Big Time Christmas Parade
Another entry for me to go back and read later in life. This will be boring to most reading it, because I don't just talk about James and Carlos but about everything that happened that night, but I do it for me and for my memories. And I get very detailed. So read at your own peril.
So once again, my James luck came through in a big way. I will never understand how it always seems to work out when I try to meet James, but it does and I'm not complaining about it ever. It's the most amazing gift I have ever been blessed with and each time I get to talk to James, I fall more in love. He's just a beautiful person.
This time it was the Hollywood Christmas Parade. It started exactly a week before the parade, I don't know what brought it to my mind. Maybe it was mentioned on the news? I honestly don't even remember why I thought of it, but it suddenly hit me that the guys might be in the parade this year. When I really thought about it, I was sure of it, that at least James and Carlos would do it because they've been doing appearances like that and it's for a good cause. It felt like their kind of thing. So I went on the website and checked the list of participants, and Erin Sanders was listed but no one else from BTR. I considered asking for the day off anyway, the day after, because I'd have to stay the night in Hollywood if I went. But I talked myself out of it; I'd already asked for two Mondays off in the past two months for stuff that was canceled (of course, those were Logan and Kendall things, and in my experience it never works out for me to see them) and I didn't even know for sure any of the guys would be there. My boss would kill me if I asked for another Monday off. I talked it over with Sharon (@the1nonlyglee), she's the one who usually encourages me in this stuff, and she said I should ask for it off anyway if my gut feeling was that strong. It was, but I decided to wait and see what would happen. The latest I could put in a request was Wednesday.
Wednesday, it was announced. I called into work and got my request in just in time. I spent two days studying the map of where everything was happening, the parade route and the area for the participants, and I didn't think I'd be able to get to the guys but at least if there was an opportunity, I'd be ready. I wasn't even sure I would try because what really is there to say? I've told James everything I wanted to, or at least I thought I had, and decided I would just be happy with seeing the parade and not do all the running around trying to get to them this time. But that night I started thinking and there was more for me to say, so I talked to Elyse (@okonzake23) and Sharon and both encouraged me to put it in a letter. Because you never know. Then Elyse asked if I'd do her a huge favor and get a letter to Carlos if I could, and I agreed immediately. We both knew it was a long shot but I figured I could at least try.
I worked all night Saturday, the graveyard shift, and napped in my supervisor's car Sunday morning for an hour before taking a bus to the Greyhound station. My bus was running an hour late but they put me on the next one, and because that was an express I got there at the same time I would have. The only bummer is I lost an hour I could've slept on the bus. I napped all the way to L.A., an hour, and that was going to have to get me through until late Sunday night. The things we do for these boys.
Took a bus to the subway, took the subway to Hollywood, and walked down to the Kinko's/FedEx to print out the letters for James and Carlos. While walking I passed a star with flowers on it and looked down to see it was Larry Hagman's. I took a moment to pay my respects and get a picture, then moved on. After printing the letters I walked across to McDonald's and grabbed some lunch, then walked down Sunset to my hotel. I'd worried that getting there so late I wouldn't be able to grab a spot on the sidewalk but there were only a few people scattered around in lawn chairs so I knew I'd have no problem.
Got checked in and decided to walk the area where the celebrity cars would be driving after they left the parade route. When I crossed the street I started laughing because of course there was an In-N-Out on the corner. James' favorite place. It made me smile and felt like a good sign. As I was walking down the street, James tweeted about how much he loves and appreciates his fans. Another good sign, because I'd mentioned something about that in my letter. I still didn't think I'd get it to him, because I couldn't find anything signaling where the cars would be, but if it was meant to be, it would be. I left it at that.
When I got to Hollywood Blvd. the streets were all blocked off, of course, and there were people all over the place but I turned left and saw that most of the block was where the participants lined up to go out into the parade. I knew everyone would have to come that way but in the car, they wouldn't stop. I might get a wave, which I would during the parade anyway. Maybe. Still, I was happy with that. I crossed the street to go where the map said the celebrity & VIP cars enter and it was blocked off so you couldn't really see down the street, they had these tents up, but it looked like you could go up the sidewalk along the CVS. I debated going up there and decided to go back to my room and grab the book I'd bought, because I had two hours to kill before the parade started. At least that way I wouldn't be bored while staking out a place to watch the parade.
So I walked back and when I returned there were more people on the sidewalk but I saw a few go down Sycamore, past the tent area. There was no security holding anyone back so I went to see what I could see. Halfway up the block was a small group of people, half of them older guys with big cameras. There were a few girls standing there too, and it felt like they were waiting for celebs. So I hung out there for a little bit and listened, and picked up that the guys were there hoping to get celebs to sign autographs that they'd later sell. The girls were fans hoping to see their favorite celebs. An older woman came up behind me with her granddaughters and she'd been there the year before, she told me we were in the right place to catch the celebs coming in and that a lot of them come over and take pics and autographs.
I was stunned. This was too easy. Just like that, I was going to see James and Carlos? Just by standing on a sidewalk? We watched the stars come in, they'd pull up and stop because we were right where they hand their cars over to valet. The first one to come over was some cute little girl from “Bunheads” or something and she was so sweet, she signed autographs and posed for fan pics and there was a metal barricade keeping us back but really it was for show. Some of the fans ran around it and got to hug their celebs and do pictures and just wow. It really was too easy. I realized then I would get those letters to James and Carlos, as long as they came over to say hi. And we all know Carlos would, right? I wasn't too sure about James, it would depend on his mood. He had just tweeted about loving his fans, though, so I thought he might.
Saw a ton of celebs come in, it was totally awesome. I was a little starstruck by seeing a bunch of soap stars I remembered idolizing as a kid. The older woman behind me was there for a dude from “Young and the Restless” and the two girls in front of me promised that if he showed up, they'd move so she could get up front. We all started chatting and we were all there for different celebs, so we kind of made a pact that when our favorites showed, we'd make sure the one who was there to see them would get up front and have their moment. It was so cool, I love it when fans work together like that. The autograph dudes were kind of rude, and they're cut-throat. They just want their money and screw the fans, I saw them step in front of a few girls who were excited to meet their idols, and me and the older lady yelled at them and told them to back off and let the little girls get in there for autographs and pics. Not all of the celebs came over to us, but most of them did. Freaking Candace Cameron Bure wouldn't even look over when we all called her name, not even a wave or smile. I yelled out that Uncle Jesse would tell her to get over and sign autographs. I doubt she was amused. The girl next to me was there mostly for her, she had “Full House” DVD's in her purse and wanted so bad for Candace to sign them, and we tried but nope. D.J. Tanner was not in the mood for fans. Thanks a lot, Deej.
