Fic: i-80 west, part seven c (Brittany/Santana, R)
Title: i-80 west, part seven c
Characters: Brittany/Santana, Sam, Quinn, Mike
Length: 20k
Rating: R
Summary: Brittany and Santana graduate high school and spend one last summer in Lima before leaving for college.
Brittany says she’ll drive when they get back to the car and Santana slides into the passenger seat wordlessly, handing her the keys across the console and drawing her knees up under her chin.
Brittany puts them back on to i-80 and out of Elko, back to brown and grey almost-flat with mountains stretching into the distance as far as they can see, and she reaches for Santana’s hand almost as soon as they’re out of town and she can drive with one hand, an endless stretch of interstate in front of them.
She thumbs over the ring on Santana’s finger and Santana wants to pull away but she doesn’t, just sits there chewing on her lip, remembering a gas station in Wyoming and the way it felt to wake up alone.
+
They’ve been driving for just over an hour when Santana sucks in a breath and blurts out, “Why don’t you want to marry me?” and it hangs between them in the car for a moment, as Brittany’s breath hitches in her throat.
“Is that what you think-?” She breathes out noisily and shakes her head. “God, Santana, no.” Her fingers tighten around Santana’s like she never wants to let go.
Santana feels like a weight has been lifted off of her and swallows a whimper before she speaks, “But you gave me the ring back.” It’s barely above a whisper but she finally says it, her voice even enough, and she watches Brittany shake her head again.
“I’ve wanted to marry you since I was six years old,” Brittany says quickly, the words tripping over each other on their way out of her mouth, and Santana can hear the way there’s almost a sob hidden amongst them, and has to swallow herself.
“I’ve wanted to marry you,” the words catch in Brittany’s throat, “Since I gave you that ring pop and Mike pretended to marry us at recess. I wanted to marry you when you wouldn’t look me in the eye and kept going off with Puck and Sam and all those other boys, and when you kissed me in the dark and thought no one would find out. I wanted to marry you when you told me you loved me in the hallway at school, and when you sang Songbird to me in an empty classroom, and went to prom with Karofsky.”
She pulls her hand away from Santana’s to wipe across her face quickly, clearing her eyes as she stares out at the road. “I wanted to marry you when you gave me that ring and after I gave it back, and when you wouldn’t talk to me in Salt Lake. Why don’t you know that?” She sniffs noisily, and her fingers tighten around Santana’s again. “Why haven’t you always known that?”
Santana hates the way it sounds like an accusation, uncharacteristically harsh as it hangs between them. She reaches for Brittany’s hand again and feels relieved when Brittany lets her take it.
“Brittany...” Santana says quietly, voice deep in the back of her throat. She didn’t know that. She doesn’t know why she was supposed to know that, and she wants to take it all back, the questions and her behaviour in Salt Lake both. She wants to climb across the console to kiss her and mumble apologies against her lips, even though they’re still driving. She wants to tell her how much she loves her and that she wants to marry her too, ever since Brittany gave her that damn ring pop so many years ago.
“I didn’t mean to-” She swallows, trying again. “I just thought-”
“Of course I want to marry you,” Brittany says once she’s taken a couple of breaths and her voice sounds more even. “But we’re eighteen, Santana. We’re not supposed to get married yet.”
Brittany glances over at her, and Santana hates the wetness she can see in her eyes, “You don’t want to get married yet either. It’s only because everyone keeps telling us we should.” She shakes her head, her hand twisting round the wheel, as close to angry as Brittany gets. “Everyone keeps saying how we should get married. Well, I think growing up means you don’t have to do the things adults say you do.”
The silence stretches between them, their fingers still wrapped around each other tightly, and Santana wouldn’t let go now for anything. Her fingers dig into the back of Brittany’s hand, her thumb rubbing against Brittany’s softly, and after a moment she whispers, “Sometimes I-I don’t feel all that grown up,” and shrugs, fixing her eyes on their joined hands between them.
“Sometimes, neither do I,” Brittany says softly, and hearing her say it out loud makes Santana love her all the more, somehow.
+
“Britt?” Santana asks later, when they’re about an hour away from Reno.
“Yeah?” Brittany asks softly, blinking over at her, pulled out of her driving trance.
“We’re gonna get married one day, right?” She holds her breath waiting for Brittany’s answer.
“One day,” Brittany says with a grin, and Santana settles back into her seat and feels the answering smile on her own face.
+
Santana tells Brittany where to get off the interstate in Reno and directs her to where she’s sure there’s a couple of motels, a gas station and somewhere to eat not far out of their way. Brittany picks the motel, and Santana’s surprised when it’s the same one she had written down on her plans, and wonders if Brittany saw it and did that on purpose, just to make her feel better.
She reaches for Brittany’s hand when they cross the parking lot, reaches with her other arm to grip her elbow, until Brittany glances at her and smiles, ducking her head as she squeezes her hand.
They check in together, Brittany answering most of the questions until Santana steps forward to pay with her credit card, nudging Brittany with her hip so she has to move when she starts to protest, and Brittany laughs, pretending to glare at her the whole time and leaving her to carry her own bag when they go to find the room, sticking her tongue out as she drops it next to her and goes the way the guy points them.
Santana tackles Brittany on to the bed once they’re inside, scrambling on top of her as Brittany pretends to sulk, ignoring her. She huffs out a breath but Santana just laughs and leans down to kiss her lips again and again, until Brittany starts to giggle and kisses her back, her arms coming up to wrap around her as she rolls them over until she’s on top and smirking down at her, and the laughter dies in Santana’s throat.
+
They go back to the burger place they passed on the way in to get food, and Santana actually orders a salad with hers when she sees the choice on the menu just because she feels so bad about how crappily they’ve been eating this week. Brittany rolls her eyes and gets the fries anyway, and they end up sharing them because Santana keeps snaking a hand out to steal them and Brittany gives up trying to push her away.
“I do legally own half of everything you own,” Santana says quickly when Brittany tries to pull what’s left of her fries away from her, and Brittany looks so startled that she nearly drops them.
