Fic: I got someone who cares for me (give it a go) (Brittany/Quinn, PG-13)
Title: I got someone who cares for me (give it a go)
Characters: Quinn Fabray/Brittany Pierce
Rating: PG-13
Length: 4k
Summary: The first time Brittany kisses her is on a field trip to the zoo sophomore year.
A/N: For the Glee Rare Pairs Fic Exchange. The prompt was ‘on safari.’ I hope this is okay.
The first time Brittany kisses her is on a field trip to the zoo sophomore year. She hasn’t been out of her Cheerios uniform long, and her stomach is just starting to swell, and no one will sit next to her on the bus, not even Finn, who sits next to Puck and casts guilty glances her way every other minute while she tries to ignore the way Puck is looking at her because she can’t deal with that right now.
She trails along behind everyone else, ignoring the way Santana looks at her with some mix of anger and pity while dragging Brittany round by the pinky, and the way Puck tries to position himself next to her when he thinks Finn won’t notice. She can’t wait until they get to make their own way around the zoo, because at least it means she can escape the way everyone keeps looking at her, like she’s an animal on display in a cage and their assignment is to report on her and not the lions and their cubs.
She wanders over to the elephants, but Mike and Matt are already there, and they both open their mouths stupidly, like they want to say something only they don’t know what. Mike takes a step towards her and she takes a step away, shrugging a little when his eyes soften and he watches her go.
She sees Santana by herself at the penguin exhibit, laughing to herself when she thinks no-one’s watching as the birds stumble about their enclosure, and she ducks into the insect house instead, hoping everyone else is more interested in filling in their worksheets out by the bigger exhibits so they can do whatever they want this afternoon. She expects to find it empty, but there’s one other occupant, down by the far end, palms pressed to the glass as she peers into the tank.
She stops and half turns, wanting to leave, but then her eyes adjust to the gloom and she realises who it is.
“Hey,” Brittany says, glancing towards her, silhouetted against the light from around the door. “Don’t you think spiders would give really good hugs? They have so many arms.”
“Um,” Quinn says, because that’s a little left field even for Brittany, and she takes a step closer almost without realising it. “I don’t like spiders,” is what comes out next, and it’s true but she’s never admitted it out loud before.
“I don’t think spiders are that scary,” Brittany says, fixing her with cool blue eyes. “They’d probably be less grumpy if more people gave them hugs.” She shrugs like it’s that obvious.
“Who’d want to give a spider a hug though?” Quinn says, shuddering a little at the thought, and it takes her a minute to realise this is the first conversation she’s had all day. She takes another couple of steps towards her, but stops short of seeing what’s in the tank.
She really wasn’t kidding about not liking spiders.
“Lots of people,” Brittany says evasively, with a little wave of her hand.
“I don’t think so, Britt,” Quinn shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest, ignoring the way Brittany looks at her like she’s seeing into her soul, her head canted to the side.
“Spiders probably don’t think so either,” Brittany says softly, and then she pushes back off the glass and takes a step closer, and before she realises what’s happening, Brittany has her arms wrapped around her back, her fingers curled around her sides, holding her close. She can feel the press of Brittany all down the front of her, but she keeps her back straight and resists sinking into the warmth of her, her arms hanging down by her sides.
“You’re supposed to hug back,” Brittany whispers into her hair, like Quinn genuinely doesn’t know, but she still can’t force her arms to come up, and she stands there, useless, waiting to see what will happen next.
“Okay,” Brittany sighs out after a moment, and she pulls back to look at her, eyes light and shining in the gloom. She stares into her eyes for a moment, like she’s trying to work something out, and then her head moves forward slowly, or at least Quinn thinks it’s slowly, but it might be a minute or a whole hour from when she leans in to when their lips touch because it feels like time isn’t real in here anymore.
It’s chaste and brief, and she doesn’t even close her eyes because she’s so shocked, so she can see the way Brittany shuts hers and feel the way she smiles into the kiss, like this isn’t anything out of the ordinary or weird at all.
Her lips taste like strawberry lipgloss when she licks them after, when Brittany is smiling at her brightly and turning for the door. “Spiders need love too!” she calls over her shoulder, and then she opens the door and Quinn is squinting against the light, suddenly unable to see her at all.
-
Brittany sits next to her on the bus home, Santana glaring at her from next to Puck the whole time, not really saying anything but just smiling at her every time she catches her eye.