The girl right in front of me was there to see the “Criminal Minds” cast, Matthew Gray Gubler in particular. I haven't watched that show in a few years, but he was always my favorite, so we chatted about him. She knew of BTR but wasn't a huge fan, and we chatted a little about them. The “Full House” girl liked BTR and was excited to meet James and Carlos, hoping they'd come over, even though Kendall is her favorite. But we talked BTR for a bit, and she was really nice.
James arrived sometime around 4:30, always early as I knew he would be. There was a car already stopped in front of him, so he wasn't directly in front of us, but I was watching for them and saw him immediately when he stopped. I was like “James, it's James.” And they were like “Where?” They couldn't find him. I said “The white car, right there” and then he stepped out and he's so beautiful. A girl got out of the passenger's side and the “Full House” girl said “Look, isn't that his girlfriend?” and I said no, she's in Canada. This girl had dark hair and looked really really familiar but I still can't place her. She almost looks like Chelsea Ricketts and I guess it might've been her but I really think it wasn't. She also reminded me of Lucy Hale but it wasn't her, either. I'm sure somebody will know who she is. Anyway, it wasn't Halston. We all started calling James over and he looked over and smiled, held up a hand to finish with the valet guy and then he walked over to us.
Oh my god, he's just beautiful. And he was so sweet. The Matthew Gray Gubler girl tried to get me up there at the barricade but the girl next to her wouldn't move, and it was okay because I was still close enough to reach him. He signed an autograph for the other girl and then turned to the MGG girl and along the way he spied me. His eyes widened and he smiled and said “Hey, what's up?”
And I fucking died. I thought he might remember me from the plane pull, it was less than a month ago, and he had. But not only had he remembered me, he seemed genuinely happy to see me. That blew me away. I'm always afraid of being that creepy fan he tries to avoid, one whose an annoyance to him. I worry about that, since I do see him more than most fans. But with those three words and that bright smile, he killed that fear. For the first time, I knew for sure he remembered me and was happy to see me. He signed a quick autograph for the MMG girl and she moved aside for me to get closer and I just held out the envelopes, the one with his name on top. Right then the girl to the right shoved over in front of me and said “Can I get a pic, James?” I pulled the envelopes back fast, but I could tell he'd seen them. He said sure to the girl, posed for a pic, and then looked at me. “You got something?”
I nodded and handed him the envelopes and he looked down and said, “Oh, is it for me this time?” I was just so determined to get him those letters I didn't even really comprehend what he was saying, I mean I did but it didn't click. I said “Yes, the one for you is from me and there's one for Carlos from my friend. Can you please make sure--” And he nodded and said “Of course” and then moved to his left to sign some more autographs. The “Full House” girl got him on video saying hi to a few of her friends and he signed some headshots for the autograph dudes. I heard him say “That's an old picture of me, isn't it?” Oh, James.
After that he rejoined the girl and said goodbye and started to walk away but then he looked back and smiled at me and I died again. I just...I died so many times that night. It was a genuine smile, I've seen his fake smile and I've been around him enough to know his moods and it was genuine. All I can come up with is that what I said to him at the plane pull really stuck with him. I did make the impression I hoped I'd made, and he really did appreciate what I said. I don't know of any other reason he would be happy to see me, but no matter how many times I tell myself I'm reading too much into it, I know better. This time he made it clear I was appreciated.
So after he left, I kind of fell apart like I always do after. It was a blur around me and I kept thinking about it and was in shock, and that's when it clicked what James had said. “Oh, is it for me this time?” Which meant he remembered the last time I'd given him a letter, in July, and that it had been for Logan. It's haunted me ever since, the way he saw that letter and said, “Oh. It's for Logan.” And I said, “Yeeeeah.” And I remember feeling horrible, like guilty. But this time I made up for it and when I realized he remembered me from then and had probably remembered me all those times since, I started shaking. Just...wow. I was never sure, figured he'd probably not remembered me between meetings. I've said before James is hard to read when he's got that wall up. But he did remember me.
I remember texting Elyse that I was going to faint and then my phone signal went out and it was forever before I could text anything. The “Full House” girl was having the same problem, we couldn't get any reception and we were screaming because we had to tell our friends what happened. I needed to tell Elyse I'd gotten the letter to James. Poor girl probably thought I really had fainted haha. Finally we were able to text and the girl's friend kept texting her “I'm pooping omg I'm pooping.” It was so funny. I managed to text Elyse and Sharon and let them know I'd gotten the letters to James, and I was just so excited. I still couldn't believe how easy it was.
At that point I considered going to find a place on the sidewalk to watch the parade, but I decided to stay for Carlos. How could I not? Any chance to see Carlos is not to be wasted. He showed up around 5:15 and the parade was supposed to start at 5:30 so he was in a hurry. He jumped out of his car and rushed by us, there was a girl with him who might have been Alexa Vega but I only saw her from behind so I can't say for sure. We all called out to him and he waved and smiled, looked sorry that he couldn't come over but then he was running so we let him go. Those who could see inside the tent area said he was standing at the check-in area for a while after that, so we kept calling him anyway. What the hell. He never did come back out, but I don't blame him. He cut it really close.
At some point the MMG girl informed me that she was sticking with me and I was going to help her get to MMG. I'd told her I'd pored over the map and had a good idea where the cars would be going in and out, and that I had the map on my phone. She decided that if MMG didn't come by this way, we were going to find him coming back from the parade route. She was so funny. “You're with me, sister. We'll go exploring.” So we waited until 5:30 and she said there's no way he hadn't gotten there already, that it was due to start and he must've come in before she got there at 2:30. So we took off and started walking back toward where I had scouted, and at that point she introduced herself as Iris. We ended up making a pretty good team and agreed that if another opportunity presents itself, we'll get together and go searching for our guys.
But we walked all over and I showed her where the horses were and where the limos were supposed to park, but we didn't see any limos. I showed her the map and how it looked like the parade cars would come out near where we had been and come back in the same way. We didn't see how that was possible, given the way the participants were grouped in the street, so we took up a spot on the sidewalk to just watch the parade. At about 6:00 we decided to go back and ask the autograph dudes what they knew, because they'd been there the year before. As we were walking back I studied the streets and figured it out, knew exactly how the cars would get into the parade. She asked if I was sure and I said there was no other way, it had to be right there. So we took up a spot right where we thought the cars would enter into the parade route.
There were two other girls standing there but we didn't really talk to them. A woman was on the other side of the barricade and she started talking to us, and we struck up a conversation with her. She was really nice, though she looked very tired, and then she informed us she was one of the car drivers who would be driving a celeb. We were like “Wow, how does that just happen? We managed to find a driver who could tell us everything we need to know?” So we asked her how it worked and she told us we were exactly where we needed to be, that the cars would be going right by us and we could get pictures and say hi to the celebs as they rode out. We asked her where they'd be coming back and she said the same way. We'd ended up in the perfect spot. Unbelievable.
