Zombies and the Government
This is what happens when Dhaunea and I are left to our own devices.
Warning: This contains silliness and zombies, and has no real political content... Unless you want to read something into it.
Henceforth, I will be RustingVision, and PC is Dhaunea.
PC: Well, zombie raising should never be done frivolously.
PC: They come along and revoke your license.
RustingVision: True enough.
PC: And then it's two weeks waiting, and then paperwork and then probation before you can get it back!
RustingVision: And really, after that, it's on your record forever...
PC: And if they catch you doing it without a license? Oh, you can just kiss your ability to buy necromantic artifacts goodbye for at least a year.
RustingVision: At least! And doing it under the table can be such a dangerous business~
PC: Oh my, yes. If the zombie army is defeated, you can't get ANY of your insurance claims honored.
RustingVision: Well, naturally! "Raising Zombies for Fun and Profit" indeed... One little screw up, and you're buried under mounds of paperwork and debt.. and those are only mundane consequences! Says nothing of the magical/spiritual consequences... and of course, there are always other practitioners.... It's a cut-throat lot, legal or not. Not to mention the research necessary to make sure you're not stepping on any toes or raising someone that just shouldn't be raised... Eesh.
PC: Well, that's why I stick to formerly-human-zombies for the most part. Once you start to branch out, the red tape is just insane. A separate form for each species, sub-contracts for each additional power you want them to have beyond mobility and a hunger for human flesh... you've got to be kidding me! What happened to the good old days where all you needed was a few narcotics, a virgin and a couple of chickens?
RustingVision: Ahh.. those were simpler times, simpler times. I mean, I suppose you could be a traditionalist about it and claim a right to practice religion, but it takes a while for things to get recognized in government.. and then you've still got to deal with court battles and petitions, and all that. What's worse? It doesn't even keep the yahoos from practicing. And you know as well as -I- that one idiot can spoil it for everyone involved!
PC: Ohhhh yes. Remember that guy with the zombie dog pack? The one that he kept in a pen out back of his TRAILER? They ate that animal control guy and the next thing you know, NO ONE is allowed to keep zombie pets. Asshole.
RustingVision: Oh absolutely! It's really a shame. I mean, who -doesn't- need a good zombie pet every once in a while? They need to make more comprehensive laws instead of just generalizing. -They- certainly don't want to take the time though. And the way they make you claim everything? Just -anyone- can start dabbling. And the more 'dabblers' you get, the more really -stupid- shit starts happening. Before you know it, they're just going to ban the whole thing...
PC: I just can't believe the new requirements. I mean, what's next? A good citizenship award?
RustingVision: Honestly! Or maybe a Nobel Peace Prize? Who -knows- what's next. They have new forms, too. -All- in legalese. You practically have to hire a lawyer just to translate the damn thing. I don't know about -you-, but I never took any courses in law. It really does have it's own cryptic language. And t hey say -we- speak in mumbo jumbo!
PC: AND there's that new regulation - no zombie lawyers. They're just trying to make sure we can't find our way through the damn forms.
RustingVision: I know! Honestly, I'm convinced they want us to screw up and go bankrupt. What does it -take- to make an honest living nowadays?
PC: They're trying to drive the competent practitioners out of business so they can use the shenanigans of the incompentent to ban the entire thing.
RustingVision: Exactly! It's outrageous! I swear, just because they don't understand it they want to get rid of it. There's a legitimate use for zombies! Now if only we could get some reasonable representation.
PC: ... there's nothing in the paperwork against zombie politicians.
RustingVision: Yet! but you know as soon as we try it, they'll find a loophole in their favor.
PC: That's okay. All we really need are one or two. The zombie politicians can defend themselves, I'm sure. I mean, the living ones are just like cockroaches anyway.
PC: and if we pick one with name recognition like, say, Lincoln? We'd be golden.
RustingVision: True enough. Y'know, I was going to suggest Lincoln? Nice to be on the same page.
