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[stefan_d]

My brother Vince called today to harass talk to me; I'm not sure why he keeps callin'. I mean, okay I thought for a while last summer that we could be friends again, but it didn't work out. Can you ever really leave the past behind

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[stefan_d]

I think about the last time I was up here, with Taf, when I was seriously contemplating throwin' myself over. I shake my head, just a little, and move to sit beside Maddie. "Isn't the view amazin'?" I ask, my voice a little hushed. Doesn't seem right to talk in normal tones with the sun streakin' orange rays across the sky, ya know?

[stefan_d]

I look out at the ocean, my face calm. "Yeah. I first found this place last year when I lived at the Inn that's back behind those trees. For the most part, nobody bothers you up here." I have to smile as I add, "Well, except for Taf. She has radar or somethin', and I can count on her followin' me up here then."

[stefan_d]

I ponder that for a few seconds. "Right before?" I ask softly. I don't think Taf ever told me specifically how Maddie died. I blow out a last puff of smoke and toss my cigarette over the cliff, watchin' it fall away out of sight while I wait for her answer.

[stefan_d]

I glance at her. It's fairly clear what kinda nice she's talking about. "Does everybody in your family have someone they choose to protect, like you and Taf do?" Did in her case, I guess.

[stefan_d]

"I was gonna ask if you or Jordan or anyone else you had workin' on it had found something yet," I say, puttin' her hand down gently in her lap. "I know Jordan really wants his girl back."

I do, too. But I'm gettin' used to Maddie bein' around, and I'm gonna miss her. It's one of those situations there's no good solution for, I guess. I chew on my lower lip a little. "If I can help with research or anything, lemme know," I offer.

[stefan_d]

Damn. Two years? "Yeah, I think so. 'Cause two years is a little too long to wait for that." I pause. "Blue moon? There's really such a thing as that?" I'm learning new and interesting things every day, here. I thought the phrase 'blue moon' was just some kinda metaphor someone made up to write songs about.

[stefan_d]

I blink; she's startled me into bein' completely honest and not thinkin' about what I'm gonna say. "I didn't used to think so," I tell her. "The surface was all there was. I locked everything else away so nobody could get to it." I lift one shoulder in a slight shrug. "But I know there's an okay guy in here. Most of the time." I smile, and there's no artifice to it.

[stefan_d]

"Thanks," I say, a little uncomfortable now. "But hey, ya know, we were talkin' about you and you bein' alive for now." I glance out at the sunset again; now it's a giant fiery ball that looks like it's sinkin' into the ocean.

[stefan_d]

"If they're keeping you from sleepin', sounds like they might be kind of a big deal," I say. I think about lightin' up another cigarette and then decide not to. I look up at the sky, seein' the first traces of stars as dusk falls. "I won't pry if you don't wanna talk about it, though."

[stefan_d]

How fuckin' awful. No wonder she can't sleep.

"It doesn't seem fair that you should have to dream about it over and over," I say softly. "I'm sorry, Maddie." I realize I still haven't moved my hand from her shoulder, but she doesn't seem to mind, so maybe it's okay.