fic: Cognitive Dissonance (1/1)
Title: Cognitive Dissonance
Author: stellarmeadow
Fandom: Hawaii Five-0
Paring: Steve/Danny
Rating: G
Summary:Steve's got too much noise in his brain and no way to shut it out.
Notes: This was tougher than I thought to start and easier than I thought to finish. :) Takes place in order in the coda series, contains spoilers for the rest of the stories.
MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 405 INSIDE. You have been warned. Read at your own risk.
When the song finished, Billy's dad came back to talk to Catherine. Steve excused himself and stepped outside. He needed the fresh air, and a break from the noise, to process Joe's latest news.
His mother had gone running back to the CIA rather than face him.
Just how bad could whatever she wasn't telling him be that she would rather be an agent again than face her own son? Maybe he didn't want to know. Maybe he should stop digging, give up, send some sort of message somehow that it was okay to come home. He wouldn't ask.
Yeah, right, even if he tried he wouldn't be able to. And it's not like she'd left a forwarding address to send the message to anyway. He leaned against the side of the building, closing his eyes and just breathing for a moment.
"Hey."
Steve turned his head and opened his eyes to see Danny walking towards him. He stopped close enough that Steve could feel...not his heat, exactly, but that electrical current that seemed to just emanate from his skin, causing something close to static electricity if you got close enough.
"Hey."
Danny jerked his head back toward the bar. "Saw you talking to Joe. Everything okay?"
"No," Steve said slowly. "It's not."
Danny nodded, making that impossible frown that Steve knew meant he was barely holding back. "You wanna talk about it?"
No. He didn't. He wanted to grab Danny and drag him off to hide somewhere for a few days until the world made sense again. Find a cave to hole up in and pretend like all this shit wasn't happening--his mom, Billy, Kono....
But he was a SEAL. And he'd been strong enough to shoulder more weight than most since long before that. "Mom's working for the CIA," Steve said quietly.
Danny nodded again. "Joe tell you that?"
"Yeah, why--" Steve narrowed his eyes, studying Danny. "You know something? Did he say something to you when you guys took the laptop?"
"No," Danny said. "He said he knew nothing. But he was worried about what he might find, and that I should get you to back off, in case it wasn't good."
Joe had tried to use Danny against him. Steve took a deep breath. Seriously, how was this his life? Who had this many people in their life they couldn't trust? "What did you say?"
"What do you mean what did I say? What do you think I said? I said no, I said it wouldn't work, and I said you were going to go off and keep searching anyway, so if he was worried about what you might find he'd better find it first and tell you."
Something in Steve's chest loosened up just a little. He might have a lot of people he couldn't trust, but he had a few he could. Implicitly. "Apparently he took your advice."
"Good to know someone does," Danny said pointedly.
Steve ignored the jab. "He said that she was active again, and that she probably wouldn't come until she...." He looked away, watching a passing, the driver bopping along to the music inside the car, oblivious to the rest of the world.
Danny's hand landed on Steve's arm, warm and grounding. "She what?"
Steve met his eyes. "Until she was ready to face me." Steve sighed. "Am I really that scary?"
"Well, she has seen your driving, so...."
The laughter felt wrong and right at the same time. So many things wrong, so many terrible things in the world, it seemed wrong to laugh. But it felt right. It helped.
Trust Danny to know what he needed.
He pictured that cave again, and all the things he'd like to do with Danny there to drown the world out . Things he hadn't been able to completely shut out of his mind since Danny had kissed him. His subconscious mind, in particular, had become very creative on the subject, to the point where a couple of times he'd been confused when he'd woken with Catherine beside him. He'd tried, even going so far as to double date with Danny and Gabby, but it hadn't helped.
And now Danny was free. And the other night, when he was drunk, it had been all Steve could do to leave him there alone. He'd wanted to stay. He knew he couldn't but he'd wanted....
Something in Danny's face shifted. "Hey, why don't we--"
"Steve?"
Danny spun around as Steve looked past him to see Catherine just outside the door to the bar.
"There you are," she said, joining them at the corner of the building. "Billy's dad wanted to know if we'd go to dinner with him."
Right. Break over. Time to go back to reality. "Yeah, sounds good."
Catherine turned to Danny. "You want to come with us?"
Danny was already shaking his head before she finished. "I would, but I have to go. Grace is supposed to call. And I don't want to intrude."
Steve was sure Danny had been about to suggest they do something before Cath had shown up, so a call from Grace didn't seem like the reason, but he wasn't going to question it, not now. "Thanks," Steve said, squeezing Danny's shoulder and giving him a smile before turning to walk away.
He could still feel the fabric of Danny's suit against his palm all the way to the restaurant.