Later that night, she’s surprised when she realises that the day was a little better than the ones that came before it, and when Brittany texts to ask if she can copy out her worksheet on the bus in the morning because she forgot to fill hers in she texts back a yes without even thinking about it, and stares for a moment before adding a x.
+
Brittany kisses her for the second time two weeks before she leaves for Yale, when they take Beth to the zoo, the last time she’ll see her before she leaves. Brittany insisted on coming with her when she heard about the trip, and even though she kind of wants to spend the time alone she agrees because Brittany is so good with kids, and she still isn’t sure if she is, even though she sees Beth every couple of weeks.
Brittany picks her up wearing a bright green shirt with cartoon animals on it, and that fact she dressed for the occasion would make her roll her eyes if it were anyone else, but it’s just so Brittany it’s actually kind of normal. Brittany fastens Beth into the car seat carefully, testing each buckle to make sure it’s closed, and Quinn watches her, amazed at the way her fingers dance over the complicated fastens like they’re nothing at all.
She’s not sure how much of the zoo Beth can really see and understand but she dutifully pushes her round the exhibits anyway, stopping every time Brittany asks her to, so she can get a look at the lions, the elephants, and the giraffes, gaping with wonder at them all, even though they’ve both probably been to this zoo so many times that the animals have become commonplace.
They spend a lot of time watching the chimpanzees, because Beth actually seems like she knows what’s going on when they park her outside their cage, especially when Brittany crouches down next to her and points out all the baby chimps clinging to the netting hanging from the tree, stumbling around and reaching out for each other when their little feet miss the ropes.
Quinn watches Brittany watch them, and it’s only after a minute that she hears the story she’s telling Beth, about how two of the older chimps that are curled up together on a platform near the top of the cage are best friends and love each other a lot and have lots of adventures together, exploring all the ropes and nets and trees. One of them climbs down from the platform while Brittany talks, and then her voice gets sad and she explains that soon one of the chimps has to go away to learn lots of new things, and the other chimp, still up on the platform, is probably really sad to see his friend go.
The way Brittany tells it, the chimp left behind hasn’t quite grown up enough yet, but he understands that his friend has to go so he’s trying to be happy about it. “And that’s why the two chimps are spending all their time together now,” Brittany tells Beth, booping her on the nose gently and keeping her eyes on the cage. “So that the chimp won’t forget his friend when he leaves. Chimps don’t have really good memories like elephants, y’see.”
Quinn’s fingers creep into Brittany’s and Brittany grips them tightly, and it’s only then that she turns to look at her and Quinn sees the tears in her eyes. “Oh Britt,” Quinn says, and Brittany’s hand gets tighter in hers.
Quinn swallows and leans down to look at Beth, rosy cheeked and still watching the chimps with a wide-eyed expression. Quinn’s glad she’s not old enough to realise what Brittany was really talking about, but she whispers, “Brittany didn’t tell you the end of the story, sweetpea. The chimp won’t be gone forever, and she’ll never forget her friend,” anyway, like that will make it better.
Brittany sniffs and climbs to her feet, letting go of Quinn’s hand as she does so. “Promise?” she asks, sort of desperately, over the top of Beth’s head.
“Promise,” Quinn whispers softly, and Brittany nods to herself, covering Quinn’s hand on the stroller handle with her own.
-
It’s not until later in the afternoon that they go into the insect house, because Brittany insists, even though Quinn says she doesn’t want the spiders to scare Beth. It’s still dark and cool inside, and Brittany blushes when they look at the spiders (Brittany wide-eyed, Quinn squinty and trying not to see) and glances at her, almost like she’s looking to see if Quinn remembers.
She does, but it’s not something she’s thought about since, because if there’s one thing she’s good at doing it’s not thinking about things she knows she’s not supposed to want.
They stand there for a long time before Brittany asks if Quinn wants to go, her expression a little sad, and Quinn nods and pushes Beth along, grateful when they get back out into the light.
-
Beth starts crying in the car home, and she turns around in her seat to try and quieten her down while Brittany drives and glances at them in the rear-view mirror, concern written all over her face. She tries to rock the carseat but of course it won’t move, and she settles for gripping Beth’s foot and wiggling it, tickling her belly with the other hand until she stops crying and starts giggling, and then she almost wants to start crying herself.
She thinks Brittany notices, because she reaches her hand over to squeeze her knee like it’s the most natural thing in the world, resting it there warm and solid until they arrive at Shelby’s apartment block, and Quinn gets out to take Beth back inside.