Warning: This contains silliness and zombies, and has no real political content... Unless you want to read something into it.
Henceforth, I will be RustingVision, and PC is Dhaunea.
PC: Well, zombie raising should never be done frivolously.
PC: They come along and revoke your license.
RustingVision: True enough.
PC: And then it's two weeks waiting, and then paperwork and then probation before you can get it back!
RustingVision: And really, after that, it's on your record forever...
PC: And if they catch you doing it without a license? Oh, you can just kiss your ability to buy necromantic artifacts goodbye for at least a year.
RustingVision: At least! And doing it under the table can be such a dangerous business~
PC: Oh my, yes. If the zombie army is defeated, you can't get ANY of your insurance claims honored.
RustingVision: Well, naturally! "Raising Zombies for Fun and Profit" indeed... One little screw up, and you're buried under mounds of paperwork and debt.. and those are only mundane consequences! Says nothing of the magical/spiritual consequences... and of course, there are always other practitioners.... It's a cut-throat lot, legal or not. Not to mention the research necessary to make sure you're not stepping on any toes or raising someone that just shouldn't be raised... Eesh.
PC: Well, that's why I stick to formerly-human-zombies for the most part. Once you start to branch out, the red tape is just insane. A separate form for each species, sub-contracts for each additional power you want them to have beyond mobility and a hunger for human flesh... you've got to be kidding me! What happened to the good old days where all you needed was a few narcotics, a virgin and a couple of chickens?
RustingVision: Ahh.. those were simpler times, simpler times. I mean, I suppose you could be a traditionalist about it and claim a right to practice religion, but it takes a while for things to get recognized in government.. and then you've still got to deal with court battles and petitions, and all that. What's worse? It doesn't even keep the yahoos from practicing. And you know as well as -I- that one idiot can spoil it for everyone involved!
PC: Ohhhh yes. Remember that guy with the zombie dog pack? The one that he kept in a pen out back of his TRAILER? They ate that animal control guy and the next thing you know, NO ONE is allowed to keep zombie pets. Asshole.
RustingVision: Oh absolutely! It's really a shame. I mean, who -doesn't- need a good zombie pet every once in a while? They need to make more comprehensive laws instead of just generalizing. -They- certainly don't want to take the time though. And the way they make you claim everything? Just -anyone- can start dabbling. And the more 'dabblers' you get, the more really -stupid- shit starts happening. Before you know it, they're just going to ban the whole thing...
PC: I just can't believe the new requirements. I mean, what's next? A good citizenship award?
RustingVision: Honestly! Or maybe a Nobel Peace Prize? Who -knows- what's next. They have new forms, too. -All- in legalese. You practically have to hire a lawyer just to translate the damn thing. I don't know about -you-, but I never took any courses in law. It really does have it's own cryptic language. And t hey say -we- speak in mumbo jumbo!
PC: AND there's that new regulation - no zombie lawyers. They're just trying to make sure we can't find our way through the damn forms.
RustingVision: I know! Honestly, I'm convinced they want us to screw up and go bankrupt. What does it -take- to make an honest living nowadays?
PC: They're trying to drive the competent practitioners out of business so they can use the shenanigans of the incompentent to ban the entire thing.
RustingVision: Exactly! It's outrageous! I swear, just because they don't understand it they want to get rid of it. There's a legitimate use for zombies! Now if only we could get some reasonable representation.
PC: ... there's nothing in the paperwork against zombie politicians.
RustingVision: Yet! but you know as soon as we try it, they'll find a loophole in their favor.
PC: That's okay. All we really need are one or two. The zombie politicians can defend themselves, I'm sure. I mean, the living ones are just like cockroaches anyway.
PC: and if we pick one with name recognition like, say, Lincoln? We'd be golden.
RustingVision: True enough. Y'know, I was going to suggest Lincoln? Nice to be on the same page.