We hung out there until the parade started, it got started late, and James and Carlos rode out within the first twenty minutes. It was just us and the two girls standing there, and the two girls at least knew who they were or seemed to, so we got waves and smiles and hello's. Iris took a picture of them and as they pulled out, James looked at us and smiled at me. AGAIN. I was just in awe.
After that I offered to go back and talk to the autograph dudes to see if they'd seen any signs of the “Criminal Minds” cast, leaving Iris there in case they rode through. We'd seen Joe Mantegna, he was first since he was the Grand Marshal, but no one else. So I hiked back up the street and asked Red Bull (that's what he goes by, I don't even know) and he said the three others showed up around six, that the publicist/manager/whoever told them not to go sign autographs because they didn't have time but Matthew ran over anyway and took pics, did the whole thing. Iris had told me he loved fans, so that didn't surprise me. The other two, A.J. Cook and Thomas Gibson, had also come over once Matthew did. Poor Iris, when I went back to tell her she was so pissed. She was pissed at herself for giving up on them, but was like “Who gets here at 6:00 when the parade starts at 5:30? What's wrong with these people?” So at that point I was determined she would get to Matthew. I basically made that my mission from that point on. I had what I wanted, I'd gotten the letters to them, so now it was her turn. She asked me if I'd take a picture of them together and I said sure, as long as the car stopped but I didn't think it would. She told me she was going to throw me in front of the car to make it stop. “I'll pay all your medical bills.” She cracked me up, I love her so much.
Matthew's car was about three behind James and Carlos, which ended up working well for me later. I spotted him and pointed him out and we got ready. He was carrying a baby on his lap and when I said “He's got a baby, now what?” Iris goes “I'll tell him to put the baby down.” That became our mantra for the night. “Put the baby down.” We kept saying that all night because every time we saw him he was holding a kid or playing with a kid. Dude will make a great father someday.
Apparently Matthew designs shirts with his own artwork and Iris was wearing one. When the car rolled by she called out his name and he saw the shirt and pointed at her and said “Hey! I love you!” She said “I love you, too!” She was so adorable with him omfg. She took a few pics of him but the car didn't even come close to stopping so she had to let him go. The car behind him had A.J. in it and when Iris called out to her she got excited and pointed as well, saying “Gubler shirt! I love it!” So Iris was all happy over that, and I was happy, too. Thomas Gibson was behind her, so Iris got pics and said quick hi's to him, too, and once they were gone she started shaking and almost crying and we hugged and I was so happy for her. I know that feeling so well, the shaking and crying.
We stood around for a long time after that, watching all the celebs go by and waving/talking to some we knew. We figured they'd be back from the parade in about thirty minutes, and I was happy because it meant I would get to see Carlos and James again. It worked out well that my boys were close to hers in the parade. After an hour we started to wonder if we were wrong about where the cars come back because none had returned and the way they were supposed to come through was blocked off with barricades and some marching bands. I wondered if they would go in a circle and return to the parking structure from the other direction, near where we had been waiting earlier when the celebs first arrived. I watched to see if any parade cars were returning in that direction but couldn't tell, all I could see were headlights in the dark. I told her to stay there and ran down to La Brea to check out if there was another way into the parking structure, and I couldn't see one. Hiked back to her and we decided they had to be returning in that entrance. But from what direction? The map said the way they'd come, but it was blocked. So we went up the street again to talk to Red Bull, and we ended up arguing with him because he's a jerk and misunderstood what we were asking. When he finally got what we were trying to figure out, he said “Why would you want to catch them in the cars? You're not gonna get to talk to them.” I told him “You had to be there, Matthew will come talk to her.” He said no way, that we had a better chance sticking where he was and hoping to catch them leaving in their cars, but that a lot of times you don't see them leaving. Only arriving. I told Iris we should go back where we were, because the map said they'd be coming back that way. The map never lies.
As we were crossing the way, I looked to the left and saw a parade car coming through, the police had to open up the barricades but it came through and it was Joe Mantegna. We screamed in excitement, we hadn't missed anyone coming back and we were in the perfect spot. She was like “You were right, you were right!” and I was like “See? Trust me!”
So sure enough, James and Carlos rode by us again. This time the driver had to stop, and the girls by us called out and got smiles and waves, and Iris lifted her camera and I was standing behind her, but looking over her shoulder. I'm always behind someone, I don't know why. I do it on purpose, I think I like being shielded, like I feel exposed somehow otherwise. But I was just over her shoulder and they saw her lift the camera so they looked over for a pic and James' eyes met mine and we both smiled and ALDFJADSKLFJLDSFJLDSKJFLSJFLSDJFLKDSJFLKJ I SWEAR TO GOD I COULDN'T EVEN MAKE THIS SHIT UP HE SMILED AT ME AGAIN AND IT WAS SO GENUINE AND JUST GOD. JAMES MASLOW YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE YOU.
As the car rolled by us he looked at us and said “Thank you.” I don't know what for. Nothing was said to him. But he looked at us and said “thank you.” It was so weird. But once they pulled through I started shaking again, because the smile and the thank you and the wave, there had been a wave at me too and just. James. JAMES. I have never felt so special as I did last night, as he made me feel just by acknowledging me and smiling at me so much. It has to be what I said to him last time, it just has to. He's always been friendly and polite, but this time it was different. It was crazy.
I turned around and watched them in the car, they had to wait for Bugs Bunny and Sylvester and Tweety to pull in before them. So I just watched them from behind, nothing special, but they were talking and laughing and it was precious. I love them so much.
About ten minutes later Matthew came through again and Iris handed me the camera just in case. He saw her and got excited again, said “Hey!” and she said “Can I please get a picture?” and he said “Yes! Of course!” and pointed down where we'd been before, where valet is. So we ran up the street and took places at that barricade, on the opposite side of where we'd been before. We watched Matthew's car drive in, he still had the baby. I said “What are you going to do if he has the baby?” And then we both said “PUT THE BABY DOWN” and cracked up. I really had too much fun with Iris. At one point when I was running all over trying to figure out where they'd come back and we were studying the map and going over all the options she suddenly looked at me and said, “Damn, stalking is hard work!” I laughed so hard because yes. Yes, it can be. You have to be prepared and know as much as you can going into it. James likes to say “Success happens when preparation meets opportunity.” And that is so so so true.