Brittany looks at her for a long moment when she gets back in the car before leaning over and taking her face in her hands, her thumbs tracing over her cheekbones carefully, like she might break. She can feel the tears at the corners of her eyes but she thinks they might be for different reasons now, so when Brittany leans closer to bring their lips together, her tongue brushing against Quinn’s bottom lip she just closes her eyes and lets herself be kissed, her hands reaching for Brittany blindly across the console.
+
The third time Brittany kisses her is during spring break freshman year of college. Brittany comes to visit her, happy and smiley as soon as she steps off the train, even though she looks dishevelled from lack of sleep. She hugs her for a little bit too long on the platform, and Quinn lets her, the first time she’s really been hugged since she left Lima, making her feel safe. Quinn’s the first to try and let go but Brittany just laughs and pulls her back, until Quinn is smiling against her neck and squeezing her as tightly as she can.
She still hasn’t quite gotten used to Yale, to how she went from class valedictorian in Lima to one student among many here, but when Brittany hugs her it’s easy to forget, and Brittany’s excitement is infectious, so that when she looks at everything with such an interested expression on her face it’s like Quinn is seeing it with fresh eyes too, so she forgets that she didn’t get a good grade on her last paper, or that she didn’t get accepted on to the newspaper.
They go back to Quinn’s dorm without really saying anything, just smiling shyly at each other every now and then, and when Quinn opens the door her roommate looks up interestingly from folding laundry because Quinn never brings people back to their room.
“Oh, it’s Skype girl,” her roommate says, eyes lighting up while Brittany shifts a little, nervous under her gaze. “I thought you lived in Quinn’s computer or something. Or maybe in Quinn’s imagination.”
Quinn throws a pillow off her bed at her before she can say anything else, trying not to remember that one time she drank far too much at a party in the first semester and then ended up sobbing over the toilet for Brittany while her roommate held her hair back as she threw up cheap beer and tequila.
-
The guys who live on the floor below them are always having a party, and when the music starts up, thumping loudly up through the floor, her roommate says she’s going to go downstairs and check it out, just because.
Brittany looks at her expectantly and even though Quinn thinks their parties are kind of lame-it’s always the same drunk idiots, trying to give her beers and asking her to dance and she learnt the hard way in high school how much of a bad idea that can be-she leads Brittany downstairs and hands her a plastic cup full of whatever beer is in the keg, sipping at one herself and trying to spot her roommate through the mess of people.
“Why are those guys dressed like gorillas?” Brittany asks after a minute, eyes flitting around the crowd like it’s all new to her, and Quinn shrugs because really seeing a bunch of guys in gorilla suits is one of the more normal things that’s happened at these parties.
“Probably a frat thing,” she says, although who really knows, and watches Brittany tear her eyes away to look at her.
“They’re sort of creepy,” Brittany says, wrinkling her nose, and Quinn laughs before she catches herself, nodding in agreement.
It reminds her of the chimps at the zoo in Lima, and when Brittany reaches for her hand to drag her over to watch some guys playing beer pong, she tangles their fingers together tightly and tries not to let go.
-
Brittany keeps catching her off guard, like how she reaches for Quinn’s hand when she comes back from the bathroom and turns away from the guy she’s talking to, so the twist of jealousy in Quinn’s stomach leaves as soon as she feels it, or how she pulls her onto the dancefloor and moves in this way that makes it obvious she’s dancing with Quinn, so no one tries to bother them or come between them, the same way they do with the other girls dancing together, and Quinn blushes under the fluorescent hallway lights as Brittany grins and spins her around, her fingers laced together tightly.
Brittany asks her if she wants to leave when the party is just starting to die down and as they pass Quinn’s roommate in the hall as they’re going upstairs she shouts, “Do you want me to stay out tonight or?” and Quinn flips her off over her shoulder and hopes Brittany didn’t hear.
Brittany flops down on to Quinn’s bed as soon as they get into her room, kicking her shoes off as she does so, and rubs her hands against her face. Quinn hovers in the doorway, uncertain, until Brittany rolls over to look at her, grinning from underneath a mop of hair.
“Come here,” she says, like it’s obvious, and Quinn’s feet carry her over of their own accord, until her knees are bumping against the bed and Brittany is reaching to pull her down next to her.
They’ve never done this before, but Brittany wraps herself around Quinn like she was born to do it, one arm strong around her back, her other hand rubbing tiny circles into the back of her neck under her hair. Quinn’s feet bump against Brittany’s and she almost pulls back, until Brittany’s feet somehow wrap themselves around hers, and keep her close, her fingers playing with the soft hairs at the base of her skull.
