[END] Chapter Two: Fuck You, Too.
Wasted.
Her, and every chance she had.
I no longer await
any fate with Kait.
This chapter ends here:
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
- Carl Jung
It's been a year now since we met.
In a storybook ending, Underoath would play another show that we could attend again and this time, we would leave together.
Underoath is ironically playing not one,
but four different shows
almost a year to the date that we met at their show last year.
And she left her girlfriend just in time?
I stand firm in my belief of the stars that seem to align for us;
I've never had a more unique experience with anyone, created by the power of equivalent energies and a magnetism that begs to write our story.
But that story will evidently remain a mere chapter.
She can't handle the part, she ripped up the script;
but the show must still go on.
All four of them,
in the absence of any conclusion between us,
one year later.
I gave up.
She knows every dual meaning that I can cleverly compose;
it's what separates her from the hollow shadows.
But she takes the contrast for granted,
just like her girlfriend that I could never be.
I believe she still has said girlfriend,
and that she lied to me.
I've walked away from her once already, and the chance I gave her to redeem herself was completely wasted despite the sum of our experiences begging for reconciliation. I left her to figure herself out, and was genuinely surprised to hear from her on Halloween. For once, she was fairly transparent in her approach; she wanted me to know that our time together wasn't in vain, and wanted to start over.
I know what our time together has been - it's the only reason she still has any access to me. I've been waiting for her to say exactly what she said to me.
Yet, she can't prove herself by any means.
We attached so easily to one another because there has never been anything to prove - our souls reside on the same wavelength, and the attraction we have felt has been completely organic. To be subtracted to a stoic fate disproportionate to our becoming without so much as closure, is to deny the depths of our perception.
But she continues to feed me intentions without intent, and places walls between us to lean on while she stands me up. She wants to keep me wading in the wake of her mistakes, while she analyzes whether I am one of them.
I'm bored with it.
Her pathological need for attention that fails to ever take anyone else's feelings into consideration casts doubt upon her ability to sustain any true connection - and I don't even understand now if we ever had one to begin with. The last time I walked away from her, I was willing to accept that she may have just been trying to fuck me and that I must have sounded crazy believing in anything else - but her whole point of coming back around was to assure me this wasn't true, and that she was now free from the boundaries that kept us apart, which apparently warranted my attention.
But once she got it, that's all she wanted.
Just to know that I still await this accession
that she holds hostage at her discretion.
And with that, she rests my case.
She's taken this all for granted and is not capable of being honest with me, much less herself.
I will not hang in the balance of her dissolution as collateral damage.
I am not a puppet...
I am a grenade.
Her, and every chance she had.
I no longer await
any fate with Kait.
This chapter ends here:
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
- Carl Jung
It's been a year now since we met.
In a storybook ending, Underoath would play another show that we could attend again and this time, we would leave together.
Underoath is ironically playing not one,
but four different shows
almost a year to the date that we met at their show last year.
And she left her girlfriend just in time?
I stand firm in my belief of the stars that seem to align for us;
I've never had a more unique experience with anyone, created by the power of equivalent energies and a magnetism that begs to write our story.
But that story will evidently remain a mere chapter.
She can't handle the part, she ripped up the script;
but the show must still go on.
All four of them,
in the absence of any conclusion between us,
one year later.
I gave up.
She knows every dual meaning that I can cleverly compose;
it's what separates her from the hollow shadows.
But she takes the contrast for granted,
just like her girlfriend that I could never be.
I believe she still has said girlfriend,
and that she lied to me.
I've walked away from her once already, and the chance I gave her to redeem herself was completely wasted despite the sum of our experiences begging for reconciliation. I left her to figure herself out, and was genuinely surprised to hear from her on Halloween. For once, she was fairly transparent in her approach; she wanted me to know that our time together wasn't in vain, and wanted to start over.
I know what our time together has been - it's the only reason she still has any access to me. I've been waiting for her to say exactly what she said to me.
Yet, she can't prove herself by any means.
We attached so easily to one another because there has never been anything to prove - our souls reside on the same wavelength, and the attraction we have felt has been completely organic. To be subtracted to a stoic fate disproportionate to our becoming without so much as closure, is to deny the depths of our perception.
But she continues to feed me intentions without intent, and places walls between us to lean on while she stands me up. She wants to keep me wading in the wake of her mistakes, while she analyzes whether I am one of them.
I'm bored with it.
Her pathological need for attention that fails to ever take anyone else's feelings into consideration casts doubt upon her ability to sustain any true connection - and I don't even understand now if we ever had one to begin with. The last time I walked away from her, I was willing to accept that she may have just been trying to fuck me and that I must have sounded crazy believing in anything else - but her whole point of coming back around was to assure me this wasn't true, and that she was now free from the boundaries that kept us apart, which apparently warranted my attention.
But once she got it, that's all she wanted.
Just to know that I still await this accession
that she holds hostage at her discretion.
And with that, she rests my case.
She's taken this all for granted and is not capable of being honest with me, much less herself.
I will not hang in the balance of her dissolution as collateral damage.
I am not a puppet...
I am a grenade.