Fic: Touched (Myka/HG: R)
Title: Touched.
Pairing: Myka/HG
Rating: R
Summary: Myka hadn’t realised how much she wanted to touch HG until she couldn’t.
Spoilers: Up to 3.5 “3 2 1”
Word Count: ~1600
Author’s Notes: My first Warehouse 13 fic! And my first Myka/HG. For Laura, pretty much, for making me watch and sharing my feelings <3
Myka doesn’t realise how much she wants to touch HG until she can’t. She involuntarily steps closer while they’re looking around the farm, and half raises her fingers to reach for HG’s hand when Pete’s back is turned, and HG just stares at her and then swipes her hand through a rusty piece of farm equipment, her hologram breaking up, to remind her. After that, HG stuffs her hands into her pockets and keeps them there, trying to walk with something of her old swagger whenever Pete looks her way. Myka sees the pain in her eyes - HG had always been an open book to her (except for that one time, when it had counted) - and she keeps her own arms folded tightly around her chest, hugging herself in a way a Secret Service Agent shouldn’t out in the field.
Later, HG catches her eye and mirrors the gesture, and Myka understands that they’re holding each other together, the way they always have.
+
She just stands there while Pete yells at HG. She can’t find her voice to interrupt, and she watches as HG deflates and takes in every word Pete says to her. Myka knows Pete blames HG for her leaving, and he’s not wrong, not really, but she wishes he’d be angry with her. It wasn’t just that HG had betrayed her, it was that Myka couldn’t bear to be in a place with so many memories, where she expected HG to sneak into her room at night and wake her with a kiss before she climbed into her bed, or where she expected to come downstairs to find HG grinning at her over the breakfast table before she pressed her feet against Myka’s under the table and made Myka blush into her coffee cup.
She was never running from him, only running from herself and the way her stomach had twisted every time she was anywhere near where she’d been with HG. It wasn’t really easier at her parents’ bookstore, but she wasn’t constantly reminded of HG there.
When HG starts shouting back, Myka knows she has to find her voice, but she can’t force the words out so she opens the sphere until HG disappears and hates herself, just for a little bit.
+
Myka had gotten good at not thinking about HG. Not thinking about the way she always moved closer to her than was strictly necessary, and caught her eye with a smirk, or the way she was always watching her back on missions, always where Myka needed her most. She’d gotten good at not thinking about the way HG had shifted her weight to the side and stood with one hand on her hip challengingly, daring her to make a move, or the way she ran her fingers through Myka’s hair when Myka had finally stepped closer, before she leaned into her and kissed her for the first time. She’d gotten good at not thinking about the way HG looked in the dark of her bedroom, HG’s hips pressing her down into the mattress as her teeth grazed her collarbone, or the way HG shivered when Myka cupped her face in her hands and traced the lines of her cheekbones with her thumbs.
But Myka was best at not thinking about how she’d pulled HG’s gun towards her own head and told her to look her in the eyes.
She didn’t think about that at all.
+
Myka knows they’ll need HG as soon as the Tesla doesn’t break through the force field. It was always inevitable, somehow, that HG would end up saving her.
Again.
She hears HG’s words like they were intended for her, and she knows that they are, really. She’s talking about Christina, but she might as well be talking about them, and all Myka hears is “I lost someone I love too.” Myka sees the way she grips her locket, but she also sees the way her eyes flash towards her, just for a second before she starts to speak, and then Myka almost moves closer until she remembers the force field between them, and it might as well be a trident and a gun, honestly, because they’ll always be between them too.
After, when they’ve bagged the artefact, Pete takes the sphere and sucks HG back into it without a word, and Myka wants to protest, wants to say something about how HG tried to destroy the world but she just saved it too and how that should count for something.
And how HG loved her, and how HG saved her, and Myka only realised it, truly, now, and how that should count for something too.
+
They forget she has HG’s sphere. Or at least, she assumes they do, because there’s no way they’d let her disappear into her room at Leena’s and summon HG with it if they knew. Myka doesn’t know how long she has until Artie will call them back to the warehouse and take HG from her again, but she wants to see her, just once, before she’s gone.
When she appears, HG wraps her arms around herself reflexively and looks around the room like she’s looking at ghosts of what they had, so Myka looks around too; at the window where HG had sat and looked out, playing with her locket, until Myka had wrapped her arms around her and pulled her back to bed, and at the chair where Myka had sat reading in nothing but an oversized sweatshirt, while HG lay in bed with the sheets wrapped around her, watching like she’d never get sick of the sight.
“I miss you,” Myka isn’t aware that she’s spoken or that she’s crossed the room until she sits on the bed, eyes avoiding HG.
