If Not For Fear XVII
It had been snowing something awful the last few days but had eased up earlier that day - Christmas Eve, 1967. It was mid-afternoon and the sky was a crisp blue, the wind was low, and Jack and Buck were having more fun in the snow than a man and his dog should be allowed.
Ennis had things to do inside so hadn’t gone out to play but, as he passed one of the front windows, he stopped to watch Jack and Buck making fools of themselves out in the yard.
Jack was running around the yard in circles with a stick, teasing Buck and calling to him to, “come and get it, Bucky, come on…ah, you missed it.” The whole time he was laughing and snorting, his eyes bright, his skin flushed from the exertion, his hair now sticking all which ways from getting wet in the snow.
All Ennis could do was stand, mesmerized at the sight. He never got tired of looking at Jack…never tired of hearing him laugh…never tired of the little boy inside that escaped on occasion.
Sometimes, like at that moment, he would wonder where he would be if he had not ever met Jack…what kind of man would he have turned out to be…would he ever have been able to find some kind of happiness.
He knew that he would have married Alma and, knowing what he knew right then as he stood there, it would have been a long, slow, suffocating existence. His heart might never have opened, his eyes might never have seen beauty, his body might never have known the bliss of contact with the one you love.
If he thought hard about it, which he didn’t like to do, he saw a desolate and despairing existence. He knew what he had been like going up the mountain. If Jack hadn’t appeared, he pretty much knew where his life would have gone.
He shook his head to dispel these dark thoughts. The truth was…Jack was here…Jack loved him…Jack was the reason his life had changed for the better.
He watched the two of them a little longer, a smile coming to his face and tears to his eyes. He thought that in all the world he was the luckiest son of a bitch there was. He dropped his head for a moment, the only way to break contact, and set out to finish the work he had to do.
A few minutes later, Jack and Buck came back inside, both shaking and scattering snow and sludge all over the place. From the kitchen, Ennis caught sight of this, “Jack, damnit, take your coat off outside and dry that dog off. You’re like a coupla delinquents in there.”
Jack stepped back to knock on the door sill using any kid’s annoyingly high-pitched voice, “Hey, Mrs. Del Mar, can little Ennis come out to play?” Ennis could hear Jack snickering in the living room and talking conspiratorially to Buck.
“Got things to do, Jack.”
“Aaawww, c’mon Ennis. It’s beautiful outside and…Buck…yeah, Buck…wants you to come outside and play with him.” Jack squatted down and grabbed Buck by the sides of his face saying in a Buck-type voice, “Come on out and play with me, Daddy Ennis. I’m tired of playing with Daddy Jack. He never lets me have the stick.”
“Is that what it’s gonna take to get you two wet critters outta this house?” Jack stood abruptly at attention.
“Yes, sir, that’s what it’s gonna take,” Jack came back in a formal voice.
Ennis put his head down, sighing, figuring that he’d just have to put his work off until later.
Jack was standing facing him in front of the door, Buck by his side. Ennis strode forward reaching for his coat on the rack near the door when he spun towards Jack, grabbed him around the waist, threw him over his shoulder and bolted out the door.
“Ennis!…ENNIS!!…HEY…PUT ME DOWN…NO, NO, DON’T YOU DO THAT!”
But it was done. Ennis hit the end of the patio at a run headed straight for a snow mound. Jack knew what was coming and was determined that if he was going down so was Ennis, so he wrapped arms and legs anywhere he could and when Ennis went to toss him, they both went headlong into the snow.
Ennis came up first…snow everywhere…his face split into a grin. Before Jack could recover, Ennis had him pinned and was jamming snow into any opening of clothing he could find…most particularly the front of Jack’s pants. The whole time Jack was screaming and begging him to stop…in between his hysterical laughter.
“So, I gotta come out and play, huh? Well, I don’t know about you, Jack, but I’m having a great time.” Ennis was laughing heartily…an occasion that didn’t come often.
Ennis finally stood back and Jack shot up dancing around, jumping up and down and trying his best to get the snow out of his pants, mainly his pants, and shirt and anywhere else Ennis had managed to put it.
Still hopping but not as maniacally, he shot a seemingly mean glance at Ennis, “Hey, I coulda got frostbite you stuffing snow down my pants like that,” he pointed a finger at Ennis, “and my dick coulda fell off. Then what kinda fun would you be having tonight, huh?”
“None at all, rodeo, none at all.” Ennis walked over and gave Jack a big hug then told him he needed to come inside and get warm. Jack hesitated a moment.
“You go on in. I gotta pick up Buck’s toys. I’ll be right there.” Ennis stepped back, looked Jack in the eye and since he saw no mischief assumed there was no mischief there. “Sure thing, Jack. See ya inside.”
Jack let Ennis get about ten feet ahead of him, just before he stepped on the porch, then fast-balled a huge snowball right at him. It caught Ennis square in the back. Buck howled his appreciation of Jack’s aim.
Ennis spun…Jack laughed…Ennis took one step…Jack stopped laughing…Jack started running.
By the time they finally got back in the house, Ennis had started shivering pretty badly and his lips were blue…too wet, wrong clothes, too cold. Jack was right behind him, pretty much the same problem…but Jack was wearing jackets and flannel shirts and boots and all.
