Fixing Herself...Mostly - Doctor/Donna
Title: Fixing Herself...Mostly
Author: Stormypups
Pairing: Doctor/Donna
Rating: R
Warnings: None
Length: Approx. 10k
Summary: Mostly humor (I hope) with a smidgen of something similar to romance?
A/N: Special thanks to beatlejessie for fixing my comma abuse and other grammar issues.
The Doctor stared at the ringing phone, sighing tiredly. He'd been without a companion for months now, and Jack and Martha had taken it upon themselves to call and check on him on regular basis. But since he'd seen them only a few weeks ago, he thought they were going a bit overboard.
Pressing the button, he held the phone up to his ear. "World is saved, Jack, take the day off, go give Ianto...whatever it is you give Ianto."
"Doctor!" Jack interrupted. "You've got to come back."
"If this is about the elephants, there really isn't --"
"It's Donna!" Jack snapped. "She's remembered, Doctor, and she is pissed. Not that I can blame her after what you did--"
"Where?" the Doctor asked, his feet slamming against the grating of the TARDIS floor.
"Torchwood. She's hooking something up outside and using the rift as a great big power source."
"I'm coming," the Doctor said, disconnecting the phone and dropping it as he began slamming levers and twisting dials.
~*~
"Donna, just wait," Jack said, holding his hands up in surrender. He wasn't sure if the gun she'd been waving around would actually work, but he really didn't want to find out. "The Doctor will help, you just have--"
"Help?" Donna cried, incredulous. "Help?! Oh no, I've seen his help," Donna said, shaking her head. "Been there, done that and all I have to show for it is a half-arsed mind wipe. No, I don't think so, Jack. Now just take your pretty little self over there," he said, nodding toward his team, "and nobody gets hurt."
The familiar whirring sound of the TARDIS had them both turning to look.
"Oh great, tattletale" Donna muttered, rolling her eyes and turning her attention back to her machine. It didn't matter, she was nearly finished with it anyway. As soon as it was fully charged, she'd be right as rain.
"Donna!" the Doctor shouted as the door of the TARDIS opened. "Just stop," he begged, slowing as he approached her. "You don't know what you're doing."
"Oh I know exactly what I'm doing, space man," Donna returned, tapping one of the silver coils with a manicured nail before pointing it at the Doctor. "Not a step closer," she warned. "Not one single step."
The Doctor froze, his gaze flicking to Jack, a silent message sent between them.
The Doctor shoved his hands into his pockets, cocking his head to the side. "Is that a transmaterial vortex power coupling?" he asked, sounding impressed.
"You bet your scrawny ass it is," Donna said, typing at the small keyboard. "You see, Doctor, there were other ways to save me," she said, finally looking at him. "You didn't have to take it all away from me, did you? All powerful Time Lord, making all the decisions for everyone. Well not this time, Doctor. This time, I am calling the shots."
"Donna, if it doesn't work you'll burn up," the Doctor said, begging her to reconsider. "Your body wasn't meant for that kind of raw energy, let me help you."
"Oh no you don't!" Donna cried, standing upright. "Don't you come anywhere near me. I've had enough of your kind of help thank you very much."
"Donna! Listen to me. The input coils aren't big enough, you need more coolant or it's not going to work."
"Which is why I have this secondary coil for just that reason," Donna said proudly. "Way ahead of you, time boy. Actually, it was one of your annoying memories that gave me the idea. The thermal coupler has to align with the vortex reservoir which allows for the draining of said vortex energy, rendering it inert when thrown into the transmaterial sphere, which means, I can drain off some of this Time Lord mojo before it renders me insane, but I can't do that with you standing there flapping your gob! Mommy needs to work now, go play," she said, waving him off with simpering smile.
Donna's mind was racing and it was starting to become too much for her. She had to focus, had to finish it before the Doctor was right and she burned right up. Finally, the last step was complete. Ignoring the cries of Jack and the Doctor, Donna wrapped her fingers around the crystal tubing and flipped a switch.
She hadn't expected there to be so much screaming, and it was even more surprising to find that it was coming from her.
~*~
Donna had no idea how much she'd had to drink the night before, but it must have been a lot, because her head was going to explode. There was a constant pounding in her head and she desperately wanted it to either stop or she needed to pass out again. Groaning, she rolled over, putting an arm over her eyes to block out the light.
Only there hadn't been any light. At least, no sunlight, which meant she wasn't in her room, because the sun was disgustingly bright in her bedroom in the morning.
Someone cleared their throat.
Oh bloody hell.
"I'm sure you were brilliant but don't tell me your name because I really don't want to know. Just tell me where I threw my clothes and an aspirin wouldn't be out of the question," she said, blearily blinking.
"Sorry, haven't got any, allergic," the Doctor said from Donna's bedside. "Wouldn't help anyway, not with that kind of headache."
Donna's head snapped around, looking wide eyed at the Doctor. "Ow! That hurt!" she cried, grabbing her head. "What did you do? Try and wipe my mind again, because it didn't work," she said, scowling at the Doctor. "Underestimated the little ape, didn't you spaceman? Twice! Ha! OW!"
"You might just want to lie there for a bit," the Doctor warned, frowning. "Ape brains weren't meant to handle what you just did to yours, so go easy on it."
"Hang on!" Donna cried, sitting up before laying right back down again. "Buggery hell that hurts," she moaned.
"Told you."
"Oh shut up. I was right though, wasn't I? It worked didn't it? I mean, I'm still here and my brain hasn't turned to mush or anything. Wait, it hasn't right? No, of course it hasn't," she amended. "So, not burned up, brain still works, ergo, it worked! I'm brilliant!"
"Did you really just say 'ergo'?" the Doctor asked.
"It's a word!"
"Why do you keep yelling? Oh, right, I forgot, you like to yell. And hit. You're very fond of hitting," the Doctor said, almost fondly.
Donna sat up again, slower this time before putting her legs over the side of the bed. Once she was sitting, she looked at the Doctor and punched his arm. Hard.
"Ouch! What was that for?" the Doctor cried in an injured tone.
"You wiped my mind you great alien dolt! You made me forget everything! You had no right!" she added, hitting his other arm.
"Stop that!" the Doctor cried, scrambling out of his chair to get away from her fists. "I didn't have a choice! It was going to kill you!"
"Oh you had a choice," Donna replied, sneering. "You had loads of choices didn't you? But you chose the easiest, the one best for you, Doctor. Clean slate, was that it? Get rid of your clone. Give Rose her very own human Time Lord. Martha back to U.N.I.T and her fiancé, and oh yeah, better make Donna forget everything, can't have her mucking about, temp Time Lord, or Lady, or whatever the hell I am!"
"No!" the Doctor returned, his teeth clenched against the very idea. "That's not what it was. I was trying to save you."
"You made me forget!" Donna cried angrily. "Agatha Christie, the Ood, their song, the Daleks, everything! DoctorDonna! The most amazing thing in my life and you took it all away!"
The Doctor moved to sit beside Donna, trying to take her hand, but she pulled it away.
"Donna, listen to me. I didn't have a choice, I really didn't! There was no time for anything else, honestly there wasn't. I'd just lost Rose, Martha was gone with Jack and Mickey and why would I want to lose you too? You're my best mate," he said, smiling sadly. "And part me now apparently, and we both know how much I like myself, so why would I want to throw that all away?"
"But you did!" Donna said, her voice cracking as a sob built in her throat. "You did."
The Doctor wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry it out, much like he had done before. But this time, she wouldn't be forgetting. This time, he was going to hold on and not let go.
When Donna finally pulled away, she wiped her eyes and composed herself, searching the Doctor's face. "So I'm alright now, yeah? No erasing my memories?"
The Doctor sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "No and no," he finally answered. "You're not alright, I mean you are, but it can't last, Donna. Ultimately, you've still got a completely human body with the mind of a Time Lord. But no, I won't be erasing your memories."
"So what are you saying? I'm going to die?" she asked, appalled, hitting his chest. "I thought you were supposed to be intelligent! My completely human body with it's completely human mind with hints of Time Lord madness, because that's what you are, completely mad, is going to find the solution whether you want to help or not! I got this far didn't I, no thanks to you, ya great useless lump of bones!"
The Doctor grinned. "You were pretty brilliant," he admitted, his tongue going to the roof of his mouth for a moment. "Transmaterial vortex power coupling," he said, still impressed. "How'd you come up with that?"
Donna's eyes lit up. "Well, I needed something to drain off all of that excess time...stuff, that's the technical term by the way, stuff, but I knew there was nothing here on earth that could hold it, was there? But! I remembered the rift and how you said you use it to power up the TARDIS once in awhile. So, I've found a power source, right? And now I just need to put together something that could pull the energy out of me, and throw it right back into the rift, nobody gets hurt! Didn't have much time though did I? All this stuff floating around in my brain, ready to make me go mad. So, I kind of winged it. Got out my laptop, starting doing equations and calculations, one hundred words a minute, did I mention I can do one hundred words a minute? So, on the way over, I got some of the right type of coils and tubings, got it all hooked up outside the rift and then you show up, ready to ruin it all! Ah, but you were too late, right? I'd already flipped the switch and I was off! So! No reason we can't figure out a way to do that on a smaller scale on a regular basis! I start to feel a bit oddly. we go drain the tanks a bit, good as new, right?"
