Tales of the doomed.. otherwise known as riding the bus home
Yet another Mass Transit story. I miss my car. Pauses a moment in respectful silence.
...
Now, it is my custom while riding the bus to do everything in my power to ignore my fellow passengers. It's not that I have anything against them, well not all of them anyway. I just feel it's an invasion of personal space. I don't want or need to hear everyone's conversations. I prefer for the most part to sit in my own little world. I usually dream of some wonderous circumstance, that allows me to drive an shiny new car heading to California.
So it wasn't unusual for me to barely notice two people in the seat across from me. The only thing that struck me about the pair was the fact that one was completely zonked out and the other rapidly joining his friend. I say his because at first glance, they appeared to both be male.
I also noticed that they were sitting rather close. But truly thought nothing of it. Obviously they were comfortable being that close together for whatever reason. It would have driven me nuts, even if I was sitting next to the love of my life. So I happily began my ritual "You have just won a million dollars" Don't want to be too greedy here.
Their clothing was not extreme in any way. They were dressed more or less like any other college student with the exception of some rather odd brightly colored hats. I mean really, hats? In Florida? Shrugs.. what is the point. They seemed like an okay pair of blokes you know?
A few minutes later, I turned my head in their direction. My eyes feel on them once more. For a second I wondered if perhaps I had misjudged. Was one of them a rather flat chested boy? They appeared to be a couple. Cozily curled up together. In fact the cuteness factor would have been overkill if not for the tiny bit of drool escaping from one lad's mouth. Hmmmm I was pretty sure they were both boys. And I was also pretty sure they were a couple.
Now here is where the weridness comes in. The possible significance that they were a couple didn't dawn on me until I saw a rather angry african american teenage looking in their direction. At first I couldn't figure it out. He seemed fine when he got on the bus. He wasn't talking to anyone. What could he possibly be getting upset about. There was a steady progression of intensity in the furrowed brow, digust, anger, muttered words under breath and shaking of the head.
Then I felt shift. They were awake now and talking quietly to each other. The couple were checking to make sure they hadn't missed their stop and shared a brief moment of amusement and affection. I didn't turn my head to look at them. I just knew. Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement and heard the sound of gentle kissing noises. I kept my eyes forward from the simple desire of giving them privacy. As a rule PDA makes me queasy. With the exception of older people..I figure they are old enough to have the right to do whatever the he.. they please.
I felt a real stab of mounting fear. I became tense and wondered if the couple really understood the possible danger. I started to think and pick out possible allies and foes should the teenager become vocal or physical. Cursing myself for not having my cell phone. Could I count on my fellow passengers to call 911? And most importantly of all, how brave did I feel myself?
I'm not 19 anymore and I no longer believe that I can correct every injustice. Gay bashing is real and horrible to witness. I have seen it before and I never want to see it again. This awful pit of tension settled in my stomach.
The couple seemed so oblivious. I wanted to warn them. But at the same time I was struck by how unfair it was that they needed to be warned at all. How many times have endured comments and ugly stares for being in a committed relationship with a member of another race?? God more times than I can count. Here I am, getting my straight sex on, as my best friend would say, with the poster child for germanic perfection. I mean seriously Hitler would have creamed if he saw "Dimples". I know what it's like to be on the wrong side of those stares and muttered verbal slashes.
Right at my stop, I discovered the couple and I would be departing together. I breathed a huge sigh of relief once the doors closed and the motorized beast was on it's way. I turned and looked at them paused for a moment and smiled. They smiled back and asked for directions to a gallery downtown. After giving the world's worst directions, I wished them luck and told them to be careful. I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to say more, but they seemed so happy. \
Should I have told them? Would it have made a difference if I had? Surely they know that just because a few stores have rainbow flags in the window, that they shouldn't be fooled. They are in one of the most a..backwards states in regards to gay rights.
As I am walking home, I tell myself I am being a drama queen. Let it go. But I remember that the look in that kids eye. I remember how one summer standing in front of a club with my best friend, another kid had that same look. That same awful look that froze me in my tracks as I watched him punch my best friend in the head with brass knuckes screaming the word "faggot". I remember lauching all of my 5'4 body at him fully intending to return the favor, when I was stopped by someone shouting he's bleeding. I held his head with his shirt until the medics arrived.
I stopped and turned back.. the couple had turned into a shop hand in hand. They weren't being followed. So why am I sitting at home with this knot of fear and tension in my throat?