Quinn stares at Brittany’s nose, at the light dusting of freckles there, just to avoid having to look into her eyes, until Brittany’s hand comes up under her chin to tilt her head, and then Brittany looks at her for a long moment, so close that Quinn can feel the flutter of her breath against her cheek, before she says, “Do you think the monkeys at the zoo are together now?”
It takes her a minute to remember and then she nods, just as Brittany leans forward to kiss her, soft at first and then deeper, her tongue slipping into Quinn’s mouth easily, until all she can taste is the beer Brittany was drinking, mingling with her lip gloss, strawberry just like the first time.
She loses track of when kissing turns into Brittany’s hand sliding up her thigh under her dress turns into Brittany looking into her eyes and asking if it’s okay turns into Quinn’s arms tightening around her back as she cries out against her and buries her head in Brittany’s hair.
-
Her roommate wakes her up trying to sneak in with her shoes dangling from her fingers at 4 in the morning, flashing her a grin and a thumbs up, and Quinn blushes and pulls the sheets up further around them while Brittany sleeps on next to her, whispering a quick, “Shut up,” when her roommate opens her mouth to say something.
-
They don’t kiss goodbye at the station, don’t make any promises or declarations about the state of their relationship, but Quinn stares after her train when it starts to move, at Brittany peering down at her from the window, expression sad, and wishes they had.
+
The first time Quinn kisses Brittany is in Lima the summer before her sophomore year at Yale. They go to the zoo, just because it seems like something they should do, and even though they talk on the phone and on the computer almost every day it’s awkward between them, like seeing Brittany in the flesh instead of on a computer screen makes her forget what she’s going to say before she says it, for some reason she doesn’t understand.
They wander aimlessly, staring at the animals in turn, side by side by the fences, just sort of hovering and not really touching. She’s a little bit afraid that if she touches Brittany her hand will go right through her and she’ll disappear like she does in her dreams, and it takes her most of the morning to work up the courage to reach for her hand, brushing the very tips of her fingers against her palm until Brittany’s fingers curl around hers and she glances at her shyly, half a smile on her face.
Neither of them mention it, but it’s obvious they’re ignoring the chimps, and when Brittany asks her if she wants to go look at the insect house she starts like someone poked her and Brittany laughs a little, under her breath, at the look on her face.
“I still don’t like spiders,” Quinn says, but she’s smiling a little, and Brittany laughs again, her fingers tightening in Quinn’s.
“Don’t make me hug you again,” she says as she drags her over to the cage and peers inside, pointing excitedly when she spots the tarantula lurking somewhere at the back.
Brittany bumps her hip against hers, and Quinn is surprised to find she doesn’t mind the spiders so much anymore.
-
They avoid the chimpanzees until the end of the day, and then without saying anything they head that way, Brittany’s hand still warm in hers. Brittany peers around the enclosure next to her, shifting on her feet, until she points up at the platform at the top of the exhibit, the same one from the year before.
“Look!” Brittany says excitedly, and Quinn does, finding two chimps in a pile, one leaning back against the other while it’s feet dangle over the side.
Quinn wants to say no way but the words die in her throat at the look on Brittany’s face, excitement and a softness in her eyes Quinn remembers from a night at Yale.
“They didn’t leave each other,” Brittany says, and Quinn opens her mouth to say neither did we but finds she can’t say that either.
She wants to tell Brittany that they probably aren’t the same animals from the year before, she wants to tell her that she has to leave again at the end of the summer but she doesn’t. She doesn’t say anything, just pulls Brittany round by the hand until she’s facing her and reaches up her free hand to cup her cheek, guiding their mouths together as Brittany squeaks in surprise. The noise is lost in the kiss, and after a second Brittany starts to kiss her back, her tongue brushing against Quinn’s as the kiss deepens.
When Quinn pulls back, Brittany is breathing hard, and there’s a little kid gaping at them instead of at the chimpanzees, but she doesn’t care because Brittany starts to grin and lean in again, grinning into the kiss the way that only Brittany can, Quinn gripping her cheeks and pulling her in closer.
The parents usher the little kid away but Quinn doesn’t even notice, because Brittany is laughing against her mouth and kissing her over and over again like she can’t believe it’s finally happening, one hand in her hair and the other at the small of her back, holding her close.