"You want to do that the rest of your life? Drain off excess energy so you don't go mad?" the Doctor asked, wide eyed. "I mean, it would work, but it's going to become a royal pain in the backside. 'Come see the sunset Donna, one time chance in the whole universe!'" The Doctor's accent changed. "''Can't, got to go drain off a bit Time Lord whatsit, be there in a tick!' and five minutes later, the sunset has gone! You missed it! Is that really how you want to live?"
"So, what? You just want me to live clueless, forget all about everything just because it will take a bit of effort to keep my brains from imploding? Are you really that daft? No brainer, Doctor!" she said, tapping the side of her head.
"Donna, I'm just trying to tell you it's not going to be easy," the Doctor pointed out.
"Can I stay on the TARDIS?"
"Of course!" the Doctor cried. "You're my responsibility now seeing as how you're part, well quarter, well a hint of, Time Lord."
Donna laughed. "And you can't stand it can you? Perfectly mediocre human ape woman ranking up there with the greatest race in the history of the universe! Oh, that must just get you right here," she said, poking his chest, first over one heart and then the other.
"Oi!" the Doctor cried, capturing Donna's finger.
Her headache not forgotten, Donna rose to her feet, stretching. "Are you really allergic to aspirin, or were you just having me on?" she asked, rubbing her temple.
"Nope," he said, popping the 'P'. "It can kill me dead. Can't even touch the stuff without getting ill," he said, shuddering.
"You're useless, you know that right?" Donna said, rolling her eyes, then groaning when it hurt. "Right, I need a cup of tea. Where are we and where is the kitchen?"
"And you say I'm useless," the Doctor muttered, walking past Donna and navigating the corridors to the kitchen. "Sit, I'll make it," the Doctor said, waving Donna off.
"After tea, we need to find gramps," Donna said, looking up at the Doctor. "He's been a right mess. In fact, where's your phone?"
"My what?"
"Your phone. Your mobile. Where. Is. It?" Donna said slowly, as if she were talking to an imbecile.
The Doctor dug around in his coat until he found the mobile, tossing it Donna.
She dialed the number, smiling. "Gramps! It's me!" Pause. "No, I'm alright, honestly. I'm with the Doctor and he's--well yes. No, I'm fine! Oh alright!" Irritated, she shoved the phone at the Doctor. "Tell him I'm fine."
The Doctor took the phone, looked at it and said, "She's fine," then pushed it back to Donna.
"Useless," she repeated, scowling. There was a noise coming from the phone. "Oh! Sorry gramps, the Doctor was being a prat. Yes, I know, but we're fixing it, everything is going to be alright, I promise," she assured him. "I will, soon as I can. Love you too, Gramps. Tell Mum I'm alright. Yeah, I will, promise. Bye Gramps, love you too."
Donna disconnected the phone and looked at the Doctor.
"I'm still mad at you, Martian boy, just so you know," Donna said, blowing her nose loudly into a napkin. "You owe me. You owe me so big you can't even begin to comprehend how much you owe me."
"I said I was sorry! And look, you're here now, so everything is good, moving on," the Doctor replied, grinning.
Donna looked at him with a blank expression. "You have got to be kidding me."
"What?"
Donna rose to her feet, moving to stand in front of the Doctor. "Look here, space boy, I've seen how women react to your innocent smile, but it's not going to work on me, got it?"
The Doctor nodded, a look of seriousness on his face. "Right. Got it."
"I thought you were making tea," Donna said, returning to the table.
"Tea. Right. Got it," the Doctor repeated. “Tanins always help.”
This could go so horribly wrong, but, honestly, the Doctor wasn't sure that wiping her memories again would be safe. Her brain was already under enough stress and if he were to add anymore, it just might stop working altogether. They could keep siphoning off the excess energy, but what if that stopped being enough, then what?
"Would you stop worrying, I'm going to be fine," Donna said from the table.
The Doctor smiled. "Right, course you are."
Sighing, Donna rose and walked to the Doctor, making him turn around to face her. "Listen," she said, cupping his face in her hands. "Whatever happens it's worth it to me. Don't you understand? I could die tomorrow, could get hit by a bloody bus, right?. But if I'm here, out amongst the stars, seeing the Universe, I would die so unbelievably happy. Don't take that away from me, not again."
Smiling softly, the Doctor nodded. "Alright."
"Good!" Donna said, tapping his cheeks a bit harder than necessary before pulling away. "Where are we off to then? Somewhere warm I think," she said thoughtfully. "Somewhere with beaches and sunsets. Oh, and I wouldn't mind some good looking human type aliens, just to look at mind. Can't sit and stare at you all day can I? Honestly, do you ever eat? I mean, I've seen you eat, but I really don't think you take the hyper-metabolism of your species into account, which means you're always going to be this scrawny little twig thing," she said, indicating his body.
The Doctor frowned, looking down at himself. "I like how I look. I think I look rather dashing."
Donna snorted. "Whatever you say, sunshine."
~ * ~
"We're almost there, hang on," the Doctor said. He'd been saying that for the last twenty minutes and Donna didn't believe him anymore now than she had twenty minutes ago.
"You've lost the TARDIS haven't you?" Donna cried, incredulous. "My head is about to literally explode and you lost the bloody TARDIS!"
"It's not lost! It's just not quite where I expected it to be," the Doctor returned, a bit of fear in his voice. "Magnetic field is all messed up, it's throwing me off. It's this way though, I know it, I can feel it. Just a bit further."
Donna pulled her hand from his, stopping for a minute to rub her temples. "Don't think I'm going to make it that far, space man. Tell you what, I'll just wait here and you can go get the TARDIS and pop over and pick me up."
"Donna--"
"Don't even think about it! You're not going to take it away again and if you try I will knee you in your intergalactic space bollocks!" she warned, taking a step back.
The Doctor took a step forward, holding up a hand. "Donna, you've got to trust me," he said, meeting her eyes. "I'm not going to take it away, I swear I'm not. Just let me help, alright?"
"Had your help once, didn't like it, thanks all the same."
"Donna, do you trust me?" the Doctor asked, stepping closer.
"After what you did? Not a chance in hell, sunshine."
The Doctor closed the distance between them, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Suit yourself."
Before Donna could do anything, the Doctor was kissing her and she felt the pressure beginning to ease from her mind. Panic setting in, she did exactly what she'd promised and brought her knee up, connecting solidly between his legs.
Grunting, the Doctor staggered back, bending over in agony. "What did you do that for?" he gasped, eyes wide with pain.
"I told you," Donna said, shaking her head. "I won't let you do that, not again."
The Doctor straightened, looking warily at Donna. "I was helping you!"
Donna gaped at him. "On what planet is kissing, helping? Oh wait, don't tell me, you just happened to land us on the planet of kiss or die, right?" she mocked.
"It worked with Rose," the Doctor said, trying not to whimper in pain.
"WHAT?" Donna shouted. "Look here, Martian lord, I don't know what you and your other 'girlfriends' got up to, but--"
"Donna!"
"--don't even think of trying that alien crap with me because it ain't going to work!"
"Donna!"
"What?!"
"How's your head?" the Doctor asked.
"Never mind about my head, it's just fine thank you very much! Listen, I liked Rose and all, and god only knows what she found so attractive about a great stick like yourself, but I'm not Rose, got it? Why are you grinning? Stop grinning!"
"It worked!" the Doctor said, his pain seemingly forgotten. "Your head, doesn't hurt. I'm brilliant and it worked!"
"What are you going on about?" Donna asked in exasperation.
"Your head! I wasn't kissing you just to kiss you! I transferred some of that excess energy from you to me, because I'm much better equipped for that sort of thing, full fledged Time Lord and all of that. Well, with Rose, she took in the whole TARDIS vortex and after I got it out of her, I regenerated. It kind of killed me, but turned me into the dashing fellow you see before you.”
“The point is, I made it better, all on my own. Didn't need a transmaterial vortex or anything," he said smugly, bouncing on his toes.
Donna's punch was quite unexpected. Had she slugged his arm, or even slapped his face, it wouldn't have been anything new really, but she out and out punched him right in the jaw.
"OW! What was that for?"
"All this time and you could have just kissed me? You great blooming idiot! I'm going to kill you. I am really going to kill you."
"I didn't think of it before!" the Doctor cried, stumbling backwards and rubbing his jaw. "I mean, I'd been wondering, but wasn't sure it would work and you seemed to be doing fine with your little portable transmaterial vortex when things got bad, and you seemed so proud of yourself that I didn't want to just say, ‘Oh by the way, give us a snog and we can probably do the same thing!’ You would have hit me! Just like that, really," he said, frowning.
"So, am I to understand that, instead of ripping away my memories and leaving me completely empty inside, you could have just kissed me? Just like that? Nothing more or less. Just kiss?"
"Yup, pretty much!" he said, beaming.
Donna drew back to punch him again, and the Doctor scrambled out of her way. "No, this is a good thing! It is! It means if things get too bad, I give you a bit of a snog, and off the energy goes, no headaches, no heads exploding. I mean, you can keep using your little gizmo, but times like this when it's not here, you've got me!"
"Why can't I remember the planets of Gamma 8?" Donna asked, glaring at the Doctor.
"What?"
"I can't remember the planets of Gamma 8! I mean I can, but it's like when you've got a grocery list and you've lost it, and you know you're missing something. What did you do?"
The Doctor smiled gently, his eyes going a little sad. "Eventually Donna, we're going to have drained most of the vortex energy out of you. You aren't going to forget everything, but your brain will slow down a bit. It has to."
"No DoctorDonna?" she asked, eyes widening.
"Oh you'll always be that," the Doctor said, his grin returning, "Biological metacrisis, can't take back all the things it put into you, but it's all that Time Lord knowledge that's giving you the headaches. You weren't meant for that much and that is what keeps bleeding away. Haven't you noticed when the headaches come on? It's usually after I've shown you something complex, or you've read a book about something like quantum mechanics and string theory. Every time you put more into that beautiful brilliant brain of yours, something has to give or you will burn up."
Donna was quiet the rest of the way to the TARDIS, which worried the Doctor more than a little bit. Once inside, Donna walked around the console, her fingers trailing along all the buttons and levers. "You can drain it away all at once?" she asked, looking over the console at the Doctor.
"If you want, yeah, I can."
"I don't want," she said softly. "I don't want to lose it all at once. Promise me you won't, Doctor. You've got to promise."
The Doctor walked around the console to stand beside her. "I promise," he said softly, smiling. "And besides! There might be a point where things balance out and we can stop draining things away. I can't guarantee it mind you, but it's possible."
"Of course it's possible you dolt!" Donna said, rolling her eyes. "Are you just figuring that out? God you're thick some times. Is all your species this slow, or just you?"
"I'm not either, thick!"
"Oh you are, space man, you are so blooming thick! See if you can follow along," she said, pacing around the console as she thought. "You're drainin' away the Time Lord bits right? So, anything I learn between now and when it's all gone, I get to keep right? So, if I keep filling my mind full of new information, I mean I might as well take advantage of the fact most this stuff makes perfect sense now, right? The only reason I knew the planets on Gamma 8 in the first place was because you knew them! So, I'm just forgetting the stuff you know, not necessarily the stuff I know. How brilliant is that?" Donna finished, grinning smugly. "Am I right? I'm right aren't I?"
The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, his face screwing up. "You could be. I mean, it makes sense in a completely convoluted kind of way. Worth a shot I suppose."
"Put the kettle on, alien boy," Donna said, walking out of the console room. "Tea and biscuits in the library!"
~ * ~
"Oi, space man! Bring your scrawny arse over here and give us a kiss," Donna said, standing up from the couch and impatiently waving him over. So far this was working out nicely. Sure, she'd had to kiss him a few times in the last few weeks, but it was worth it.
"Already?" the Doctor asked, pulling his feet from the table and dropping them to the floor.
Donna rolled her eyes. "I don't enjoy it either, sunshine, but it's the quickest way. Come on, haven't got all day."
Sighing, the Doctor walked over to Donna, cupping her face in his hands to solidify the connection between them. Then he leaned in and kissed her.
A moment later, Donna was shoving him away. "Oi! What. Was. That? Did you just use your tongue?! Oh, that better have been your tongue. If you just slipped me some kind of alien knob--"
"What? No! Of course not! Well yes, it was my tongue, but it's definitely not a...knob!"
"What did you do that for?" Donna cried, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "For all I know that's how aliens get their women pregnant! Ooh, it better not be how you lot procreate!"
"Don't be ridiculous," the Doctor replied, frowning. "I just thought you might enjoy it a bit more that's all."
"Enjoy it?" Donna asked, laughing. "Oh you are one daft Martian. You just do your time vampire thing and keep your knob in your mouth!"
"It's not a---oh forget it!"
Doctor looked at him curiously. "Wait a minute. Have you even got one?"
"One what?" the Doctor asked, looking anywhere but at Donna.
"A knob, you dolt. A penis. A cock," she said, pronouncing each word succinctly. "Oh, I bet you lot call it something else, like a time cock don't you? Are you the last of the Time Lords with the last of the time cocks?" she asked, looking at him with mock sadness.
"If you are referring to my genitalia, then yes, I have got one, not that it's any of your business."
"What's it like?" Donna asked, looking down at his crotch.
The Doctor pulled his coat around himself. "Oi!"
"Oh come on, give us a look."
"No!" the Doctor cried, his voice cracking.
"Don't be such a baby, let me see," Donna said, grabbing at his coat.
The Doctor fled to the other side of the room. "You're barking mad, that's what you are!" he cried, pointing a finger at Donna.
"I'm sure I've seen smaller," Donna said, an innocent smile on her face. "Ew, it's not like some kind of wormy looking thing is it?" she asked, shuddering. "If it is, I change my mind, I don't want to see."
The Doctor stormed to the bookshelves, shoving the ladder around until he reached the section he was looking for. He'd spent twenty six years organizing the place and he knew right where to find what he was looking for. He climbed up the ladder and plucked a book from the top shelf, then climbed back down. He walked to Donna and slammed the book into her hand, then walked from the room with long, quick strides.
He was most definitely not running.
Once he was gone, Donna looked at the book, Gallifreyan Anatomy: An Introduction, then fell down onto the couch, laughing herself silly. She'd already seen his clone stark naked, but apparently the all knowing Time Lord didn't know all that much after all.
Propping her her feet up on the arm of the sofa, Donna cracked open the book. She soon lost herself in pictures and text.
~ * ~
She found the Doctor a few hours later with half of his body sticking out from under the TARDIS console.
"You have got a green brain!" she cried, the minute she saw his feet.
Startled, the Doctor sat up, hitting his head on the console. "Ow! What?" he asked, sliding out from underneath and rubbing his forehead.
"Green. Brain." she repeated, a triumphant grin on her face. "I knew you were a Martian, I knew it!"
"That doesn't make me a Martian, it just makes me alien to your planet of origin," the Doctor corrected.
"And your tongue! That's why you're always licking things! Biochemical analysis. With. Your. Tongue."
"Yes, with my tongue," the Doctor answered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, is this going to take awhile, because I'd really like to--"
"Hold on," Donna said, eyes widening. "When you decided to shove your tongue down my throat--"
"I did not shove it down your throat!"
"--you weren't analyzing what I'd had for breakfast or anything were you? Oh that is disgusting!"
The Doctor groaned. "Yes, Donna, that's what I do. I go around snogging people to see what they had for breakfast. Blimey, just because I can do something, doesn't mean I do it all the time! Or did you skim over the part that talks about being able to adjust our senses as needed?"
"And what the blooming hell does loomed mean? It makes it sound like you lot were knitted together like a sweater!"
"Oi! I had a mum! And dad!" His expression changed. "Well, of sorts. What did you do, read the whole book? I thought you were just interested in my bits."
Donna rolled her eyes. "I've already seen your bits, space man," she said, waving him off. Donna went to him, picking up his arm and shoving the sleeve up, then giving him a good sniff.
"You do not smell like honey," Donna said when the Doctor pulled his arm away. "I knew that bit was rubbish."
"When did you see my bits?" the Doctor asked, appalled. "Were you spying on me in the shower? That's....so wrong."
"Eww no! I saw your clone's bits! He popped up completely starkers. I think I've been scarred for life. OH! Since he only had one heart, and couldn't regenerate or do any of that other Time Lord stuff, does that mean his body was different from yours? I mean, he was pretty well hung for such a skinny bloke, I really expected something--"
"Do not finish that sentence!"
"--oh relax space man, I was merely curious, that's all. Come on, give us a peek," Donna said, grinning. "Just one."
"NO! Right, that's it, no more library for you!"
"Are all aliens prudes, or is it just you?" Donna asked.
"Are all humans so obnoxious, or just you?"
For a moment they just glared at one another.
"Well hung? Really?" the Doctor finally asked, his curiosity peaked.
"Ooh yeah," Donna said, grinning.
The Doctor looked unbearably smug.
"Of course, anything would probably look big in comparison to the rest of you," she said, looking him up and down. "Is that why you wear the coat? Trying to bulk up a bit?"
"Just for that, we're going somewhere cold next. Somewhere very, very cold," the Doctor pouted, slamming a lever with more force than was strictly necessary.
Donna shrugged. "Suit yourself, but you know what they say about the cold," she said, moving to grab a hold of the railing.
"No, what do they say about the cold?" the Doctor asked, looking sideways at Donna.
Donna bit the tip of her tongue for a moment. "Shrinkage," she said in a sing song voice.
The Doctor took them to the desert planet of Eurindi, where even the nights were sweltering.
~ * ~
"Donna?"
"Hmm?" Donna asked, looking up from her book.
"It's been a week," the Doctor said, chewing on his cheek.
"I know, right! In the last two months I've never made it longer than five days! I think this thing is finally balancing out."