It only takes her a second to recover though, and when she does she grins and says, “Not yet you don’t,” before making a grab for her coke.
+
Brittany says she’s tired when they get back, and Santana agrees, and they get undressed together, rummaging through their bags for something to sleep in and bumping their elbows as they try to brush their teeth at the same time. Brittany gets into bed while Santana takes her contacts out and sets her case down at the side of the sink, turning the light off and using her phone to light her way across the room.
Brittany wraps herself around her as soon as she gets in and they’re quiet for a moment, getting used to the feel of each other in the dark, their bodies loosening with sleep.
“We only have two nights left,” Santana whispers after a moment, and feels Brittany snuggle a little closer against her.
“‘Til college?” Brittany murmurs, ghosting a kiss against Santana’s chin, just because.
“‘Til we’re in different places,” Santana says softly, her fingers tightening around Brittany reflexively. “We’re only gonna see each other at weekends.”
“And on skype,” Brittany says quickly, brushing a strand of hair away from Santana’s eyes. “We’ll talk every day.”
Santana doesn’t know how to explain that she’s not sure if she can fall asleep on her own anymore, how she’s not sure if she can even go a day without seeing Brittany never mind five days, even if she has classes every second and other things to fill her time, so she doesn’t even try. She just wordlessly pushes herself up to kiss Brittany, openmouthed and deep as her hand cups her cheek and tries to hold on, Brittany kissing her back just as fiercely, losing themselves in the kiss for just a moment.
Brittany exhales shakily once they break apart, her eyes dark and deep when they meet Santana’s, and she nods a little, like she’s agreeing with something Santana didn’t even say out loud.
They settle back against each other, their fingers grasping each other a little more tightly than they were before.
“Quinn and Mike are leaving Lima tomorrow,” Santana whispers eventually, and Brittany shifts a little, to show she’s listening. Her fingers rub against Santana’s back slowly as they breathe together in the dark. “Sam’ll be all on his own,” she doesn’t know why that makes her as sad as it does.
“He can come and visit,” Brittany murmurs sleepily, pressing a kiss to the underside of her chin. “And Quinn and Mike will be okay, you know. We crossed the whole country and we’re doing okay.”
She settles against Santana more comfortably, her hand sliding up to thread into her hair. “We’re more than okay, Britt,” Santana whispers after a moment, once Brittany’s eyes have fluttered shut.
“Yeah,” Brittany agrees softly, just before she falls asleep. “We are.”
+
She wakes up earlier than should be allowed because her phone is vibrating against the desk noisily and she reaches for it quickly, hoping it hasn’t woken Brittany up. Brittany shifts in the bed, rolling over and away from the noise, her features creasing into a frown as she goes, murmuring something unintelligible and burrowing further into the covers.
Santana watches her go and wishes she could follow, but her phone is still demanding her attention, and she pushes herself up and climbs to her feet quickly, padding over to the bathroom and managing to trip over both of their bags in the dark, so that when she answers the phone the first thing she says is, “Shit.”
“Santana?” It’s Quinn’s voice, and Santana really should have known.
“You know we’re in Nevada right now,” Santana says, rubbing her hand against her face as she closes the toilet seat lid and sits down. “It’s, like, some number of hours earlier out here.” And way too early to be doing math, she adds silently.
“I’m sorry I’m having a crisis in a different timezone,” Quinn snaps back, and Santana can imagine the way she looks, pacing around her empty bedroom or her kitchen while Mike waits by the car saying his goodbyes to Tina.
Santana sighs. “What’s wrong?”
“We’re about to leave,” Quinn says, voice low as she takes another shaky breath. “We’re about to leave and what if I forgot something, or we get lost, or what if the car-” she cuts off suddenly, choking out a laugh.
“Quinn,” Santana says and she can almost hear Quinn’s breathing even out just at the sound of her name. “You’ll be fine, okay? Look what you survived in high school. I’m pretty sure there’s no more bad luck left out there for you.”
“You don’t know that,” Quinn says softly, but Santana carries on before she can say anything else.
“Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t,” she says fiercely. “You’re Quinn Fabray! You’re gonna go to Yale and kick its ass.”
“I just really wish you guys were here,” Quinn says after a moment, and the words hang between them delicately, Quinn’s voice low and earnest through the phone. “I could really use a hug from my best friends.”
Santana swallows at the sudden tightness in her throat. “I’m really glad you called, Quinn.”
“Me too.”
They stay on the phone just to hear the sound of each other’s voices, Santana suddenly becoming aware of just how much she’s missed her since they left. They keep talking until Santana hears Mike calling for Quinn and saying they have to leave, and then she makes Quinn put him on the phone for a moment.
“What’s up Santana?” Mike asks, almost sounding wary.
“Drive careful, okay?” Santana whispers, as though Quinn might still be able to hear her. “If Quinn starts getting antsy you have to pull over somewhere and let her walk around for a minute. She still gets sca-“
“I got it,” Mike says easily, and Santana wonders if Quinn is still nearby listening to his side of the conversation. He takes a breath before he says, “How’s Britt?” and it comes out weirdly casual, like it’s more than just a pleasantry.
“Asleep,” Santana says, wondering why he’s asking. “Which is where I should be. It’s like 5am or something. Put Quinn back on?”
She and Quinn murmur a quick goodbye before they hang up, telling each other to be safe and to call often, and Santana stares at her phone in her hand for a moment after she’s gone, wondering why any of them ever thought separating all over the country was a good idea.
+
Brittany wraps herself around her when she gets back into bed, still half asleep as she wraps her arms around her middle and presses herself against Santana’s back, kissing Santana’s neck sloppily through her hair before her breathing gets deep again, and Santana tries to will herself back to sleep.
+
When she wakes up again, Brittany is stretching her arms up over her head next to her, and when she notices Santana blinking sleepily she looks over and grins, rolling over to kiss her good morning.
“Let’s go to California,” she says with a grin once she’s pulled back and Santana laughs as she tries to pull her out of the bed.
