things and stuff
Click to viewGot lost in the small hive mind siren call of fandom this weekend (and I mean that to be an endearment, sort of). Saw "The Avengers" by myself on Monday because I got the day off (working 4 ten-hour days whenever I can this weekend in trade for a whole work-day off -- I think this is fantastic). Thoroughly and completely enjoyed it and had a lot of thoughts about it. Continued watching vids and reading fics and having thoughts about it. Debated the idea of writing a review here (there are a lot of flaws I could point out and dwell on and be bothered by, if I let myself, but I probably shoudn't) and thought about other pointless things, like assigning personality types to each of the characters, and scenarios for fics I'll never write. Went to work and tried to stop these things from distracting me from all the rote chores I must now fill my day with.
Went to my dad's after work today with my brother. Witnessed him being the strange, burnt-out, entitled and tragicomic semi-alcoholic that he is (... semi being a relative term? maybe just "functioning alcoholic," then). Also witnessed some bizarre interaction between him and his psuedo-brother-in-law (the actually-a-recovering-alcoholic brother of my dad's girlfriend-of-several-years-now (the one he left the family for) -- they were somewhere in that incomprehensible zone of mocking each other viciously while still somehow maintaining a tone of dubious joviality so that no one is quite sure how much of what is said is actually meant. Or maybe all the insults are totally meant, because they are accurate, but the question is just whether any of it matters. ... Idk.
Oh, also, before that, my brother and I smoked pot. I was concerned about interacting normally at my dad's, but that turned out not be a non-issue, since that house is a world of crazy. (We went in the front door and out the back door to find my dad standing on the porch with his not-brother-in-law, a tumbler of Scotch in hand -- the first thing he said to us, the very first thing, was, "Hi guys -- look, do you know the property which is unique to ice that life on Earth would not be possible without?" ("Um. Ice floats?" I distinctly remember him going on about this to me when I was like, 9. (And "Ice expands" would be a better answer, I guess. Or better yet, "Water is the only known substance which becomes less dense as a solid than as a liquid." Right?)) Apparently my dad had been drunkenly waxing scientific to Not-My-Uncle for some time and wanted us to join. Anyway. I would not, under completely sober circumstances, know how to respond to the rigor with which those two were messing with each other. (My anecdote only demonstrated that my dad is weird, not the messing-with-each-other, but. Just trust me.)
My dad made me a manhattan, and that was good.
And now I am home and. Looking at facebook and clicking the "like" button with wild abandon, because oh, all my old friends, and roomates, and neighbors, and people I never knew that well... Look at you all, proclaiming this and that, linking to this and that, sharing trite-and-simultaneously-actually-inspiring-quotes-from-dubious-sources. (I know I must still be high when I stop and muse over a feel-good Ronald Reagan quote for several seconds.) I hardly ever write a thing on my own status. It just, it feels, somehow... Idk, I guess I am just a bit of a Prufrock, perhaps. Can't disturb the universe. Except this universe, this little, friends-locked Livejournal. I disturb the shit out of it, every now and then. ...Well, kind of. I mean, more in the sense of, in that subtle way of just being a weird presence that should probably be defriended, not so much in a sending-out-waves-of-thought-and-influence-and-inspiration way, lol.
If anybody replies to this, please don't do it with any compliments or polite reassurances about my posts being worthwhile. Just, reply if you have any weird thoughts you feel like spouting without checking, I guess. I think that's what this space is for, by and large...
Anyway, in spite of my self-consciousness, I am feeling very good right now, very happy for people being people and friends being friends. I'm feeling kind of like how this song feels... (Btw, speaking of the song, if you haven't heard it/are not familiar with Animal Collective, and are trying it out anyway, but get sick of all the nonsense-noise (as awesome as it is), just so you know, it turns into more of an actual song somewhere around 3 minutes in.) I haven't spent enough time with friends (or with people, maybe) in a while. Because I don't know how. Or I forget, until it happens. But. Um. I like you guys being there, out there, and I like listening to music, thinking about it and appreciating the evidence of whatever weak connections I have. And that kind of peace is all a hermit can ask for, this pleasant and optimistic wistfulness. ;)
Edited after: Lol, whoops, forgot to actually friends-lock this "little friends-locked world" for a minute there. Eh, fuck it, let onlookers look.
Ok, this song is happier/-even-better-right-now: