Body image & relationships - {public and screened}
One of the things that is most fretted about is weight and size.
The phrase "do I look too fat/skinny to you?" (or something similar) is heard or uttered by all of us a few times in our lives.
The key in that statement is "to you". The thing that is most often overlooked in this scenario is the preferences of the person in question. If you are asking your S/O if they think you look fat/skinny, consider what their preferences actually are. There is a reason we choose our mates. We find them attractive, as they are when we get together with them (usually).
Large women tend to fuss about being *large* and small women fuss about being *small*. Large men fuss about being *large* (or, more commonly "out of shape") and small men fuss about being small (or, again "out of shape"). Consider the type you are attracted to, and now consider what type *that type* is attracted to.
The types that I am attracted to (usually) tend to be highly attracted to *my type*. So I have had several boys I have dated that were upset when I *lost weight* because then I was *too skinny for them* and I was not as sexy. I have known the same to be true all across the board. With boys working out a lot in order to "keep their girl" and losing her because they lost the pudge or suddenly became all muscley.
So, the next time you want to ask "does this make me look fat/skinny?" consider asking "does this make me look misshapen/lumpy?" or "is this flattering on me?" instead. Seriously, you will save everyone a heap of frustration and heartache.
If you want to know if your mate* will continue to find you sexy in the future, ask them about what they find sexy. Ask with an open ear and an open heart. You may be surprise to learn how many of the parts of your body that bother you a lot are the ones that they *cherish*.
Remember kids, it's important to *know your audience*.
*For those of you single folks out there, ask friends that are your type what they are attracted to. Or ask your exes. Ask several though, so you have a better idea of what that type is generally looking for.
and insecurity about your looks is *never* sexy.
The phrase "do I look too fat/skinny to you?" (or something similar) is heard or uttered by all of us a few times in our lives.
The key in that statement is "to you". The thing that is most often overlooked in this scenario is the preferences of the person in question. If you are asking your S/O if they think you look fat/skinny, consider what their preferences actually are. There is a reason we choose our mates. We find them attractive, as they are when we get together with them (usually).
Large women tend to fuss about being *large* and small women fuss about being *small*. Large men fuss about being *large* (or, more commonly "out of shape") and small men fuss about being small (or, again "out of shape"). Consider the type you are attracted to, and now consider what type *that type* is attracted to.
The types that I am attracted to (usually) tend to be highly attracted to *my type*. So I have had several boys I have dated that were upset when I *lost weight* because then I was *too skinny for them* and I was not as sexy. I have known the same to be true all across the board. With boys working out a lot in order to "keep their girl" and losing her because they lost the pudge or suddenly became all muscley.
So, the next time you want to ask "does this make me look fat/skinny?" consider asking "does this make me look misshapen/lumpy?" or "is this flattering on me?" instead. Seriously, you will save everyone a heap of frustration and heartache.
If you want to know if your mate* will continue to find you sexy in the future, ask them about what they find sexy. Ask with an open ear and an open heart. You may be surprise to learn how many of the parts of your body that bother you a lot are the ones that they *cherish*.
Remember kids, it's important to *know your audience*.
*For those of you single folks out there, ask friends that are your type what they are attracted to. Or ask your exes. Ask several though, so you have a better idea of what that type is generally looking for.
and insecurity about your looks is *never* sexy.