...
Now, it is my custom while riding the bus to do everything in my power to ignore my fellow passengers. It's not that I have anything against them, well not all of them anyway. I just feel it's an invasion of personal space. I don't want or need to hear everyone's conversations. I prefer for the most part to sit in my own little world. I usually dream of some wonderous circumstance, that allows me to drive an shiny new car heading to California.
So it wasn't unusual for me to barely notice two people in the seat across from me. The only thing that struck me about the pair was the fact that one was completely zonked out and the other rapidly joining his friend. I say his because at first glance, they appeared to both be male.
I also noticed that they were sitting rather close. But truly thought nothing of it. Obviously they were comfortable being that close together for whatever reason. It would have driven me nuts, even if I was sitting next to the love of my life. So I happily began my ritual "You have just won a million dollars" Don't want to be too greedy here.
Their clothing was not extreme in any way. They were dressed more or less like any other college student with the exception of some rather odd brightly colored hats. I mean really, hats? In Florida? Shrugs.. what is the point. They seemed like an okay pair of blokes you know?
A few minutes later, I turned my head in their direction. My eyes feel on them once more. For a second I wondered if perhaps I had misjudged. Was one of them a rather flat chested boy? They appeared to be a couple. Cozily curled up together. In fact the cuteness factor would have been overkill if not for the tiny bit of drool escaping from one lad's mouth. Hmmmm I was pretty sure they were both boys. And I was also pretty sure they were a couple.
Now here is where the weridness comes in. The possible significance that they were a couple didn't dawn on me until I saw a rather angry african american teenage looking in their direction. At first I couldn't figure it out. He seemed fine when he got on the bus. He wasn't talking to anyone. What could he possibly be getting upset about. There was a steady progression of intensity in the furrowed brow, digust, anger, muttered words under breath and shaking of the head.
Then I felt shift. They were awake now and talking quietly to each other. The couple were checking to make sure they hadn't missed their stop and shared a brief moment of amusement and affection. I didn't turn my head to look at them. I just knew. Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement and heard the sound of gentle kissing noises. I kept my eyes forward from the simple desire of giving them privacy. As a rule PDA makes me queasy. With the exception of older people..I figure they are old enough to have the right to do whatever the he.. they please.
I felt a real stab of mounting fear. I became tense and wondered if the couple really understood the possible danger. I started to think and pick out possible allies and foes should the teenager become vocal or physical. Cursing myself for not having my cell phone. Could I count on my fellow passengers to call 911? And most importantly of all, how brave did I feel myself?
I'm not 19 anymore and I no longer believe that I can correct every injustice. Gay bashing is real and horrible to witness. I have seen it before and I never want to see it again. This awful pit of tension settled in my stomach.
The couple seemed so oblivious. I wanted to warn them. But at the same time I was struck by how unfair it was that they needed to be warned at all. How many times have endured comments and ugly stares for being in a committed relationship with a member of another race?? God more times than I can count. Here I am, getting my straight sex on, as my best friend would say, with the poster child for germanic perfection. I mean seriously Hitler would have creamed if he saw "Dimples". I know what it's like to be on the wrong side of those stares and muttered verbal slashes.
Right at my stop, I discovered the couple and I would be departing together. I breathed a huge sigh of relief once the doors closed and the motorized beast was on it's way. I turned and looked at them paused for a moment and smiled. They smiled back and asked for directions to a gallery downtown. After giving the world's worst directions, I wished them luck and told them to be careful. I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to say more, but they seemed so happy. \
Should I have told them? Would it have made a difference if I had? Surely they know that just because a few stores have rainbow flags in the window, that they shouldn't be fooled. They are in one of the most a..backwards states in regards to gay rights.
As I am walking home, I tell myself I am being a drama queen. Let it go. But I remember that the look in that kids eye. I remember how one summer standing in front of a club with my best friend, another kid had that same look. That same awful look that froze me in my tracks as I watched him punch my best friend in the head with brass knuckes screaming the word "faggot". I remember lauching all of my 5'4 body at him fully intending to return the favor, when I was stopped by someone shouting he's bleeding. I held his head with his shirt until the medics arrived.
I stopped and turned back.. the couple had turned into a shop hand in hand. They weren't being followed. So why am I sitting at home with this knot of fear and tension in my throat?