(no subject)
How should I start... I think that the last two weeks or so of my life has been dramatically different from the rest of my life. Why, you may ask. Well, to put it simply, I've been spending some time with a girl. I don't think it's quite what you're thinking, as in a relationship, but she has risen to the rank of my close friends at Vanderbilt (and the other one would be Joe) over the last two weeks (although I've known her all year).
I don't know if you would blame it on me or not, but I personally find it hard for feelings not to rise because of the very limited number of people who are nice to me, let alone the fact that she's one of the best people that I've talked to (in fact, I think she's probably the best). So how do I define a goodness in a person? Well, personality and character weigh the most I guess. She's a very nice person who had her own share of grief yet found strength in it. She's open-minded and not easily irritated (although she can be a bit impatient at some things). She's also very understanding of the feelings of those around her (or so it would appear to me since she read my mind several times now).
But past personality and character, she's also very good academically and physically, not to mention talented. She's the youngest dancer in the dance group of Vanderbilt (which is mostly made up of graduates), and she choreographed one of the dances in a performance. She is a chemistry major, but she is also interested in biology and physics, and she's very good at both. She's also in an undergraduate research lab, and not to mention that she's going to finish two majors in three years.
Have you ever felt inadequate when you are next to one of those friends of yours? Well, I feel like that sometimes when I walk with her or when she describes her experiments to me. Sometimes I feel that it's not right for me to have any feelings because I'm not qualified. Maybe that's why she inspires me to be better...
I told her that she could ask me any question at any time and I would give her the honest and straight forward answer. Sometimes I really want to pore my heart out and tell her everything, but when I think about the times in the past that I've done that and the wreck I've made because of so, I'm very reluctant to tell her something like that. I have told her things that might have hinted that, but never directly.
The main way of communication between us, other than the occasional walk outside on Saturdays, is through emails. I've found myself now checking my email almost constantly after I send an email, hoping for a reply. If Joe read this, he'd probably call me being obsessed; I guess he wouldn't be wrong for saying that.
The summer is now just around the corner, and as you may or may not know, I'm going to go to China over the summer. The last day of exam is May 5th and my ticket is on the 13th, which means that there will be 8 days I'll be here for... just getting my stuffs together. I was happy to find out that she's going to be here through May to do research for a professor. I'm going to ask her to go to this park that she wants to go with me (it's a couple of miles away apparently, so we'll be doing lots of walking).
When I told her that she's my close friend and asked her what I am to her, she told me that I shouldn't worry about it and that "close-friend-ness is never a one-way street." I'll try to not worry but believe me that's hard to do for someone like me. She also said that these things are best revealed with time, which I can definitely agree.
So... I guess we'll see, in time.
...Yeah that was a revealing entry...
I don't know if you would blame it on me or not, but I personally find it hard for feelings not to rise because of the very limited number of people who are nice to me, let alone the fact that she's one of the best people that I've talked to (in fact, I think she's probably the best). So how do I define a goodness in a person? Well, personality and character weigh the most I guess. She's a very nice person who had her own share of grief yet found strength in it. She's open-minded and not easily irritated (although she can be a bit impatient at some things). She's also very understanding of the feelings of those around her (or so it would appear to me since she read my mind several times now).
But past personality and character, she's also very good academically and physically, not to mention talented. She's the youngest dancer in the dance group of Vanderbilt (which is mostly made up of graduates), and she choreographed one of the dances in a performance. She is a chemistry major, but she is also interested in biology and physics, and she's very good at both. She's also in an undergraduate research lab, and not to mention that she's going to finish two majors in three years.
Have you ever felt inadequate when you are next to one of those friends of yours? Well, I feel like that sometimes when I walk with her or when she describes her experiments to me. Sometimes I feel that it's not right for me to have any feelings because I'm not qualified. Maybe that's why she inspires me to be better...
I told her that she could ask me any question at any time and I would give her the honest and straight forward answer. Sometimes I really want to pore my heart out and tell her everything, but when I think about the times in the past that I've done that and the wreck I've made because of so, I'm very reluctant to tell her something like that. I have told her things that might have hinted that, but never directly.
The main way of communication between us, other than the occasional walk outside on Saturdays, is through emails. I've found myself now checking my email almost constantly after I send an email, hoping for a reply. If Joe read this, he'd probably call me being obsessed; I guess he wouldn't be wrong for saying that.
The summer is now just around the corner, and as you may or may not know, I'm going to go to China over the summer. The last day of exam is May 5th and my ticket is on the 13th, which means that there will be 8 days I'll be here for... just getting my stuffs together. I was happy to find out that she's going to be here through May to do research for a professor. I'm going to ask her to go to this park that she wants to go with me (it's a couple of miles away apparently, so we'll be doing lots of walking).
When I told her that she's my close friend and asked her what I am to her, she told me that I shouldn't worry about it and that "close-friend-ness is never a one-way street." I'll try to not worry but believe me that's hard to do for someone like me. She also said that these things are best revealed with time, which I can definitely agree.
So... I guess we'll see, in time.
...Yeah that was a revealing entry...