Romance Is Scary-Hot
Some things have been bothering me lately, while observing people around me. People seem to have become a bit frightened of love, desire, emotion... even romance seems to be relegated to the creepy side of things.
I think I've mentioned that I teach classes on seduction. The book we use as our primary reference is the Art of Seduction by Robert Greene- it's really good as a reference, and it really lays out what a seduction has involved in it.
It's also a fairly amoral reference- it makes no distinction between whether one will be seducing for the purpose of marriage, sex, financial security, or even just a persuasion of someone's decision.
That generally suits me- I don't like people trying to force feed me morality during my lessons. I have my own highly developed sense of ethics, and they have little to do with what most people associate with a moral code. My ethics are, however, as important to me as anyone's would be to them.
That being said... I teach seduction for a simple reason. I want to help people heal from heart-pain.
As a species, we are very socially wired- it's in us to crave company of other humans, to want to play with the group, to be a part of the greater people as a whole. However, there's a very strong contrary streak in human beings, and it's never so pronounced as with the 'freaks.' Indeed, a powerful independent mindset almost always makes one freaky to other human beings.
I teach seduction to people who can't help standing out, whose independence and uniqueness are part of their very being. Those are the ones who dash themselves to pieces against the sharp edges of human societal convention. They're the ones who fall in love over and over with impossible partners, or silently bleed themselves to death living a half-life for their families. They're the ones who really need healing and help.
Probably most important of all- they're the ones who need to learn that they CAN be all the things they want to be, that they can have all they desire. And that they don't have to sacrifice themselves and their integrity to gain it. It simply will take a while.
Unfortunately, that's not the message people seem to be receiving from my lessons.
Let's take a walk through a few words in our lexicon, eh?
First term I want to define is 'seduction.'
Seduction, essentially and at its core, is the process of persuasion, through the promise and precise delivery of pleasure and desire. In Latin, it came from a term to 'divert' or as Greene is fond of saying, 'lead astray.' Interestingly enough, the roots of the word are the same as the word 'product' and 'induction.' Also 'reduction.' All of these words imply a conveyance- a transportation from one place to another, or one state to another. To reduce is to make smaller, to produce is to bring something forth that is in demand. To induct is to convey someone within something, such as a hypnotic state.
And that's what seduction does- it conveys someone into another world of beauty and illusion, it produces pleasure and satiation, it takes one deep into ease and balm to the soul.
And that's why people will do anything when they're seduced, which makes it a dangerous power. Everyone wants to be seduced- most people don't want to admit it, and many don't want to be seduced by a deliberate person, but only because they're afraid.
Which brings me to the next word: 'romance.'
Romance is the state of being where one is 'in love.' It's like a story which stars you, where fascinating and intriguing things happen to you, which only draw you further into it.
In essence, romance is a form of seduction.
And a lot of people want this. Most, in fact. The only ones who don't are the ones who've deliberately shut themselves away from it, or those who haven't realized that they're already experiencing it.
People are easily disillusioned in this world. That's another word I like to use- disillusioned implies that their ideals have been crushed, their belief in the world has been shattered or thrown down. It also implies that the illusions they have painted over the world has been stripped away, revealing the harsh reality beneath.
It's a word for ugly realization, and hard truth.
But since when did truth HAVE to be ugly?
Anyway, I digress. Back to the subject at hand- romance is more than just a state of mind. It's a seduction, so it also involves constant work. Being romantic means that you think of gifts and small moments of sentiment, and use them to convey the spell of your seduction. You send flowers, or do small favors for someone without being asked. You're in love, it's natural and easy for you to want to convey others to the same place you're in.
This is much different from being sentimental- as Oscar Wilde is famous for having said to author Alfred Douglas, "A sentimentalist is one who desires to have the luxury of an emotion without paying for it."
Sentimentality is selfish. It's something one does to add meaning to little things, to make one's life feel more meaningful. It's romance to the self, without any other person involved save as a side-character.
People have become overly sentimental, in my opinion, and they've lost their sense of romance. Romance is a seduction- it by very nature is an offering, an outward attempt to bring others into the same state of fascination one enjoys for oneself. It's an effort to share pleasure, not take it.
Indeed, people in romantic situations are often depicted as being dangerous for a variety of reasons- they're crazy or stupid, meaning they take sentimentality to a higher degree than is socially acceptable. Or, perhaps they're creepy stalkers who are trying to win someone away from their natural inclination.
This, to me, is the height of idiocy.
Seduction is all around us, and we accept it only so long as nobody admits that they're doing a seduction. Of course, that's part of the fun, isn't it? So long as you don't have to admit you're being seduced, you don't have to admit that you like it. It's like the closet for gay people- it's all well and good to enjoy seduction in the privacy of one's mind, but honest seduction, open and in the world, is considered vile and dangerous, a perversion and an abomination.
Many people are likely to read this and say, "Whoa, Rune. You're getting all worked up over something really small- most people don't think that way, they would never say that." And you'd be right. They don't realize they're saying this. But they are.