-
Brittany kisses her goodbye at the train station at the end of the summer and Quinn has lost track of what number kiss it is.
Characters: Quinn Fabray/Brittany Pierce
Rating: PG-13
Length: 4k
Summary: The first time Brittany kisses her is on a field trip to the zoo sophomore year.
A/N: For the Glee Rare Pairs Fic Exchange. The prompt was ‘on safari.’ I hope this is okay.
The first time Brittany kisses her is on a field trip to the zoo sophomore year. She hasn’t been out of her Cheerios uniform long, and her stomach is just starting to swell, and no one will sit next to her on the bus, not even Finn, who sits next to Puck and casts guilty glances her way every other minute while she tries to ignore the way Puck is looking at her because she can’t deal with that right now.
She trails along behind everyone else, ignoring the way Santana looks at her with some mix of anger and pity while dragging Brittany round by the pinky, and the way Puck tries to position himself next to her when he thinks Finn won’t notice. She can’t wait until they get to make their own way around the zoo, because at least it means she can escape the way everyone keeps looking at her, like she’s an animal on display in a cage and their assignment is to report on her and not the lions and their cubs.
She wanders over to the elephants, but Mike and Matt are already there, and they both open their mouths stupidly, like they want to say something only they don’t know what. Mike takes a step towards her and she takes a step away, shrugging a little when his eyes soften and he watches her go.
She sees Santana by herself at the penguin exhibit, laughing to herself when she thinks no-one’s watching as the birds stumble about their enclosure, and she ducks into the insect house instead, hoping everyone else is more interested in filling in their worksheets out by the bigger exhibits so they can do whatever they want this afternoon. She expects to find it empty, but there’s one other occupant, down by the far end, palms pressed to the glass as she peers into the tank.
She stops and half turns, wanting to leave, but then her eyes adjust to the gloom and she realises who it is.
“Hey,” Brittany says, glancing towards her, silhouetted against the light from around the door. “Don’t you think spiders would give really good hugs? They have so many arms.”
“Um,” Quinn says, because that’s a little left field even for Brittany, and she takes a step closer almost without realising it. “I don’t like spiders,” is what comes out next, and it’s true but she’s never admitted it out loud before.
“I don’t think spiders are that scary,” Brittany says, fixing her with cool blue eyes. “They’d probably be less grumpy if more people gave them hugs.” She shrugs like it’s that obvious.
“Who’d want to give a spider a hug though?” Quinn says, shuddering a little at the thought, and it takes her a minute to realise this is the first conversation she’s had all day. She takes another couple of steps towards her, but stops short of seeing what’s in the tank.
She really wasn’t kidding about not liking spiders.
“Lots of people,” Brittany says evasively, with a little wave of her hand.
“I don’t think so, Britt,” Quinn shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest, ignoring the way Brittany looks at her like she’s seeing into her soul, her head canted to the side.
“Spiders probably don’t think so either,” Brittany says softly, and then she pushes back off the glass and takes a step closer, and before she realises what’s happening, Brittany has her arms wrapped around her back, her fingers curled around her sides, holding her close. She can feel the press of Brittany all down the front of her, but she keeps her back straight and resists sinking into the warmth of her, her arms hanging down by her sides.
“You’re supposed to hug back,” Brittany whispers into her hair, like Quinn genuinely doesn’t know, but she still can’t force her arms to come up, and she stands there, useless, waiting to see what will happen next.
“Okay,” Brittany sighs out after a moment, and she pulls back to look at her, eyes light and shining in the gloom. She stares into her eyes for a moment, like she’s trying to work something out, and then her head moves forward slowly, or at least Quinn thinks it’s slowly, but it might be a minute or a whole hour from when she leans in to when their lips touch because it feels like time isn’t real in here anymore.
It’s chaste and brief, and she doesn’t even close her eyes because she’s so shocked, so she can see the way Brittany shuts hers and feel the way she smiles into the kiss, like this isn’t anything out of the ordinary or weird at all.
Her lips taste like strawberry lipgloss when she licks them after, when Brittany is smiling at her brightly and turning for the door. “Spiders need love too!” she calls over her shoulder, and then she opens the door and Quinn is squinting against the light, suddenly unable to see her at all.
-
Brittany sits next to her on the bus home, Santana glaring at her from next to Puck the whole time, not really saying anything but just smiling at her every time she catches her eye.
Later that night, she’s surprised when she realises that the day was a little better than the ones that came before it, and when Brittany texts to ask if she can copy out her worksheet on the bus in the morning because she forgot to fill hers in she texts back a yes without even thinking about it, and stares for a moment before adding a x.
