One step forward, one step back.
Title: One step forward, one step back.
Pairing: YulSic, TaeNySic if you squint
Genre: Angst
Words have come up to the throat, but all that comes out the mouth are lies.
"At least tell me why, Sica. Please tell me why." The plea is heartbreaking. The very look she's receiving is heartbreaking.
She wants to say so many things. She wants to say 'I only want to protect you.' or 'What comes with this relationship will only hurt you more than me' and maybe 'I take it back, I'm sorry. I love you.'
"My heart has changed." She lies instead. "I guess I just don't love you as much as before." It surprises her how easily the words flew out of her mouth considering how tight her fist is closed by her side.
"Oh." The younger girl mutters and stays silent for a while before lifting up her head. "I... I'll respect your decision, Sooyeon. But may I ask you a question?"
Sooyeon nods because maybe answering a question is the least she could do after crushing the other girl's heart. "Go ahead, Yuri."
"When you decided that you don't love me anymore, did it hurt?" The tanned girl asks and Sooyeon can only nod in response because she thinks that using words would only break her mask.
"Mine does too, right now." Yuri takes her other hand, the one that's not closed in a fist, and holds it gently. She brings it just before her lips and whispers. "The pain within my heart is the proof of our love.” The pair of soft lips, quivering, touches the top of Sooyeon's hand and her closed fist tightens.
"Thanks for everything, Jung Sooyeon." Yuri whispers one last time before letting go of the hand.
Sooyeon watches Yuri clean her face and apply light make-up. The younger girl smiles one last time at her before opening the door and walking out of her room as confident as usual as if her heart just wasn't stepped on.
Sooyeon just lets out a sigh as she lets her body drop to her bed and an arm covers her eyes tiredly.
- -
It's a few months after that Jung Sooyeon thinks she's all okay and happy already. She can laugh again, she can smile and she can fool around with the other kids. Sooyeon makes it look like everything is perfect again and for a while, everyone thought it is until they noticed.
Sooyeon isn't all okay after all.
See, Sooyeon can't stand being in the presence of Kwon Yuri.
When everyone is huddled up in an interview or just a lazy day in the dorm, Sooyeon never looks Yuri's way or directs anything to her. Moments alone together are awkward and suffocating and Sooyeon always moves away and out of the room even before either of them could utter a single word.
It's weird and sad and annoying all at the same time and it's bound that sooner or later someone would try to fix Sooyeon's current way of thinking.
"You know, Sica-yah," The older girl sits on the bed, across Sooyeon who's leaning on the wall, a book in hand. "If you're happy and you know it-"
"I clap my hands?" Sooyeon cuts off with a fake grin followed by the clapping of her hands.
"Lame joke, Jung Sooyeon." She receives a glare from the serious girl and Sooyeon frowns.
"I'm sorry, Taeyeon." She apologizes sincerely because she's always sincere when it comes to Kim Taeyeon.
"As I was saying before you rudely interrupted me," Her leader clears her throat. "If you're happy and you know it then just talk to Yuri. It's troubling the maknaes too, you know."
"It's not as simple as it looks, Taengoo." Sooyeon whispers, thinking about how many times she promised herself that she'll finally act normal around Yuri and how she broke every single promise.
"What's holding you back anyway?" Taeyeon asks and Sooyeon ponders for a moment as she sits up properly.
"The more we exchange words, the more I become afraid of the distance opening between us." She confesses as she tries to meet Taeyeon's scrutinizing gaze only to bring her head down in an instant because her vision suddenly becomes blurry.
Sooyeon feels the bed shift and she sees Taeyeon move closer to her. "It's okay, Sooyeon-ah.", Taeyeon whispers and at the sound of her birth name, Sooyeon thinks that maybe it really is okay.
She feels a pat on her head soon after and Sooyeon knows that it really is okay and for the first time in months, Sooyeon actually cries. Only because it's Kim Taeyeon that's there to see her break and no one else.
- -
A few months pass by and this time, Sooyeon is positive that she's okay. She's happy again and she's fine and good and most of all, she's able to exchange words with Kwon Yuri. She can only manage simple greeting for now but Sooyeon thinks it's okay. She made a progress and that’s all that matters.
Everyone thinks everything's fine and peachy again and they all stay happy for some time until the time of making their new album arrived. They receive the lyrics and everyone is in awe with Yuri's song. It's beautiful, touching and simply amazing.
