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[stemthetide]

I feel a strong need to apologize for this poem.

Reasons

Every day, a new reason
lunges at her like a frantic kiss:
No dog to put in my poems.She looks forward to the things

Comments

[timiathan]

hey, you don't smoke cigarettes! this must be someone else:)

as much as i like the 'impossible sky' and the 'secret and dark' sand, i think you should end it on 'she knows the way it feels / to be a stone on the beach.' there's something to the starkness of that. so maybe move those last two lines up in the poem. i dunno, i'm just procrastinating. i still have no idea what i'm gonna write my article about.

[arielblue]

I love the lines
She looks forward to the things
that people who suffer look forward to.

I'm debating about whether I agree with Tim about the last lines. The "you" kind of comes out of nowhere, but I love the phrase "impossible sky." Hmm. Maybe after I'm more awake.

[ladylovelorn]

I agreee with tim but I also like the last two lines
what if you changed the your/yous to hers and moved them to the very beginning

[fountaingirl]

It's a little emo but not bad. I dearly love the list of small things to look forward to, being coffee and heat. That rings real and is stark without being heavy.

Everyone will probably disagree with me, but I would cut the fourth stanza. Just cut that, and see how the rest comes together. I think it makes the whole tighter, and less emotionally overstated.