+
Brittany kisses her for the second time two weeks before she leaves for Yale, when they take Beth to the zoo, the last time she’ll see her before she leaves. Brittany insisted on coming with her when she heard about the trip, and even though she kind of wants to spend the time alone she agrees because Brittany is so good with kids, and she still isn’t sure if she is, even though she sees Beth every couple of weeks.
Brittany picks her up wearing a bright green shirt with cartoon animals on it, and that fact she dressed for the occasion would make her roll her eyes if it were anyone else, but it’s just so Brittany it’s actually kind of normal. Brittany fastens Beth into the car seat carefully, testing each buckle to make sure it’s closed, and Quinn watches her, amazed at the way her fingers dance over the complicated fastens like they’re nothing at all.
She’s not sure how much of the zoo Beth can really see and understand but she dutifully pushes her round the exhibits anyway, stopping every time Brittany asks her to, so she can get a look at the lions, the elephants, and the giraffes, gaping with wonder at them all, even though they’ve both probably been to this zoo so many times that the animals have become commonplace.
They spend a lot of time watching the chimpanzees, because Beth actually seems like she knows what’s going on when they park her outside their cage, especially when Brittany crouches down next to her and points out all the baby chimps clinging to the netting hanging from the tree, stumbling around and reaching out for each other when their little feet miss the ropes.
Quinn watches Brittany watch them, and it’s only after a minute that she hears the story she’s telling Beth, about how two of the older chimps that are curled up together on a platform near the top of the cage are best friends and love each other a lot and have lots of adventures together, exploring all the ropes and nets and trees. One of them climbs down from the platform while Brittany talks, and then her voice gets sad and she explains that soon one of the chimps has to go away to learn lots of new things, and the other chimp, still up on the platform, is probably really sad to see his friend go.
The way Brittany tells it, the chimp left behind hasn’t quite grown up enough yet, but he understands that his friend has to go so he’s trying to be happy about it. “And that’s why the two chimps are spending all their time together now,” Brittany tells Beth, booping her on the nose gently and keeping her eyes on the cage. “So that the chimp won’t forget his friend when he leaves. Chimps don’t have really good memories like elephants, y’see.”
Quinn’s fingers creep into Brittany’s and Brittany grips them tightly, and it’s only then that she turns to look at her and Quinn sees the tears in her eyes. “Oh Britt,” Quinn says, and Brittany’s hand gets tighter in hers.
Quinn swallows and leans down to look at Beth, rosy cheeked and still watching the chimps with a wide-eyed expression. Quinn’s glad she’s not old enough to realise what Brittany was really talking about, but she whispers, “Brittany didn’t tell you the end of the story, sweetpea. The chimp won’t be gone forever, and she’ll never forget her friend,” anyway, like that will make it better.
Brittany sniffs and climbs to her feet, letting go of Quinn’s hand as she does so. “Promise?” she asks, sort of desperately, over the top of Beth’s head.
“Promise,” Quinn whispers softly, and Brittany nods to herself, covering Quinn’s hand on the stroller handle with her own.
-
It’s not until later in the afternoon that they go into the insect house, because Brittany insists, even though Quinn says she doesn’t want the spiders to scare Beth. It’s still dark and cool inside, and Brittany blushes when they look at the spiders (Brittany wide-eyed, Quinn squinty and trying not to see) and glances at her, almost like she’s looking to see if Quinn remembers.
She does, but it’s not something she’s thought about since, because if there’s one thing she’s good at doing it’s not thinking about things she knows she’s not supposed to want.
They stand there for a long time before Brittany asks if Quinn wants to go, her expression a little sad, and Quinn nods and pushes Beth along, grateful when they get back out into the light.
-
Beth starts crying in the car home, and she turns around in her seat to try and quieten her down while Brittany drives and glances at them in the rear-view mirror, concern written all over her face. She tries to rock the carseat but of course it won’t move, and she settles for gripping Beth’s foot and wiggling it, tickling her belly with the other hand until she stops crying and starts giggling, and then she almost wants to start crying herself.
She thinks Brittany notices, because she reaches her hand over to squeeze her knee like it’s the most natural thing in the world, resting it there warm and solid until they arrive at Shelby’s apartment block, and Quinn gets out to take Beth back inside.