"No headaches or anything?"
"Just the normal ones you give me with your yammering," Donna answered, smiling brightly.
"So you do still have headaches?" the Doctor asked, almost hopeful.
"Well yeah, but nothing bad," Donna said, frowning. "Why? Is there something wrong with me? If there is something wrong with me I want to know."
"No! No no no! I was just thinking that some preventive maintenance might be good. Keep them from getting bad. I mean, what if we're being chased by something and it happens? Can't stop and say, oh excuse me, can you hold off on killing us for just a tick, she's got headache and I need to give her a snog."
Sighing, Donna got up from the couch. "You know what I think, time boy," she said, walking toward him and poking him in the chest. "I think you're just looking for an excuse to kiss me. Is that what you did to poor Martha? Kept pestering her to snog you until she got fed up and left?"
"What? No! Of course not! Look, I was just trying to save you a little pain," the Doctor said, shrugging as if it didn't matter. "If you're not interested, we'll just wait until your brain is about to explode, then you'll--"
Donna pressed him against the wall and kissed him senseless. There was no feeling of energy being drained away this time, which made Donna feel quite pleased. She always was rather good at snogging and it appeared the great and powerful time boy from Gallifrey wasn't immune to her skills.
She pulled back, smiling smugly at the Doctor's stunned face. His eyes were half lidded and his jaw was slack as he stood there blinking.
"That, Martian boy, is how Earth girls kiss." She patted his cheek and went back to her place on the sofa. "Oi, did you eat all the chocolate biscuits?" she complained as she picked up her book. "You could try leaving some for other people you know!"
The Doctor blinked for a moment longer, a daft smile appearing on his face. "I'm just going to--I'll be---bye," he said, wiggling his fingers and leaving the room in a hurry.
"Oh you better not be having a wank," Donna muttered, leafing through her book. "You better not be going off to wank!" she shouted. "Not going to have some scrawny alien thinking of me while he bangs one out!"
The Doctor's head popped back into the room. "Time Lords don't wank. Don't need to."
His head disappeared again.
"So your bits are just for show then?" Donna called back. "Shocking!"
The Doctor reappeared, slightly breathless. "Didn't say that either. My bits work just fine thanks."
Then he was gone again.
"Great, of all the aliens in the universe, I get the pervert!"
"I heard that!" the Doctor shouted back.
"Been wasted if you hadn't!" Donna called back, grinning.
~ * ~
"I figured it out!"
"Figured what out?"
"Your bits!"
The Doctor dropped his spanner. "What is your fascination with my bits?!" The Doctor went to pick up the spanner, but thought better of it. Instead, he turned so he was facing Donna before bending over.
"Oh please, you haven't got an arse to speak of. So, you know how you made it so I could hear the Ood song, right? And how you wiped my mind, which you're still not forgiven for, by the way."
"Yes, you've reminded me at least once a week for the last two months. You really need to get over that."
"Well, I was readin' this book about you lot, and one of the chapters was about your psychic powers," she said, waving her hands in the air and making an 'Oooo' noise.
"Yeah," the Doctor answered, looking wary. Donna reading about Time Lords was never a good thing.
"You use your brains for sex! Mind. Sex. Am I right? I'm right aren't I? I mean, I'd always heard people going on about the brain being your greatest sexual organ, but that is such a load of rubbish," Donna said, rolling her eyes. "But! You've got that whole green brained psychic energy kind of thing going on, don't you? Not like us mere humans."
The Doctor was scowling. "You are far too concerned about my sex life."
Donna snorted. "You haven't got one! Well, unless you do use your brain, in which case, I don't even want to know what you get up to in your bedroom at night and I swear if I find out you've been thinking about me I'll show you stars, space man."
"Donna--"
"Hang on!" Donna cried, eyes widening. "Is that why Rose and Martha fancied you so much? Did you have mind sex with them? Oh you are a pervy Martian aren't you?"
"Donna--"
"Oi! Hang on! What's wrong with me? Why haven't you tried any funny business with me?"
"Donna we--"
"And the snogging doesn't count! I'm talking full on mind sex here. Is it because I'm not some blonde willowy thing? Are you calling me fat?!"
"DONNA!"
"WHAT?"
"SHUT UP!"
Donna's mouth snapped shut.
"Why are you obsessing over this?" the Doctor asked, grabbing her shoulders. "Of all the things you can learn about, why are you studying me?"
"I don't know, why did you kiss me?" she returned.
"Why did you kiss me back?" he asked.
"I was proving a point. Your turn."
"Gallifryans don't generally kiss in a sexual context. I've been kissing you for three months now and I'm finding out I rather like it. Especially that thing you do...with the sucking. Oh I love that. It makes my left pinky toe curl. What point were you trying to prove?"
"That there are some things humans do better. Do you have mind sex?"
"It's a part of it, yes and before you ask, no, I have never done it with a companion."
"Well you ain't doing it with me neither!"
"Never said I wanted to."
"Why not?!" Donna asked, insulted.
The Doctor frowned. "It complicates things, I told you that."
"How do you know, you said you'd never done it with a companion."
"You're sorted now aren't you? When was the last time you actually needed the energy transference?"
"Three weeks ago."
"So the three times I've kissed you since then?"
Donna smiled cheekily. "I like a good snog now and then. You're getting better at it. Seemed a shame to stop. By the time I'm through with you, you'll be better than the mediocre kisser you are now."
The Doctor blinked for a minute, then smiled. "I like the kissing part. It's still unfamiliar and different, especially in this body. I mean, Cassandra kissed me when she had taken over Rose, and I kissed Martha, but I needed her DNA. Reinette kissed me, and I really liked that."
"Who's Reinette?"
The Doctor waved a hand. "Madame De Pompadour, made a stop at Versailles, rode a horse through a mirror, was brilliant. Anyway, there was Reinette and Astrid, who also kissed me by the way. And then there was, well there was you. Worked well as a shock by the way, well played."
"Blimey you must think you're just the bees’ knees don't you?" Donna said, eyes sparkling with amusement. "Girl in every port have ya?"
"No, it's not like that and you know it."
"I know, but I like the face you make when you honor is questioned. So this mind sex stuff, do we have to actually be touching? Or could I just like, kick back on the couch while you do it?
"If we were going to do it, which we are not, yes, we would need to be touching."
"Come on, I want to see! Just give me a little example of what you can do," she challenged. "Traveling around with you doesn't leave much opportunity for sex. Well, unless you're into aliens and I really don't want to shag an alien. I'd probably get pregnant and have an octopus baby or something!"
"No," the Doctor answered, setting Donna back from him.
"What's the matter? Afraid you might enjoy it, space man?" Donna challenged.
The Doctor's eyes darkened slightly and his gaze intensified. "I know I'll enjoy it, Donna, but I don't think you realize what you're asking for."
Donna rolled her eyes. "DUH! That's why I'm asking you to show me! Come on space man, give us a mind shag!"
"No!"
"Fine. Sodding scrawny alien prude," Donna muttered, shoving his shoulder before stomping away in a huff.
~ * ~
"Do something!" Donna cried as the pounding on the door grew louder.
"I'm trying!" the Doctor shouted in returned. "I'm locked out! Can't stop the signal!"
"That door's not going to hold them off much longer! I told you that you couldn't trust a robot! Didn't I tell you!"
Donna was looking over his shoulder at the display as he continued trying different sequences of numbers. At a particularly loud thump, she looked to see a large dent in the center of the metal door. "Doctor," she warned.
He ignored her, focusing solely on the console in front of him.
"Come with me, he says. Nice relaxing trip to the shore, he says," Donna murmured, looking around the room for something she could use as a weapon. She covered every square inch, even peeking behind the space behind the control panel. There wasn't a weapon there, but there was something else.
"Doctor!"
"Not now!"
"Doctor!"
He didn't even bother to shush her that time, which really infuriated her. "Suit yourself," she muttered, bending down and grabbing the large cable that ran into the wall. She gave it a good yank and everything went silent.
The Doctor's head shot up, looking wide eyed at Donna. "What did you do?"
Donna held up the plug. "Pulled the plug," she said, a smug smile on her face.
"You...what?" the Doctor asked, his face still a mask of confusion.
"I. Pulled. The. Plug." Donna repeated. "You must be one of the slower Time Lords. Probably had to take your A-levels more than once didn't you?"
The Doctor grinned, going to Donna and hugging her tightly. "But that's brilliant!"
"I know!" Donna cried, beaming for a moment. "Didn't spend all that time in the library for nothing, you know, not that I needed a ruddy book to tell me that if you pull the plug, the power dies."
The Doctor pulled back, looking at Donna and smiling. She saw the moment the look in his eye change. "Oi!" she shouted, pushing him away. "You can't be serious."
"What?" the Doctor asked, a hurt frown on his face.
"You know what! It's that look you get right before you say that I need a bit of 'preventive maintenance', which is just your way of asking for a snog! Hello! Middle of a robot uprising!"
"Power's off," the Doctor said, his smile returning. "They aren't getting signals anymore, therefore, no uprising until I get the main computer reprogrammed and get them up and running again. Plenty of time for a...you know."
