Hey!!

[steph_boy]

I was sitting in this seminar today, unfortunately one that I had to go to, and one of the slides the presenter showed, gave me an idea, and this is the result

Comments

[treverb]

Poems are more of your thing than they are mine, that's for sure. Unless you want something funny, I can do that.

whatever

[steph_boy]

this was realy only the second or third poem that I have ever really written...and I don't think that there will be that many more poems very soon, unless something hits me real hard...that doesn't mean you kelsey...

[auraelia]

i am pleased.

(now comes my critiquing... even though you probably don't want it critiqued)

however, i would use the word 'hell' instead of the f word. as is, it makes you sound uneducated, and doesn't really go with the rest of the poem. i don't mean to say that it is never effective. i just think another word would be more effective in THIS poem.

but i like it.

and i just woke up. and it's eleven forty five. :D i did got back to sleep after you called.......

your right

[steph_boy]

I don't like getting critiqued, and the f word will stay in because that is how i feel about it, and i wanted it to have a lot of impact on the reader...to me "hell" doesn't draw enough attention, but drop the f-bomb and for some reason people get caught off gaurd and the that is what I wanted the reader to feel because nobody really thinks about this as the reason for dangerous people...a different way of thinking and wellit needed to catch people's attention.

Re: your right

[auraelia]

k fine.

[ms_polly]

wow. i never knew you could be that sensitive! *wink* that was very touching. i liked it.

[auraelia]

isn't it surprising? i was a little shocked. but i had warning, he told me about it on the telefono before i read it on here....

[seven_07]

There are no bad poems! Okay, that is a lie. There are some very badly written poems. There are some poems that are written so badly they are painful to read. Luckily, though, this isn't one.

On a side note, I thought using the profanity actually worked with the poem. Some swear words are more agressive than others, and (to me, at least) it seemed like this was intended as an agressive-type poem.

Of course, that is only my opinion, and all I am really doing is taking up your comment space. :D