006. (v2) [audio]

[stillseecracks]

Um--

F-For everybody, wh-who has the-- th-the ink s-stuff, it's-- n-not hard to get r-rid off. Y-You just-- i-if you talk i-into your journal, o-or write i-in it, or video-th--thing in it, then... th-then you can wash the-- the ink off. A-And it-- i-it stops spreading.

I-I don't... know what happens... i-if you don't.

[Pause.]M-Make an-- e-entry

Comments

[audio]

[likesfootnotes]

You turn into an enchanted book. Where do you think they got the journal they gave you?

[Bartimaeus says it with such calm surety that he must be right... right? Right.]

[audio]

[stillseecracks]

Y--

[Xanth is all the skeptical, but Bartimaeus has a good point. The journals are weird and the ink does spread a little like a disease rash.]

A-And how... h-how'd you-- c-come to this c-con--conclusion?

[audio]

[likesfootnotes]

Enchanted journals are not the kind of thing you walk to the corner store and pick up. They're quite rare, meaning that there are only certain ways to make them. Consider the macabre deal with the pumpkins and you get the idea that this place his a morbid sense of humour. By the simple process of elimination, take the most gruesome option and, voila! You have the explanation.

It's elementary, my dear commoner.

[Because you obviously must be.]

Besides, the other likely option would be imprisoned spirits, but I would have undoubtedly sensed at least one of them by now.

[audio]

[stillseecracks]

[Xanth can't really argue with that logic. It just... it makes sense. The paper is paper, not sheepskin or something, but the binding is leather. Cowhide, probably - not that Xanth knows what peoplehide looks like. Still, with magic like this, who knew what was possible?

But being called commoner? That rankles, just a little.]

A--Alright, it's an-- i-idea. A-A... A m-maybe.

[audio]

[likesfootnotes]

No doubt you fancy that there's a better, more romantic answer out there than one that will end up with you being written on in bright, glitter green ink.

Let's hear it.

[audio]

[stillseecracks]

I-- I don't know, i-it-- it might p-poison you, o-or-- g-get into your-- your m-mind, or-- m-maybe nothing-- nothing a-at all.

A-All I'm say-- saying-- i-is that there's... p-possib-bilities.

[audio]

[likesfootnotes]

You're not too good at this romance thing, are you. Try a little harder now, you can do it.

[Then, with a gleeful sort of tone:]

Why not be the lab rat? Every experiment needs one.

[audio]

[stillseecracks]

B--Because I'm not-- I-I don't want to-- to risk it. Wh-- why push it?

[For Xanth, "knowledge" just isn't a good enough answer.]

[audio]

[likesfootnotes]

Think of the service you would do your Keep-men by taking the initiative!

[audio]

[stillseecracks]

Wh--why don't y-you?

[audio]

[likesfootnotes]

I do this Keep an incredible service simply by being here.

Don't let me take away your glory!

[audio] i love barti :3

[stillseecracks]

H-- How is-- h-how is just b-being here a-a service?

[Good gods, Xanth thinks, this guy is so full of himself! Or maybe he's being sarcastic. Either way, it's not endearing.]

[audio] what a coincedence, for he loves himself! (but ilu, Xanthie bb; ohgodIamsosorryforthistag)

[likesfootnotes]

[Bartimaeus does not need to be endearing. He already knows that you want to be like him. It's okay..]

It's quite obvious, if you ask me.

Tell me, has your presence done anything to better this place?

[audio]

[stillseecracks]

N-No. And-- h-honestly? I-I-- I really doubt y-you've done a-anything, e-- either.

[Yeah, yeah! You tell 'im, Xanth. You are the putdown master.]

[audio]

[likesfootnotes]

That depends on your measure of success. If 'finding a way out of this place' is a measure of failure, then by all means, I am one of the worst kind.

[Xanth, Bartimaeus will give you ALL THE CHANCES to improve these insults of yours.]

[audio]

[stillseecracks]

A-And have you-- h-have you maybe m-made this place a-- a little b-better for-- a-anyone to... just-- to just live in?