Sorry, I'm sorry.
Sorry, I'm sorry..
SNSD; f(x); 1901 words. [Jessica/Krystal]
Her eyes were empty and void of any emotions.
“Soojung!”
The door opened widely to reveal a worried and distraught Jessica. She looked around but no one was in sight.
“Mom? Soojung-ah?” She called out as she made her way to their dining room. She entered and saw her mom preparing something which looks like a soup.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in Japan?” Mrs. Jung asked while raising an eyebrow at her daughter.
“Plane just landed,” Jessica answered breathlessly. “Mom, where’s Soojung?” She asked.
“She’s in her room upstairs. Calm down, Jung Sooyeon. What has gotten into you?”
“I heard about what happened, is she okay?” Truthfully, Jessica was beyond worried when she heard the news. Her manager suddenly pulled her away from the group and told her the news. She didn’t know what to do at first as tears instantly flooded her eyes. Out of the two of them, Krystal was a lot fitter and healthier. What could have caused her sister to faint? She opted on calling her sister but when she was redirected to the voicemail for the 10th time, she gave up and pulled one of her managers to one of their vans, demanding to be driven home right then.
“She’s fine.” Her mom assures her. “Now, why don’t you go get changed first and bring this up to her.” Mrs. Jung instructed, gesturing to her soup.
- -
“I’m coming in, Soojung-ah.” Jessica announced before entering Krystal’s room. She found Krystal sitting on her comfortable chair by the window of her room.
Jessica placed the tray on the table near Krystal before sitting on a nearby chair. Krystal didn’t acknowledge her presence with words, nor did she look at her. Jessica took a breath nervously.
“How are you doing?” She asked.
“Fine.”
Jessica frowned at the short reply. “I was worried.”
“Why?”Krystal’s stoic ally whispered.
“Why?” Jessica echoed, almost in disbelief. “Why? Soojung, of course I’d be worried! I’m your sister!”
“Funny.” Krystal said with an empty laugh as she faced Jessica. “That never stopped you before.”
Krysta’s eyes found Jessica and Jessica was almost scared. Her eyes were empty and void of any emotions. Krystal’s words pierced right through Jessica.
She blinked back the tears that are slowly forming. “What’s that supposed to mean, Jung Soojung?”
“It meant exactly the way I said it!” Krystal raised her voice as she stood up from her seat. “Has being under the spotlight for too long damaged your brain already?”
Jessica glared at her sister this time. “Jung Soojung!” She scolded as she also stood up. She doesn’t understand why her sister was acting this way. Surely, they aren’t on the best sister terms but they’ve always been civil enough to act properly and at least be like sisters, albeit not close ones.
“What is wrong with you?” She asked with a frown. “I’ve been busy with the girls to visit, I know so if you have a problem then talk to me about it. Don’t just blow up on me like this.”
At the mention of ‘the girls’ Krystal completely snapped.
“Talk? How can I talk to you when you’re always away?!” Krystal shouted.
Jessica was surprised by the shouting but she was taken aback by Krystal’s eyes. Her previously emotionless eyes were now filled with hurt and tears and Jessica felt her chest tighten at the sight.
“Soojung-”
“What are you even doing here?” Krystal asked, hurt evident in her hoarse voice. “Don’t you have 8 other girls to be with?”
Jessica calmed down after realizing what Krystal’s problem was. Jessica took a step towards Krystal only to have her younger sister step back. “Soojung, please. I understand you. Let’s talk properly, okay?”
“No! Go away!” Krystal grabbed a pillow from her chair and threw it to Jessica which she dodged easily.
“You’re never here! How can you understand?!”
Jessica looked pleadingly at Krystal. She wanted Krystal to just stop. The hurt she’s seeing in Krystal’s face is breaking her heart and she wants nothing more to do than to wipe away Krystal’s tears.
“Soojung, I’m your sister-”
“You’re my sister, I know that!” Krystal cut Jessica off again. She calmed down after a few seconds and faced her sister with her tear stained face. “I know that, Jess. But that never stopped you from leaving before, right? Just... Go to your 8 other sisters. Just... please leave.”
