It's late
Probably a bit TOO late to be writing this, but when inspiration strikes... :P
So, people have asked me why I'm upset/annoyed about living here in AZ. Granted, a large proportion of these people have lived in AZ their whole lives (or close to it), so they can't imagine living elsewhere. On a related note, I lived in the northern half of the country (Ohio, Illinois, and Pennsylvania) for over half my life (about 13 years between them all), so likewise, the southern half is a bit of a culture shock. The move to Arizona was the 6th move in 18 years (Yes, I'm 19 now, but I was 18 at the time), so I'm no stranger to moving. As an additional result, though, I don't remember much about living in Arizona at all. The furthest back I can recall is living in Illinois, which started in 1998 (or '97, I don't recall exactly).
For those who don't know... California (born) -> Arizona -> Ohio -> Arizona -> Illinois -> Pennsylvania -> Arizona
And there is a valid point to that. It's a different world here, and not entirely one I care for. I prefer rainy days and blizzards. I prefer the smell of spring, and the crunch of fallen leaves. And I've always preferred that, even when I've lived here in the past (For those who don't know, this is my 3rd time living in AZ). I've always been a '4 seasons' sort of guy. I'm just not the kind of person who likes 'dry heat' and no rain for months on end. (As a matter of fact, the lack of rain is maddening)
Of course, that's only the tip of the proverbial iceberg..
I'm no stranger to moving, as you've no doubt figured out. Strangely enough, though, the past two (from IL, and from PA) have been the hardest of them all. This may be because I reached the age where I started forming real bonds with people, or it may be because it's the only two I can vividly remember. Either way, the results speak for themselves.
So, it begs the question... why does it bother me now? Well, I can think of quite a few reasons. For a frame of reference, my parents have not been told (or at least won't tell me) WHY it was that we were moved. My best guess is relating to a story of a lady my dad had to fire for... conduct violations... and she proceeded to make a big deal of it. Basically, to the best of my knowledge, this move was entirely political.
Some of the obvious reasons to be pissed are just that, obvious. I moved a week after graduation. I didn't get to attend any parties other than my own. I spent the entire summer of my senior year doing nothing. I spent the last half of my senior year with the shadow of the move looming ahead. This stuff could probably occur to anyone.
But here's my view on it...
For example, I was accepted to PSU at University Park. Something like 15 or 20% of freshmen are accepted there. Needless to say, I was psyched. PSU was where I wanted to go, and it had been there since I'd started considering college. For all intensive purposes, I was set to go until this move came about. Due to PSU's cost, I couldn't afford to go out-of-state. My issue here is that you're supposed to choose the college you want to go to. That option was taken away from me. It was here, or not at all, and in todays world, the latter is a poor choice. In terms of Engineering, PSU far outstrips UA. Even that, though, is not as important as the concept that my future was chosen for me by someone who has never seen my face, and for near as I know, it was chosen based on something that didn't even exist. My present situation was just a signature on the dotted line over a situation that should not have ended this way.
Issues with my parents: Perhaps something broke, or maybe I just didn't notice, but my parents ability to handle situations seems to have dramatically decreased since coming here. My parents are seemingly incapable of noticing what I have outlined above. As a side note, they both grew up here. Attended High School in Phoenix, and both attended one of AZ's state universities. For this reason, they (along with my extended family) cannot figure out why I don't like it here. Indirectly, this has lead to conflict with them when they realize that I don't like to be in Phoenix, and prefer to avoid it as much as possible. For those of you who knew my relationship with my parents in PA, that no longer exists. Strained is a hard word for it, but it's a mere fraction of what it was.