While we were waiting for Matthew I said “Hey. I might get to see James and Carlos again.” It's so funny how that had become secondary for me. Once I got those letters to James, I was totally satisfied. I did what I came to do. Iris said yes, I just might. A bunch of stars came out, some of them came over to sign autographs and pics and stuff. I kept my eyes on the parking garage, watching for Matthew, and instead James and Carlos walked out. The girls they'd arrived with were nowhere to be found, though James' girl had walked by us earlier in the evening when we were waiting for the cars to come back. I told Iris they were there, and she couldn't see them right away but I knew their silhouettes haha. They moved into the light and she saw them then, and I watched them waiting for their cars. Iris asked if I wanted to call out to them, to get them back over here, but I said no, I didn't want to to be a bother and I'd done what I came to do. I told her I was perfectly happy with my night. She goes, “You're easy to please” and I laughed.
James pulled something out of his coat pocket and they bent over it, and I saw it was the letters I'd given James. He held one out to Carlos, who took it and put it in his pocket, and then James put the other back in his pocket just as the cars arrived. I breathed a sigh of relief-Carlos got his letter from Elyse. :) I never doubted James would give it to him, but I felt better knowing for sure. And I knew James still had his. Mission accomplished.
They hugged each other before Carlos climbed into his car and I melted. I love their friendship. I really really do. It was so beautiful. Then James headed toward his car, which was closer to us, and climbed in. As he started to pull forward the autograph dudes finally realized he was there and called out to him and he glanced over and waved, gave the fake James Maslow smile. I kind of laughed because I've seen that smile before, a few times. But I didn't call out to him or wave or anything, I just watched him go. He had to stop near us to let someone else out, and while he was stopped he suddenly looked over at us and his eyes moved down the line and I SWEAR I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP AND I AM NOT DELUSIONAL BUT WHEN HE FOUND ME HE GOT THIS HUGE GRIN ON HIS FACE AND LIFTED HIS HAND TO WAVE. I GRINNED AND WAVED BACK AND HE DID THE NOD THING AND THEN HE WAS GONE. I CANNOT EVEN PROCESS JAMES MASLOW. HE IS JUST TOO PERFECT AND I WILL LOVE HIM FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER.
That was the final straw. I lost it. I bent over the barricade and started crying, I was shaking and crying and Iris goes, “Don't you start crying, I need you to help me get Matthew.” But I couldn't stop, I cried for like five minutes because James. I never thought in a million years I would get that. Never. It was the biggest relief in the world because I don't ever want to be the fan he tries to avoid or fears. And I was terrified I'd become that somehow. But no. He actually was happy to see me and that's all I ever wanted. It's all I needed to know.
So once I got myself under control I was able to enjoy watching the rest of the celebs. The “Criminal Minds” people took forever come out. Forever. Finally they did, all together, and Matthew wasn't holding a baby. This time he was holding a toddler. Iris groaned and it became “Put the kid down.” They all stood around and talked for a long time, except for Matthew, who was busy playing with the kid. He chased that damn kid all over, the kid chased him, he swung the kid in circles and they kept stealing his hat back and forth and it was truly adorable. Turns out the kid is A.J.'s son and the baby was his nephew. But between the kid and the baby, he wasn't going anywhere. The autograph dudes were yelling for them to come over but they all ignored them, even Matthew. Iris was scared he was going to leave without talking to her and I said “No way. He'll talk to you. You're wearing his shirt.” Because I had no doubt, the way he'd reacted and the way he'd told her to come down here for a pic, I knew he'd come over.
They stood around talking and talking and a bunch of cars were brought over and this old 80's-looking red BMW pulled up with Nevada plates and I said, “That's his car.” I don't know how I knew, I just knew. It looked like him. Sure enough, once everyone started leaving he walked toward it. By then the autograph dudes were yelling for him to come over for Iris, they knew how badly she wanted to meet him. I didn't pipe up until he was almost at the car, because I knew he'd forgotten but I also knew he wouldn't leave without saying goodbye if he remembered. So I joined in and suddenly he looked over. I don't even know. But his face lit up when he saw her and he rushed over, just like I knew he would. No baby in sight haha. She passed me her camera and Iris thanked him profusely and he pulled her in for a big hug and said “Hi, it's no problem, so happy to meet you” and that sort of thing. He made her fucking life. I tried to take the picture and her camera had shut off, so she cussed and got it back on and posed, and it's the cutest damn picture. She thanked him again and said she loves him so much and then he posed with a few others before leaving.
And then it was Iris' turn to break down. She said “Okay, we can go now, I got what I wanted” and we started walking down the sidewalk and she was shaking and we both started screaming and hugged each other because what an amazing night we had. She told me that “my man” totally won her over by being so sweet, that “the cute one” is her favorite now haha. I told her the same about Matthew, that he totally won me over as well by being so awesome with her. We couldn't have asked for a better time, it was so much more amazing than we expected. Iris had even bought a grandstand seat, expecting to be with the crowd watching the parade. We figure we'll see the parade itself on TV when it airs. We got something better. :)
So I walked her to her car and we exchanged info and she's never on Twitter so we'll do the email thing in the future if something comes up. Thank God for her awesome camera, she got me a few good pics. And she sent me the pic of her with Matthew, it is so damn cute. I walked back to my hotel, the parade still going on, and a few celeb cars rode past me. I got to see the “Baby Daddy” cast up close and thought of Sharon, who was excited about Jean-Luc Bilodeau being there. I also got extremely light-headed and dizzy and had to sit down for a minute, realizing I hadn't eaten in a long time and was running on about an hour of sleep. I was so exhausted.
I stopped at In-N-Out and grabbed some food to go, smiling again and thinking it fitting that I was eating it on a night so filled with James. When I got back to the room I tweeted, I texted, I ate, and I showered. And then I passed out.
On the way to the subway this morning I walked back to where it had all happened the night before. I needed to see it again because it felt like a dream. Hollywood Blvd. looked like it always does, not even a hint of the parade from the night before. I walked up the sidewalk by the CVS and when I arrived at the spot where James had come over to us, I looked around and saw two empty folders on the ground. One said “Ryan Potter” on it, the other “Joe Mantegna.” Red Bull had left those behind, and I smiled. It had definitely happened. All of it. And I cried a little again, because I'm stupid like that, but I couldn't stop smiling. The whole way down Hollywood Blvd. I just kept smiling. This is what James does to me. This is why I keep coming back, why I spend all this money, why I take these chances and go when there's an opportunity. Because whenever James is there, he makes it worth all of the hassle. He makes me smile for days. I chose a good guy to get obsessed with, and it doesn't matter what he's doing ten years from now, I know I will still be a fan. He is everything I admire, both as an actor and a person. I really couldn't have chosen anyone better to devote my time and money to. He's wonderful.
