Good-bye, Rufus (Aug. 2008-Oct 2021)
Yesterday (October 4, 2021) I took Rufus to the vet to have him euthanized.
He had begun to develop cancer in his groin, I noticed the onset of the lump sometime after my own surgery last May. I took him to the vet after my own 6 week recovery period and she confirmed that it was cancer. I opted not to have the dog treated, because to what end? He was 12 and I had my own treatments to face in the future for my own devastating diagnosis.
Fast forward to early autumn: Rufus’s health was declining as soon as I reported back to work in late July. He had a cataract developing in his right eye and another one was beginning to form in the left. The right eye was totally opaque by late September. He was also slowing down physically. I had taken to walking him as part of my exercise routine which was perfect at first since I was supposed to do light work after surgery and since Rufus was slow, we made a good match for each other. But as of September, Rufus would not be able to walk sometimes. I ended up turning him around and taking him home or even leaving him in the yard when I went to walk. Last Tuesday I ended up carrying him back home. I thought he would make it for a walk, but he began walking stiff-legged so I picked him up and carried him back to the house.
On Sunday, I bought him pancakes and sausage for breakfast and we shared the food. He ended up eating most of the order because I felt so bad looking into his sad little eyes when he watched me dunk a piece of sausage or pancake in the syrup.
Yesterday I tried my luck and he was able to walk with me for 4 short blocks, our final walk together. I took a shower, fed him 2 cans of dog chow with a CBD dog cookie to try to mellow him out for the inevitable stress of going to the vet.
I stayed with Rufus in the examining room while the vet and techs got him ready. The poor dog was pulling at his leash trying to leave so they sedated him. He lied on a blue-and-gray plaid blanket I brought from home and he fell asleep with his little head in my lap. The vet administered the final injection, and Rufus passed away within minutes.
It’s been an emotional shit-show since. It would sadden me so much to look into the now empty back yard and see the toys that would no longer be played with, food dishes that were emptied and would never be filled. I threw the whole lot (even a new winter coat he never got to wear) into a heavy-duty trash bag and threw it in a dumpster.
We had 13 happy years together, but I miss him so much.