On the note of my extended family, almost all of them (on both sides) have lived in Phoenix for at least 10 years if not more. For that reason, they believe I should stay in Arizona, and that i should love it. They constantly preach that I won't ever talk to you guys again, nor will I ever see you guys again. I tell them that they grew up in a different era, and distance is no longer a factor, but this does little to stop them. I mean, some separation can be expected, but still. The constant nagging of my extended family of "How I'm liking AZ" and "How much I love UA" gets really old really fast. As a result, my relationships with extended family have become strained as well. (Though they don't know it)
I do not claim U of A to be a bad school. And in reality, it's not. (I disagree with some funding choices, but you can't make everyone happy) I'm mad because I didn't choose to go here, it was chosen for me. It was either here, or not at all. Given the alternative, I chose here. But I get irked about how I can't make one of the most important decisions of my life. That just because someone had to bitch about something that was clearly their own fault, I get to pay the price. It's hard to imagine without being in that situation, but it sucks, take my word on it.
Although this rant could go on forever, I'll leave it with this thought. The future. Suffice it to say, I have no friends who will be around come summer. My best hope is to work a lot and have to spend minimal time around the house. At the moment, this prospect is not looking good. I try to make the best of a bad situation, but one way or another, I will spend the next 4 years working. I will have no college stories, I will have no parties to go to over summers, I will have nothing to 'come home to'. There will be no more '4th of julys', no more hot tub parties. I can't even see the best friends I've ever known graduate, nor can I relive it with the friends I graduated with. Call me masochistic, but I quite literally have nothing here. There is no one who lives near me. I've got no one to go hang out with. All I've got is the prospect of working. A lot. And forgive me for sounding mean, but that is the downright shittiest way to spend the last summer vacations of your life.
A few people who will read this have been considering moving of their own free will. I hope that this shines some light on the decision you may be making. Other than that, this is a small glimpse into my thoughts. This has been around since I moved, and will likely continue to be around (in similar intensity) for the rest of my life. I can't explain why this affects me the way it does. It may be because my entire future (as I had it planned) got fucked up because someone bitched about their own mistakes. It may be because the best prospect I have for the next 4 years is to work. It may be because everything I knew no longer exists. I can't tell you what it is, and nor can anyone else. It's everything, and it's nothing at all. That's the closest I can possibly get.
So, people have asked me why I'm upset/annoyed about living here in AZ. Granted, a large proportion of these people have lived in AZ their whole lives (or close to it), so they can't imagine living elsewhere. On a related note, I lived in the northern half of the country (Ohio, Illinois, and Pennsylvania) for over half my life (about 13 years between them all), so likewise, the southern half is a bit of a culture shock. The move to Arizona was the 6th move in 18 years (Yes, I'm 19 now, but I was 18 at the time), so I'm no stranger to moving. As an additional result, though, I don't remember much about living in Arizona at all. The furthest back I can recall is living in Illinois, which started in 1998 (or '97, I don't recall exactly).
For those who don't know... California (born) -> Arizona -> Ohio -> Arizona -> Illinois -> Pennsylvania -> Arizona
And there is a valid point to that. It's a different world here, and not entirely one I care for. I prefer rainy days and blizzards. I prefer the smell of spring, and the crunch of fallen leaves. And I've always preferred that, even when I've lived here in the past (For those who don't know, this is my 3rd time living in AZ). I've always been a '4 seasons' sort of guy. I'm just not the kind of person who likes 'dry heat' and no rain for months on end. (As a matter of fact, the lack of rain is maddening)
Of course, that's only the tip of the proverbial iceberg..
I'm no stranger to moving, as you've no doubt figured out. Strangely enough, though, the past two (from IL, and from PA) have been the hardest of them all. This may be because I reached the age where I started forming real bonds with people, or it may be because it's the only two I can vividly remember. Either way, the results speak for themselves.
So, it begs the question... why does it bother me now? Well, I can think of quite a few reasons. For a frame of reference, my parents have not been told (or at least won't tell me) WHY it was that we were moved. My best guess is relating to a story of a lady my dad had to fire for... conduct violations... and she proceeded to make a big deal of it. Basically, to the best of my knowledge, this move was entirely political.