I really don't think I'll see any of them again this year, and probably not until the next tour, and by then James probably won't remember me. I'm totally fine with that. I'm just a fan, and I don't need to be anything more. With James, being a fan is enough.
So once again, my James luck came through in a big way. I will never understand how it always seems to work out when I try to meet James, but it does and I'm not complaining about it ever. It's the most amazing gift I have ever been blessed with and each time I get to talk to James, I fall more in love. He's just a beautiful person.
This time it was the Hollywood Christmas Parade. It started exactly a week before the parade, I don't know what brought it to my mind. Maybe it was mentioned on the news? I honestly don't even remember why I thought of it, but it suddenly hit me that the guys might be in the parade this year. When I really thought about it, I was sure of it, that at least James and Carlos would do it because they've been doing appearances like that and it's for a good cause. It felt like their kind of thing. So I went on the website and checked the list of participants, and Erin Sanders was listed but no one else from BTR. I considered asking for the day off anyway, the day after, because I'd have to stay the night in Hollywood if I went. But I talked myself out of it; I'd already asked for two Mondays off in the past two months for stuff that was canceled (of course, those were Logan and Kendall things, and in my experience it never works out for me to see them) and I didn't even know for sure any of the guys would be there. My boss would kill me if I asked for another Monday off. I talked it over with Sharon (@the1nonlyglee), she's the one who usually encourages me in this stuff, and she said I should ask for it off anyway if my gut feeling was that strong. It was, but I decided to wait and see what would happen. The latest I could put in a request was Wednesday.
Wednesday, it was announced. I called into work and got my request in just in time. I spent two days studying the map of where everything was happening, the parade route and the area for the participants, and I didn't think I'd be able to get to the guys but at least if there was an opportunity, I'd be ready. I wasn't even sure I would try because what really is there to say? I've told James everything I wanted to, or at least I thought I had, and decided I would just be happy with seeing the parade and not do all the running around trying to get to them this time. But that night I started thinking and there was more for me to say, so I talked to Elyse (@okonzake23) and Sharon and both encouraged me to put it in a letter. Because you never know. Then Elyse asked if I'd do her a huge favor and get a letter to Carlos if I could, and I agreed immediately. We both knew it was a long shot but I figured I could at least try.
I worked all night Saturday, the graveyard shift, and napped in my supervisor's car Sunday morning for an hour before taking a bus to the Greyhound station. My bus was running an hour late but they put me on the next one, and because that was an express I got there at the same time I would have. The only bummer is I lost an hour I could've slept on the bus. I napped all the way to L.A., an hour, and that was going to have to get me through until late Sunday night. The things we do for these boys.
Took a bus to the subway, took the subway to Hollywood, and walked down to the Kinko's/FedEx to print out the letters for James and Carlos. While walking I passed a star with flowers on it and looked down to see it was Larry Hagman's. I took a moment to pay my respects and get a picture, then moved on. After printing the letters I walked across to McDonald's and grabbed some lunch, then walked down Sunset to my hotel. I'd worried that getting there so late I wouldn't be able to grab a spot on the sidewalk but there were only a few people scattered around in lawn chairs so I knew I'd have no problem.
Got checked in and decided to walk the area where the celebrity cars would be driving after they left the parade route. When I crossed the street I started laughing because of course there was an In-N-Out on the corner. James' favorite place. It made me smile and felt like a good sign. As I was walking down the street, James tweeted about how much he loves and appreciates his fans. Another good sign, because I'd mentioned something about that in my letter. I still didn't think I'd get it to him, because I couldn't find anything signaling where the cars would be, but if it was meant to be, it would be. I left it at that.
When I got to Hollywood Blvd. the streets were all blocked off, of course, and there were people all over the place but I turned left and saw that most of the block was where the participants lined up to go out into the parade. I knew everyone would have to come that way but in the car, they wouldn't stop. I might get a wave, which I would during the parade anyway. Maybe. Still, I was happy with that. I crossed the street to go where the map said the celebrity & VIP cars enter and it was blocked off so you couldn't really see down the street, they had these tents up, but it looked like you could go up the sidewalk along the CVS. I debated going up there and decided to go back to my room and grab the book I'd bought, because I had two hours to kill before the parade started. At least that way I wouldn't be bored while staking out a place to watch the parade.
So I walked back and when I returned there were more people on the sidewalk but I saw a few go down Sycamore, past the tent area. There was no security holding anyone back so I went to see what I could see. Halfway up the block was a small group of people, half of them older guys with big cameras. There were a few girls standing there too, and it felt like they were waiting for celebs. So I hung out there for a little bit and listened, and picked up that the guys were there hoping to get celebs to sign autographs that they'd later sell. The girls were fans hoping to see their favorite celebs. An older woman came up behind me with her granddaughters and she'd been there the year before, she told me we were in the right place to catch the celebs coming in and that a lot of them come over and take pics and autographs.
I was stunned. This was too easy. Just like that, I was going to see James and Carlos? Just by standing on a sidewalk? We watched the stars come in, they'd pull up and stop because we were right where they hand their cars over to valet. The first one to come over was some cute little girl from “Bunheads” or something and she was so sweet, she signed autographs and posed for fan pics and there was a metal barricade keeping us back but really it was for show. Some of the fans ran around it and got to hug their celebs and do pictures and just wow. It really was too easy. I realized then I would get those letters to James and Carlos, as long as they came over to say hi. And we all know Carlos would, right? I wasn't too sure about James, it would depend on his mood. He had just tweeted about loving his fans, though, so I thought he might.
Saw a ton of celebs come in, it was totally awesome. I was a little starstruck by seeing a bunch of soap stars I remembered idolizing as a kid. The older woman behind me was there for a dude from “Young and the Restless” and the two girls in front of me promised that if he showed up, they'd move so she could get up front. We all started chatting and we were all there for different celebs, so we kind of made a pact that when our favorites showed, we'd make sure the one who was there to see them would get up front and have their moment. It was so cool, I love it when fans work together like that. The autograph dudes were kind of rude, and they're cut-throat. They just want their money and screw the fans, I saw them step in front of a few girls who were excited to meet their idols, and me and the older lady yelled at them and told them to back off and let the little girls get in there for autographs and pics. Not all of the celebs came over to us, but most of them did. Freaking Candace Cameron Bure wouldn't even look over when we all called her name, not even a wave or smile. I yelled out that Uncle Jesse would tell her to get over and sign autographs. I doubt she was amused. The girl next to me was there mostly for her, she had “Full House” DVD's in her purse and wanted so bad for Candace to sign them, and we tried but nope. D.J. Tanner was not in the mood for fans. Thanks a lot, Deej.