+
They go to the gas station across the street before they leave, and it’s been such a part of their routine for the last week that Santana almost can’t believe this will be the last time she does it for a while, since Brittany will be keeping the car when they get to California and she’ll be relying on buses and trains to get around. Brittany leans out of the window and watches her fill up with a thoughtful expression on her face, almost like she can’t believe it either.
Once they get back on to i-80 and out of Reno the brown of the last couple of days starts to turn green again, the mountains turning into something more like hills as trees dot the landscape on both sides of the road. Brittany reaches for her camera again and Santana listens to the click of the shutter and realises how much she’ll miss that too.
Brittany only stops taking photos for a moment as they cross over the border into California, and Santana takes a deep breath, almost like she’s testing the air.
If she was the kind of person who spoke in clichés she’d say something about it being easier to breathe here, especially after the last couple of days, but she isn’t, so she just sighs it out and keeps driving, biting her lips to keep from smiling too much.
Brittany’s fingers creep into hers and hold on tightly, and when Santana glances over at her she’s grinning so brightly that Santana starts to grin back, until they’re both staring out of their windows and trying to wipe the smiles off their faces.
+
Brittany twists round in her seat when they’re almost at Sacramento and reaches for her bag on the backseat, pulling at the strings until she can get her hand inside. When she turns around she’s got a piece of paper in her hand, and as Santana glances over at it quickly, she recognises it as a page of her plans, ‘Sacramento, CA’ printed in big bold letters at the top.
“Why do you still have that?” Santana asks, sure she saw all her pages in the trash back in Salt Lake.
“It says we have to go to the zoo,” Brittany says, with a shrug like it should be obvious, and Santana remembers looking up things to do in Sacramento, for their last day together before they drive on to Berkeley.
“I thought you wanted to find new places,” Santana says, although she’s pretty sure there aren’t any places left that she didn’t write down.
“What’s better than a zoo?” Brittany says earnestly, and when she reaches over to type the zip code into the GPS, Santana doesn’t argue.
+
The zoo’s full of little kids with their parents and groups of teenagers enjoying the last of their freedom before they have to go back to school, and they walk through them all with their hands clasped tightly between them, pulling one another over to look at certain exhibits and animals, giggling and holding each other close the whole time.
Brittany buys them both popsicles from a stand and they watch the monkeys while they eat them, the lemurs chasing each other round and round their cage in a blur, as Brittany slings an arm around her waist and pulls her closer and her head is resting against Brittany’s shoulder.
It’s easy to forget it’s not just another summer day and that they won’t be going back to McKinley in the fall for another year of cheerleading and glee club and sneaking kisses between classes, and it sends a pang through her when she remembers they’ll be in Berkeley soon and that tomorrow she’ll be at Stanford without Brittany to hold on to.
She leans up on her tiptoes to kiss Brittany on the cheek, and then on the lips when Brittany turns into her, her arm tightening around her waist reflexively. “What was that for?” Brittany asks once Santana has pulled away, but she’s grinning just the same.
Santana shrugs. “I love you,” she says, like that could possibly explain it all, but she smiles when Brittany’s grin gets wider, like she knows exactly what she means.
“I love you too,” Brittany says with a little shake of her head, like she can’t believe she has to say it again. “Now let’s get you out of the sun before your brain gets any more screwy.”
Santana laughs, but Brittany drags her away to the shade at the back of the reptile house and presses her back against a tree before she leans down and kisses her, and she forgets why she was laughing.
+
They’re on their way back to the car when Brittany spots the sign for Fairytale Town and comes to a stop, pointing to it excitedly and looking at Santana with puppy eyes, tugging at her hand until she lets Brittany lead her in the direction the sign points.
“Fairytales are boring, Britt,” Santana complains when they get to the gate and join the line, and Brittany looks at her like she’s actually offended before she carries on. “It’s all princes and princesses and stuff for kids. Real life isn’t like that.”
“If you say so,” Brittany says after a long moment, but the way she says it makes Santana step a little closer to her, snuggling into her side until Brittany smiles down at her and presses a quick kiss to her forehead.
“Maybe it’d be better if there was a fairy tale about two princesses,” Santana grouses, and watches Brittany’s lips quirk up into a smile.
“Cheerleaders,” she says softly, rubbing her thumb against Santana’s as their hands swing between them. “I think they’d be cheerleaders,” and then bursts out laughing when Santana looks up at her like she can’t believe she’s being so cheesy.
“They’d get their happy ending too,” Brittany adds after a moment, sliding her arm around her waist to grasp at her hip, and after she finishes rolling her eyes, Santana leans into her and can’t find it in her to disagree.
They’re the only people in the line without kids, and when they get to the guy in the kiosk he just shakes his head at them and points to a sign over his head. “Sorry, no adults allowed in without a child,” and looks behind them for more paying customers.
Brittany frowns at him as Santana tugs her away and back towards their car. “Sorry, Britty,” she shrugs once they’ve gotten far enough away to not be able to see the gate any more, and Brittany turns to look at her, surprise registering on her face.
“I don’t care about not being able to get in,” she says quickly, glancing back the way they’ve come. “That guy called us adults!” And then they both burst out laughing and collapse against each other, and Santana’s pretty sure she’s never felt more like a kid in her life.
+
Brittany drives because she says she should get used to it, and Santana sits in the passenger seat next to her, twisting her hands together nervously as she peers through the window. They stay on i-80 so they can see the bay, and Santana stares wide-eyed as Brittany tries to keep her eyes on the road, both her hands on the wheel as she steers them through the traffic.
When they stop at a red light and Brittany leans over in her seat to get a better look, Santana’s sure she’s never seen anything more beautiful, and she reaches for Brittany’s hand and squeezes quickly before Brittany has to put the car into drive again.
They pass bus stops and the ends of roads that Santana knows hide BART stations and she tries not to let her eyes linger, knowing she’ll be getting familiar with them by the end of the year. She wonders how much time she’ll spend on buses and trains and travelling, and if it’ll be more or less than the time she gets to spend with Brittany, and then pushes the thought away, not wanting to ruin their last night together.