"Oh I don't think so," Donna said, shoving the plug at him. "I just saved a planet and you want a snog as a reward?"
"No, more of a celebration," the Doctor said, pouting now. "And you could do that thing that you do, you know, with your tongue. I love that bit."
"Yes, it makes your pinky toe curl," Donna said, rolling her eyes. "I have two words for you space man. Mind. Sex."
The Doctor's face fell. "But I just want a snog."
"And I want a shag, but I ain't getting that either," Donna said, walking away to put her ear to the door. "You reckon it's safe to go out?"
"Yeah, they've got no signal, you killed it," the Doctor said, looking pathetic. "Give me a few hours and I can disconnect the satellite feed and reprogram the computers and we can go. They won't be a threat to anyone."
Donna was still cautious when she peeked outside the door. The robots that had been chasing them not five minutes ago were silent and still. "Do your thing, space man," she called over her shoulder. "There's a bubble bath with my name on it!"
Sighing, the Doctor went back to work.
~ * ~
Donna walked into the console room and held up her hands. “Alright. No mind sex, but I want a shag.”
The sounds of the Doctor’s head hitting the underside of the console echoed around the room. It was hard to tell if his stunned look was from the blow to his head, or to Donna’s suggestion.
“You want to what?” he asked, his voice rising in pitch.
She held up a hand and began ticking things off on her fingers. “You want to snog, pretty much always. And I haven’t had a shag in what feels like years and I’m desperate enough to do you, space boy. We both get what we want, no strings attached.”
The Doctor frowned. “You use strings?”
“No dumbo, it’s a figure of speech! It means, well it means that it means nothing. Just two people fulfilling each other’s needs.”
The Doctor sighed in frustration. “You know it takes more than that, you know I have to have my mind connected to yours in order for things to…work.” This is why he didn’t get involved with companions, he hated these conversations.
“So, you do whatever you have to do to get it up, and I’ll do the rest. And you can snog me to your heart’s content in the meantime.”
“Donna, I told you, no mind sex.”
Donna rolled her eyes and waved a hand in the air. “I’m not asking for it. God, do you ever listen? I’m talking about sex-sex. You do whatever you have to do to get it up and I’ll do my thing to get myself off, and there will be kissing. Remember kissing? The thing you’re always trying to get me to do?”
The Doctor was absolutely silent.
Finally, Donna couldn’t stand it.
“Well?”
“So we’ll see each other naked?”
“Seen you naked, remember? Or at least, the other you, but I assume the parts are the same,” she said, looking at his crotch. “They were rather nice bits if I’m honest. I could have sooo much fun wit-“
“Donna! Stop that!”
“Oh. My. God. You’re blushing. What’s a matter, you don’t like the idea of me liking your bits?”
“Do you like the idea of me liking your bits?” the Doctor returned.
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, your uh,” he motioned vaguely to her chest, “are very nice. They look like soft pillows.”
“Soft like pillows?” Donna nearly screeched. “My breasts look soft like pillows and that’s what turns you on? Pillows? Is that a Time Lord thing, or just a ‘you’re a freak’ thing?”
“Yes! No!” He sighed again. “I’m getting a headache.”
“Oh no, that’s not going to work.”
“What?” the Doctor asked, looking confused.
Donna pitched her voice higher, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.”
“Do you know, the majority of the time, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the Doctor said, blinking at her.
Donna strode purposely toward him, grabbed the lapels of his suit and snogged him senseless. When she was sure he was good and hooked, she stepped back.
“Now, if you want more of that, I suggest you be in my bedroom within ten minutes, or you’ll never get it again.”
With that, she strode off, leaving a completely flummoxed Doctor staring after her.
At nine minutes and thirty seconds, the Doctor entered Donna’s bedroom and nearly turned around and ran out again. She was completely naked and on her side, smiling at the Doctor.
“Well, come in, I won’t bite, well, unless you’re into that,” she grinned.
“You’re um,” he waved a hand in the air.
“Naked, Doctor. I’m naked. Now it’s your turn. Come on space boy, let’s see what you’ve got under all those clothes. Why are you wearing your coat, by the way?”
The Doctor shrugged, but removed his coat, tossing it over the small sofa. Then, he took a deep breath. “Right. I can do this.”
He walked toward the bed and stood over it, staring down at Donna. His voice was slightly raspy when he spoke. “What’s the first rule, Donna?” He shrugged out of his suit coat, letting it fall to the floor then began on his buttons.
“A condom?” she asked, giving him an odd and slightly hungry look.
“The Doctor lies,” he said, sitting on the side of the bed to undo his Chucks.
“And what does that mean exactly?” Donna actually sounded worried now.
The Doctor stood and slid down his trousers and pants all at once, exposing a very hard and very ready cock. “It’s easier and wiser to tell companions that we work differently, rather than that sex isn’t an issue.”
Donna sat up abruptly. “You lied? You LIED? All these months have you been trying to get in my pants?”
The Doctor lay back on the bed, seemingly fine with his own nudity. “No, if you’ll remember, you’ve been trying to get into mine, and I’ve decided I rather like the idea. It’s been ages, and you’ve said you plan on staying with me.”
They all say that.
He shook off the voice in his head. Donna was here now, that’s all that mattered.
“I believe you said there would be kissing,” the Doctor said, breaking into a large grin. “I assume I can kiss anywhere I want,” he added, eying her breasts.
“You mean my pillows?” Donna asked, rolling her eyes.
“Mmmm yes, those.”
“Right, you aren’t going to sprout any tentacles or anything right? It’s just going -“
“Shut. Up.” And the Doctor kissed her, giving her no choice but to keep her gob otherwise occupied, and oh how he occupied it. He used his mouth on every inch of her body, mentally cataloging what bits tasted good, and what made her moan or say, ‘Oh my god, space boy.’” That one was his favorite, because it was all Donna.
When it came round to the actual shagging, the Doctor made sure that Donna enjoyed herself, multiple times, before he finally gave in and let himself orgasm.
The Doctor rolled off of Donna, his body not sweating, but his hearts were definitely beating faster. Donna had a sheen of sweat on her body that the Doctor thought only made her more beautiful.
“Donna?”
“Unggh,” Donna answered incoherently.
Rolling his eyes, the Doctor waited, then tried again.
“Donna?”
“Hmm Doctor?”
“You’re staying with me, right?”
Donna rolled onto her side to look at him, a slight frown on her face. “I already told you I was, for all of my life.”
The Doctor nodded and smiled. “You know, since you’ve got a tiny bit of Time Lord in your body, your aging might slow down a bit. Say, you get two years to every one or something. We’ll have to see on that one.”
“Oh. My. God. Can you imagine my school reunion in another ten to twenty years? I will look FABULOUS!”
The Doctor couldn’t figure out if Donna deliberately dodged his point, or if it just went over her head completely.
“We are so doing this again,” Donna said, sitting up and holding a sheet to cover her breasts.
Yup, over her head. He’d try again later.
“If you’d like,” the Doctor conceded, rather wanting to go it again himself. He couldn’t remember what incarnation had put the kabash on sex, but it was back on with a bullet!
“You were BRILLIANT!” she cried. “Why did you make me wait so bloody long?” She hit him in the face with a pillow.
“OI! I had to make myself wait too, you know,” the Doctor said, holding the pillow to his chest. “I just had to make sure you were going to be okay first.”
“Awwww isn’t that sweet. Daft, but sweet. Now get out of here, I need a shower and a nap, you wore me out!”
The Doctor was hurt she didn’t want him to stay for the nap part, but she knew he didn’t sleep. “There’s somewhere I want to take you, so be ready when you wake up And dress casual,” he added, getting out of bed and putting his clothes on, ignoring Donna’s blatant stares. The Doctor finally looked over his shoulder, “What’s the saying? Oh, take a picture, it lasts longer!”
Donna held up her phone, grinning. “Done!”
“I hate you.”
“I know. Now get out!”
***
As a special treat, the Doctor took them to a very tiny planet that was exclusively a spa. Nothing dangerous on this one, nothing really to do but get spa treatments or sit in your room and do nothing, or in his case, read.
He walked up to the front desk, a cheerful smile on his face. “Hello, The Doctor and Donna Noble checking in.”
After a few minutes the girl behind the counter frowned. “I’m sorry Doctor Noble, but I have no record of that.”
Donna choked behind him.
He pulled out his psychic paper. “As you’ll see we have the reservation booked for two months. A massage for the lady, pedicure, manicure, the works. I paid very good money for this,” he said, starting to sound angry.
“I’m sure we can accommodate your wife, Doctor Noble, if you’ll -“
“Oh no, we’re not -“ they both started, then shrugged. Oh, who cared anyway?
He looked at Donna who mouthed “Doctor Noble?” then burst out laughing again. The Doctor scowled. Obviously he needed to be more careful in the order he introduced them.
“Here we are, Penthouse suite and here is the schedule for Mrs. Noble.” The Doctor passed that to Donna, grabbed their keys, signed his name and they went for the elevator.
