They're all asking for it
If there's one thing I hate, it's a double-standard. Especially a double-standard steeped in sexism and stereotypes.
I was at that new bar last night, opening night. The proprieter is a very capable and very strong woman, well skilled in the art of jiggle-pleez. When I say strong, I mean physically as well. I watched her toss guys across the room a couple of times over the course of the evening, whenever someone got too grabby. She had my sympathy; I was fending off inebriated barflies all evening, myself (too much make-up and too much booze.) Some people just do not grasp this whole 'look but don't touch' concept.
So I was more than a little surprised when she laid lips on me. Yes I know about Tamaranean language transfer through skin contact (I was signing because my mouth hurt too much to talk) Read it again: After tossing touchy-feely guys around the room all evening, she kissed me, without explaining it beforehand, without asking.
Ninety minutes prior, a guy tried to do one of her waitresses exactly what she did to me, and was escorted off the property. Seeing the double-standard here? It gets better.
She was then flustered that I was not entirely enthused about being lip-smacked by a total stranger. Because, and I quote "No one had taken offense before." That's right, she expected me to be completely okay with being kissed by a complete stranger because I am a man.
Well why don't you just grab my ass while you're at it? It's not sexual assault if a girl does it, right? Right? Here's a news flash: WRONG!
This kind of attitude does as much harm to men as it does to women. For one thing, it puts women into the "cake and eat it" light. To demand respectful treatment but to deny to give it in return just furthers male resentment and escalates the tensions between the sexes. Everyone understands the need to respect the body-rights of women and children, but it seems that as soon as a male turns fifteen, all of his body-rights are revoked and he is expected to submit to being pawed and slobbered over by any passing female, and he's expected to enjoy it! Or else!
Worse is the idea that this kind of behaviour doesn't cause psychological harm to men like it does to women. It does, and it comes with a sense of isolation because male victims of sexual assault usually have no where to turn. They're often denigrated and dismissed by female victims. Whereas the police will usually take a female victim seriously, male victims of female rape have been laughed out of the precinct. Many women rightly complain of feeling violated a second time by the courts, but for most male victims, there isn't even a case.
Illustrating that was the way the family and friends of a teenage victim were treating him. Yeah, that was the one that hit the news four months ago, the one who was being molested by his swimming coach, a classic 'sex for favours' case of victim manipulation. The kid felt he had absolutely no choice as his family were pressuring him to win a place in the Twin Cities championships. This kid was scarred, feeling used, feeling like he had no rights at all, and his family and friends are denigrating him saying they wished they could've boned their teachers when they were kids. He should 'man up' (they actually said that, are you seeing what's wrong with this?) and be grateful for such a opportunity. They're telling a fourteen year old kid that he should be grateful for having been raped! This kid's got just as many trust issues with women and with authority figures, now. He sees women as manipulative predators. It'll take him years to heal enough to have a normal life, if he ever does. But he probably won't get the help he needs, because everyone's telling him he should be glad that this woman forced herself on him.
Because we're all asking for it. Right?
(OOC note: It....... it really does not take much to set Piper off -.-;;; Ranty!Piper stomping around in my head...? headaaaaache XD )
I was at that new bar last night, opening night. The proprieter is a very capable and very strong woman, well skilled in the art of jiggle-pleez. When I say strong, I mean physically as well. I watched her toss guys across the room a couple of times over the course of the evening, whenever someone got too grabby. She had my sympathy; I was fending off inebriated barflies all evening, myself (too much make-up and too much booze.) Some people just do not grasp this whole 'look but don't touch' concept.
So I was more than a little surprised when she laid lips on me. Yes I know about Tamaranean language transfer through skin contact (I was signing because my mouth hurt too much to talk) Read it again: After tossing touchy-feely guys around the room all evening, she kissed me, without explaining it beforehand, without asking.
Ninety minutes prior, a guy tried to do one of her waitresses exactly what she did to me, and was escorted off the property. Seeing the double-standard here? It gets better.
She was then flustered that I was not entirely enthused about being lip-smacked by a total stranger. Because, and I quote "No one had taken offense before." That's right, she expected me to be completely okay with being kissed by a complete stranger because I am a man.
Well why don't you just grab my ass while you're at it? It's not sexual assault if a girl does it, right? Right? Here's a news flash: WRONG!
This kind of attitude does as much harm to men as it does to women. For one thing, it puts women into the "cake and eat it" light. To demand respectful treatment but to deny to give it in return just furthers male resentment and escalates the tensions between the sexes. Everyone understands the need to respect the body-rights of women and children, but it seems that as soon as a male turns fifteen, all of his body-rights are revoked and he is expected to submit to being pawed and slobbered over by any passing female, and he's expected to enjoy it! Or else!
Worse is the idea that this kind of behaviour doesn't cause psychological harm to men like it does to women. It does, and it comes with a sense of isolation because male victims of sexual assault usually have no where to turn. They're often denigrated and dismissed by female victims. Whereas the police will usually take a female victim seriously, male victims of female rape have been laughed out of the precinct. Many women rightly complain of feeling violated a second time by the courts, but for most male victims, there isn't even a case.
Illustrating that was the way the family and friends of a teenage victim were treating him. Yeah, that was the one that hit the news four months ago, the one who was being molested by his swimming coach, a classic 'sex for favours' case of victim manipulation. The kid felt he had absolutely no choice as his family were pressuring him to win a place in the Twin Cities championships. This kid was scarred, feeling used, feeling like he had no rights at all, and his family and friends are denigrating him saying they wished they could've boned their teachers when they were kids. He should 'man up' (they actually said that, are you seeing what's wrong with this?) and be grateful for such a opportunity. They're telling a fourteen year old kid that he should be grateful for having been raped! This kid's got just as many trust issues with women and with authority figures, now. He sees women as manipulative predators. It'll take him years to heal enough to have a normal life, if he ever does. But he probably won't get the help he needs, because everyone's telling him he should be glad that this woman forced herself on him.
Because we're all asking for it. Right?
(OOC note: It....... it really does not take much to set Piper off -.-;;; Ranty!Piper stomping around in my head...? headaaaaache XD )