---
END
406 coda - The Devil's in the Details
Author: stellarmeadow
Fandom: Hawaii Five-0
Paring: Steve/Danny
Rating: G
Summary:Steve's got too much noise in his brain and no way to shut it out.
Notes: This was tougher than I thought to start and easier than I thought to finish. :) Takes place in order in the coda series, contains spoilers for the rest of the stories.
MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 405 INSIDE. You have been warned. Read at your own risk.
When the song finished, Billy's dad came back to talk to Catherine. Steve excused himself and stepped outside. He needed the fresh air, and a break from the noise, to process Joe's latest news.
His mother had gone running back to the CIA rather than face him.
Just how bad could whatever she wasn't telling him be that she would rather be an agent again than face her own son? Maybe he didn't want to know. Maybe he should stop digging, give up, send some sort of message somehow that it was okay to come home. He wouldn't ask.
Yeah, right, even if he tried he wouldn't be able to. And it's not like she'd left a forwarding address to send the message to anyway. He leaned against the side of the building, closing his eyes and just breathing for a moment.
"Hey."
Steve turned his head and opened his eyes to see Danny walking towards him. He stopped close enough that Steve could feel...not his heat, exactly, but that electrical current that seemed to just emanate from his skin, causing something close to static electricity if you got close enough.
"Hey."
Danny jerked his head back toward the bar. "Saw you talking to Joe. Everything okay?"
"No," Steve said slowly. "It's not."
Danny nodded, making that impossible frown that Steve knew meant he was barely holding back. "You wanna talk about it?"
No. He didn't. He wanted to grab Danny and drag him off to hide somewhere for a few days until the world made sense again. Find a cave to hole up in and pretend like all this shit wasn't happening--his mom, Billy, Kono....
But he was a SEAL. And he'd been strong enough to shoulder more weight than most since long before that. "Mom's working for the CIA," Steve said quietly.
Danny nodded again. "Joe tell you that?"
"Yeah, why--" Steve narrowed his eyes, studying Danny. "You know something? Did he say something to you when you guys took the laptop?"
"No," Danny said. "He said he knew nothing. But he was worried about what he might find, and that I should get you to back off, in case it wasn't good."
Joe had tried to use Danny against him. Steve took a deep breath. Seriously, how was this his life? Who had this many people in their life they couldn't trust? "What did you say?"
"What do you mean what did I say? What do you think I said? I said no, I said it wouldn't work, and I said you were going to go off and keep searching anyway, so if he was worried about what you might find he'd better find it first and tell you."
Something in Steve's chest loosened up just a little. He might have a lot of people he couldn't trust, but he had a few he could. Implicitly. "Apparently he took your advice."
"Good to know someone does," Danny said pointedly.
Steve ignored the jab. "He said that she was active again, and that she probably wouldn't come until she...." He looked away, watching a passing, the driver bopping along to the music inside the car, oblivious to the rest of the world.
Danny's hand landed on Steve's arm, warm and grounding. "She what?"
Steve met his eyes. "Until she was ready to face me." Steve sighed. "Am I really that scary?"
"Well, she has seen your driving, so...."
The laughter felt wrong and right at the same time. So many things wrong, so many terrible things in the world, it seemed wrong to laugh. But it felt right. It helped.
Trust Danny to know what he needed.
He pictured that cave again, and all the things he'd like to do with Danny there to drown the world out . Things he hadn't been able to completely shut out of his mind since Danny had kissed him. His subconscious mind, in particular, had become very creative on the subject, to the point where a couple of times he'd been confused when he'd woken with Catherine beside him. He'd tried, even going so far as to double date with Danny and Gabby, but it hadn't helped.
And now Danny was free. And the other night, when he was drunk, it had been all Steve could do to leave him there alone. He'd wanted to stay. He knew he couldn't but he'd wanted....
Something in Danny's face shifted. "Hey, why don't we--"
"Steve?"
Danny spun around as Steve looked past him to see Catherine just outside the door to the bar.
"There you are," she said, joining them at the corner of the building. "Billy's dad wanted to know if we'd go to dinner with him."
Right. Break over. Time to go back to reality. "Yeah, sounds good."
Catherine turned to Danny. "You want to come with us?"
Danny was already shaking his head before she finished. "I would, but I have to go. Grace is supposed to call. And I don't want to intrude."
Steve was sure Danny had been about to suggest they do something before Cath had shown up, so a call from Grace didn't seem like the reason, but he wasn't going to question it, not now. "Thanks," Steve said, squeezing Danny's shoulder and giving him a smile before turning to walk away.
He could still feel the fabric of Danny's suit against his palm all the way to the restaurant.
---
END
406 coda - The Devil's in the Details