Jessica watched as her sister turned her back on her and she just stared longingly. She knew that their argument ended there and that she can’t do anything anymore so she wiped her tears, told Krystal to eat the meal their mom prepared and stepped out of the room.
She went to the kitchen and saw their mom sitting by the counter. She offered a small smile to her mom as she grabbed a glass of water and sat across her.
“I... I told her to eat the food. She hasn’t touched it yet but I’m sure she’ll eat it.” She said solemnly.
“Sooyeon-ah,” Her mom started softly. “Krystal may have stepped the line just now but please try to understand her. She’s been through a lot. And she went through a lot of hard things without you by her side. She loves you, Sooyeon-ah. Very, very much. Everything is just overwhelming her and maybe when she fainted, that’s when everything just snapped. You’re rarely there for her, admit it.” Jessica nodded sadly, knowing that everything her mom was saying was true. “It’s just that... When she needed you the most before, you were never there. But now, she needs you. So don’t give up on her, okay?”
Jessica took in everything her mom said. It hurts to admit it but all of it was true. She lacked in being a sister, she knew that. It hurts even more that she can’t do anything.
- -
The door opened silently as Krystal entered the room. She saw her sister on the bed, lying on her side while facing the wall. Krystal took a deep breath before closing the door and walking towards her target.
She sat gently on the bed as to not wake up the older girl. She stared at the back of Jessica’s head for a few minutes before moving her hand and threading her fingers through the gold locks.
“I heard from mom...” She whispered despite knowing that Jessica won’t be able to hear her in her sleep. “Heard that you were really, really worried.” She stopped for a second before continuing as she spoke. “Heard from Stephanie unnie too. Heard that you came rushing just as your plane landed.”
She knew she had hurt her sister pretty badly. She screw up and messed up. And it angered her. It made her angry at herself for being such a stupid sister. She’s been craving for her sister for months now. Wanting to spend some time with her and to just be with her. But when her sister came running to her all worried and scared, what did she do? She just pushed her sister away.
She stayed silent for a few minutes, waiting - hoping that Jessica would suddenly wake up and shout at her and scold her but nothing came. She let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding and continued with her hand movement. She took a deep breath before opening her mouth to sing softly.
“Forgive me if I possibly hurt your feelings today.
My immature self just said immature things.
If you possibly can't understand my feelings, it's fine.
No need for excuses, It's all my fault.
Even if you don't say everyone knows, both your eyes are immersed with tears.
Sorry, so sorry. This is my heart.
You know the day I've opened up my heart I'll do better.
Sorry. I'm sorry. I can't say anything other than this.”
She reached for Jessica’s hand and cradled it softly in hers. She was openly crying now but she ignored the tears, instead, she rubbed her thumb against the soft skin and finished softly.
“I can't do anything other than this. I can't imagine a world without you.
Although I'm lacking and deficient, I love you.”
Her voice cracked at the end of the song and she pulled away from the hand. “I’m so sorry, unnie.” She wiped her tears away and stood up to leave the room.
Before she could take a step away, a hand grabbed her own and Krystal’s heart pounded loudly in her chest.
“Soojung-ah.” Jessica’s gentle voice came. “Come here, please?”
Krystal nodded before going back to her sister’s side. She sat beside Jessica who was now sitting up. “Soojung-ah...” Jessica whispered as she placed both of her hands on Krystal’s cheeks and gazed at her sister lovingly with teary eyes. “Say it again. Please, say it again.” Jessica whispered with a hopeful look.
Krystal hesitated for a second but the warm hands on her cheeks urged her to say what her sister wanted to hear.
“Unnie... Sooyeon unnie...”
Jessica choked on a laugh. Tears were rolling down her cheeks but she was smiling brightly. Brighter than Krystal has ever seen. “You finally called me ‘Sooyeon unnie’.” She whispered. “When was the last time you called me ‘Sooyeon’? Much less ‘Unnie’? Oh god, Soojung. Do you know how much I meesed that? I was scared you’ll never call me by those names again!”