“Myka...” her name is barely a whisper from HG’s lips but there’s so much feeling behind it that it does something to Myka, and the next thing she knows she’s sobbing noisily and covering her face with her hands. HG crouches in front of her and raises her hands as if to rest them on Myka’s knees, and when she stops, hands hovering short of touching her, and looks up at Myka apologetically, Myka feels a great choking sob force its way out of her throat.
HG stays frozen, looking up at her with such tenderness that Myka can’t bear it. She stays there so long that Myka’s sure she can’t be comfortable, until Myka cries herself out, and then she reaches up and traces her fingers over Myka’s cheek, with enough distance between them to stop her hologram breaking up. Myka closes her eyes and pretends she can feel the heat of them there, against her skin.
+
Myka holds herself together in the warehouse, and she’s grateful for the way HG offers to shelve the artefact with her because if she had to watch Artie coldly condemn HG to the Regents’ prison she really would lose it. They walk through the aisles in silence, looking for the artefact’s place while Pete trails behind them, enough distance between them that he can’t overhear.
“Here,” HG says after a while and Myka nods numbly, reaching for the control pad to check the artefact in.
HG’s fingers twitch like she wants to reach for Myka and Myka watches her hands clench into fists at her sides before she exhales and loosens them. “We did make a good team... didn’t we?”
Myka understands the meaning behind the words, but Pete is coming closer and she’s not sure if he can hear so she just says, “We did.” She stumbles over her words, too much to say and not enough time to say it, but she manages to force the next words out, “I just wish you would have realised that sooner.”
Myka has never heard as much sincerity in HG’s voice as when she says, “So do I.”
They stare at each other in silence for a moment and then Myka swallows and says, “Goodbye Helena.”
HG takes a deep breath and raises her hand to clutch her locket, and then her eyes find Myka’s face, like she’s trying to remember every detail before she loses it forever.
After, Myka isn’t aware of the tears in her eyes until Pete’s arm slides around her shoulder, and it’s wrong, somehow, to be touching anyone, now. She steps out of his arm and wipes at her face with her free hand, the other grasping HG’s sphere like she never wants to let go. She sinks to the floor, her back to the shelves and draws her knees up to her chest, the sphere cradled in her arms. Pete doesn’t say anything, just slowly sits down beside her, far enough not to be touching, but close enough to be there if she needs him.
Later, she bumps her shoulder against his, and he nudges her back until she meets his eyes and smiles, just for a moment.
Pairing: Myka/HG
Rating: R
Summary: Myka hadn’t realised how much she wanted to touch HG until she couldn’t.
Spoilers: Up to 3.5 “3 2 1”
Word Count: ~1600
Author’s Notes: My first Warehouse 13 fic! And my first Myka/HG. For Laura, pretty much, for making me watch and sharing my feelings <3
Myka doesn’t realise how much she wants to touch HG until she can’t. She involuntarily steps closer while they’re looking around the farm, and half raises her fingers to reach for HG’s hand when Pete’s back is turned, and HG just stares at her and then swipes her hand through a rusty piece of farm equipment, her hologram breaking up, to remind her. After that, HG stuffs her hands into her pockets and keeps them there, trying to walk with something of her old swagger whenever Pete looks her way. Myka sees the pain in her eyes - HG had always been an open book to her (except for that one time, when it had counted) - and she keeps her own arms folded tightly around her chest, hugging herself in a way a Secret Service Agent shouldn’t out in the field.
Later, HG catches her eye and mirrors the gesture, and Myka understands that they’re holding each other together, the way they always have.
+
She just stands there while Pete yells at HG. She can’t find her voice to interrupt, and she watches as HG deflates and takes in every word Pete says to her. Myka knows Pete blames HG for her leaving, and he’s not wrong, not really, but she wishes he’d be angry with her. It wasn’t just that HG had betrayed her, it was that Myka couldn’t bear to be in a place with so many memories, where she expected HG to sneak into her room at night and wake her with a kiss before she climbed into her bed, or where she expected to come downstairs to find HG grinning at her over the breakfast table before she pressed her feet against Myka’s under the table and made Myka blush into her coffee cup.
She was never running from him, only running from herself and the way her stomach had twisted every time she was anywhere near where she’d been with HG. It wasn’t really easier at her parents’ bookstore, but she wasn’t constantly reminded of HG there.
When HG starts shouting back, Myka knows she has to find her voice, but she can’t force the words out so she opens the sphere until HG disappears and hates herself, just for a little bit.