Observe the relationship troubles so many people are having: unreasonable demands followed by calculated bouts of drama and suffering, long periods of detachment and loud silence, constant mental tallying of their partner's "flaws" and dwelling upon outside possibilities.
These, which cause divorces and separations constantly, are actually so easily fixed it's ridiculous. A little effort, a little romance, a little seduction, and they melt away like morning dew.
Most of the people who take my classes are sentimental, rather than romantic. I spend a lot of time encouraging them to become more involved in the other person, to think more about them and pay more close attention. To do that, I have to overcome the hump of their own sentimentality- they have to find a personal reason to find the seduction worthwhile, not just a selfish goal, but a reason to stay fascinated with the work.
I have to teach them to seduce themselves first.
The rules I set in front of them, that they must always remember, when seducing are thus:
1. EVERYONE wants to be seduced. They long for it, they want the world to show that kind of interest in them. Anyone who's ever fallen in love knows how terrible and wonderful it can be, and in their secret heart of hearts, they long for it every day. Even the least sentimental or romantic of us feel that from time to time. We also fear it, which actually makes it all the sweeter when it finally happens.
2. The prey always complains. Think about it- do you want to be manipulated? To be led astray by someone whose motives you cannot read with any certainty? Do you want to trust yourself, your heart and your well-being to someone who may not respect it? Like I said before, it's scary. Anyone who's ever had a bad relationship or painful breakup will tell you- the fear of loss, of abandonment, and of rejection make every romance a dangerous field of traps and hidden pitfalls. Doesn't stop us from wanting it, though.
3. Seductions are always about the other person. They're a lot of work, and they teach us things about relationships, important things. All of us know that being in love feels great, and having someone pay that kind of attention is lovely. However, there's a beauty in showing that kind of attention to others as well. A seducer loves her targets, make no mistake. You can't fake this sort of thing- it becomes empty and hollow and falls apart far too easily.
4. Seduction isn't about sex- it's about the promise of pleasure, and the fulfillment of desire. It's about love, and while lust is part of it, it's not the point. The best seducers have always known that. Selfishness is the single most anti-seductive quality there is, and good seducers spend a lot of time dealing with that and mastering their own selfishness, so as not to ruin the other person's experience. They're all over the place, too- wedding planners, sales people at bookstores, interior decorators... even therapists and doctors. A seducer can use their skills in any profession, and some are uniquely suited towards it.
So. Think about your own relationships, and see if there's a way to bring more romance into it. Don't let the cloying sentimentality of Twilight-vamp fiction cloud this world of its romance. After all, romance is a way to give back to the world, a way to heal the hearts of the wounded.
I think I've mentioned that I teach classes on seduction. The book we use as our primary reference is the Art of Seduction by Robert Greene- it's really good as a reference, and it really lays out what a seduction has involved in it.
It's also a fairly amoral reference- it makes no distinction between whether one will be seducing for the purpose of marriage, sex, financial security, or even just a persuasion of someone's decision.
That generally suits me- I don't like people trying to force feed me morality during my lessons. I have my own highly developed sense of ethics, and they have little to do with what most people associate with a moral code. My ethics are, however, as important to me as anyone's would be to them.
That being said... I teach seduction for a simple reason. I want to help people heal from heart-pain.
As a species, we are very socially wired- it's in us to crave company of other humans, to want to play with the group, to be a part of the greater people as a whole. However, there's a very strong contrary streak in human beings, and it's never so pronounced as with the 'freaks.' Indeed, a powerful independent mindset almost always makes one freaky to other human beings.
I teach seduction to people who can't help standing out, whose independence and uniqueness are part of their very being. Those are the ones who dash themselves to pieces against the sharp edges of human societal convention. They're the ones who fall in love over and over with impossible partners, or silently bleed themselves to death living a half-life for their families. They're the ones who really need healing and help.
Probably most important of all- they're the ones who need to learn that they CAN be all the things they want to be, that they can have all they desire. And that they don't have to sacrifice themselves and their integrity to gain it. It simply will take a while.
Unfortunately, that's not the message people seem to be receiving from my lessons.
Let's take a walk through a few words in our lexicon, eh?
First term I want to define is 'seduction.'
Seduction, essentially and at its core, is the process of persuasion, through the promise and precise delivery of pleasure and desire. In Latin, it came from a term to 'divert' or as Greene is fond of saying, 'lead astray.' Interestingly enough, the roots of the word are the same as the word 'product' and 'induction.' Also 'reduction.' All of these words imply a conveyance- a transportation from one place to another, or one state to another. To reduce is to make smaller, to produce is to bring something forth that is in demand. To induct is to convey someone within something, such as a hypnotic state.
And that's what seduction does- it conveys someone into another world of beauty and illusion, it produces pleasure and satiation, it takes one deep into ease and balm to the soul.
And that's why people will do anything when they're seduced, which makes it a dangerous power. Everyone wants to be seduced- most people don't want to admit it, and many don't want to be seduced by a deliberate person, but only because they're afraid.
Which brings me to the next word: 'romance.'
