to, Tegoshi?”
He nodded, resting his head on Masuda’s shoulder. “I want to be wherever Massu is. Together forever. I really like Massu.”
Masuda smiled at him, dimple forming in his cheek. “I like you too.” Tegoshi grinned back at him, stayed still for a moment before leaning in, his lips brushing against Masuda’s. For a moment, Masuda stared at him, blinks a few times. Tegoshi bit his lip, started to apologize, he didn’t let him finish, kissing him deeper, an inexplicable warmth in his chest.
++++
He did exactly what he said he would, moving in to a small apartment, one main room and a bathroom, with Masuda. It’s nothing fancy, just what they could afford on minimum wage salaries. But they didn’t need fancy, they were both with the one person in the world they truly cared about.
Masuda came home from work one day, collapsing lazily onto their bed, which Tegoshi is currently using as a sofa, letting his head fall into Tegoshi’s lap. “Nobody wanted us,” he’d said that night, Tegoshi looked at him with a tilt of his head, patting his hair softly. “We’re un-adopted orphans. I heard someone say today that people like us don’t know how to love because they’ve never been loved.”
“We’re not like that.”
“How do you know?”
“Because it’s not true that nobody wants us.” He leaned down, kissed Masuda’s forehead. “I want you, and I love you.” Masuda smiled shyly, sitting up so Tegoshi could wrap his arms around his neck. It was the first time either one of them had thrown the word love around. He tightened his arms, pulling Masuda closer until their lips meet, falling back on the pillows. “I want you, Massu,” he said again, lips brushing against Masuda’s. “I’ve waited so long. Touch me, Massu.”
That night is still vivid in Masuda’s memory, even now. They were nervous, clumsy and awkward as they peeled away each other’s clothes. He slid his hands over Tegoshi’s chest, coaxing a moan out of his throat when they brushed over his nipples. He grabbed one of Masuda’s hands, brought it to his lips, sucking on them gently, looking at Masuda as if silently telling him what to do. He understood, kissing Tegoshi, deep and wet, swallowing his moans when Masuda curled his fingers inside, preparing him as best he knew how.
When he slid inside him, Tegoshi dug his fingers into Masuda’s back, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He wrapped his legs around Masuda’s waist, begging for more, faster. His fingernails scratched red lines into his back before Tegoshi collapsed back on the bed, panting heavily, smiling and staring at him from behind sweat dampened bangs.
“I love you, too, Yuya.”
++++
There was an accident, in the middle of that summer, it put Masuda in the hospital for a week, lost him his job. Tegoshi was furious about that, said they should sue his construction company for wrongful termination, but that idea was quickly buried when they realized whatever lawyer they could afford would do nothing for them. He got extra hours at work instead, to keep them breaking even, they had no friends to ask for help, no family to fall back on. Alone. Tokyo was expensive, they learned that the hard way.
Masuda felt guilty every day Tegoshi came home, exhausted from double, sometimes triple shifts, collapsing on the bed, sometimes complaining about something that happened that day, sometimes just sitting in silence while Masuda ran fingers through his hair. He passed out at work more than a few times, a fact he hid from Masuda for as long as possible. “I don’t need you worrying about me,” was his excuse.
In a few months, he was fired, casualty to bad economic times. Their power was the first thing to go, their water next. As the winter comes, they held each other tight at night, keeping themselves warm the only way they know how. “A man stopped me on the street today,” Tegoshi whispered one night, fingers threading in Masuda’s shirt. “He offered me ¥30,000 to go home with him. I turned it down, but-”
“No.”
“Massu…”
“I’d rather die than see you demean yourself like that.”
The idea never comes up again.
++++
Just before Christmas, they were evicted, forced to leave their little apartment, thrown to the street. They make love in their room one last time, Masuda placing strong kisses on Tegoshi’s lips and chest, knees and hips. It’s not so much a celebration of love, rather the desperate sealing of a promise. We’ll be together forever.
It’s Christmas eve tonight, and they have nothing. Nothing but each other, and in this world, you can’t survive on love alone.
++++
How they’ve ended up like this, he still can’t understand, even when he recounts the course of events that led them here, it’s something he can’t wrap his head around. His legs feel odd, like the blood is starting to freeze in his veins. He can hear the snow crunching under their feet, feels Tegoshi start to slide off his arm, grabbing his hand as he falls to the ground, dropping to his knees with him. “Massu,” he says weakly, repeating it again and again until Masuda lays down beside him, close enough that their foreheads are almost touching.
“We. We should get to a shelter.”
“I don’t,” Tegoshi’s breathing starts to slow, warm against the cold snow. “I don’t think I’ll make it.”
“Don’t say that,” tears sting his eyes, freeze on his cheeks.
“I’m so tired.” His eyelids start to flutter.
“Keep your eyes open, don’t go to sleep, Yuya.”
“Massu,” his voice is barely a whisper, softer than even Masuda’s. “We’ll be together forever, right?”
Masuda tries hard to keep a sob at the back of his throat. That’s usually his line, hearing Tegoshi say it makes him feel helpless. “Yes,” he finally manages. “Forever.”
Tegoshi’s lips curve into a smile, grip tightening on Masuda’s hand. “Forever, just Yuya and Massu. I like that.”
His eyes drift closed, his hand goes limp in Masuda’s. “Yuya,” he whimpers, cold air stabbing his lungs. He brushes a hand over Tegoshi’s face, a task that seems strangely difficult right now, focusing his eyes on his pale skin and soft brown hair against the snow. He’s beautiful, even in the end. Masuda weakly pulls him closer. “I promise, Yuya. Promise.”
--------------------------
Failed attempt at dabbling in tragedy. This started out as a completely different fic, but I wasn't feeling it, so I came up with this depressing-ness instead :x I've been off this week XD I started a Decay sequel at the same time as this because an idea kept nagging at my brain XD We'll see how long that takes me.