He quickly shucked the heavy outer clothes he had on and grabbed Ennis dragging him to the bathroom. He turned on the hot water full blast, filling the tub up as quick as he could. He had Ennis get out of his wet clothes, getting out of his at the same time, and both got in the hot water…Jack behind Ennis holding him close.
“Warmer now, cowboy? It’ll be okay in a bit.” Ennis nodded feeling the warm soak in to counter the cold. After a little, Ennis began to relax. A thought ran fleetingly through his brain, If I gotta die…let it be right now so I can take all this with me.
Ennis whispered, “Ya know, rodeo, this is kinda like that first night you came here…that night you showed up outta nowhere.” Jack had been told of what happened that night and winced inwardly at how bad his life had been at that time…how desperate he had been for so many things…but mainly for Ennis.
Jack fell quiet.
“You okay?” Ennis asked.
“Yeah, cowboy. I’m just thinking…how you saved my life. I mean, not just that night, but all the way till now.” Jack leaned in close to Ennis’ ear, “I’d be in the ground somewhere if it weren’t for you.”
Ennis pulled Jack’s arms tighter around him, “Jack, please…I don’t wanna hear that kinda talk.”
“It’s true, ya know. Without you there ain’t nothing left for me,” Jack said quietly. He thought a moment then leaned into Ennis and whispered softly, “Tell ya what, cowboy, we’re gonna live forever…just you and me. Ain’t never gonna have to be apart, okay? Promise?”
Ennis couldn’t fly so high in the realm of dreams like Jack…but because he could deny him nothing, “I promise, rodeo, I promise.”
Buck came in the bathroom then, sat next to the tub and rested his chin on the edge just staring at them both. I need food so quit fooling around, Buck thought. Reality had imposed itself once again.
***************
“Ennis, what the hell is taking you so long?” Jack said seriously exasperated, “You ain’t gotta make them clothes, just put ‘em on.”
“Jack…I done warned you once…”
Jack mumbled, “Wouldn’t a damn thing get done around here if I didn’t stay on your ass about it.”
“I heard that…”
Jack glanced towards the front window, “Well, hear this. J.D.’s here and your ass is still getting ready.”
Jack started towards the door. Ennis came out of the bedroom right behind him, head down buttoning his shirt. So it was a great surprise when he found Jack stopped dead in front of him.
“Damnit, Jack, put your brake lights on if you’re gonna stop like that.”
“Shuuush,” Jack said with a flurry of hands pushing Ennis back.
“Jack, now you’re getting on my nerves…”
“Ennis, look,” Jack couldn’t keep the excitement out of his voice.
“What, Jack. It’s J.D.”
“But who’s with J.D.?”
Ennis looked out and saw the back of a youngish-looking man getting out of the cruiser, the passenger side of the car facing the house. J.D. had gone to the back seat to get some presents and as he stood up, a broad smile broke across his face when he looked at the other man. Ennis and Jack jumped back from the window so as not to be seen spying.
“Ennis…Ennis, J.D. done got himself a friend!” Jack was hissing, so excited Ennis had to put a hand on his shoulder to keep him from jumping around.
“Well, I’ll be damned…”
“Ennis, what are we gonna do? I ain’t gonna know what to say.”
Ennis turned one of his most serious looks upon Jack who, when he looked up, did a double-take.
“You aren’t gonna know what to say?” Ennis said incredulous.
“Well, I guess you’re right. I’m just real excited for him.”
“Now, Jack, you don’t know yet if J.D.’s sweet on this guy yet. Don’t go jumping to conclusions.” A knock at the door.
“Okay, Ennis, here we go. Behave yourself, okay?”
Ennis threw another look of total bafflement at Jack…which, of course, went completely unnoticed.
Jack opened the door to greet J.D. and his friend but when J.D. offered his hand to shake, Jack reached out and pulled him into a great, big hug. J.D. was taken off-guard but returned it in kind…laughing all the time understanding Jack’s mercurial character.
Jack stepped back and, without hesitation, put his hand out for J.D.’s friend to shake.
“Jack. Jack Twist. Damn glad to meet ya.” Ennis stole a glance at J.D. and rolled his eyes. He saw that J.D. understood.
Ennis reached over and grabbed Jack by the shoulder pulling him back into the room. Ennis stepped forward to shake J.D.’s hand.
“Good to see ya, J.D. Merry Christmas.” He turned to the other man offering his hand, “Ennis Del Mar. Glad you could come by.”
Now that Jack was at a safe distance and Ennis had finished the introductions, J.D. could do his.
“Ennis…Jack…this is Dale Walters. Dale’s an EMT at the hospital down the road.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet the both of you. J.D.’s told me a lot about you guys.” Jack kinda giggled in the back. Ennis shot another look at J.D. who smiled, both knowing that Jack was going to be insufferable for the rest of the evening.
“Why don’t the two of you come on inside. Awful cold out there.”
Dale offered Ennis a package, “Well, I hope this will help ease some of this god-awful weather you guys have up here. We got nothing like this down in Houston.”
Ennis opened the package and pulled out some Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel…a quality whiskey that neither Jack nor Ennis had ever had or heard of…most welcome on a night like this.
They all turned to walk in and saw Jack, still beaming, shuffling from foot to foot.
Ennis let out a little groan then stepped into the room with their guests.