Brittany looks at her for a long moment when she gets back in the car before leaning over and taking her face in her hands, her thumbs tracing over her cheekbones carefully, like she might break. She can feel the tears at the corners of her eyes but she thinks they might be for different reasons now, so when Brittany leans closer to bring their lips together, her tongue brushing against Quinn’s bottom lip she just closes her eyes and lets herself be kissed, her hands reaching for Brittany blindly across the console.
+
The third time Brittany kisses her is during spring break freshman year of college. Brittany comes to visit her, happy and smiley as soon as she steps off the train, even though she looks dishevelled from lack of sleep. She hugs her for a little bit too long on the platform, and Quinn lets her, the first time she’s really been hugged since she left Lima, making her feel safe. Quinn’s the first to try and let go but Brittany just laughs and pulls her back, until Quinn is smiling against her neck and squeezing her as tightly as she can.
She still hasn’t quite gotten used to Yale, to how she went from class valedictorian in Lima to one student among many here, but when Brittany hugs her it’s easy to forget, and Brittany’s excitement is infectious, so that when she looks at everything with such an interested expression on her face it’s like Quinn is seeing it with fresh eyes too, so she forgets that she didn’t get a good grade on her last paper, or that she didn’t get accepted on to the newspaper.
They go back to Quinn’s dorm without really saying anything, just smiling shyly at each other every now and then, and when Quinn opens the door her roommate looks up interestingly from folding laundry because Quinn never brings people back to their room.
“Oh, it’s Skype girl,” her roommate says, eyes lighting up while Brittany shifts a little, nervous under her gaze. “I thought you lived in Quinn’s computer or something. Or maybe in Quinn’s imagination.”
Quinn throws a pillow off her bed at her before she can say anything else, trying not to remember that one time she drank far too much at a party in the first semester and then ended up sobbing over the toilet for Brittany while her roommate held her hair back as she threw up cheap beer and tequila.
-
The guys who live on the floor below them are always having a party, and when the music starts up, thumping loudly up through the floor, her roommate says she’s going to go downstairs and check it out, just because.
Brittany looks at her expectantly and even though Quinn thinks their parties are kind of lame-it’s always the same drunk idiots, trying to give her beers and asking her to dance and she learnt the hard way in high school how much of a bad idea that can be-she leads Brittany downstairs and hands her a plastic cup full of whatever beer is in the keg, sipping at one herself and trying to spot her roommate through the mess of people.
“Why are those guys dressed like gorillas?” Brittany asks after a minute, eyes flitting around the crowd like it’s all new to her, and Quinn shrugs because really seeing a bunch of guys in gorilla suits is one of the more normal things that’s happened at these parties.
“Probably a frat thing,” she says, although who really knows, and watches Brittany tear her eyes away to look at her.
“They’re sort of creepy,” Brittany says, wrinkling her nose, and Quinn laughs before she catches herself, nodding in agreement.
It reminds her of the chimps at the zoo in Lima, and when Brittany reaches for her hand to drag her over to watch some guys playing beer pong, she tangles their fingers together tightly and tries not to let go.
-
Brittany keeps catching her off guard, like how she reaches for Quinn’s hand when she comes back from the bathroom and turns away from the guy she’s talking to, so the twist of jealousy in Quinn’s stomach leaves as soon as she feels it, or how she pulls her onto the dancefloor and moves in this way that makes it obvious she’s dancing with Quinn, so no one tries to bother them or come between them, the same way they do with the other girls dancing together, and Quinn blushes under the fluorescent hallway lights as Brittany grins and spins her around, her fingers laced together tightly.
Brittany asks her if she wants to leave when the party is just starting to die down and as they pass Quinn’s roommate in the hall as they’re going upstairs she shouts, “Do you want me to stay out tonight or?” and Quinn flips her off over her shoulder and hopes Brittany didn’t hear.
Brittany flops down on to Quinn’s bed as soon as they get into her room, kicking her shoes off as she does so, and rubs her hands against her face. Quinn hovers in the doorway, uncertain, until Brittany rolls over to look at her, grinning from underneath a mop of hair.
“Come here,” she says, like it’s obvious, and Quinn’s feet carry her over of their own accord, until her knees are bumping against the bed and Brittany is reaching to pull her down next to her.
They’ve never done this before, but Brittany wraps herself around Quinn like she was born to do it, one arm strong around her back, her other hand rubbing tiny circles into the back of her neck under her hair. Quinn’s feet bump against Brittany’s and she almost pulls back, until Brittany’s feet somehow wrap themselves around hers, and keep her close, her fingers playing with the soft hairs at the base of her skull.
