35 - voice;

[stilldontgotit]

[Filtered from Xion/100%]

What do you think about betrayal? Is it possible to ever make up for it, and just how far do you have to go to make up, anyway?

It's something I've been thinking about lately. Any answers would help...

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Comments

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[poppetry]

[ After everything she was told by so many people, about the meaning of trust and doing what is right versus what is easy, and learning how to move forward with your life even when it hurts, Xion's been left very conflicted about what to really do with Riku. The whole thing still hurts monstrously, and to be honest, she still wants space to think.

This is not space.

Resisting the urge to tug at her hair, Xion considers this in silence for a few moments. Then she forces herself to relax and breathe before she replies. ]

What is it?

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[poppetry]

... just remember you're not alone in feeling that way. Though I'm learning new things right now too...

[ a pause. she knows that -- or rather, she knows that other people think that. she's still not sure if she believes it herself. ] ... I know.

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[stilldontgotit]

Yeah, I know.

[He remains quiet for a while before speaking up again.]

But, honestly, there's something else that bugged me about all this.

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[poppetry]

... what's that?

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[stilldontgotit]

First, don't take this the wrong way; I know you didn't mean it like this, but...

[Sigh.]

It hurt. After all the time I spent with you, it felt like you were willing to put all that aside just because we viewed the Keyblade so differently. It was selfish and stupid, but honestly? Xion, I stuck by you even when my best friend's life was on the line, and fighting you was no picnic. If I really cared more about the Keyblade, then would I really do any of that? Before I left, that's how I felt.

You said that, in your time, I tell the truth, even if it hurts. Well, I hope this doesn't hurt you too much, but I've gotta be honest.

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[poppetry]

[ you know. Xion does try to be good about thinking things over, especially these days when she's had to mature so much.

but this is too much. it makes her angry, angrier than she's been in a long time, and she doesn't stop to think. ]

You were hurt?! Then maybe you can imagine how I felt, even the littlest bit! I got so upset because of those things, Riku! After everything that happened, you...! After seeing me when I was scared, and even helping fight me, and coming to find me in the rain after I came back! After everything that happened between us, YOU STILL FORGOT! You just didn't even think how much it would hurt me to hear you say something like that! You only thought about yourself and how badly you wanted the Keyblade, a weapon you didn't even understand! If you really cared, you wouldn't have made that mistake!

[ ... oof. after a statement like that, the silence is deafening, and Xion's anger leaves her abruptly. if he's even still listening, Xion adds this in much quieter, somewhat remorseful tones. ]I do prefer honesty.

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[stilldontgotit]

[...Oh dear. Xion? It might take some time for him to reply, because that... hurts even more than you could imagine. He... might be raising his voice a little bit, but he's going to try and remain calm.]

Xion. People make mistakes. Sometimes they can't help it.

I'm not perfect. Truth is, I've still got my share of problems. I'm selfish, and I let that get in the way of things on more than one occasion.

Want to know why I wanted to become stronger? A part of it was because of me-- a big part, after all these years, but there was more to it. I wanted to protect what really matters, like my friends. I lost sight of that for a while, and I made my share of mistakes...

But even when I faced Sora, I was upset because I cared. And, much as I hurt you, at least I didn't come close to killing you as a result. I'm the reason my world fell to darkness, and if it wasn't for me, Sora wouldn't be stuck with all the responsibilities the Keyblade has to offer. He wouldn't be asleep because his memories got scrambled. Chances are he'd be safe,

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[poppetry]

[ she's gone from angry to deeply upset very quickly, and all she really wants to do is walk away from this like it never happened. she sounds beleaguered. ]

Riku, I know you care. Really. But just because you care doesn't mean you didn't thoughtlessly hurt my feelings. I'm not asking you to read my mind, I just...

It's too late now to go back and make it so that somehow, that never happened. I just ... I need time.

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[stilldontgotit]

I know. I know I hurt you, and I'm not expecting you to forget that.

Just...

[Sigh.]

Somehow, I hope we can sort this out someday.

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[poppetry]

[ ... all she really wants at moments like this, when he just sounds tired and sad, is to go find him and hug him. that she still has feelings for him is what makes this truly hard. sometimes she's angry and she wants space, but at very small moments like this she just wants to curl up in his arms again.

but that's not going to happen. not now, and not anytime soon. suddenly feeling exhausted beyond belief by this conversation, she just makes a sad, quiet noise. ]

I do too.

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[stilldontgotit]

I'll figure something out. Somehow, I'll find a way to set things right.

[He does sound exhausted, and sad would be the understatement of the century. By disclosing all his 'dark secrets', Riku's poured salt on some pretty nasty wounds. Without someone like Terra or Mickey to talk to, he's stuck here, mulling over things on his own...

Which is why he takes his sweet time before speaking again.]

Not like things have ever been easy for me, anyway.

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[poppetry]

[ batting a thousand tonight, Riku. ]

... they've never been easy for any of us. Not really. [ a beat, and a sigh. ] Setting things right... I really hope that's possible.

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[stilldontgotit]

That all depends on you, Xion. I can try all I want to make up for what I said, but it's not a one-way street.

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[poppetry]

... I know. I have to forgive you.

But you have to earn it. So we figure this out together or not at all.

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[stilldontgotit]

Just wish I knew where to start. Otherwise, it's like wandering around blindfolded.

[...the irony.]

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[poppetry]

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