+
Myka had gotten good at not thinking about HG. Not thinking about the way she always moved closer to her than was strictly necessary, and caught her eye with a smirk, or the way she was always watching her back on missions, always where Myka needed her most. She’d gotten good at not thinking about the way HG had shifted her weight to the side and stood with one hand on her hip challengingly, daring her to make a move, or the way she ran her fingers through Myka’s hair when Myka had finally stepped closer, before she leaned into her and kissed her for the first time. She’d gotten good at not thinking about the way HG looked in the dark of her bedroom, HG’s hips pressing her down into the mattress as her teeth grazed her collarbone, or the way HG shivered when Myka cupped her face in her hands and traced the lines of her cheekbones with her thumbs.
But Myka was best at not thinking about how she’d pulled HG’s gun towards her own head and told her to look her in the eyes.
She didn’t think about that at all.
+
Myka knows they’ll need HG as soon as the Tesla doesn’t break through the force field. It was always inevitable, somehow, that HG would end up saving her.
Again.
She hears HG’s words like they were intended for her, and she knows that they are, really. She’s talking about Christina, but she might as well be talking about them, and all Myka hears is “I lost someone I love too.” Myka sees the way she grips her locket, but she also sees the way her eyes flash towards her, just for a second before she starts to speak, and then Myka almost moves closer until she remembers the force field between them, and it might as well be a trident and a gun, honestly, because they’ll always be between them too.
After, when they’ve bagged the artefact, Pete takes the sphere and sucks HG back into it without a word, and Myka wants to protest, wants to say something about how HG tried to destroy the world but she just saved it too and how that should count for something.
And how HG loved her, and how HG saved her, and Myka only realised it, truly, now, and how that should count for something too.
+
They forget she has HG’s sphere. Or at least, she assumes they do, because there’s no way they’d let her disappear into her room at Leena’s and summon HG with it if they knew. Myka doesn’t know how long she has until Artie will call them back to the warehouse and take HG from her again, but she wants to see her, just once, before she’s gone.
When she appears, HG wraps her arms around herself reflexively and looks around the room like she’s looking at ghosts of what they had, so Myka looks around too; at the window where HG had sat and looked out, playing with her locket, until Myka had wrapped her arms around her and pulled her back to bed, and at the chair where Myka had sat reading in nothing but an oversized sweatshirt, while HG lay in bed with the sheets wrapped around her, watching like she’d never get sick of the sight.
“I miss you,” Myka isn’t aware that she’s spoken or that she’s crossed the room until she sits on the bed, eyes avoiding HG.
“Myka...” her name is barely a whisper from HG’s lips but there’s so much feeling behind it that it does something to Myka, and the next thing she knows she’s sobbing noisily and covering her face with her hands. HG crouches in front of her and raises her hands as if to rest them on Myka’s knees, and when she stops, hands hovering short of touching her, and looks up at Myka apologetically, Myka feels a great choking sob force its way out of her throat.
HG stays frozen, looking up at her with such tenderness that Myka can’t bear it. She stays there so long that Myka’s sure she can’t be comfortable, until Myka cries herself out, and then she reaches up and traces her fingers over Myka’s cheek, with enough distance between them to stop her hologram breaking up. Myka closes her eyes and pretends she can feel the heat of them there, against her skin.
+
Myka holds herself together in the warehouse, and she’s grateful for the way HG offers to shelve the artefact with her because if she had to watch Artie coldly condemn HG to the Regents’ prison she really would lose it. They walk through the aisles in silence, looking for the artefact’s place while Pete trails behind them, enough distance between them that he can’t overhear.
“Here,” HG says after a while and Myka nods numbly, reaching for the control pad to check the artefact in.
HG’s fingers twitch like she wants to reach for Myka and Myka watches her hands clench into fists at her sides before she exhales and loosens them. “We did make a good team... didn’t we?”
Myka understands the meaning behind the words, but Pete is coming closer and she’s not sure if he can hear so she just says, “We did.” She stumbles over her words, too much to say and not enough time to say it, but she manages to force the next words out, “I just wish you would have realised that sooner.”
Myka has never heard as much sincerity in HG’s voice as when she says, “So do I.”
They stare at each other in silence for a moment and then Myka swallows and says, “Goodbye Helena.”
HG takes a deep breath and raises her hand to clutch her locket, and then her eyes find Myka’s face, like she’s trying to remember every detail before she loses it forever.
After, Myka isn’t aware of the tears in her eyes until Pete’s arm slides around her shoulder, and it’s wrong, somehow, to be touching anyone, now. She steps out of his arm and wipes at her face with her free hand, the other grasping HG’s sphere like she never wants to let go. She sinks to the floor, her back to the shelves and draws her knees up to her chest, the sphere cradled in her arms. Pete doesn’t say anything, just slowly sits down beside her, far enough not to be touching, but close enough to be there if she needs him.
Later, she bumps her shoulder against his, and he nudges her back until she meets his eyes and smiles, just for a moment.