Comments | stolendream: so...tell me what you think

stolendream

so...tell me what you think

Nov 12, 2005 14:33

The phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater"

Is it true or not?

and why do or don't you think so?

I just wanna see what everyone else thinks about this..

Comments 50

quizzical_me November 12 2005, 15:31:30 UTC

Sorry bout that! For the longest time, I had no clue who you were, and I've only seen you once or twice. I added you back since I've seen you recently. I just like keeping things minimal.

fraustdemon November 12 2005, 17:12:22 UTC

People are creatures of habit. If someone has a history of cheating several times, then odds are they wont change. If somebody cheated only once, and even then it was under iffy circumstances, they may not do it again.

my take:

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

katiebug200 November 12 2005, 22:03:23 UTC

I can agree with that. A repeated cheater might have a problem, an inability to commit. However, someone who has cheated once may have been really stupid about it, or felt there was no way out... though I honestly do not think that cheating should ever be a "way out" of anything. Everyone makes mistakes though.

The mind and emotions can play tricks on you sometime.

This all boils down to the individuals involved. You can not make a blanketed statement about something like this because people and situations can dictate the outcome.

(The comment has been removed)

dweezie November 14 2005, 07:46:14 UTC

Absolutely. That statement is a definite over-generalization. It leaves absolutely no room for the concepts of time, growth, individuality and circumstance.

I have cheated in the past. Does that make me a cheater forever? Should Russ watch his back because of mistakes I made at age 19 and 20?

And, if it were a true statement, where would the line get drawn? There are people who don't necessarily "cheat" themselves, but have relationships with cheaters. I've been there. So has Russ. What's the difference between that person and the cheater? Are those people bound forever by their mistakes? Once a homewrecker, always a homewrecker?

No. That statement is like, "All blondes are ditzy," or "Video games cause violence." Sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not. It certainly shouldn't be a mantra, for heaven's sake.

Thread 6

jdangerously November 13 2005, 08:12:05 UTC

This is kinda a trick question ( ... )

(The comment has been removed)

katiebug200 November 13 2005, 22:12:13 UTC

I agree with that. If in a committed relationship a person can concivibly cheat on their signicatant other, then there is a deeper issue within the relationship, that might not be able to be resolved if they have resorted to cheating.

jdangerously November 14 2005, 08:00:45 UTC

http://www.arabesque-gifts.co.uk/acatalog/Tibetan.html

They're called Purba Daggers, they're for killing deamons. Half way down the page.

Yeah, that's right, alot of it comes down to trust, how much you had, how much you have lost, how you can get it back. Or if...

But think of this too, if a person you Love destroys your trust the point they can not repair it, ask yourself is this because of what they did? or because you didn't trust that person in the first place. Just a thought.

Thread 9

katiebug200 November 13 2005, 22:13:24 UTC

I would like to pose a new question...

What would you consider a cheating action? Sex obviously, but would kissing or other things of that nature fall under that umbrella?

stolendream November 13 2005, 22:36:21 UTC

I would say kissing involving more than just the cheek and more would definitely be cheating. I think however, that there are exceptions. Like for instance, I don't think it's cheating if it's something involving the other person...like, say, a threesome. Regardless of the fact that I think threesomes end up being a bad decision 90% of the time and can ruin relationships in all sorts of ways, I don't think it's cheating. Also "swinging" or "wife-swapping" as it is so insultingly called, as disgusting and completely befuddling as it is, is not cheating. Because "permission" was given. blech.
Anyway, also, games where the other person are present are not cheating, as long as the other person is aware and is ok with it. Like say, spin the bottle.

As long as it doesn't go past comfort levels, get personal, become "alone time", or have 'feelings' involved (esp.that don't involve the other person in the relationship), it's not cheating.

katiebug200 November 15 2005, 09:45:42 UTC

Well if permission is given by the significant other, then yes, it should not be considered cheating. However, you really shouldn't want to do all of that stuff if you care for the other person. Why would you want to "swing"?

And spin the bottle is a silly game.

stolendream November 15 2005, 17:44:49 UTC

duelly noted, but it's still not cheating

and I disagree, spin the bottle is not silly, it's still hella fun....if you're playing with a roomful of lesbanese anyway.....

Thread 12

wow megan this is getting good! milf_03 November 14 2005, 10:16:23 UTC

I must put my spin on this and (hold on let me get on my soap box) I guess my views on this have changed so much. For 12 years I kissed the same person every day ---not one kiss out of place, just like not one puff of a cigarette, easiest way to prevent bad habits I say. The games and the little kisses are just playing with fire, even spin the bottle, it is just playing with fire. If you want the relationship to last you don't give the opportunity for your heart to stray. That means as soon as you even think you may have a little crush you run the other way, everyone will have those feelings but that doesn't mean you don't love your gf, it is human but what you do with it is the question. I have been the kissing fairy before, I have the biggest double standard when it comes to that. The problem is L doesn't care if I kiss someone, but I really really DO! Maybe it is insecurity, maybe it is self doubt but I know that realtionships are hard enough without putting them thru tests. Thing is I just know if I am in love with you-- ( ... )

Re: wow megan this is getting good! stolendream November 16 2005, 12:45:28 UTC

Thats a good point you had, when you said 'not one puff of a cigarette, easiest way to prevent bad habits' It really hit close to home ( ... )

Re: wow megan this is getting good! milf_03 November 16 2005, 12:59:52 UTC

when you are in love all these ideals go out the fucking window anyway

Re: wow megan this is getting good! stolendream November 16 2005, 15:53:14 UTC

true but only to a certain point tho. If someone is being treated like shit in a relationship it's just a matter of time (maybe a long time) before they won't take it anymore, regardless of the fact that they are in love (and assuming they have some sense of self-worth)

Thread 5