She already feels like something is shifting between them. It’s in how their hands grip each other a little too tightly and how they keep glancing at each other, just to make sure they’re still there. She swallows and tries to push it all away, to concentrate on the fact that she’s in Berkeley with Brittany and about to start the next phase of her life, but that’s kind of scary too, and she clings to Brittany’s hand and wishes she never had to let go.
+
Brittany finds her apartment easily enough and she scrambles out of the car quickly to go and press the buzzer, Santana following more slowly and hovering by the car while she waits for the door to open.
It’s not long before Brittany’s being hugged enthusiastically by a red haired girl Santana almost recognises from Brittany’s dance classes and Brittany is waving her over, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her closer. “You remember Jenny, right?” She says to Santana, and Santana nods even though she doesn’t really at all.
“And you must be Santana,” Jenny says, offering her a hand to shake, which Santana takes shyly. “Brittany never would shut up about you.”
“Shut up, Jenn,” Brittany blushes, looking down at the ground when Santana grins like it’s the best thing she ever heard.
“We weren’t even dating when you two danced together,” Santana says teasingly, but Brittany just ducks her head and shakes it, shooting a glare at Jenny as she laughs.
“It’s cute, really,” Santana adds, a little bit more sincere as she leans in to kiss her cheek.
“Okay,” Brittany says, mollified, before turning to look at Jenny again, “But you still get to carry the heavy stuff.”
Jenny laughs good naturedly and follows them back to the car, reaching for a box of kitchen stuff before disappearing back towards their apartment, and Santana decides right then and there that she likes Jenny, and won’t mind hanging out with her on the weekends, every now and then.
Santana grabs their overnight bags and Brittany’s camera, waiting for Brittany to pull her suitcase out of the car, her eyes lingering on the muscles in Brittany’s arms as she lifts it, until Brittany catches her staring and gives her a push towards the building and Santana starts to laugh, shrugging a little like she doesn’t care that she’s been caught. Anyone would be staring the way Brittany looks lifting things in that t-shirt, and Brittany’s her girlfriend so she figures she gets a free pass, especially since it’s the last time she’ll see her lift something for a while.
She tries not to think of all the lasts and wonders if she should start counting firsts instead; the first time they get to do all these things for the rest of their lives, turning the simplest of hand holds and kisses into something magical instead of something sad.
Brittany’s apartment is on the second floor but it doesn’t take all that long to carry her stuff in between the three of them, and Jenny gives them a quick tour, showing them to Brittany’s bedroom and pointing the way to the bathroom before saying she’ll get out of their way.
“I’m gonna go meet some friends,” Jenny says, fishing into a bowl on the coffee table and coming up with a key that she hands to Brittany, who takes it carefully, cradling it in her hand. “There’s take out menus and stuff in the drawer in the kitchen if you wanna order in.”
“Thanks, Jenn,” Brittany says sincerely, and she offers them one last grin before disappearing through the door, tossing a goodbye over her shoulder as she goes.
“She seems nice,” Santana says once they’re settled on the couch, ignoring unpacking for the moment in favour of snuggling up together, Santana half on top of Brittany as they fit themselves around each other and sink into the cushions. “And the apartment’s pretty cool.”
“Jenn used to help me a lot in class,” Brittany says, rubbing her fingers against Santana’s back, “When we were younger. We made it into the advanced classes together when we were twelve and she helped me that summer I grew three inches and couldn’t make my legs work right, remember?”
Santana nods, “I didn’t realise you knew her that long.”
Brittany shrugs and pulls her a little closer, smoothing her hair away from her eyes, “We only saw each other in class cuz she went to a different school. We were, like, weekend friends.”
“Like us now,” Santana says before she can stop herself and Brittany’s arms tighten around her, her face dropping when she realises what she said.
“I didn’t mean-” Brittany says quickly and Santana presses her hand to her mouth to cut her off.
“I know you didn’t, it’s okay,” they lie there in silence for a minute, Santana rising and falling with Brittany’s chest as she breathes in, listening to the sound of her heart.
+
Their unpacking only goes as far as getting the sheets on to the bed and half of Brittany’s clothes into the wardrobe, and then Brittany pads off to get the take out menus and bring them back to Santana sitting cross legged on the bed. They order thai, Brittany’s new address tripping off her tongue, and half heartedly unpack a few more things while they wait for it to arrive, Brittany putting her computer and camera on her desk, while Santana pulls a couple of plates out of the box in the kitchen and fills some glasses with water from the jug she finds in the fridge.
Brittany finds her after she’s been to put her washbag in the bathroom and helps her unpack the rest of the box, figuring since it’s in a shared space, Jenny might get mad if she comes home to a box sitting on the counter, and by the time they’ve finished their food is there, and Brittany goes down to get it, pushing the cash Santana tries to give her away.
They eat curled up together on the couch, both exclaiming over how good it is as they feed each other with chopsticks, swapping boxes as they stay close. It makes it hard to eat but Santana doesn’t care, because she’s suddenly realising just how little time they have left together and how this is the last time they’ll get to sit like this for a week, and then she presses herself closer until Brittany rolls her eyes and drops her chopsticks to pull her closer, dropping a kiss to her forehead as she holds her.
Brittany cleans the plates while Santana gathers the trash, and when they’re done, Brittany smiles at her shyly and takes her hand to lead her back into her bedroom, guiding her around the boxes on the floor until she can pull her down next to her, so they’re sitting side by side on the edge of the bed.
“It’s still early,” Brittany says softly, playing at entwining the fingers of their hands together, and Santana glances at the clock Brittany had unpacked earlier and sees that she’s right. “Do you want to go exploring?” Brittany asks, turning to look at her, and Santana shakes her head, dropping her head down to rest against her shoulder.
“What do you want to do?” Brittany asks, and then Santana wraps her arms around her, hugging her tightly as she presses herself into her side.
“Just this,” she says against her shoulder, as Brittany starts to turn into her, her arms coming up to cradle her, holding them together. “Just this.”