“Ooh massage in a half hour, followed by a mani-pedi and Tulock therapy. No idea what that is. Will it kill me?”
The Doctor shrugged. “Probably.”
“Doctor!”
“You’ll be fine, Tulocks are masters at aromas. It’s probably some aroma therapy.”
“What are you going to do while I’m of getting pampered?”
“Eh, read a book or go fiddle with the stabilizers on the TARDIS. They haven’t sounded quite right lately.”
“We are on a planet with a giant spa and you’re going to READ?”
The Doctor shrugged. “I don’t like people touching me for that long. It starts to make my teeth itch.”
“Well we did a hell of a lot of touching and you didn’t seem to mind.”
The Doctor grinned at her. “But that was you, so it was okay. Brilliant actually.”
Donna beamed. “In that case, when I get back from all these things you planned for me, we are going to try out that mattress. Not only that, skinny stick in a suit, I’m going to explore every inch of you. How do you like that?”
The Doctor made a face and shrugged. “I could take it or leave it really.”
Donna was on him in less than a second, punching his arm. “Tell me you’re kidding or I’m going for the other arm, then your face.”
The Doctor held up his hand, laughing. “Kidding, kidding! Would you like me naked and tied to the bed when you get back?”
Donna looked at her watch and cursed. Now would be lovely, if not for the massage.
“Yes, why don’t you do that and prepare for a tongue bath with much shagging to follow. Just imagine, me on top with my soft pillows bouncing in the wind,” she teased. “Doctor Noble.”
“Get out of here so you can get back already!” the Doctor snapped, wondering how he would do anything with that image in his head.
Ah well, it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was the Doctor-Donna, in the TARDIS, for as long as possible.
Author: Stormypups
Pairing: Doctor/Donna
Rating: R
Warnings: None
Length: Approx. 10k
Summary: Mostly humor (I hope) with a smidgen of something similar to romance?
A/N: Special thanks to beatlejessie for fixing my comma abuse and other grammar issues.
The Doctor stared at the ringing phone, sighing tiredly. He'd been without a companion for months now, and Jack and Martha had taken it upon themselves to call and check on him on regular basis. But since he'd seen them only a few weeks ago, he thought they were going a bit overboard.
Pressing the button, he held the phone up to his ear. "World is saved, Jack, take the day off, go give Ianto...whatever it is you give Ianto."
"Doctor!" Jack interrupted. "You've got to come back."
"If this is about the elephants, there really isn't --"
"It's Donna!" Jack snapped. "She's remembered, Doctor, and she is pissed. Not that I can blame her after what you did--"
"Where?" the Doctor asked, his feet slamming against the grating of the TARDIS floor.
"Torchwood. She's hooking something up outside and using the rift as a great big power source."
"I'm coming," the Doctor said, disconnecting the phone and dropping it as he began slamming levers and twisting dials.
~*~
"Donna, just wait," Jack said, holding his hands up in surrender. He wasn't sure if the gun she'd been waving around would actually work, but he really didn't want to find out. "The Doctor will help, you just have--"
"Help?" Donna cried, incredulous. "Help?! Oh no, I've seen his help," Donna said, shaking her head. "Been there, done that and all I have to show for it is a half-arsed mind wipe. No, I don't think so, Jack. Now just take your pretty little self over there," he said, nodding toward his team, "and nobody gets hurt."
The familiar whirring sound of the TARDIS had them both turning to look.
"Oh great, tattletale" Donna muttered, rolling her eyes and turning her attention back to her machine. It didn't matter, she was nearly finished with it anyway. As soon as it was fully charged, she'd be right as rain.
"Donna!" the Doctor shouted as the door of the TARDIS opened. "Just stop," he begged, slowing as he approached her. "You don't know what you're doing."
"Oh I know exactly what I'm doing, space man," Donna returned, tapping one of the silver coils with a manicured nail before pointing it at the Doctor. "Not a step closer," she warned. "Not one single step."
The Doctor froze, his gaze flicking to Jack, a silent message sent between them.
The Doctor shoved his hands into his pockets, cocking his head to the side. "Is that a transmaterial vortex power coupling?" he asked, sounding impressed.
"You bet your scrawny ass it is," Donna said, typing at the small keyboard. "You see, Doctor, there were other ways to save me," she said, finally looking at him. "You didn't have to take it all away from me, did you? All powerful Time Lord, making all the decisions for everyone. Well not this time, Doctor. This time, I am calling the shots."
"Donna, if it doesn't work you'll burn up," the Doctor said, begging her to reconsider. "Your body wasn't meant for that kind of raw energy, let me help you."
"Oh no you don't!" Donna cried, standing upright. "Don't you come anywhere near me. I've had enough of your kind of help thank you very much."
"Donna! Listen to me. The input coils aren't big enough, you need more coolant or it's not going to work."
"Which is why I have this secondary coil for just that reason," Donna said proudly. "Way ahead of you, time boy. Actually, it was one of your annoying memories that gave me the idea. The thermal coupler has to align with the vortex reservoir which allows for the draining of said vortex energy, rendering it inert when thrown into the transmaterial sphere, which means, I can drain off some of this Time Lord mojo before it renders me insane, but I can't do that with you standing there flapping your gob! Mommy needs to work now, go play," she said, waving him off with simpering smile.
Donna's mind was racing and it was starting to become too much for her. She had to focus, had to finish it before the Doctor was right and she burned right up. Finally, the last step was complete. Ignoring the cries of Jack and the Doctor, Donna wrapped her fingers around the crystal tubing and flipped a switch.
She hadn't expected there to be so much screaming, and it was even more surprising to find that it was coming from her.
~*~
Donna had no idea how much she'd had to drink the night before, but it must have been a lot, because her head was going to explode. There was a constant pounding in her head and she desperately wanted it to either stop or she needed to pass out again. Groaning, she rolled over, putting an arm over her eyes to block out the light.
Only there hadn't been any light. At least, no sunlight, which meant she wasn't in her room, because the sun was disgustingly bright in her bedroom in the morning.
Someone cleared their throat.
Oh bloody hell.
"I'm sure you were brilliant but don't tell me your name because I really don't want to know. Just tell me where I threw my clothes and an aspirin wouldn't be out of the question," she said, blearily blinking.
"Sorry, haven't got any, allergic," the Doctor said from Donna's bedside. "Wouldn't help anyway, not with that kind of headache."
Donna's head snapped around, looking wide eyed at the Doctor. "Ow! That hurt!" she cried, grabbing her head. "What did you do? Try and wipe my mind again, because it didn't work," she said, scowling at the Doctor. "Underestimated the little ape, didn't you spaceman? Twice! Ha! OW!"
"You might just want to lie there for a bit," the Doctor warned, frowning. "Ape brains weren't meant to handle what you just did to yours, so go easy on it."
"Hang on!" Donna cried, sitting up before laying right back down again. "Buggery hell that hurts," she moaned.
"Told you."
"Oh shut up. I was right though, wasn't I? It worked didn't it? I mean, I'm still here and my brain hasn't turned to mush or anything. Wait, it hasn't right? No, of course it hasn't," she amended. "So, not burned up, brain still works, ergo, it worked! I'm brilliant!"
"Did you really just say 'ergo'?" the Doctor asked.
"It's a word!"
"Why do you keep yelling? Oh, right, I forgot, you like to yell. And hit. You're very fond of hitting," the Doctor said, almost fondly.
Donna sat up again, slower this time before putting her legs over the side of the bed. Once she was sitting, she looked at the Doctor and punched his arm. Hard.
"Ouch! What was that for?" the Doctor cried in an injured tone.
"You wiped my mind you great alien dolt! You made me forget everything! You had no right!" she added, hitting his other arm.
"Stop that!" the Doctor cried, scrambling out of his chair to get away from her fists. "I didn't have a choice! It was going to kill you!"
"Oh you had a choice," Donna replied, sneering. "You had loads of choices didn't you? But you chose the easiest, the one best for you, Doctor. Clean slate, was that it? Get rid of your clone. Give Rose her very own human Time Lord. Martha back to U.N.I.T and her fiancé, and oh yeah, better make Donna forget everything, can't have her mucking about, temp Time Lord, or Lady, or whatever the hell I am!"
"No!" the Doctor returned, his teeth clenched against the very idea. "That's not what it was. I was trying to save you."
"You made me forget!" Donna cried angrily. "Agatha Christie, the Ood, their song, the Daleks, everything! DoctorDonna! The most amazing thing in my life and you took it all away!"
The Doctor moved to sit beside Donna, trying to take her hand, but she pulled it away.
"Donna, listen to me. I didn't have a choice, I really didn't! There was no time for anything else, honestly there wasn't. I'd just lost Rose, Martha was gone with Jack and Mickey and why would I want to lose you too? You're my best mate," he said, smiling sadly. "And part me now apparently, and we both know how much I like myself, so why would I want to throw that all away?"
"But you did!" Donna said, her voice cracking as a sob built in her throat. "You did."
The Doctor wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry it out, much like he had done before. But this time, she wouldn't be forgetting. This time, he was going to hold on and not let go.