Everyone it would probably affect Sooyeon in a negative way and cause her to be all emotional again but it didn't. The song affected her in a very good way as Sooyeon never knew that Yuri was this talented and it served to make the already gorgeous girl more appealing.
Sooyeon watches as Yuri records her singing parts and in an instant, Sooyeon feels as is her heart is gripped by the sweet, flawless voice of Yuri, a result of all those endless vocal training she did during their hiatus and Sooyeon's legs moves fast, taking her away from the place before the hold on her heart tightens than it already is.
Tiffany wakes up at 3 am when her door suddenly bursts open and she grumbles while reaching for the switch of her lamp. She clicks on it and her room is lighted in pink. Another low grumble comes from the other side of the bed but she ignores as she squints her eyes towards her door. "Jessi?" Tiffany rubs her eyes and scoots over a bit. "What's wrong? Come here."
Sooyeon did as she was told and sits on the bed. "The feelings I started to forget, just ever so slightly seemed to have returned." She confesses as she stares deeply into Tiffany's eyes.
"Just relax, Jessi." Tiffany murmurs in a low voice as she lifts up the blanket and waits for Sooyeon to slide in before snuggling close. "Relax for now. We'll talk tomorrow. Get some sleep first."
Sooyeon nods and she blinks into the darkness only to notice the extra lump beside Tiffany. "Who's that?" She asks.
"Oh, it's Taetae." Tiffany whispers with a soft smile. "She crashed in here earlier all stressed out and tired. She thinks she's being useless for not being able to help you but I stated otherwise. We all know the truth that she's the best out there." Tiffany takes a hold of one of Sooyeon's hands in the darkness. "I was only able to put her to sleep a few hours ago which is why we can't talk now. And I can't really get up with her clinging on me so tomorrow, okay?" She finishes with a smile.
Sooyeon nods and wonders for a moment how bright Tiffany's smile still is in the darkness. She snuggles closer to the other American girl and lets out a sigh before reaching out and placing one hand on top of Taeyeon's which were wrapped around Tiffany's waist.
And Sooyeon lets down her guard and lets herself be weak and fragile for the first time in months as she sleeps comfortably. Only because it's Tiffany that's there to hold her through the night and no one else.
- -
"I always keep on forgetting the truth that it was me that put the distance between us."
Sooyeon states as she accepts the ice cream handed by Taeyeon. It's weird. Ice cream during winter. But Sooyeon doesn't really mind and maybe so does Taeyeon and Tiffany.
"Why?" Taeyeon asks.
"There are times when I get really angry at Yuri because of our current stands in each other's lives." She gets mad and angry and frustrated at times, especially when the distance between them is seen so obviously and Sooyeon blames Yuri for it. "But then I'll realize that it's me." She laughs a humorless laugh. "It's really me, right? The one at fault."
She looks to her right and smiles enviously at her two friends. She's envious at how their fingers graze each other's while holding on to the ice cream tub. She's envious of how comfortable Tiffany looks with her other hand tucked inside the pocket of Taeyeon's coat with Taeyeon's own warm hand.
"You know, I'm envious of you two." She admits with a pout.
"What? Why us?" Tiffany asks with a giggle. "We are..." Sooyeon sees the look Tiffany gives Taeyeon, loving, caring and warm. Another thing she's envious of. Tiffany gives a squeeze on Taeyeon's hand. "We're just Tiffany and Taeyeon."
"That's it." Sooyeon confirms. "You two are Tiffany and Taeyeon. You are and you probably will always be. You two are great together."
"What really happened anyway, Sica?" Taeyeon asks quietly. "You never really told any of us what happened between you and Yuri."
Sooyeon looks up and watches the snow fall. She feels the cold and she misses the warmth from last year's winter and Sooyeon wonders, what really did happen?
Months ago, before their break up, Sooyeon witnessed the scandal Jonghyun was caught in for his now open relationship and maybe that caused her mind to change. Her mind changed, not her heart like the lie she told Yuri. Sooyeon thought that they won't survive together if they keep their relationship. She thought that they would both just end up hurt and Sooyeon chose to ran away.
When she first entered the relationship with Yuri, Sooyeon felt proud of herself. She thought that then, she could handle anything and she could be accountable for someone else. She thought she matured. But then, she was wrong wasn't she?
"I took one step forward and became an adult. I took one step backward because I was afraid."
And Sooyeon smiled bitterly to herself at how perfectly and accurately she described herself.