Part Eight
Characters: Brittany/Santana, Sam, Quinn, Mike
Length: 20k
Rating: R
Summary: Brittany and Santana graduate high school and spend one last summer in Lima before leaving for college.
Brittany says she’ll drive when they get back to the car and Santana slides into the passenger seat wordlessly, handing her the keys across the console and drawing her knees up under her chin.
Brittany puts them back on to i-80 and out of Elko, back to brown and grey almost-flat with mountains stretching into the distance as far as they can see, and she reaches for Santana’s hand almost as soon as they’re out of town and she can drive with one hand, an endless stretch of interstate in front of them.
She thumbs over the ring on Santana’s finger and Santana wants to pull away but she doesn’t, just sits there chewing on her lip, remembering a gas station in Wyoming and the way it felt to wake up alone.
+
They’ve been driving for just over an hour when Santana sucks in a breath and blurts out, “Why don’t you want to marry me?” and it hangs between them in the car for a moment, as Brittany’s breath hitches in her throat.
“Is that what you think-?” She breathes out noisily and shakes her head. “God, Santana, no.” Her fingers tighten around Santana’s like she never wants to let go.
Santana feels like a weight has been lifted off of her and swallows a whimper before she speaks, “But you gave me the ring back.” It’s barely above a whisper but she finally says it, her voice even enough, and she watches Brittany shake her head again.
“I’ve wanted to marry you since I was six years old,” Brittany says quickly, the words tripping over each other on their way out of her mouth, and Santana can hear the way there’s almost a sob hidden amongst them, and has to swallow herself.
“I’ve wanted to marry you,” the words catch in Brittany’s throat, “Since I gave you that ring pop and Mike pretended to marry us at recess. I wanted to marry you when you wouldn’t look me in the eye and kept going off with Puck and Sam and all those other boys, and when you kissed me in the dark and thought no one would find out. I wanted to marry you when you told me you loved me in the hallway at school, and when you sang Songbird to me in an empty classroom, and went to prom with Karofsky.”
She pulls her hand away from Santana’s to wipe across her face quickly, clearing her eyes as she stares out at the road. “I wanted to marry you when you gave me that ring and after I gave it back, and when you wouldn’t talk to me in Salt Lake. Why don’t you know that?” She sniffs noisily, and her fingers tighten around Santana’s again. “Why haven’t you always known that?”
Santana hates the way it sounds like an accusation, uncharacteristically harsh as it hangs between them. She reaches for Brittany’s hand again and feels relieved when Brittany lets her take it.
“Brittany...” Santana says quietly, voice deep in the back of her throat. She didn’t know that. She doesn’t know why she was supposed to know that, and she wants to take it all back, the questions and her behaviour in Salt Lake both. She wants to climb across the console to kiss her and mumble apologies against her lips, even though they’re still driving. She wants to tell her how much she loves her and that she wants to marry her too, ever since Brittany gave her that damn ring pop so many years ago.
“I didn’t mean to-” She swallows, trying again. “I just thought-”
“Of course I want to marry you,” Brittany says once she’s taken a couple of breaths and her voice sounds more even. “But we’re eighteen, Santana. We’re not supposed to get married yet.”
Brittany glances over at her, and Santana hates the wetness she can see in her eyes, “You don’t want to get married yet either. It’s only because everyone keeps telling us we should.” She shakes her head, her hand twisting round the wheel, as close to angry as Brittany gets. “Everyone keeps saying how we should get married. Well, I think growing up means you don’t have to do the things adults say you do.”
The silence stretches between them, their fingers still wrapped around each other tightly, and Santana wouldn’t let go now for anything. Her fingers dig into the back of Brittany’s hand, her thumb rubbing against Brittany’s softly, and after a moment she whispers, “Sometimes I-I don’t feel all that grown up,” and shrugs, fixing her eyes on their joined hands between them.
“Sometimes, neither do I,” Brittany says softly, and hearing her say it out loud makes Santana love her all the more, somehow.
+
“Britt?” Santana asks later, when they’re about an hour away from Reno.
“Yeah?” Brittany asks softly, blinking over at her, pulled out of her driving trance.
“We’re gonna get married one day, right?” She holds her breath waiting for Brittany’s answer.
“One day,” Brittany says with a grin, and Santana settles back into her seat and feels the answering smile on her own face.
+
Santana tells Brittany where to get off the interstate in Reno and directs her to where she’s sure there’s a couple of motels, a gas station and somewhere to eat not far out of their way. Brittany picks the motel, and Santana’s surprised when it’s the same one she had written down on her plans, and wonders if Brittany saw it and did that on purpose, just to make her feel better.
She reaches for Brittany’s hand when they cross the parking lot, reaches with her other arm to grip her elbow, until Brittany glances at her and smiles, ducking her head as she squeezes her hand.
They check in together, Brittany answering most of the questions until Santana steps forward to pay with her credit card, nudging Brittany with her hip so she has to move when she starts to protest, and Brittany laughs, pretending to glare at her the whole time and leaving her to carry her own bag when they go to find the room, sticking her tongue out as she drops it next to her and goes the way the guy points them.
Santana tackles Brittany on to the bed once they’re inside, scrambling on top of her as Brittany pretends to sulk, ignoring her. She huffs out a breath but Santana just laughs and leans down to kiss her lips again and again, until Brittany starts to giggle and kisses her back, her arms coming up to wrap around her as she rolls them over until she’s on top and smirking down at her, and the laughter dies in Santana’s throat.
+
They go back to the burger place they passed on the way in to get food, and Santana actually orders a salad with hers when she sees the choice on the menu just because she feels so bad about how crappily they’ve been eating this week. Brittany rolls her eyes and gets the fries anyway, and they end up sharing them because Santana keeps snaking a hand out to steal them and Brittany gives up trying to push her away.
“I do legally own half of everything you own,” Santana says quickly when Brittany tries to pull what’s left of her fries away from her, and Brittany looks so startled that she nearly drops them.