Krystal felt guilty after the small revelation. She knew how much Jessica loved it when Krystal calls her by her Korean name and followed by ‘unnie’. And knowing that fact, she withdraw from calling Jessica ‘Sooyeon unnie’ when she started pushing her away.
“I’m so sorry, unnie.” She whispered.
“It’s okay, Soojung-ah.” Jessica assured her with a smile. “Everything’s okay, alright? Don’t cry anymore.”
“But unnie!” Krystal protested, pulling away from Jessica. “I hurt you! I was selfish! I was a bad sister to you. I acted so immature and I didn’t even think about your feelings.” She exclaimed with a frown.
Jessica just smiled again and pulled her close. “Hush, Soojung-ah. It’s okay, alright? I don’t care about what happened before. I lacked too. I should have been a better sister and I’m sorry I hurt you too.”
Krystal fidgeted in her position under her sister’s intense gaze. “You’re not a bad sister.”
“Well, thanks. But Krystal Jung Soojung, remember this, okay? I’m your sister, okay? It doesn’t matter what kind of bad thing you do, I’ll always stand by you and believe you. And more importantly,” Jessica’s hands went back to Krystal’s cheeks as she pressed their foreheads together.
“U-unnie?” Krystal whispered as a blush formed on her cheeks. “Sooyeon unnie?”
“You are my sister, Soojung.” Jessica whispered. “You’re mine. So don’t even forget for a second that you’d be replaced by anyone. You will forever be my sister.”
Jessica’s smile became blurry as tears filled Krystal’s eyes. Jessica has finally uttered the words she longed so much to hear. To be called as her sister. It may be childish of her but maybe it was okay. She’s Jessica’s younger sister after all. Maybe, Krystal thought, she had every right to be childish with Jessica.
“Don’t cry anymore, okay?” Jessica said as she wiped Krystal’s tears away using her fingers and pressed her lips against her sister’s forehead. “I love you, Jung Soojung.”
Krystal’s tears didn’t stop but she was smiling this time.
“I love you too, Sooyeon unnie.”
SNSD; f(x); 1901 words. [Jessica/Krystal]
Her eyes were empty and void of any emotions.
“Soojung!”
The door opened widely to reveal a worried and distraught Jessica. She looked around but no one was in sight.
“Mom? Soojung-ah?” She called out as she made her way to their dining room. She entered and saw her mom preparing something which looks like a soup.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in Japan?” Mrs. Jung asked while raising an eyebrow at her daughter.
“Plane just landed,” Jessica answered breathlessly. “Mom, where’s Soojung?” She asked.
“She’s in her room upstairs. Calm down, Jung Sooyeon. What has gotten into you?”
“I heard about what happened, is she okay?” Truthfully, Jessica was beyond worried when she heard the news. Her manager suddenly pulled her away from the group and told her the news. She didn’t know what to do at first as tears instantly flooded her eyes. Out of the two of them, Krystal was a lot fitter and healthier. What could have caused her sister to faint? She opted on calling her sister but when she was redirected to the voicemail for the 10th time, she gave up and pulled one of her managers to one of their vans, demanding to be driven home right then.
“She’s fine.” Her mom assures her. “Now, why don’t you go get changed first and bring this up to her.” Mrs. Jung instructed, gesturing to her soup.
- -
“I’m coming in, Soojung-ah.” Jessica announced before entering Krystal’s room. She found Krystal sitting on her comfortable chair by the window of her room.
Jessica placed the tray on the table near Krystal before sitting on a nearby chair. Krystal didn’t acknowledge her presence with words, nor did she look at her. Jessica took a breath nervously.
“How are you doing?” She asked.
“Fine.”
Jessica frowned at the short reply. “I was worried.”
“Why?”Krystal’s stoic ally whispered.
“Why?” Jessica echoed, almost in disbelief. “Why? Soojung, of course I’d be worried! I’m your sister!”
“Funny.” Krystal said with an empty laugh as she faced Jessica. “That never stopped you before.”