Pairing: YulSic, TaeNySic if you squint
Genre: Angst
Words have come up to the throat, but all that comes out the mouth are lies.
"At least tell me why, Sica. Please tell me why." The plea is heartbreaking. The very look she's receiving is heartbreaking.
She wants to say so many things. She wants to say 'I only want to protect you.' or 'What comes with this relationship will only hurt you more than me' and maybe 'I take it back, I'm sorry. I love you.'
"My heart has changed." She lies instead. "I guess I just don't love you as much as before." It surprises her how easily the words flew out of her mouth considering how tight her fist is closed by her side.
"Oh." The younger girl mutters and stays silent for a while before lifting up her head. "I... I'll respect your decision, Sooyeon. But may I ask you a question?"
Sooyeon nods because maybe answering a question is the least she could do after crushing the other girl's heart. "Go ahead, Yuri."
"When you decided that you don't love me anymore, did it hurt?" The tanned girl asks and Sooyeon can only nod in response because she thinks that using words would only break her mask.
"Mine does too, right now." Yuri takes her other hand, the one that's not closed in a fist, and holds it gently. She brings it just before her lips and whispers. "The pain within my heart is the proof of our love.” The pair of soft lips, quivering, touches the top of Sooyeon's hand and her closed fist tightens.
"Thanks for everything, Jung Sooyeon." Yuri whispers one last time before letting go of the hand.
Sooyeon watches Yuri clean her face and apply light make-up. The younger girl smiles one last time at her before opening the door and walking out of her room as confident as usual as if her heart just wasn't stepped on.
Sooyeon just lets out a sigh as she lets her body drop to her bed and an arm covers her eyes tiredly.
- -
It's a few months after that Jung Sooyeon thinks she's all okay and happy already. She can laugh again, she can smile and she can fool around with the other kids. Sooyeon makes it look like everything is perfect again and for a while, everyone thought it is until they noticed.
Sooyeon isn't all okay after all.
See, Sooyeon can't stand being in the presence of Kwon Yuri.
When everyone is huddled up in an interview or just a lazy day in the dorm, Sooyeon never looks Yuri's way or directs anything to her. Moments alone together are awkward and suffocating and Sooyeon always moves away and out of the room even before either of them could utter a single word.
It's weird and sad and annoying all at the same time and it's bound that sooner or later someone would try to fix Sooyeon's current way of thinking.
"You know, Sica-yah," The older girl sits on the bed, across Sooyeon who's leaning on the wall, a book in hand. "If you're happy and you know it-"
"I clap my hands?" Sooyeon cuts off with a fake grin followed by the clapping of her hands.
"Lame joke, Jung Sooyeon." She receives a glare from the serious girl and Sooyeon frowns.
"I'm sorry, Taeyeon." She apologizes sincerely because she's always sincere when it comes to Kim Taeyeon.
"As I was saying before you rudely interrupted me," Her leader clears her throat. "If you're happy and you know it then just talk to Yuri. It's troubling the maknaes too, you know."
"It's not as simple as it looks, Taengoo." Sooyeon whispers, thinking about how many times she promised herself that she'll finally act normal around Yuri and how she broke every single promise.
"What's holding you back anyway?" Taeyeon asks and Sooyeon ponders for a moment as she sits up properly.
"The more we exchange words, the more I become afraid of the distance opening between us." She confesses as she tries to meet Taeyeon's scrutinizing gaze only to bring her head down in an instant because her vision suddenly becomes blurry.
Sooyeon feels the bed shift and she sees Taeyeon move closer to her. "It's okay, Sooyeon-ah.", Taeyeon whispers and at the sound of her birth name, Sooyeon thinks that maybe it really is okay.
She feels a pat on her head soon after and Sooyeon knows that it really is okay and for the first time in months, Sooyeon actually cries. Only because it's Kim Taeyeon that's there to see her break and no one else.
- -
A few months pass by and this time, Sooyeon is positive that she's okay. She's happy again and she's fine and good and most of all, she's able to exchange words with Kwon Yuri. She can only manage simple greeting for now but Sooyeon thinks it's okay. She made a progress and that’s all that matters.
Everyone thinks everything's fine and peachy again and they all stay happy for some time until the time of making their new album arrived. They receive the lyrics and everyone is in awe with Yuri's song. It's beautiful, touching and simply amazing.