It only takes her a second to recover though, and when she does she grins and says, “Not yet you don’t,” before making a grab for her coke.
+
Brittany says she’s tired when they get back, and Santana agrees, and they get undressed together, rummaging through their bags for something to sleep in and bumping their elbows as they try to brush their teeth at the same time. Brittany gets into bed while Santana takes her contacts out and sets her case down at the side of the sink, turning the light off and using her phone to light her way across the room.
Brittany wraps herself around her as soon as she gets in and they’re quiet for a moment, getting used to the feel of each other in the dark, their bodies loosening with sleep.
“We only have two nights left,” Santana whispers after a moment, and feels Brittany snuggle a little closer against her.
“‘Til college?” Brittany murmurs, ghosting a kiss against Santana’s chin, just because.
“‘Til we’re in different places,” Santana says softly, her fingers tightening around Brittany reflexively. “We’re only gonna see each other at weekends.”
“And on skype,” Brittany says quickly, brushing a strand of hair away from Santana’s eyes. “We’ll talk every day.”
Santana doesn’t know how to explain that she’s not sure if she can fall asleep on her own anymore, how she’s not sure if she can even go a day without seeing Brittany never mind five days, even if she has classes every second and other things to fill her time, so she doesn’t even try. She just wordlessly pushes herself up to kiss Brittany, openmouthed and deep as her hand cups her cheek and tries to hold on, Brittany kissing her back just as fiercely, losing themselves in the kiss for just a moment.
Brittany exhales shakily once they break apart, her eyes dark and deep when they meet Santana’s, and she nods a little, like she’s agreeing with something Santana didn’t even say out loud.
They settle back against each other, their fingers grasping each other a little more tightly than they were before.
“Quinn and Mike are leaving Lima tomorrow,” Santana whispers eventually, and Brittany shifts a little, to show she’s listening. Her fingers rub against Santana’s back slowly as they breathe together in the dark. “Sam’ll be all on his own,” she doesn’t know why that makes her as sad as it does.
“He can come and visit,” Brittany murmurs sleepily, pressing a kiss to the underside of her chin. “And Quinn and Mike will be okay, you know. We crossed the whole country and we’re doing okay.”
She settles against Santana more comfortably, her hand sliding up to thread into her hair. “We’re more than okay, Britt,” Santana whispers after a moment, once Brittany’s eyes have fluttered shut.
“Yeah,” Brittany agrees softly, just before she falls asleep. “We are.”
+
She wakes up earlier than should be allowed because her phone is vibrating against the desk noisily and she reaches for it quickly, hoping it hasn’t woken Brittany up. Brittany shifts in the bed, rolling over and away from the noise, her features creasing into a frown as she goes, murmuring something unintelligible and burrowing further into the covers.
Santana watches her go and wishes she could follow, but her phone is still demanding her attention, and she pushes herself up and climbs to her feet quickly, padding over to the bathroom and managing to trip over both of their bags in the dark, so that when she answers the phone the first thing she says is, “Shit.”
“Santana?” It’s Quinn’s voice, and Santana really should have known.
“You know we’re in Nevada right now,” Santana says, rubbing her hand against her face as she closes the toilet seat lid and sits down. “It’s, like, some number of hours earlier out here.” And way too early to be doing math, she adds silently.
“I’m sorry I’m having a crisis in a different timezone,” Quinn snaps back, and Santana can imagine the way she looks, pacing around her empty bedroom or her kitchen while Mike waits by the car saying his goodbyes to Tina.
Santana sighs. “What’s wrong?”
“We’re about to leave,” Quinn says, voice low as she takes another shaky breath. “We’re about to leave and what if I forgot something, or we get lost, or what if the car-” she cuts off suddenly, choking out a laugh.
“Quinn,” Santana says and she can almost hear Quinn’s breathing even out just at the sound of her name. “You’ll be fine, okay? Look what you survived in high school. I’m pretty sure there’s no more bad luck left out there for you.”
“You don’t know that,” Quinn says softly, but Santana carries on before she can say anything else.
“Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t,” she says fiercely. “You’re Quinn Fabray! You’re gonna go to Yale and kick its ass.”
“I just really wish you guys were here,” Quinn says after a moment, and the words hang between them delicately, Quinn’s voice low and earnest through the phone. “I could really use a hug from my best friends.”
Santana swallows at the sudden tightness in her throat. “I’m really glad you called, Quinn.”
“Me too.”
They stay on the phone just to hear the sound of each other’s voices, Santana suddenly becoming aware of just how much she’s missed her since they left. They keep talking until Santana hears Mike calling for Quinn and saying they have to leave, and then she makes Quinn put him on the phone for a moment.
“What’s up Santana?” Mike asks, almost sounding wary.
“Drive careful, okay?” Santana whispers, as though Quinn might still be able to hear her. “If Quinn starts getting antsy you have to pull over somewhere and let her walk around for a minute. She still gets sca-“
“I got it,” Mike says easily, and Santana wonders if Quinn is still nearby listening to his side of the conversation. He takes a breath before he says, “How’s Britt?” and it comes out weirdly casual, like it’s more than just a pleasantry.
“Asleep,” Santana says, wondering why he’s asking. “Which is where I should be. It’s like 5am or something. Put Quinn back on?”
She and Quinn murmur a quick goodbye before they hang up, telling each other to be safe and to call often, and Santana stares at her phone in her hand for a moment after she’s gone, wondering why any of them ever thought separating all over the country was a good idea.
+
Brittany wraps herself around her when she gets back into bed, still half asleep as she wraps her arms around her middle and presses herself against Santana’s back, kissing Santana’s neck sloppily through her hair before her breathing gets deep again, and Santana tries to will herself back to sleep.
+
When she wakes up again, Brittany is stretching her arms up over her head next to her, and when she notices Santana blinking sleepily she looks over and grins, rolling over to kiss her good morning.
“Let’s go to California,” she says with a grin once she’s pulled back and Santana laughs as she tries to pull her out of the bed.
