Finale Speculation: Possible Spoilers
Thank cuddyclothes for encouraging me.
In the double jeopardy round of DIRE CONSEQUENCES!!!! touching series finale of House and Thirteen:
Biff, the PotW, vomits blood.
House has discovered a legal loophole that will allow him to delay his parole revocation for six months. It requires Wilson's cooperation. Wilson, trying to teach House a lesson again, refuses.
Biff vomits blood and has a seizure.
Wilson changes his mind again about trying to teach House a lesson again. Foreman, in his "why is everybody at this hospital so screwed up" voice (which Cuddy did better) tells him that House turned himself in the second time Biff vomited blood, an hour and a half ago. YOU HAVE TO GET ME TO HIM!
A race against time in Pheobe's taxi Foreman's Super-Deluxe Trim Model Ford Taurus With All The Options ensues. House is being processed in the prison clinic.
Taub calls to say that Biff has gone into cardiac arrest and vomited blood. WE NEED HOUSE! (Cuddy did this so much better.)
Foreman and Wilson arrive at the prison. It is chaos!, surrounded by emergency vehicles. OMG WHAT HAPPENED WHERE IS HOUSE! The state police officer on the scene, Michael Tritter, tells them that some crazy-ass inmate blew up and set fire to and also flooded the second floor clinic while performing a crazy ass reckless medical procedure on another inmate (or maybe himself, it isn't entirely clear.) Plus, some crazy-ass woman flew a helicopter into the second floor.
Why in hell would she do that, Foreman says. True love, Wilson says. Cuddy did everything better than you. TAKE ME TO HOUSE!
He was on the second floor, Tritter says. There's nothing left of him.
Back at PPTH, Biff's liver is failing and he is vomiting blood. WITHOUT HOUSE HE WILL DIE!
House was thrown free of the crash/fire/flood/explosion, but suffered a head injury. He hallucinates a deep meaningful philosophical conversation with Cameron. (Hallucination!Cameron is very disappointed by this. She wanted him to hallucinate hot sex with her. Jesus Christ, did Cuddy have to do everything better?) Luckily he procured enough drugs while doing the crazy-ass reckless medical procedure to allow him to bribe another prison worker to swap his identity with one of the fatalities. He has just enough drugs left after that to buy a bus ticket and hallucinate a conversation with Kutner.
Biff, vomiting blood, reports that he cannot feel his legs. Taub and Park have an argument: WE NEED HOUSE! WELL TOUGH SHIT, HOUSE IS GONE, SO HE'S GONNA DIE! (Man, things suck for the patients around here since Cuddy left.)
Wilson cries all the way back to Princeton in Foreman's Super-Deluxe Trim Model Taurus With All The Options. MY HEART IS BROKEN, I MISS HOUSE! (Cuddy would not have let this happen. Just sayin.)
Biff has a psychotic break during which he hallucinates having sex with Adams while vomiting blood. Chase, back at PPTH to pick up his last paycheck, diagnoses him in ten seconds.
A week later, broken-hearted Wilson finds House sitting on the front steps.
You look pretty good for a dead guy, he says.
So do you, Wilson.
They walk off into the sunset together.
In the double jeopardy round of DIRE CONSEQUENCES!!!! touching series finale of House and Thirteen:
Biff, the PotW, vomits blood.
House has discovered a legal loophole that will allow him to delay his parole revocation for six months. It requires Wilson's cooperation. Wilson, trying to teach House a lesson again, refuses.
Biff vomits blood and has a seizure.
Wilson changes his mind again about trying to teach House a lesson again. Foreman, in his "why is everybody at this hospital so screwed up" voice (which Cuddy did better) tells him that House turned himself in the second time Biff vomited blood, an hour and a half ago. YOU HAVE TO GET ME TO HIM!
A race against time in Pheobe's taxi Foreman's Super-Deluxe Trim Model Ford Taurus With All The Options ensues. House is being processed in the prison clinic.
Taub calls to say that Biff has gone into cardiac arrest and vomited blood. WE NEED HOUSE! (Cuddy did this so much better.)
Foreman and Wilson arrive at the prison. It is chaos!, surrounded by emergency vehicles. OMG WHAT HAPPENED WHERE IS HOUSE! The state police officer on the scene, Michael Tritter, tells them that some crazy-ass inmate blew up and set fire to and also flooded the second floor clinic while performing a crazy ass reckless medical procedure on another inmate (or maybe himself, it isn't entirely clear.) Plus, some crazy-ass woman flew a helicopter into the second floor.
Why in hell would she do that, Foreman says. True love, Wilson says. Cuddy did everything better than you. TAKE ME TO HOUSE!
He was on the second floor, Tritter says. There's nothing left of him.
Back at PPTH, Biff's liver is failing and he is vomiting blood. WITHOUT HOUSE HE WILL DIE!
House was thrown free of the crash/fire/flood/explosion, but suffered a head injury. He hallucinates a deep meaningful philosophical conversation with Cameron. (Hallucination!Cameron is very disappointed by this. She wanted him to hallucinate hot sex with her. Jesus Christ, did Cuddy have to do everything better?) Luckily he procured enough drugs while doing the crazy-ass reckless medical procedure to allow him to bribe another prison worker to swap his identity with one of the fatalities. He has just enough drugs left after that to buy a bus ticket and hallucinate a conversation with Kutner.
Biff, vomiting blood, reports that he cannot feel his legs. Taub and Park have an argument: WE NEED HOUSE! WELL TOUGH SHIT, HOUSE IS GONE, SO HE'S GONNA DIE! (Man, things suck for the patients around here since Cuddy left.)
Wilson cries all the way back to Princeton in Foreman's Super-Deluxe Trim Model Taurus With All The Options. MY HEART IS BROKEN, I MISS HOUSE! (Cuddy would not have let this happen. Just sayin.)
Biff has a psychotic break during which he hallucinates having sex with Adams while vomiting blood. Chase, back at PPTH to pick up his last paycheck, diagnoses him in ten seconds.
A week later, broken-hearted Wilson finds House sitting on the front steps.
You look pretty good for a dead guy, he says.
So do you, Wilson.
They walk off into the sunset together.