Everyone it would probably affect Sooyeon in a negative way and cause her to be all emotional again but it didn't. The song affected her in a very good way as Sooyeon never knew that Yuri was this talented and it served to make the already gorgeous girl more appealing.
Sooyeon watches as Yuri records her singing parts and in an instant, Sooyeon feels as is her heart is gripped by the sweet, flawless voice of Yuri, a result of all those endless vocal training she did during their hiatus and Sooyeon's legs moves fast, taking her away from the place before the hold on her heart tightens than it already is.
Tiffany wakes up at 3 am when her door suddenly bursts open and she grumbles while reaching for the switch of her lamp. She clicks on it and her room is lighted in pink. Another low grumble comes from the other side of the bed but she ignores as she squints her eyes towards her door. "Jessi?" Tiffany rubs her eyes and scoots over a bit. "What's wrong? Come here."
Sooyeon did as she was told and sits on the bed. "The feelings I started to forget, just ever so slightly seemed to have returned." She confesses as she stares deeply into Tiffany's eyes.
"Just relax, Jessi." Tiffany murmurs in a low voice as she lifts up the blanket and waits for Sooyeon to slide in before snuggling close. "Relax for now. We'll talk tomorrow. Get some sleep first."
Sooyeon nods and she blinks into the darkness only to notice the extra lump beside Tiffany. "Who's that?" She asks.
"Oh, it's Taetae." Tiffany whispers with a soft smile. "She crashed in here earlier all stressed out and tired. She thinks she's being useless for not being able to help you but I stated otherwise. We all know the truth that she's the best out there." Tiffany takes a hold of one of Sooyeon's hands in the darkness. "I was only able to put her to sleep a few hours ago which is why we can't talk now. And I can't really get up with her clinging on me so tomorrow, okay?" She finishes with a smile.
Sooyeon nods and wonders for a moment how bright Tiffany's smile still is in the darkness. She snuggles closer to the other American girl and lets out a sigh before reaching out and placing one hand on top of Taeyeon's which were wrapped around Tiffany's waist.
And Sooyeon lets down her guard and lets herself be weak and fragile for the first time in months as she sleeps comfortably. Only because it's Tiffany that's there to hold her through the night and no one else.
- -
"I always keep on forgetting the truth that it was me that put the distance between us."
Sooyeon states as she accepts the ice cream handed by Taeyeon. It's weird. Ice cream during winter. But Sooyeon doesn't really mind and maybe so does Taeyeon and Tiffany.
"Why?" Taeyeon asks.
"There are times when I get really angry at Yuri because of our current stands in each other's lives." She gets mad and angry and frustrated at times, especially when the distance between them is seen so obviously and Sooyeon blames Yuri for it. "But then I'll realize that it's me." She laughs a humorless laugh. "It's really me, right? The one at fault."
She looks to her right and smiles enviously at her two friends. She's envious at how their fingers graze each other's while holding on to the ice cream tub. She's envious of how comfortable Tiffany looks with her other hand tucked inside the pocket of Taeyeon's coat with Taeyeon's own warm hand.
"You know, I'm envious of you two." She admits with a pout.
"What? Why us?" Tiffany asks with a giggle. "We are..." Sooyeon sees the look Tiffany gives Taeyeon, loving, caring and warm. Another thing she's envious of. Tiffany gives a squeeze on Taeyeon's hand. "We're just Tiffany and Taeyeon."
"That's it." Sooyeon confirms. "You two are Tiffany and Taeyeon. You are and you probably will always be. You two are great together."
"What really happened anyway, Sica?" Taeyeon asks quietly. "You never really told any of us what happened between you and Yuri."
Sooyeon looks up and watches the snow fall. She feels the cold and she misses the warmth from last year's winter and Sooyeon wonders, what really did happen?
Months ago, before their break up, Sooyeon witnessed the scandal Jonghyun was caught in for his now open relationship and maybe that caused her mind to change. Her mind changed, not her heart like the lie she told Yuri. Sooyeon thought that they won't survive together if they keep their relationship. She thought that they would both just end up hurt and Sooyeon chose to ran away.
When she first entered the relationship with Yuri, Sooyeon felt proud of herself. She thought that then, she could handle anything and she could be accountable for someone else. She thought she matured. But then, she was wrong wasn't she?
"I took one step forward and became an adult. I took one step backward because I was afraid."
And Sooyeon smiled bitterly to herself at how perfectly and accurately she described herself.