(Untitled)

[ste_noni]

 Back in December, it hit me that I've been fairly self-destructive most of my life. Within reason, in a sort of suburban way, but still, making decisions that aren't good for me.  Marrying joe was one and I think I knew it at the time.  Hooking up with Sammy's father was 100% pure self destructiveness. But there have been other things...I flirted

Comments

[delqc]

Honey. xoxo

[ste_noni]

If you do end up filing for divorce, I wanted to mention that I am really enjoying this askmoxie.org workshop. I can tell you more about it if you end up interested but just something to keep in mind.

So, if B were to terminate his parental rights, yes, he would not owe child support. Which I do think is unfair to Sammy, but the amount Sammy is likely to get over his childhood is small. Currently, he gets $200 per month which I put in a savings account for him.

I would always have the version of the birth cert i have now, which has both names, but that wouldn't be the current or legal version, I guess. Personally, I doubt B has the stamina to follow through on this. I don't think I will push for it for a variety of reasons (I don't think it is fundamentally fair to Sammy and I wish he was old enough to be at least a little invovled in the decision) but if B wants to do it, I don't think I will oppose him.

[mearagrrl]

The support thing was what I wondered about--I mean, sure, you don't need it now, but it's possible that some day. On the other hand, makes perfect sense that you'd be concerned about the guardian thing--do you think he would want/accept that? If there were someone else you had in mind who was willing? Who would the other two go to, in that case--if their dad, would they be able to keep up contact with Sammy no matter who he ended up with?

[ste_noni]

I'm pretty sure there is no way around the fact that if I die, Ellie and Frisco end up with Joe. Sammy would live with either his aunt J or my parents, depending on how old everyone was at the time. I don't think there is any way for them to live together and i'm certain they would see each other only at vacations and stuff. The only way around that would be to let Joe raise Sammy and that will never happen from my end. This is actually one of the things that got me thinking about not being very safe with myself - taking risks and so on. I now have a real reason to be safe, you know?

Anyway, as for the support, I'm not sure what the right answer is. I don't think B would want to raise Sammy and I'm fairly certain he could be bought off with a few hundred or thousand dollars. If I'm dead, there will be life insurance money, you know? I have documented and saved his texts where he says he wants to terminate - I doubt that would win the day might it might contribute over all if the situation were to arise.

[faerieflings]

I hope you can come to a conclusion on what is best for Sammy. B and his girlfriend are not people you want or need in Sammy's life, and knowing that Sammy will be cared for by someone who isn't crazy, neglectful or who doesn't care about him is a great help to peace of mind. I know I breathed a huge sigh of relief when G's bio father lost his rights and was removed from everything. If you're not intending to ever go after him for support, nor intend to push the contact/act like a father issue, it really is the same to have him removed. The name being present or absent on the certificate doesn't mean much. G knows he has a different biological father, but it doesn't matter, and while I never intend to keep secrets from him about that, and will answer his questions, the name on the paper means nothing in the grand scheme.

[ste_noni]

The most hurtful part, to me, is that B has a child, my sweet little Sammy, who he cares so little for. But that actually already is the way it is - it's not something that would happen by terminating his parental rights. Plus, if B were to ever change his mind, which I am certain wont' happen, but if it did, there's nothing saying he can't see Sammy or that Sammy can't track him down.

I appreciate your sharing about G's situation. I remembered that his bio dad was not in the picture but i wasn't sure exactly where things were at. You know, in the end, I think it is really who shows up that matters the most, but as a lawyer, I just hear and read about these awful situations with legal issues.

[faerieflings]

I'd had 4 years to get used to the idea that J was NEVER going to be a father to my son, so there was less hurt and disappointment affecting my decision making by the time it was an option to have his rights terminated. Child support had been such a fight, he was so unwilling to volunteer ANYTHING for his child, and so detached unless he needed to act for the flavor of the week to show he was really a loving, caring father who had been so abused by his exes, that I had lost any delusions of him suddenly changing his tune and being the father G deserved. And I was in a position that P had stepped up and filled the paternal role with such genuine caring and love that you wouldn't know G wasn't his, that the whole potential issue of G not having a father figure was a moot point. Friends have subbed uncles and close male friends and grandfathers for father figures to similar success, and I think if B won't step up, a positive male role is able to be filled in elsewhere.