Some of the obvious reasons to be pissed are just that, obvious. I moved a week after graduation. I didn't get to attend any parties other than my own. I spent the entire summer of my senior year doing nothing. I spent the last half of my senior year with the shadow of the move looming ahead. This stuff could probably occur to anyone.
But here's my view on it...
For example, I was accepted to PSU at University Park. Something like 15 or 20% of freshmen are accepted there. Needless to say, I was psyched. PSU was where I wanted to go, and it had been there since I'd started considering college. For all intensive purposes, I was set to go until this move came about. Due to PSU's cost, I couldn't afford to go out-of-state. My issue here is that you're supposed to choose the college you want to go to. That option was taken away from me. It was here, or not at all, and in todays world, the latter is a poor choice. In terms of Engineering, PSU far outstrips UA. Even that, though, is not as important as the concept that my future was chosen for me by someone who has never seen my face, and for near as I know, it was chosen based on something that didn't even exist. My present situation was just a signature on the dotted line over a situation that should not have ended this way.
Issues with my parents: Perhaps something broke, or maybe I just didn't notice, but my parents ability to handle situations seems to have dramatically decreased since coming here. My parents are seemingly incapable of noticing what I have outlined above. As a side note, they both grew up here. Attended High School in Phoenix, and both attended one of AZ's state universities. For this reason, they (along with my extended family) cannot figure out why I don't like it here. Indirectly, this has lead to conflict with them when they realize that I don't like to be in Phoenix, and prefer to avoid it as much as possible. For those of you who knew my relationship with my parents in PA, that no longer exists. Strained is a hard word for it, but it's a mere fraction of what it was.
On the note of my extended family, almost all of them (on both sides) have lived in Phoenix for at least 10 years if not more. For that reason, they believe I should stay in Arizona, and that i should love it. They constantly preach that I won't ever talk to you guys again, nor will I ever see you guys again. I tell them that they grew up in a different era, and distance is no longer a factor, but this does little to stop them. I mean, some separation can be expected, but still. The constant nagging of my extended family of "How I'm liking AZ" and "How much I love UA" gets really old really fast. As a result, my relationships with extended family have become strained as well. (Though they don't know it)
I do not claim U of A to be a bad school. And in reality, it's not. (I disagree with some funding choices, but you can't make everyone happy) I'm mad because I didn't choose to go here, it was chosen for me. It was either here, or not at all. Given the alternative, I chose here. But I get irked about how I can't make one of the most important decisions of my life. That just because someone had to bitch about something that was clearly their own fault, I get to pay the price. It's hard to imagine without being in that situation, but it sucks, take my word on it.
Although this rant could go on forever, I'll leave it with this thought. The future. Suffice it to say, I have no friends who will be around come summer. My best hope is to work a lot and have to spend minimal time around the house. At the moment, this prospect is not looking good. I try to make the best of a bad situation, but one way or another, I will spend the next 4 years working. I will have no college stories, I will have no parties to go to over summers, I will have nothing to 'come home to'. There will be no more '4th of julys', no more hot tub parties. I can't even see the best friends I've ever known graduate, nor can I relive it with the friends I graduated with. Call me masochistic, but I quite literally have nothing here. There is no one who lives near me. I've got no one to go hang out with. All I've got is the prospect of working. A lot. And forgive me for sounding mean, but that is the downright shittiest way to spend the last summer vacations of your life.
A few people who will read this have been considering moving of their own free will. I hope that this shines some light on the decision you may be making. Other than that, this is a small glimpse into my thoughts. This has been around since I moved, and will likely continue to be around (in similar intensity) for the rest of my life. I can't explain why this affects me the way it does. It may be because my entire future (as I had it planned) got fucked up because someone bitched about their own mistakes. It may be because the best prospect I have for the next 4 years is to work. It may be because everything I knew no longer exists. I can't tell you what it is, and nor can anyone else. It's everything, and it's nothing at all. That's the closest I can possibly get.