monkey knife fights
Me Vrs. the skunks.
june 30th 2:30am. wednesday after elections .
coming home drunk from the bar.
stopped in my back yard ten feet from a skunk.
BATTLE COMMENCES
skunk stops,
i stop,
skunk circles left,
i circle right.
skunk runs right
i run left.
skunk runs under the fence
i run through gate, and into house.
END MATCH
july 6th 9:11pm tuesday, hair is perfect.
going out to the bar.
stopped on backyard path, 15 feet from skunk.
BATTLE COMMENCES
skunk charges
i run back wards, removing head phones.
skunk backs off,
i move forward.
skunk gets on two legs
i run back wards.
skunk runs into hedges
i run to bus stop
END MATCH
july 14th 10:48pm wednesday, in sandles.
comming home with my dad, after arguments, nachos and beer.
stopped on the corner of St. Joseph and Orleans Boul.
15 feet from four babies, one mother, (presumed because of size, so sexing was involved.)
BATTLE COMMENCES
me and dad run.
all the way home,
stoping only to cry
about how much we're wussies
and we really wouldn't be this way
if it weren't for all the damn skunks.
MATCH ENDS
July 25th 1:54am Sunday, sideburns, and crust.
coming home from seeing ottawa's only New Wave act, go see them, they're called, PLACE check:placeband
smoking, back path, stumbling to belt up my pants after pissing in the road.
10 feet from skunk.
BATTLE COMMENCES
i stumble backwards muttering
skunk wanders down path
i shake my fist
skunk wanders to tree
i yell out a death howl
skunk turns around sniffs the air, and leaves under bushes.
MATCH ENDS
so in fear for me and my family's safety i have put flour everywhere on our property to track it's movements
and after building an elaborate bait trap, IE: opening a tin of cat food.
i went to www.wildlifeproblems.ncf.ca and found out:
Under the Ontario Ministry of Natural Resources, Fish and Wildlife Conservation Act it is illegal to trap and relocate any wild animal beyond close proximity to the point of capture, which of course makes trapping quite pointless. For some species such as skunk, raccoon and fox, it is illegal to trap and move them at all.
so it's up to me guys.
i have to find the skunk and tie a belt to it's paw
and give it a knife, (a la Jackson beat it video)
TO FIGHT IT TO THE DEATH.
Combatants Similarities.
both have strips down the middle of their heads
both live out of dumpsters
both have large sent glands next to thier anus and can clear a room with thier skanks.
both live in holes
both eat everything
both have excellent pelts
both have five toes.
most predators are repulsed by the odor of their musk
they typically express their anger by rising upon their hind feet, lurching forward, stamping both front feet, and at the same time clicking their teeth.
Combatants Differences.
i'm not a total wussy.
skunks are dirty woodland creatures.
so who will win?