Krysta’s eyes found Jessica and Jessica was almost scared. Her eyes were empty and void of any emotions. Krystal’s words pierced right through Jessica.
She blinked back the tears that are slowly forming. “What’s that supposed to mean, Jung Soojung?”
“It meant exactly the way I said it!” Krystal raised her voice as she stood up from her seat. “Has being under the spotlight for too long damaged your brain already?”
Jessica glared at her sister this time. “Jung Soojung!” She scolded as she also stood up. She doesn’t understand why her sister was acting this way. Surely, they aren’t on the best sister terms but they’ve always been civil enough to act properly and at least be like sisters, albeit not close ones.
“What is wrong with you?” She asked with a frown. “I’ve been busy with the girls to visit, I know so if you have a problem then talk to me about it. Don’t just blow up on me like this.”
At the mention of ‘the girls’ Krystal completely snapped.
“Talk? How can I talk to you when you’re always away?!” Krystal shouted.
Jessica was surprised by the shouting but she was taken aback by Krystal’s eyes. Her previously emotionless eyes were now filled with hurt and tears and Jessica felt her chest tighten at the sight.
“Soojung-”
“What are you even doing here?” Krystal asked, hurt evident in her hoarse voice. “Don’t you have 8 other girls to be with?”
Jessica calmed down after realizing what Krystal’s problem was. Jessica took a step towards Krystal only to have her younger sister step back. “Soojung, please. I understand you. Let’s talk properly, okay?”
“No! Go away!” Krystal grabbed a pillow from her chair and threw it to Jessica which she dodged easily.
“You’re never here! How can you understand?!”
Jessica looked pleadingly at Krystal. She wanted Krystal to just stop. The hurt she’s seeing in Krystal’s face is breaking her heart and she wants nothing more to do than to wipe away Krystal’s tears.
“Soojung, I’m your sister-”
“You’re my sister, I know that!” Krystal cut Jessica off again. She calmed down after a few seconds and faced her sister with her tear stained face. “I know that, Jess. But that never stopped you from leaving before, right? Just... Go to your 8 other sisters. Just... please leave.”
Jessica watched as her sister turned her back on her and she just stared longingly. She knew that their argument ended there and that she can’t do anything anymore so she wiped her tears, told Krystal to eat the meal their mom prepared and stepped out of the room.
She went to the kitchen and saw their mom sitting by the counter. She offered a small smile to her mom as she grabbed a glass of water and sat across her.
“I... I told her to eat the food. She hasn’t touched it yet but I’m sure she’ll eat it.” She said solemnly.
“Sooyeon-ah,” Her mom started softly. “Krystal may have stepped the line just now but please try to understand her. She’s been through a lot. And she went through a lot of hard things without you by her side. She loves you, Sooyeon-ah. Very, very much. Everything is just overwhelming her and maybe when she fainted, that’s when everything just snapped. You’re rarely there for her, admit it.” Jessica nodded sadly, knowing that everything her mom was saying was true. “It’s just that... When she needed you the most before, you were never there. But now, she needs you. So don’t give up on her, okay?”
Jessica took in everything her mom said. It hurts to admit it but all of it was true. She lacked in being a sister, she knew that. It hurts even more that she can’t do anything.
- -
The door opened silently as Krystal entered the room. She saw her sister on the bed, lying on her side while facing the wall. Krystal took a deep breath before closing the door and walking towards her target.
She sat gently on the bed as to not wake up the older girl. She stared at the back of Jessica’s head for a few minutes before moving her hand and threading her fingers through the gold locks.
“I heard from mom...” She whispered despite knowing that Jessica won’t be able to hear her in her sleep. “Heard that you were really, really worried.” She stopped for a second before continuing as she spoke. “Heard from Stephanie unnie too. Heard that you came rushing just as your plane landed.”
She knew she had hurt her sister pretty badly. She screw up and messed up. And it angered her. It made her angry at herself for being such a stupid sister. She’s been craving for her sister for months now. Wanting to spend some time with her and to just be with her. But when her sister came running to her all worried and scared, what did she do? She just pushed her sister away.