The girl right in front of me was there to see the “Criminal Minds” cast, Matthew Gray Gubler in particular. I haven't watched that show in a few years, but he was always my favorite, so we chatted about him. She knew of BTR but wasn't a huge fan, and we chatted a little about them. The “Full House” girl liked BTR and was excited to meet James and Carlos, hoping they'd come over, even though Kendall is her favorite. But we talked BTR for a bit, and she was really nice.
James arrived sometime around 4:30, always early as I knew he would be. There was a car already stopped in front of him, so he wasn't directly in front of us, but I was watching for them and saw him immediately when he stopped. I was like “James, it's James.” And they were like “Where?” They couldn't find him. I said “The white car, right there” and then he stepped out and he's so beautiful. A girl got out of the passenger's side and the “Full House” girl said “Look, isn't that his girlfriend?” and I said no, she's in Canada. This girl had dark hair and looked really really familiar but I still can't place her. She almost looks like Chelsea Ricketts and I guess it might've been her but I really think it wasn't. She also reminded me of Lucy Hale but it wasn't her, either. I'm sure somebody will know who she is. Anyway, it wasn't Halston. We all started calling James over and he looked over and smiled, held up a hand to finish with the valet guy and then he walked over to us.
Oh my god, he's just beautiful. And he was so sweet. The Matthew Gray Gubler girl tried to get me up there at the barricade but the girl next to her wouldn't move, and it was okay because I was still close enough to reach him. He signed an autograph for the other girl and then turned to the MGG girl and along the way he spied me. His eyes widened and he smiled and said “Hey, what's up?”
And I fucking died. I thought he might remember me from the plane pull, it was less than a month ago, and he had. But not only had he remembered me, he seemed genuinely happy to see me. That blew me away. I'm always afraid of being that creepy fan he tries to avoid, one whose an annoyance to him. I worry about that, since I do see him more than most fans. But with those three words and that bright smile, he killed that fear. For the first time, I knew for sure he remembered me and was happy to see me. He signed a quick autograph for the MMG girl and she moved aside for me to get closer and I just held out the envelopes, the one with his name on top. Right then the girl to the right shoved over in front of me and said “Can I get a pic, James?” I pulled the envelopes back fast, but I could tell he'd seen them. He said sure to the girl, posed for a pic, and then looked at me. “You got something?”
I nodded and handed him the envelopes and he looked down and said, “Oh, is it for me this time?” I was just so determined to get him those letters I didn't even really comprehend what he was saying, I mean I did but it didn't click. I said “Yes, the one for you is from me and there's one for Carlos from my friend. Can you please make sure--” And he nodded and said “Of course” and then moved to his left to sign some more autographs. The “Full House” girl got him on video saying hi to a few of her friends and he signed some headshots for the autograph dudes. I heard him say “That's an old picture of me, isn't it?” Oh, James.
After that he rejoined the girl and said goodbye and started to walk away but then he looked back and smiled at me and I died again. I just...I died so many times that night. It was a genuine smile, I've seen his fake smile and I've been around him enough to know his moods and it was genuine. All I can come up with is that what I said to him at the plane pull really stuck with him. I did make the impression I hoped I'd made, and he really did appreciate what I said. I don't know of any other reason he would be happy to see me, but no matter how many times I tell myself I'm reading too much into it, I know better. This time he made it clear I was appreciated.
So after he left, I kind of fell apart like I always do after. It was a blur around me and I kept thinking about it and was in shock, and that's when it clicked what James had said. “Oh, is it for me this time?” Which meant he remembered the last time I'd given him a letter, in July, and that it had been for Logan. It's haunted me ever since, the way he saw that letter and said, “Oh. It's for Logan.” And I said, “Yeeeeah.” And I remember feeling horrible, like guilty. But this time I made up for it and when I realized he remembered me from then and had probably remembered me all those times since, I started shaking. Just...wow. I was never sure, figured he'd probably not remembered me between meetings. I've said before James is hard to read when he's got that wall up. But he did remember me.
I remember texting Elyse that I was going to faint and then my phone signal went out and it was forever before I could text anything. The “Full House” girl was having the same problem, we couldn't get any reception and we were screaming because we had to tell our friends what happened. I needed to tell Elyse I'd gotten the letter to James. Poor girl probably thought I really had fainted haha. Finally we were able to text and the girl's friend kept texting her “I'm pooping omg I'm pooping.” It was so funny. I managed to text Elyse and Sharon and let them know I'd gotten the letters to James, and I was just so excited. I still couldn't believe how easy it was.
At that point I considered going to find a place on the sidewalk to watch the parade, but I decided to stay for Carlos. How could I not? Any chance to see Carlos is not to be wasted. He showed up around 5:15 and the parade was supposed to start at 5:30 so he was in a hurry. He jumped out of his car and rushed by us, there was a girl with him who might have been Alexa Vega but I only saw her from behind so I can't say for sure. We all called out to him and he waved and smiled, looked sorry that he couldn't come over but then he was running so we let him go. Those who could see inside the tent area said he was standing at the check-in area for a while after that, so we kept calling him anyway. What the hell. He never did come back out, but I don't blame him. He cut it really close.
At some point the MMG girl informed me that she was sticking with me and I was going to help her get to MMG. I'd told her I'd pored over the map and had a good idea where the cars would be going in and out, and that I had the map on my phone. She decided that if MMG didn't come by this way, we were going to find him coming back from the parade route. She was so funny. “You're with me, sister. We'll go exploring.” So we waited until 5:30 and she said there's no way he hadn't gotten there already, that it was due to start and he must've come in before she got there at 2:30. So we took off and started walking back toward where I had scouted, and at that point she introduced herself as Iris. We ended up making a pretty good team and agreed that if another opportunity presents itself, we'll get together and go searching for our guys.
But we walked all over and I showed her where the horses were and where the limos were supposed to park, but we didn't see any limos. I showed her the map and how it looked like the parade cars would come out near where we had been and come back in the same way. We didn't see how that was possible, given the way the participants were grouped in the street, so we took up a spot on the sidewalk to just watch the parade. At about 6:00 we decided to go back and ask the autograph dudes what they knew, because they'd been there the year before. As we were walking back I studied the streets and figured it out, knew exactly how the cars would get into the parade. She asked if I was sure and I said there was no other way, it had to be right there. So we took up a spot right where we thought the cars would enter into the parade route.
There were two other girls standing there but we didn't really talk to them. A woman was on the other side of the barricade and she started talking to us, and we struck up a conversation with her. She was really nice, though she looked very tired, and then she informed us she was one of the car drivers who would be driving a celeb. We were like “Wow, how does that just happen? We managed to find a driver who could tell us everything we need to know?” So we asked her how it worked and she told us we were exactly where we needed to be, that the cars would be going right by us and we could get pictures and say hi to the celebs as they rode out. We asked her where they'd be coming back and she said the same way. We'd ended up in the perfect spot. Unbelievable.