+
They go to the gas station across the street before they leave, and it’s been such a part of their routine for the last week that Santana almost can’t believe this will be the last time she does it for a while, since Brittany will be keeping the car when they get to California and she’ll be relying on buses and trains to get around. Brittany leans out of the window and watches her fill up with a thoughtful expression on her face, almost like she can’t believe it either.
Once they get back on to i-80 and out of Reno the brown of the last couple of days starts to turn green again, the mountains turning into something more like hills as trees dot the landscape on both sides of the road. Brittany reaches for her camera again and Santana listens to the click of the shutter and realises how much she’ll miss that too.
Brittany only stops taking photos for a moment as they cross over the border into California, and Santana takes a deep breath, almost like she’s testing the air.
If she was the kind of person who spoke in clichés she’d say something about it being easier to breathe here, especially after the last couple of days, but she isn’t, so she just sighs it out and keeps driving, biting her lips to keep from smiling too much.
Brittany’s fingers creep into hers and hold on tightly, and when Santana glances over at her she’s grinning so brightly that Santana starts to grin back, until they’re both staring out of their windows and trying to wipe the smiles off their faces.
+
Brittany twists round in her seat when they’re almost at Sacramento and reaches for her bag on the backseat, pulling at the strings until she can get her hand inside. When she turns around she’s got a piece of paper in her hand, and as Santana glances over at it quickly, she recognises it as a page of her plans, ‘Sacramento, CA’ printed in big bold letters at the top.
“Why do you still have that?” Santana asks, sure she saw all her pages in the trash back in Salt Lake.
“It says we have to go to the zoo,” Brittany says, with a shrug like it should be obvious, and Santana remembers looking up things to do in Sacramento, for their last day together before they drive on to Berkeley.
“I thought you wanted to find new places,” Santana says, although she’s pretty sure there aren’t any places left that she didn’t write down.
“What’s better than a zoo?” Brittany says earnestly, and when she reaches over to type the zip code into the GPS, Santana doesn’t argue.
+
The zoo’s full of little kids with their parents and groups of teenagers enjoying the last of their freedom before they have to go back to school, and they walk through them all with their hands clasped tightly between them, pulling one another over to look at certain exhibits and animals, giggling and holding each other close the whole time.
Brittany buys them both popsicles from a stand and they watch the monkeys while they eat them, the lemurs chasing each other round and round their cage in a blur, as Brittany slings an arm around her waist and pulls her closer and her head is resting against Brittany’s shoulder.
It’s easy to forget it’s not just another summer day and that they won’t be going back to McKinley in the fall for another year of cheerleading and glee club and sneaking kisses between classes, and it sends a pang through her when she remembers they’ll be in Berkeley soon and that tomorrow she’ll be at Stanford without Brittany to hold on to.
She leans up on her tiptoes to kiss Brittany on the cheek, and then on the lips when Brittany turns into her, her arm tightening around her waist reflexively. “What was that for?” Brittany asks once Santana has pulled away, but she’s grinning just the same.
Santana shrugs. “I love you,” she says, like that could possibly explain it all, but she smiles when Brittany’s grin gets wider, like she knows exactly what she means.
“I love you too,” Brittany says with a little shake of her head, like she can’t believe she has to say it again. “Now let’s get you out of the sun before your brain gets any more screwy.”
Santana laughs, but Brittany drags her away to the shade at the back of the reptile house and presses her back against a tree before she leans down and kisses her, and she forgets why she was laughing.
+
They’re on their way back to the car when Brittany spots the sign for Fairytale Town and comes to a stop, pointing to it excitedly and looking at Santana with puppy eyes, tugging at her hand until she lets Brittany lead her in the direction the sign points.
“Fairytales are boring, Britt,” Santana complains when they get to the gate and join the line, and Brittany looks at her like she’s actually offended before she carries on. “It’s all princes and princesses and stuff for kids. Real life isn’t like that.”
“If you say so,” Brittany says after a long moment, but the way she says it makes Santana step a little closer to her, snuggling into her side until Brittany smiles down at her and presses a quick kiss to her forehead.
“Maybe it’d be better if there was a fairy tale about two princesses,” Santana grouses, and watches Brittany’s lips quirk up into a smile.
“Cheerleaders,” she says softly, rubbing her thumb against Santana’s as their hands swing between them. “I think they’d be cheerleaders,” and then bursts out laughing when Santana looks up at her like she can’t believe she’s being so cheesy.
“They’d get their happy ending too,” Brittany adds after a moment, sliding her arm around her waist to grasp at her hip, and after she finishes rolling her eyes, Santana leans into her and can’t find it in her to disagree.
They’re the only people in the line without kids, and when they get to the guy in the kiosk he just shakes his head at them and points to a sign over his head. “Sorry, no adults allowed in without a child,” and looks behind them for more paying customers.
Brittany frowns at him as Santana tugs her away and back towards their car. “Sorry, Britty,” she shrugs once they’ve gotten far enough away to not be able to see the gate any more, and Brittany turns to look at her, surprise registering on her face.
“I don’t care about not being able to get in,” she says quickly, glancing back the way they’ve come. “That guy called us adults!” And then they both burst out laughing and collapse against each other, and Santana’s pretty sure she’s never felt more like a kid in her life.
+
Brittany drives because she says she should get used to it, and Santana sits in the passenger seat next to her, twisting her hands together nervously as she peers through the window. They stay on i-80 so they can see the bay, and Santana stares wide-eyed as Brittany tries to keep her eyes on the road, both her hands on the wheel as she steers them through the traffic.
When they stop at a red light and Brittany leans over in her seat to get a better look, Santana’s sure she’s never seen anything more beautiful, and she reaches for Brittany’s hand and squeezes quickly before Brittany has to put the car into drive again.
They pass bus stops and the ends of roads that Santana knows hide BART stations and she tries not to let her eyes linger, knowing she’ll be getting familiar with them by the end of the year. She wonders how much time she’ll spend on buses and trains and travelling, and if it’ll be more or less than the time she gets to spend with Brittany, and then pushes the thought away, not wanting to ruin their last night together.
