Comments | stormcrow216: I used to be a nice guy.

stormcrow216

I used to be a nice guy.

Mar 13, 2009 10:20

You know the type. The one that was always pining for things that everyone but him seems to get so easily. The kind that assumes that being a good person is enough to get what you want in life. That being friendly is enough by itself for women to fall in love with you and to receive applause from all your peers. It was just brought to my attention ( Read more... )

Comments 12

apocalypticbob March 13 2009, 15:47:21 UTC

Smart man.

Also, part of being mature is pursuing what you desire in a genuine way, and then, if you are rejected, acknowledge that you aren't going to get it and move on. I can't say how many so called "nice guys" handle rejection by smearing the girl's name, pouting, or just generally being an ass. Clue-by-four for those guys: Just because a girl isn't interested in you doesn't make her frigid, a bitch, a lesbian, or stupid. It just means the chemistry isn't there. It's not always personal.

(The comment has been removed)

Hey! stormcrow216 March 13 2009, 16:13:40 UTC

Nothing really wrong with stupid frigid lesbian bitches.

Though I don't think I've ever met one...

Right on. stormcrow216 March 13 2009, 16:12:58 UTC

Yeah, you have to accept that "no" as a realistic possibility from the outset. There's no rule that says you'll get what you want just for being a good boy (girl) and asking politely. Which is kinda sad, but that's life. Well, to be fair, if I asked if I could borrow some salt, I would kind of expect to get it. But if I asked for naked cuddles, that's another matter entirely.

dematrah March 13 2009, 16:01:13 UTC

For me, being the "nice girl" was about never ever offending anybody ever. I went out of my way to be walked upon and used as a doormat so I wouldn't hurt anybody's feelings. I felt that if I truly needed something that it would mean I was infringing upon people, and I just couldn't have that.

I felt like an evil, horrible, disgusting person if I so much as thought about asking for help over anything, trivial or not. How dare I ask anyone, I should know better and just do things myself! What did I think I was doing, acting like a dependent?

Sorry if this is off topic. D:

Not at all! stormcrow216 March 13 2009, 16:15:04 UTC

That's the essence of what I'm talking about! People who are "nice" often feel like it's impolite to even have needs, which is ludicrous when you think about it, but very very hard to overcome. That one I admit I haven't gotten over completely, but I am making progress. Hopefully you are too. :)

Re: Not at all! dematrah March 13 2009, 23:39:29 UTC

Yes it is VERY hard to overcome. I'm still like that at times. I just kind of slip back into that niche. Among these behaviors I find myself apologizing a lot and for almost everything, and I say "thank you" a little too much (more often in the way of thanking several times for the same thing, and things that don't really need a thanking).

I think part of it is an over-glorification of selflessness. It's not something that needs a pedestal and spotlight.

magdaleneseal March 13 2009, 17:18:39 UTC

What's the old saying" Ask and you shall receive?"? If you want something, ask for it. And for chrissakes, be direct about it. Unless you are a mind reader, most people do not get the hint.

Being the nice girl in general society likens to women being a doormat. If you weren't- you are considered a bitch, slut or both. I They say good girls to go heaven- BAD GIRLS go everywhere. There is a ring of truth to that. stopped being a "nice girl" twenty years ago.

I still think you are a "nice guy"..but I now know who to call if I need salt or naked cuddles. Mix the two..hey that could be kinky...

You hit this on the money, darlin'. You may not always get what you want, but you will ALWAYS get what you need, if you ask.

hiraku536 March 13 2009, 19:41:51 UTC

You're still a nice guy in my opinion, and I still look up to you.

It's okay to be frustrated over things you want because you recognized that you're not the only one who has needs. That, at least, is the 1st step to be selfless imo already.

You know, funny thing, someone told me that I'm not a nice person even when I let others have the "I want" and "I don't want already". So, it doesn't really make a difference when you think about it.

In that case... why not just go out and get what you want? You only live once.

That's my personal philosophy now. Take it as a grain of salt because I'm still making mistakes now. I still lie, I still procrastinate, I still get bitter. But, that's me :p

hiraku536 March 13 2009, 19:44:33 UTC

PS: I also don't know what the hell I just typed...

Don't we all... stormcrow216 March 13 2009, 21:27:39 UTC

You're a good guy, Hiraku, but you should probably look for a better role model. ;)

You're on the right track though. Now there are plenty of good reasons not to seek out some things that you want. Drugs and alcohol for example need to be moderated to say the least. So you're not wrong to pass on things, but you're not really wrong to seek things out either. Have fun! :)

satyreyes March 14 2009, 04:05:49 UTC

You know, I was thinking exactly the same thing. Was wondering whether to post about it but decided not to because it would just make trouble. LJ is a much better place for that discussion. :)

What I would have posted is that being nice is well and good, but you also need to have a spine. It's an exception when someone gets what they want without so much as asking for it. I feel bad for spineless people -- which is only fitting since frequently I'm one of them -- but the universe doesn't generally bend itself. You have to go out and bend it.

Oh, right, and being nice is not the same thing as living in a constant state of self-denial. Actually, people who live in a constant state of self-denial are kind of annoying a lot of the time. But maybe I just can't understand because I'm a guy.