We hung out there until the parade started, it got started late, and James and Carlos rode out within the first twenty minutes. It was just us and the two girls standing there, and the two girls at least knew who they were or seemed to, so we got waves and smiles and hello's. Iris took a picture of them and as they pulled out, James looked at us and smiled at me. AGAIN. I was just in awe.
After that I offered to go back and talk to the autograph dudes to see if they'd seen any signs of the “Criminal Minds” cast, leaving Iris there in case they rode through. We'd seen Joe Mantegna, he was first since he was the Grand Marshal, but no one else. So I hiked back up the street and asked Red Bull (that's what he goes by, I don't even know) and he said the three others showed up around six, that the publicist/manager/whoever told them not to go sign autographs because they didn't have time but Matthew ran over anyway and took pics, did the whole thing. Iris had told me he loved fans, so that didn't surprise me. The other two, A.J. Cook and Thomas Gibson, had also come over once Matthew did. Poor Iris, when I went back to tell her she was so pissed. She was pissed at herself for giving up on them, but was like “Who gets here at 6:00 when the parade starts at 5:30? What's wrong with these people?” So at that point I was determined she would get to Matthew. I basically made that my mission from that point on. I had what I wanted, I'd gotten the letters to them, so now it was her turn. She asked me if I'd take a picture of them together and I said sure, as long as the car stopped but I didn't think it would. She told me she was going to throw me in front of the car to make it stop. “I'll pay all your medical bills.” She cracked me up, I love her so much.
Matthew's car was about three behind James and Carlos, which ended up working well for me later. I spotted him and pointed him out and we got ready. He was carrying a baby on his lap and when I said “He's got a baby, now what?” Iris goes “I'll tell him to put the baby down.” That became our mantra for the night. “Put the baby down.” We kept saying that all night because every time we saw him he was holding a kid or playing with a kid. Dude will make a great father someday.
Apparently Matthew designs shirts with his own artwork and Iris was wearing one. When the car rolled by she called out his name and he saw the shirt and pointed at her and said “Hey! I love you!” She said “I love you, too!” She was so adorable with him omfg. She took a few pics of him but the car didn't even come close to stopping so she had to let him go. The car behind him had A.J. in it and when Iris called out to her she got excited and pointed as well, saying “Gubler shirt! I love it!” So Iris was all happy over that, and I was happy, too. Thomas Gibson was behind her, so Iris got pics and said quick hi's to him, too, and once they were gone she started shaking and almost crying and we hugged and I was so happy for her. I know that feeling so well, the shaking and crying.
We stood around for a long time after that, watching all the celebs go by and waving/talking to some we knew. We figured they'd be back from the parade in about thirty minutes, and I was happy because it meant I would get to see Carlos and James again. It worked out well that my boys were close to hers in the parade. After an hour we started to wonder if we were wrong about where the cars come back because none had returned and the way they were supposed to come through was blocked off with barricades and some marching bands. I wondered if they would go in a circle and return to the parking structure from the other direction, near where we had been waiting earlier when the celebs first arrived. I watched to see if any parade cars were returning in that direction but couldn't tell, all I could see were headlights in the dark. I told her to stay there and ran down to La Brea to check out if there was another way into the parking structure, and I couldn't see one. Hiked back to her and we decided they had to be returning in that entrance. But from what direction? The map said the way they'd come, but it was blocked. So we went up the street again to talk to Red Bull, and we ended up arguing with him because he's a jerk and misunderstood what we were asking. When he finally got what we were trying to figure out, he said “Why would you want to catch them in the cars? You're not gonna get to talk to them.” I told him “You had to be there, Matthew will come talk to her.” He said no way, that we had a better chance sticking where he was and hoping to catch them leaving in their cars, but that a lot of times you don't see them leaving. Only arriving. I told Iris we should go back where we were, because the map said they'd be coming back that way. The map never lies.
As we were crossing the way, I looked to the left and saw a parade car coming through, the police had to open up the barricades but it came through and it was Joe Mantegna. We screamed in excitement, we hadn't missed anyone coming back and we were in the perfect spot. She was like “You were right, you were right!” and I was like “See? Trust me!”
So sure enough, James and Carlos rode by us again. This time the driver had to stop, and the girls by us called out and got smiles and waves, and Iris lifted her camera and I was standing behind her, but looking over her shoulder. I'm always behind someone, I don't know why. I do it on purpose, I think I like being shielded, like I feel exposed somehow otherwise. But I was just over her shoulder and they saw her lift the camera so they looked over for a pic and James' eyes met mine and we both smiled and ALDFJADSKLFJLDSFJLDSKJFLSJFLSDJFLKDSJFLKJ I SWEAR TO GOD I COULDN'T EVEN MAKE THIS SHIT UP HE SMILED AT ME AGAIN AND IT WAS SO GENUINE AND JUST GOD. JAMES MASLOW YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE YOU.
As the car rolled by us he looked at us and said “Thank you.” I don't know what for. Nothing was said to him. But he looked at us and said “thank you.” It was so weird. But once they pulled through I started shaking again, because the smile and the thank you and the wave, there had been a wave at me too and just. James. JAMES. I have never felt so special as I did last night, as he made me feel just by acknowledging me and smiling at me so much. It has to be what I said to him last time, it just has to. He's always been friendly and polite, but this time it was different. It was crazy.
I turned around and watched them in the car, they had to wait for Bugs Bunny and Sylvester and Tweety to pull in before them. So I just watched them from behind, nothing special, but they were talking and laughing and it was precious. I love them so much.
About ten minutes later Matthew came through again and Iris handed me the camera just in case. He saw her and got excited again, said “Hey!” and she said “Can I please get a picture?” and he said “Yes! Of course!” and pointed down where we'd been before, where valet is. So we ran up the street and took places at that barricade, on the opposite side of where we'd been before. We watched Matthew's car drive in, he still had the baby. I said “What are you going to do if he has the baby?” And then we both said “PUT THE BABY DOWN” and cracked up. I really had too much fun with Iris. At one point when I was running all over trying to figure out where they'd come back and we were studying the map and going over all the options she suddenly looked at me and said, “Damn, stalking is hard work!” I laughed so hard because yes. Yes, it can be. You have to be prepared and know as much as you can going into it. James likes to say “Success happens when preparation meets opportunity.” And that is so so so true.