Quinn stares at Brittany’s nose, at the light dusting of freckles there, just to avoid having to look into her eyes, until Brittany’s hand comes up under her chin to tilt her head, and then Brittany looks at her for a long moment, so close that Quinn can feel the flutter of her breath against her cheek, before she says, “Do you think the monkeys at the zoo are together now?”
It takes her a minute to remember and then she nods, just as Brittany leans forward to kiss her, soft at first and then deeper, her tongue slipping into Quinn’s mouth easily, until all she can taste is the beer Brittany was drinking, mingling with her lip gloss, strawberry just like the first time.
She loses track of when kissing turns into Brittany’s hand sliding up her thigh under her dress turns into Brittany looking into her eyes and asking if it’s okay turns into Quinn’s arms tightening around her back as she cries out against her and buries her head in Brittany’s hair.
-
Her roommate wakes her up trying to sneak in with her shoes dangling from her fingers at 4 in the morning, flashing her a grin and a thumbs up, and Quinn blushes and pulls the sheets up further around them while Brittany sleeps on next to her, whispering a quick, “Shut up,” when her roommate opens her mouth to say something.
-
They don’t kiss goodbye at the station, don’t make any promises or declarations about the state of their relationship, but Quinn stares after her train when it starts to move, at Brittany peering down at her from the window, expression sad, and wishes they had.
+
The first time Quinn kisses Brittany is in Lima the summer before her sophomore year at Yale. They go to the zoo, just because it seems like something they should do, and even though they talk on the phone and on the computer almost every day it’s awkward between them, like seeing Brittany in the flesh instead of on a computer screen makes her forget what she’s going to say before she says it, for some reason she doesn’t understand.
They wander aimlessly, staring at the animals in turn, side by side by the fences, just sort of hovering and not really touching. She’s a little bit afraid that if she touches Brittany her hand will go right through her and she’ll disappear like she does in her dreams, and it takes her most of the morning to work up the courage to reach for her hand, brushing the very tips of her fingers against her palm until Brittany’s fingers curl around hers and she glances at her shyly, half a smile on her face.
Neither of them mention it, but it’s obvious they’re ignoring the chimps, and when Brittany asks her if she wants to go look at the insect house she starts like someone poked her and Brittany laughs a little, under her breath, at the look on her face.
“I still don’t like spiders,” Quinn says, but she’s smiling a little, and Brittany laughs again, her fingers tightening in Quinn’s.
“Don’t make me hug you again,” she says as she drags her over to the cage and peers inside, pointing excitedly when she spots the tarantula lurking somewhere at the back.
Brittany bumps her hip against hers, and Quinn is surprised to find she doesn’t mind the spiders so much anymore.
-
They avoid the chimpanzees until the end of the day, and then without saying anything they head that way, Brittany’s hand still warm in hers. Brittany peers around the enclosure next to her, shifting on her feet, until she points up at the platform at the top of the exhibit, the same one from the year before.
“Look!” Brittany says excitedly, and Quinn does, finding two chimps in a pile, one leaning back against the other while it’s feet dangle over the side.
Quinn wants to say no way but the words die in her throat at the look on Brittany’s face, excitement and a softness in her eyes Quinn remembers from a night at Yale.
“They didn’t leave each other,” Brittany says, and Quinn opens her mouth to say neither did we but finds she can’t say that either.
She wants to tell Brittany that they probably aren’t the same animals from the year before, she wants to tell her that she has to leave again at the end of the summer but she doesn’t. She doesn’t say anything, just pulls Brittany round by the hand until she’s facing her and reaches up her free hand to cup her cheek, guiding their mouths together as Brittany squeaks in surprise. The noise is lost in the kiss, and after a second Brittany starts to kiss her back, her tongue brushing against Quinn’s as the kiss deepens.
When Quinn pulls back, Brittany is breathing hard, and there’s a little kid gaping at them instead of at the chimpanzees, but she doesn’t care because Brittany starts to grin and lean in again, grinning into the kiss the way that only Brittany can, Quinn gripping her cheeks and pulling her in closer.
The parents usher the little kid away but Quinn doesn’t even notice, because Brittany is laughing against her mouth and kissing her over and over again like she can’t believe it’s finally happening, one hand in her hair and the other at the small of her back, holding her close.
-
Brittany kisses her goodbye at the train station at the end of the summer and Quinn has lost track of what number kiss it is.