She stayed silent for a few minutes, waiting - hoping that Jessica would suddenly wake up and shout at her and scold her but nothing came. She let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding and continued with her hand movement. She took a deep breath before opening her mouth to sing softly.
“Forgive me if I possibly hurt your feelings today.
My immature self just said immature things.
If you possibly can't understand my feelings, it's fine.
No need for excuses, It's all my fault.
Even if you don't say everyone knows, both your eyes are immersed with tears.
Sorry, so sorry. This is my heart.
You know the day I've opened up my heart I'll do better.
Sorry. I'm sorry. I can't say anything other than this.”
She reached for Jessica’s hand and cradled it softly in hers. She was openly crying now but she ignored the tears, instead, she rubbed her thumb against the soft skin and finished softly.
“I can't do anything other than this. I can't imagine a world without you.
Although I'm lacking and deficient, I love you.”
Her voice cracked at the end of the song and she pulled away from the hand. “I’m so sorry, unnie.” She wiped her tears away and stood up to leave the room.
Before she could take a step away, a hand grabbed her own and Krystal’s heart pounded loudly in her chest.
“Soojung-ah.” Jessica’s gentle voice came. “Come here, please?”
Krystal nodded before going back to her sister’s side. She sat beside Jessica who was now sitting up. “Soojung-ah...” Jessica whispered as she placed both of her hands on Krystal’s cheeks and gazed at her sister lovingly with teary eyes. “Say it again. Please, say it again.” Jessica whispered with a hopeful look.
Krystal hesitated for a second but the warm hands on her cheeks urged her to say what her sister wanted to hear.
“Unnie... Sooyeon unnie...”
Jessica choked on a laugh. Tears were rolling down her cheeks but she was smiling brightly. Brighter than Krystal has ever seen. “You finally called me ‘Sooyeon unnie’.” She whispered. “When was the last time you called me ‘Sooyeon’? Much less ‘Unnie’? Oh god, Soojung. Do you know how much I meesed that? I was scared you’ll never call me by those names again!”
Krystal felt guilty after the small revelation. She knew how much Jessica loved it when Krystal calls her by her Korean name and followed by ‘unnie’. And knowing that fact, she withdraw from calling Jessica ‘Sooyeon unnie’ when she started pushing her away.
“I’m so sorry, unnie.” She whispered.
“It’s okay, Soojung-ah.” Jessica assured her with a smile. “Everything’s okay, alright? Don’t cry anymore.”
“But unnie!” Krystal protested, pulling away from Jessica. “I hurt you! I was selfish! I was a bad sister to you. I acted so immature and I didn’t even think about your feelings.” She exclaimed with a frown.
Jessica just smiled again and pulled her close. “Hush, Soojung-ah. It’s okay, alright? I don’t care about what happened before. I lacked too. I should have been a better sister and I’m sorry I hurt you too.”
Krystal fidgeted in her position under her sister’s intense gaze. “You’re not a bad sister.”
“Well, thanks. But Krystal Jung Soojung, remember this, okay? I’m your sister, okay? It doesn’t matter what kind of bad thing you do, I’ll always stand by you and believe you. And more importantly,” Jessica’s hands went back to Krystal’s cheeks as she pressed their foreheads together.
“U-unnie?” Krystal whispered as a blush formed on her cheeks. “Sooyeon unnie?”
“You are my sister, Soojung.” Jessica whispered. “You’re mine. So don’t even forget for a second that you’d be replaced by anyone. You will forever be my sister.”
Jessica’s smile became blurry as tears filled Krystal’s eyes. Jessica has finally uttered the words she longed so much to hear. To be called as her sister. It may be childish of her but maybe it was okay. She’s Jessica’s younger sister after all. Maybe, Krystal thought, she had every right to be childish with Jessica.
“Don’t cry anymore, okay?” Jessica said as she wiped Krystal’s tears away using her fingers and pressed her lips against her sister’s forehead. “I love you, Jung Soojung.”
Krystal’s tears didn’t stop but she was smiling this time.
“I love you too, Sooyeon unnie.”