While we were waiting for Matthew I said “Hey. I might get to see James and Carlos again.” It's so funny how that had become secondary for me. Once I got those letters to James, I was totally satisfied. I did what I came to do. Iris said yes, I just might. A bunch of stars came out, some of them came over to sign autographs and pics and stuff. I kept my eyes on the parking garage, watching for Matthew, and instead James and Carlos walked out. The girls they'd arrived with were nowhere to be found, though James' girl had walked by us earlier in the evening when we were waiting for the cars to come back. I told Iris they were there, and she couldn't see them right away but I knew their silhouettes haha. They moved into the light and she saw them then, and I watched them waiting for their cars. Iris asked if I wanted to call out to them, to get them back over here, but I said no, I didn't want to to be a bother and I'd done what I came to do. I told her I was perfectly happy with my night. She goes, “You're easy to please” and I laughed.
James pulled something out of his coat pocket and they bent over it, and I saw it was the letters I'd given James. He held one out to Carlos, who took it and put it in his pocket, and then James put the other back in his pocket just as the cars arrived. I breathed a sigh of relief-Carlos got his letter from Elyse. :) I never doubted James would give it to him, but I felt better knowing for sure. And I knew James still had his. Mission accomplished.
They hugged each other before Carlos climbed into his car and I melted. I love their friendship. I really really do. It was so beautiful. Then James headed toward his car, which was closer to us, and climbed in. As he started to pull forward the autograph dudes finally realized he was there and called out to him and he glanced over and waved, gave the fake James Maslow smile. I kind of laughed because I've seen that smile before, a few times. But I didn't call out to him or wave or anything, I just watched him go. He had to stop near us to let someone else out, and while he was stopped he suddenly looked over at us and his eyes moved down the line and I SWEAR I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP AND I AM NOT DELUSIONAL BUT WHEN HE FOUND ME HE GOT THIS HUGE GRIN ON HIS FACE AND LIFTED HIS HAND TO WAVE. I GRINNED AND WAVED BACK AND HE DID THE NOD THING AND THEN HE WAS GONE. I CANNOT EVEN PROCESS JAMES MASLOW. HE IS JUST TOO PERFECT AND I WILL LOVE HIM FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER.
That was the final straw. I lost it. I bent over the barricade and started crying, I was shaking and crying and Iris goes, “Don't you start crying, I need you to help me get Matthew.” But I couldn't stop, I cried for like five minutes because James. I never thought in a million years I would get that. Never. It was the biggest relief in the world because I don't ever want to be the fan he tries to avoid or fears. And I was terrified I'd become that somehow. But no. He actually was happy to see me and that's all I ever wanted. It's all I needed to know.
So once I got myself under control I was able to enjoy watching the rest of the celebs. The “Criminal Minds” people took forever come out. Forever. Finally they did, all together, and Matthew wasn't holding a baby. This time he was holding a toddler. Iris groaned and it became “Put the kid down.” They all stood around and talked for a long time, except for Matthew, who was busy playing with the kid. He chased that damn kid all over, the kid chased him, he swung the kid in circles and they kept stealing his hat back and forth and it was truly adorable. Turns out the kid is A.J.'s son and the baby was his nephew. But between the kid and the baby, he wasn't going anywhere. The autograph dudes were yelling for them to come over but they all ignored them, even Matthew. Iris was scared he was going to leave without talking to her and I said “No way. He'll talk to you. You're wearing his shirt.” Because I had no doubt, the way he'd reacted and the way he'd told her to come down here for a pic, I knew he'd come over.
They stood around talking and talking and a bunch of cars were brought over and this old 80's-looking red BMW pulled up with Nevada plates and I said, “That's his car.” I don't know how I knew, I just knew. It looked like him. Sure enough, once everyone started leaving he walked toward it. By then the autograph dudes were yelling for him to come over for Iris, they knew how badly she wanted to meet him. I didn't pipe up until he was almost at the car, because I knew he'd forgotten but I also knew he wouldn't leave without saying goodbye if he remembered. So I joined in and suddenly he looked over. I don't even know. But his face lit up when he saw her and he rushed over, just like I knew he would. No baby in sight haha. She passed me her camera and Iris thanked him profusely and he pulled her in for a big hug and said “Hi, it's no problem, so happy to meet you” and that sort of thing. He made her fucking life. I tried to take the picture and her camera had shut off, so she cussed and got it back on and posed, and it's the cutest damn picture. She thanked him again and said she loves him so much and then he posed with a few others before leaving.
And then it was Iris' turn to break down. She said “Okay, we can go now, I got what I wanted” and we started walking down the sidewalk and she was shaking and we both started screaming and hugged each other because what an amazing night we had. She told me that “my man” totally won her over by being so sweet, that “the cute one” is her favorite now haha. I told her the same about Matthew, that he totally won me over as well by being so awesome with her. We couldn't have asked for a better time, it was so much more amazing than we expected. Iris had even bought a grandstand seat, expecting to be with the crowd watching the parade. We figure we'll see the parade itself on TV when it airs. We got something better. :)
So I walked her to her car and we exchanged info and she's never on Twitter so we'll do the email thing in the future if something comes up. Thank God for her awesome camera, she got me a few good pics. And she sent me the pic of her with Matthew, it is so damn cute. I walked back to my hotel, the parade still going on, and a few celeb cars rode past me. I got to see the “Baby Daddy” cast up close and thought of Sharon, who was excited about Jean-Luc Bilodeau being there. I also got extremely light-headed and dizzy and had to sit down for a minute, realizing I hadn't eaten in a long time and was running on about an hour of sleep. I was so exhausted.
I stopped at In-N-Out and grabbed some food to go, smiling again and thinking it fitting that I was eating it on a night so filled with James. When I got back to the room I tweeted, I texted, I ate, and I showered. And then I passed out.
On the way to the subway this morning I walked back to where it had all happened the night before. I needed to see it again because it felt like a dream. Hollywood Blvd. looked like it always does, not even a hint of the parade from the night before. I walked up the sidewalk by the CVS and when I arrived at the spot where James had come over to us, I looked around and saw two empty folders on the ground. One said “Ryan Potter” on it, the other “Joe Mantegna.” Red Bull had left those behind, and I smiled. It had definitely happened. All of it. And I cried a little again, because I'm stupid like that, but I couldn't stop smiling. The whole way down Hollywood Blvd. I just kept smiling. This is what James does to me. This is why I keep coming back, why I spend all this money, why I take these chances and go when there's an opportunity. Because whenever James is there, he makes it worth all of the hassle. He makes me smile for days. I chose a good guy to get obsessed with, and it doesn't matter what he's doing ten years from now, I know I will still be a fan. He is everything I admire, both as an actor and a person. I really couldn't have chosen anyone better to devote my time and money to. He's wonderful.
I really don't think I'll see any of them again this year, and probably not until the next tour, and by then James probably won't remember me. I'm totally fine with that. I'm just a fan, and I don't need to be anything more. With James, being a fan is enough.