week 11 entry
David was drumming the armrest with his finger, sweat beginning to drip down his forehead. Hundreds of questions darted back and forth in his mind, he struggled to keep up. Hardly noticing the woman sitting beside him, he took out his plane ticket and stared at it, trying to convince himself of the reality he was faced with…
"You have a daughter, ( Read more... )
Comments 1
The story line was intriguing with a great metaphorical perspective and hidden msg.
You have wrote well, however, perhaps a few lines could be improved? For example, the opening line “David was drumming the armrest with his finger, sweat beginning to drip down his forehead”- the first half of the sentence is great, but the second is a little cliché.
Imagery is a fundamental aspect of story telling, so perhaps convey the same picture of the sweat through different, more creative words. Perhaps- “with beads of sweat rolling from his perspired forehead.” Just a suggestion. Great story though, keep up the good writing. Ash x
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