Romance is the state of being where one is 'in love.' It's like a story which stars you, where fascinating and intriguing things happen to you, which only draw you further into it.
In essence, romance is a form of seduction.
And a lot of people want this. Most, in fact. The only ones who don't are the ones who've deliberately shut themselves away from it, or those who haven't realized that they're already experiencing it.
People are easily disillusioned in this world. That's another word I like to use- disillusioned implies that their ideals have been crushed, their belief in the world has been shattered or thrown down. It also implies that the illusions they have painted over the world has been stripped away, revealing the harsh reality beneath.
It's a word for ugly realization, and hard truth.
But since when did truth HAVE to be ugly?
Anyway, I digress. Back to the subject at hand- romance is more than just a state of mind. It's a seduction, so it also involves constant work. Being romantic means that you think of gifts and small moments of sentiment, and use them to convey the spell of your seduction. You send flowers, or do small favors for someone without being asked. You're in love, it's natural and easy for you to want to convey others to the same place you're in.
This is much different from being sentimental- as Oscar Wilde is famous for having said to author Alfred Douglas, "A sentimentalist is one who desires to have the luxury of an emotion without paying for it."
Sentimentality is selfish. It's something one does to add meaning to little things, to make one's life feel more meaningful. It's romance to the self, without any other person involved save as a side-character.
People have become overly sentimental, in my opinion, and they've lost their sense of romance. Romance is a seduction- it by very nature is an offering, an outward attempt to bring others into the same state of fascination one enjoys for oneself. It's an effort to share pleasure, not take it.
Indeed, people in romantic situations are often depicted as being dangerous for a variety of reasons- they're crazy or stupid, meaning they take sentimentality to a higher degree than is socially acceptable. Or, perhaps they're creepy stalkers who are trying to win someone away from their natural inclination.
This, to me, is the height of idiocy.
Seduction is all around us, and we accept it only so long as nobody admits that they're doing a seduction. Of course, that's part of the fun, isn't it? So long as you don't have to admit you're being seduced, you don't have to admit that you like it. It's like the closet for gay people- it's all well and good to enjoy seduction in the privacy of one's mind, but honest seduction, open and in the world, is considered vile and dangerous, a perversion and an abomination.
Many people are likely to read this and say, "Whoa, Rune. You're getting all worked up over something really small- most people don't think that way, they would never say that." And you'd be right. They don't realize they're saying this. But they are.
Observe the relationship troubles so many people are having: unreasonable demands followed by calculated bouts of drama and suffering, long periods of detachment and loud silence, constant mental tallying of their partner's "flaws" and dwelling upon outside possibilities.
These, which cause divorces and separations constantly, are actually so easily fixed it's ridiculous. A little effort, a little romance, a little seduction, and they melt away like morning dew.
Most of the people who take my classes are sentimental, rather than romantic. I spend a lot of time encouraging them to become more involved in the other person, to think more about them and pay more close attention. To do that, I have to overcome the hump of their own sentimentality- they have to find a personal reason to find the seduction worthwhile, not just a selfish goal, but a reason to stay fascinated with the work.
I have to teach them to seduce themselves first.
The rules I set in front of them, that they must always remember, when seducing are thus:
1. EVERYONE wants to be seduced. They long for it, they want the world to show that kind of interest in them. Anyone who's ever fallen in love knows how terrible and wonderful it can be, and in their secret heart of hearts, they long for it every day. Even the least sentimental or romantic of us feel that from time to time. We also fear it, which actually makes it all the sweeter when it finally happens.
2. The prey always complains. Think about it- do you want to be manipulated? To be led astray by someone whose motives you cannot read with any certainty? Do you want to trust yourself, your heart and your well-being to someone who may not respect it? Like I said before, it's scary. Anyone who's ever had a bad relationship or painful breakup will tell you- the fear of loss, of abandonment, and of rejection make every romance a dangerous field of traps and hidden pitfalls. Doesn't stop us from wanting it, though.
3. Seductions are always about the other person. They're a lot of work, and they teach us things about relationships, important things. All of us know that being in love feels great, and having someone pay that kind of attention is lovely. However, there's a beauty in showing that kind of attention to others as well. A seducer loves her targets, make no mistake. You can't fake this sort of thing- it becomes empty and hollow and falls apart far too easily.
4. Seduction isn't about sex- it's about the promise of pleasure, and the fulfillment of desire. It's about love, and while lust is part of it, it's not the point. The best seducers have always known that. Selfishness is the single most anti-seductive quality there is, and good seducers spend a lot of time dealing with that and mastering their own selfishness, so as not to ruin the other person's experience. They're all over the place, too- wedding planners, sales people at bookstores, interior decorators... even therapists and doctors. A seducer can use their skills in any profession, and some are uniquely suited towards it.
So. Think about your own relationships, and see if there's a way to bring more romance into it. Don't let the cloying sentimentality of Twilight-vamp fiction cloud this world of its romance. After all, romance is a way to give back to the world, a way to heal the hearts of the wounded.