When Donna finally pulled away, she wiped her eyes and composed herself, searching the Doctor's face. "So I'm alright now, yeah? No erasing my memories?"
The Doctor sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "No and no," he finally answered. "You're not alright, I mean you are, but it can't last, Donna. Ultimately, you've still got a completely human body with the mind of a Time Lord. But no, I won't be erasing your memories."
"So what are you saying? I'm going to die?" she asked, appalled, hitting his chest. "I thought you were supposed to be intelligent! My completely human body with it's completely human mind with hints of Time Lord madness, because that's what you are, completely mad, is going to find the solution whether you want to help or not! I got this far didn't I, no thanks to you, ya great useless lump of bones!"
The Doctor grinned. "You were pretty brilliant," he admitted, his tongue going to the roof of his mouth for a moment. "Transmaterial vortex power coupling," he said, still impressed. "How'd you come up with that?"
Donna's eyes lit up. "Well, I needed something to drain off all of that excess time...stuff, that's the technical term by the way, stuff, but I knew there was nothing here on earth that could hold it, was there? But! I remembered the rift and how you said you use it to power up the TARDIS once in awhile. So, I've found a power source, right? And now I just need to put together something that could pull the energy out of me, and throw it right back into the rift, nobody gets hurt! Didn't have much time though did I? All this stuff floating around in my brain, ready to make me go mad. So, I kind of winged it. Got out my laptop, starting doing equations and calculations, one hundred words a minute, did I mention I can do one hundred words a minute? So, on the way over, I got some of the right type of coils and tubings, got it all hooked up outside the rift and then you show up, ready to ruin it all! Ah, but you were too late, right? I'd already flipped the switch and I was off! So! No reason we can't figure out a way to do that on a smaller scale on a regular basis! I start to feel a bit oddly. we go drain the tanks a bit, good as new, right?"
"You want to do that the rest of your life? Drain off excess energy so you don't go mad?" the Doctor asked, wide eyed. "I mean, it would work, but it's going to become a royal pain in the backside. 'Come see the sunset Donna, one time chance in the whole universe!'" The Doctor's accent changed. "''Can't, got to go drain off a bit Time Lord whatsit, be there in a tick!' and five minutes later, the sunset has gone! You missed it! Is that really how you want to live?"
"So, what? You just want me to live clueless, forget all about everything just because it will take a bit of effort to keep my brains from imploding? Are you really that daft? No brainer, Doctor!" she said, tapping the side of her head.
"Donna, I'm just trying to tell you it's not going to be easy," the Doctor pointed out.
"Can I stay on the TARDIS?"
"Of course!" the Doctor cried. "You're my responsibility now seeing as how you're part, well quarter, well a hint of, Time Lord."
Donna laughed. "And you can't stand it can you? Perfectly mediocre human ape woman ranking up there with the greatest race in the history of the universe! Oh, that must just get you right here," she said, poking his chest, first over one heart and then the other.
"Oi!" the Doctor cried, capturing Donna's finger.
Her headache not forgotten, Donna rose to her feet, stretching. "Are you really allergic to aspirin, or were you just having me on?" she asked, rubbing her temple.
"Nope," he said, popping the 'P'. "It can kill me dead. Can't even touch the stuff without getting ill," he said, shuddering.
"You're useless, you know that right?" Donna said, rolling her eyes, then groaning when it hurt. "Right, I need a cup of tea. Where are we and where is the kitchen?"
"And you say I'm useless," the Doctor muttered, walking past Donna and navigating the corridors to the kitchen. "Sit, I'll make it," the Doctor said, waving Donna off.
"After tea, we need to find gramps," Donna said, looking up at the Doctor. "He's been a right mess. In fact, where's your phone?"
"My what?"
"Your phone. Your mobile. Where. Is. It?" Donna said slowly, as if she were talking to an imbecile.
The Doctor dug around in his coat until he found the mobile, tossing it Donna.
She dialed the number, smiling. "Gramps! It's me!" Pause. "No, I'm alright, honestly. I'm with the Doctor and he's--well yes. No, I'm fine! Oh alright!" Irritated, she shoved the phone at the Doctor. "Tell him I'm fine."
The Doctor took the phone, looked at it and said, "She's fine," then pushed it back to Donna.
"Useless," she repeated, scowling. There was a noise coming from the phone. "Oh! Sorry gramps, the Doctor was being a prat. Yes, I know, but we're fixing it, everything is going to be alright, I promise," she assured him. "I will, soon as I can. Love you too, Gramps. Tell Mum I'm alright. Yeah, I will, promise. Bye Gramps, love you too."
Donna disconnected the phone and looked at the Doctor.
"I'm still mad at you, Martian boy, just so you know," Donna said, blowing her nose loudly into a napkin. "You owe me. You owe me so big you can't even begin to comprehend how much you owe me."
"I said I was sorry! And look, you're here now, so everything is good, moving on," the Doctor replied, grinning.
Donna looked at him with a blank expression. "You have got to be kidding me."
"What?"
Donna rose to her feet, moving to stand in front of the Doctor. "Look here, space boy, I've seen how women react to your innocent smile, but it's not going to work on me, got it?"
The Doctor nodded, a look of seriousness on his face. "Right. Got it."
"I thought you were making tea," Donna said, returning to the table.
"Tea. Right. Got it," the Doctor repeated. “Tanins always help.”
This could go so horribly wrong, but, honestly, the Doctor wasn't sure that wiping her memories again would be safe. Her brain was already under enough stress and if he were to add anymore, it just might stop working altogether. They could keep siphoning off the excess energy, but what if that stopped being enough, then what?
"Would you stop worrying, I'm going to be fine," Donna said from the table.
The Doctor smiled. "Right, course you are."
Sighing, Donna rose and walked to the Doctor, making him turn around to face her. "Listen," she said, cupping his face in her hands. "Whatever happens it's worth it to me. Don't you understand? I could die tomorrow, could get hit by a bloody bus, right?. But if I'm here, out amongst the stars, seeing the Universe, I would die so unbelievably happy. Don't take that away from me, not again."
Smiling softly, the Doctor nodded. "Alright."
"Good!" Donna said, tapping his cheeks a bit harder than necessary before pulling away. "Where are we off to then? Somewhere warm I think," she said thoughtfully. "Somewhere with beaches and sunsets. Oh, and I wouldn't mind some good looking human type aliens, just to look at mind. Can't sit and stare at you all day can I? Honestly, do you ever eat? I mean, I've seen you eat, but I really don't think you take the hyper-metabolism of your species into account, which means you're always going to be this scrawny little twig thing," she said, indicating his body.
The Doctor frowned, looking down at himself. "I like how I look. I think I look rather dashing."
Donna snorted. "Whatever you say, sunshine."
~ * ~
"We're almost there, hang on," the Doctor said. He'd been saying that for the last twenty minutes and Donna didn't believe him anymore now than she had twenty minutes ago.
"You've lost the TARDIS haven't you?" Donna cried, incredulous. "My head is about to literally explode and you lost the bloody TARDIS!"
"It's not lost! It's just not quite where I expected it to be," the Doctor returned, a bit of fear in his voice. "Magnetic field is all messed up, it's throwing me off. It's this way though, I know it, I can feel it. Just a bit further."
Donna pulled her hand from his, stopping for a minute to rub her temples. "Don't think I'm going to make it that far, space man. Tell you what, I'll just wait here and you can go get the TARDIS and pop over and pick me up."
"Donna--"
"Don't even think about it! You're not going to take it away again and if you try I will knee you in your intergalactic space bollocks!" she warned, taking a step back.
The Doctor took a step forward, holding up a hand. "Donna, you've got to trust me," he said, meeting her eyes. "I'm not going to take it away, I swear I'm not. Just let me help, alright?"
"Had your help once, didn't like it, thanks all the same."
"Donna, do you trust me?" the Doctor asked, stepping closer.
"After what you did? Not a chance in hell, sunshine."
The Doctor closed the distance between them, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Suit yourself."
Before Donna could do anything, the Doctor was kissing her and she felt the pressure beginning to ease from her mind. Panic setting in, she did exactly what she'd promised and brought her knee up, connecting solidly between his legs.
Grunting, the Doctor staggered back, bending over in agony. "What did you do that for?" he gasped, eyes wide with pain.
"I told you," Donna said, shaking her head. "I won't let you do that, not again."
The Doctor straightened, looking warily at Donna. "I was helping you!"
Donna gaped at him. "On what planet is kissing, helping? Oh wait, don't tell me, you just happened to land us on the planet of kiss or die, right?" she mocked.
"It worked with Rose," the Doctor said, trying not to whimper in pain.
"WHAT?" Donna shouted. "Look here, Martian lord, I don't know what you and your other 'girlfriends' got up to, but--"
"Donna!"
"--don't even think of trying that alien crap with me because it ain't going to work!"
"Donna!"
"What?!"
"How's your head?" the Doctor asked.
"Never mind about my head, it's just fine thank you very much! Listen, I liked Rose and all, and god only knows what she found so attractive about a great stick like yourself, but I'm not Rose, got it? Why are you grinning? Stop grinning!"
