15 year old mee!

[stephlissa]

I have today off to finish my HR & PR course for the end of the month.. I told myself I'd start at 9 but here it is, nearly 12, and I havent even touched my books yet. I'm the ideal role model for all procrastinators. I'll even understand if you dont add me as a friend 'till later. (See what I did there?)

Sooo, I stumbled across a very, very old

Comments

[stephlissa]

Yupp! It sure is!

[taoteliung]

I think "It's cool 'cause I see how I am today and how different it varies from who I was back then. " nails it on the head rather nicely. I occasionally flip through old emails or journals for the same kind of experience. I always found it to be pretty motivating to see how issues that seemed like the end of the world back then, turned out to be very insignificant in the big scheme of things. It reminds me that just because something feels like a big deal today, doesn't mean it'll be worth it's weight in copper tomorrow. It's also nice to see how the general desires of my day to day life have changed. What's been fulfilled and what's still an internal desire. Also, it reminds you how something that once use to make you happy has gotten dull over the years and a lot of the times just remembering that childhood enthusiasm reignites old excitement in things that had grown monotonous over time. I guess I'm also just a really nostalgic person

[stephlissa]

Also a very a nostalgic person, myself. :) I've continued to read through the 3 years worth of blogging and you're right. It's reminded me of things that use to excite me when I was younger an has renewed some of that excitement.

Mushrooms is the only thing that's still on my to-do list, ahaha. I probably won't ever try them though because my boyfriend is 100% straight edge and even if I tried to sneak around and try it, the guilt would be too much to make it a good experience. :(

[taoteliung]

I believe that's the best thing for us to do with our past. We can be slaves to it, or we can be encouraged by it. There's a time to mourn and a time to dance, we just have to remember when to hit the dance floor!

I wouldn't recommend taking them unless you're free of any and all negative emotions. I found that they more then anything I've tried... thrive on how you're feeling. Respecting your boyfriend is a solid reason for not trying them. I have my own reasons for having only done them once, but I admit a part of me would love to try them again.

[lethalhope]

I love reading old posts! My old journal has all of my preteen ramblings and they're so embarrassing yet hilarious.

Never done any sort of drug except weed and salvia, once. With my very first boyfriend (who was obviously a horrid influence) and it was as if the whole world kept repeating itself. Like it got stuck. My boyfriend walked into the room fifty times in a row, my vision was filled with crazy colours and images merging together, then I kept seeing another dimension in the reflection of the bedpost and couldn't focus on the sex we were supposed to be having. But yeah. Never again.

Kind of sad to hear about Tara though. Also dating a girl during high school is a very stupid idea and good on you for knowing that. I didn't. 8|

[stephlissa]

You dated a girl in high school?

In high school we only had one girl who came out and everybody ostracized her. That's why I never said a word. Agahaha. Kids are so mean.

[lethalhope]

I did. It was a very weird part of my life. We never told anyone, just our close circle of friends knew. We were kind of like the one group in the entire school that were the outcasts, loners, whatever. It was only seven of us, but everyone else thought we were fucked up. Especially me and the girl, we were always hanging out together, this one time in math class some guys behind us threw a paper airplane at us that they had written, "Are you two lesbians? Check yes or no" on but the teacher got it and made them apologize. Total bullshit apology, of course, because some time later we were walking down the hall and they kicked a binder towards us on the floor that had, "LESBIANS?" written on it.

I fucking hated school. It's probably why I am the way I am today. Which I don't mind at all. I totally messed up the relationship with her, we were together for about three or four years, then I grew up a bit and discovered men. :p

[herecirm]

Haha, your old journals are way more interesting than mine. Were you hurt much when you got punched? It sounds pretty horrific! But the fact that you started laughing amused me, so that comment did make me giggle ... sorry. :P

Also an interesting description of your experiance with ecstasy. I've never tried drugs - not even weed - because I just know I'd do something bloody stupid, and I could easily become addicted to something like that. But man, that story was both scary and funny - in a slightly twisted way. So you were aware, at the time, that you were acting irrationally? But couldn't really do anything about it? Gah, that would frighten the beejebuz out of me.

[stephlissa]

That's a really good way to put it. :) spot on, actually. I was torn between just accepting how I was and attempting to control how I was. I clearly lost that fight haha. But it was scary just because i had been in control my whole life, you know? And suddenly I pop a pill and I'm done.

[emaciatedwords]

I used to read old journals too. My writing made me cringe lol.