She already feels like something is shifting between them. It’s in how their hands grip each other a little too tightly and how they keep glancing at each other, just to make sure they’re still there. She swallows and tries to push it all away, to concentrate on the fact that she’s in Berkeley with Brittany and about to start the next phase of her life, but that’s kind of scary too, and she clings to Brittany’s hand and wishes she never had to let go.
+
Brittany finds her apartment easily enough and she scrambles out of the car quickly to go and press the buzzer, Santana following more slowly and hovering by the car while she waits for the door to open.
It’s not long before Brittany’s being hugged enthusiastically by a red haired girl Santana almost recognises from Brittany’s dance classes and Brittany is waving her over, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her closer. “You remember Jenny, right?” She says to Santana, and Santana nods even though she doesn’t really at all.
“And you must be Santana,” Jenny says, offering her a hand to shake, which Santana takes shyly. “Brittany never would shut up about you.”
“Shut up, Jenn,” Brittany blushes, looking down at the ground when Santana grins like it’s the best thing she ever heard.
“We weren’t even dating when you two danced together,” Santana says teasingly, but Brittany just ducks her head and shakes it, shooting a glare at Jenny as she laughs.
“It’s cute, really,” Santana adds, a little bit more sincere as she leans in to kiss her cheek.
“Okay,” Brittany says, mollified, before turning to look at Jenny again, “But you still get to carry the heavy stuff.”
Jenny laughs good naturedly and follows them back to the car, reaching for a box of kitchen stuff before disappearing back towards their apartment, and Santana decides right then and there that she likes Jenny, and won’t mind hanging out with her on the weekends, every now and then.
Santana grabs their overnight bags and Brittany’s camera, waiting for Brittany to pull her suitcase out of the car, her eyes lingering on the muscles in Brittany’s arms as she lifts it, until Brittany catches her staring and gives her a push towards the building and Santana starts to laugh, shrugging a little like she doesn’t care that she’s been caught. Anyone would be staring the way Brittany looks lifting things in that t-shirt, and Brittany’s her girlfriend so she figures she gets a free pass, especially since it’s the last time she’ll see her lift something for a while.
She tries not to think of all the lasts and wonders if she should start counting firsts instead; the first time they get to do all these things for the rest of their lives, turning the simplest of hand holds and kisses into something magical instead of something sad.
Brittany’s apartment is on the second floor but it doesn’t take all that long to carry her stuff in between the three of them, and Jenny gives them a quick tour, showing them to Brittany’s bedroom and pointing the way to the bathroom before saying she’ll get out of their way.
“I’m gonna go meet some friends,” Jenny says, fishing into a bowl on the coffee table and coming up with a key that she hands to Brittany, who takes it carefully, cradling it in her hand. “There’s take out menus and stuff in the drawer in the kitchen if you wanna order in.”
“Thanks, Jenn,” Brittany says sincerely, and she offers them one last grin before disappearing through the door, tossing a goodbye over her shoulder as she goes.
“She seems nice,” Santana says once they’re settled on the couch, ignoring unpacking for the moment in favour of snuggling up together, Santana half on top of Brittany as they fit themselves around each other and sink into the cushions. “And the apartment’s pretty cool.”
“Jenn used to help me a lot in class,” Brittany says, rubbing her fingers against Santana’s back, “When we were younger. We made it into the advanced classes together when we were twelve and she helped me that summer I grew three inches and couldn’t make my legs work right, remember?”
Santana nods, “I didn’t realise you knew her that long.”
Brittany shrugs and pulls her a little closer, smoothing her hair away from her eyes, “We only saw each other in class cuz she went to a different school. We were, like, weekend friends.”
“Like us now,” Santana says before she can stop herself and Brittany’s arms tighten around her, her face dropping when she realises what she said.
“I didn’t mean-” Brittany says quickly and Santana presses her hand to her mouth to cut her off.
“I know you didn’t, it’s okay,” they lie there in silence for a minute, Santana rising and falling with Brittany’s chest as she breathes in, listening to the sound of her heart.
+
Their unpacking only goes as far as getting the sheets on to the bed and half of Brittany’s clothes into the wardrobe, and then Brittany pads off to get the take out menus and bring them back to Santana sitting cross legged on the bed. They order thai, Brittany’s new address tripping off her tongue, and half heartedly unpack a few more things while they wait for it to arrive, Brittany putting her computer and camera on her desk, while Santana pulls a couple of plates out of the box in the kitchen and fills some glasses with water from the jug she finds in the fridge.
Brittany finds her after she’s been to put her washbag in the bathroom and helps her unpack the rest of the box, figuring since it’s in a shared space, Jenny might get mad if she comes home to a box sitting on the counter, and by the time they’ve finished their food is there, and Brittany goes down to get it, pushing the cash Santana tries to give her away.
They eat curled up together on the couch, both exclaiming over how good it is as they feed each other with chopsticks, swapping boxes as they stay close. It makes it hard to eat but Santana doesn’t care, because she’s suddenly realising just how little time they have left together and how this is the last time they’ll get to sit like this for a week, and then she presses herself closer until Brittany rolls her eyes and drops her chopsticks to pull her closer, dropping a kiss to her forehead as she holds her.
Brittany cleans the plates while Santana gathers the trash, and when they’re done, Brittany smiles at her shyly and takes her hand to lead her back into her bedroom, guiding her around the boxes on the floor until she can pull her down next to her, so they’re sitting side by side on the edge of the bed.
“It’s still early,” Brittany says softly, playing at entwining the fingers of their hands together, and Santana glances at the clock Brittany had unpacked earlier and sees that she’s right. “Do you want to go exploring?” Brittany asks, turning to look at her, and Santana shakes her head, dropping her head down to rest against her shoulder.
“What do you want to do?” Brittany asks, and then Santana wraps her arms around her, hugging her tightly as she presses herself into her side.
“Just this,” she says against her shoulder, as Brittany starts to turn into her, her arms coming up to cradle her, holding them together. “Just this.”
Part Eight