# 4 MORE
the world chewed her
and spat her o u t
i dreamt last night that i was lost in space. Disappearing into supernova, forever dissipating into a cluster of atomic stardust, receding further and further into the background so that no one could hear my screams. i dreamt i was like the cheshire cat, fading without a warning, leaving the artificial warmth of that phony smile behind as an ironic remnant. i dreamt i was the girl in the photograph which you overlooked and then when you look back again, i assure you i will no longer be there.
because there comes a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. which is why i realised that it wasn’t long ago before i decided to take the easier way out and let others do the loving instead.
when i was standing next to you i could hear my own heartbeat. it was like i had inserted this teensy little microphone into my chest- lilke i had swallowed one and it was playing the sounds of my hearts through little speakers. i wished you had one too so that when i walked beside you i could hear your heartbeat and you would be able to hear mine, like some sort of a sonar. i wonder if there could be something as fascinating as hearts which beat as one, and i’d really like to wonder if mine and yours do beat at the same time, at the same tempo. because if they do wouldn’t that mean that we were biologically made for each other? then again, if i could hear your heart, it would thrill me to know that each time you look at me, the beats move up in intensity like drums declaring a war. if i could hear these perhaps i would learn to love you more.
2am conversation @ the park -
“you’ll change”
“no i won’t, not that drastically i won’t”
“yes you will, you don’t have to deny it, you know you will.”
“just don’t change into someone i won’t be able to recognise. or someone who wouldn’t want to recognise me”