"It worked!" the Doctor said, his pain seemingly forgotten. "Your head, doesn't hurt. I'm brilliant and it worked!"
"What are you going on about?" Donna asked in exasperation.
"Your head! I wasn't kissing you just to kiss you! I transferred some of that excess energy from you to me, because I'm much better equipped for that sort of thing, full fledged Time Lord and all of that. Well, with Rose, she took in the whole TARDIS vortex and after I got it out of her, I regenerated. It kind of killed me, but turned me into the dashing fellow you see before you.”
“The point is, I made it better, all on my own. Didn't need a transmaterial vortex or anything," he said smugly, bouncing on his toes.
Donna's punch was quite unexpected. Had she slugged his arm, or even slapped his face, it wouldn't have been anything new really, but she out and out punched him right in the jaw.
"OW! What was that for?"
"All this time and you could have just kissed me? You great blooming idiot! I'm going to kill you. I am really going to kill you."
"I didn't think of it before!" the Doctor cried, stumbling backwards and rubbing his jaw. "I mean, I'd been wondering, but wasn't sure it would work and you seemed to be doing fine with your little portable transmaterial vortex when things got bad, and you seemed so proud of yourself that I didn't want to just say, ‘Oh by the way, give us a snog and we can probably do the same thing!’ You would have hit me! Just like that, really," he said, frowning.
"So, am I to understand that, instead of ripping away my memories and leaving me completely empty inside, you could have just kissed me? Just like that? Nothing more or less. Just kiss?"
"Yup, pretty much!" he said, beaming.
Donna drew back to punch him again, and the Doctor scrambled out of her way. "No, this is a good thing! It is! It means if things get too bad, I give you a bit of a snog, and off the energy goes, no headaches, no heads exploding. I mean, you can keep using your little gizmo, but times like this when it's not here, you've got me!"
"Why can't I remember the planets of Gamma 8?" Donna asked, glaring at the Doctor.
"What?"
"I can't remember the planets of Gamma 8! I mean I can, but it's like when you've got a grocery list and you've lost it, and you know you're missing something. What did you do?"
The Doctor smiled gently, his eyes going a little sad. "Eventually Donna, we're going to have drained most of the vortex energy out of you. You aren't going to forget everything, but your brain will slow down a bit. It has to."
"No DoctorDonna?" she asked, eyes widening.
"Oh you'll always be that," the Doctor said, his grin returning, "Biological metacrisis, can't take back all the things it put into you, but it's all that Time Lord knowledge that's giving you the headaches. You weren't meant for that much and that is what keeps bleeding away. Haven't you noticed when the headaches come on? It's usually after I've shown you something complex, or you've read a book about something like quantum mechanics and string theory. Every time you put more into that beautiful brilliant brain of yours, something has to give or you will burn up."
Donna was quiet the rest of the way to the TARDIS, which worried the Doctor more than a little bit. Once inside, Donna walked around the console, her fingers trailing along all the buttons and levers. "You can drain it away all at once?" she asked, looking over the console at the Doctor.
"If you want, yeah, I can."
"I don't want," she said softly. "I don't want to lose it all at once. Promise me you won't, Doctor. You've got to promise."
The Doctor walked around the console to stand beside her. "I promise," he said softly, smiling. "And besides! There might be a point where things balance out and we can stop draining things away. I can't guarantee it mind you, but it's possible."
"Of course it's possible you dolt!" Donna said, rolling her eyes. "Are you just figuring that out? God you're thick some times. Is all your species this slow, or just you?"
"I'm not either, thick!"
"Oh you are, space man, you are so blooming thick! See if you can follow along," she said, pacing around the console as she thought. "You're drainin' away the Time Lord bits right? So, anything I learn between now and when it's all gone, I get to keep right? So, if I keep filling my mind full of new information, I mean I might as well take advantage of the fact most this stuff makes perfect sense now, right? The only reason I knew the planets on Gamma 8 in the first place was because you knew them! So, I'm just forgetting the stuff you know, not necessarily the stuff I know. How brilliant is that?" Donna finished, grinning smugly. "Am I right? I'm right aren't I?"
The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, his face screwing up. "You could be. I mean, it makes sense in a completely convoluted kind of way. Worth a shot I suppose."
"Put the kettle on, alien boy," Donna said, walking out of the console room. "Tea and biscuits in the library!"
~ * ~
"Oi, space man! Bring your scrawny arse over here and give us a kiss," Donna said, standing up from the couch and impatiently waving him over. So far this was working out nicely. Sure, she'd had to kiss him a few times in the last few weeks, but it was worth it.
"Already?" the Doctor asked, pulling his feet from the table and dropping them to the floor.
Donna rolled her eyes. "I don't enjoy it either, sunshine, but it's the quickest way. Come on, haven't got all day."
Sighing, the Doctor walked over to Donna, cupping her face in his hands to solidify the connection between them. Then he leaned in and kissed her.
A moment later, Donna was shoving him away. "Oi! What. Was. That? Did you just use your tongue?! Oh, that better have been your tongue. If you just slipped me some kind of alien knob--"
"What? No! Of course not! Well yes, it was my tongue, but it's definitely not a...knob!"
"What did you do that for?" Donna cried, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "For all I know that's how aliens get their women pregnant! Ooh, it better not be how you lot procreate!"
"Don't be ridiculous," the Doctor replied, frowning. "I just thought you might enjoy it a bit more that's all."
"Enjoy it?" Donna asked, laughing. "Oh you are one daft Martian. You just do your time vampire thing and keep your knob in your mouth!"
"It's not a---oh forget it!"
Doctor looked at him curiously. "Wait a minute. Have you even got one?"
"One what?" the Doctor asked, looking anywhere but at Donna.
"A knob, you dolt. A penis. A cock," she said, pronouncing each word succinctly. "Oh, I bet you lot call it something else, like a time cock don't you? Are you the last of the Time Lords with the last of the time cocks?" she asked, looking at him with mock sadness.
"If you are referring to my genitalia, then yes, I have got one, not that it's any of your business."
"What's it like?" Donna asked, looking down at his crotch.
The Doctor pulled his coat around himself. "Oi!"
"Oh come on, give us a look."
"No!" the Doctor cried, his voice cracking.
"Don't be such a baby, let me see," Donna said, grabbing at his coat.
The Doctor fled to the other side of the room. "You're barking mad, that's what you are!" he cried, pointing a finger at Donna.
"I'm sure I've seen smaller," Donna said, an innocent smile on her face. "Ew, it's not like some kind of wormy looking thing is it?" she asked, shuddering. "If it is, I change my mind, I don't want to see."
The Doctor stormed to the bookshelves, shoving the ladder around until he reached the section he was looking for. He'd spent twenty six years organizing the place and he knew right where to find what he was looking for. He climbed up the ladder and plucked a book from the top shelf, then climbed back down. He walked to Donna and slammed the book into her hand, then walked from the room with long, quick strides.
He was most definitely not running.
Once he was gone, Donna looked at the book, Gallifreyan Anatomy: An Introduction, then fell down onto the couch, laughing herself silly. She'd already seen his clone stark naked, but apparently the all knowing Time Lord didn't know all that much after all.
Propping her her feet up on the arm of the sofa, Donna cracked open the book. She soon lost herself in pictures and text.
~ * ~
She found the Doctor a few hours later with half of his body sticking out from under the TARDIS console.
"You have got a green brain!" she cried, the minute she saw his feet.
Startled, the Doctor sat up, hitting his head on the console. "Ow! What?" he asked, sliding out from underneath and rubbing his forehead.
"Green. Brain." she repeated, a triumphant grin on her face. "I knew you were a Martian, I knew it!"
"That doesn't make me a Martian, it just makes me alien to your planet of origin," the Doctor corrected.
"And your tongue! That's why you're always licking things! Biochemical analysis. With. Your. Tongue."
"Yes, with my tongue," the Doctor answered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, is this going to take awhile, because I'd really like to--"
"Hold on," Donna said, eyes widening. "When you decided to shove your tongue down my throat--"
"I did not shove it down your throat!"
"--you weren't analyzing what I'd had for breakfast or anything were you? Oh that is disgusting!"
The Doctor groaned. "Yes, Donna, that's what I do. I go around snogging people to see what they had for breakfast. Blimey, just because I can do something, doesn't mean I do it all the time! Or did you skim over the part that talks about being able to adjust our senses as needed?"
"And what the blooming hell does loomed mean? It makes it sound like you lot were knitted together like a sweater!"
"Oi! I had a mum! And dad!" His expression changed. "Well, of sorts. What did you do, read the whole book? I thought you were just interested in my bits."
Donna rolled her eyes. "I've already seen your bits, space man," she said, waving him off. Donna went to him, picking up his arm and shoving the sleeve up, then giving him a good sniff.
"You do not smell like honey," Donna said when the Doctor pulled his arm away. "I knew that bit was rubbish."
"When did you see my bits?" the Doctor asked, appalled. "Were you spying on me in the shower? That's....so wrong."
"Eww no! I saw your clone's bits! He popped up completely starkers. I think I've been scarred for life. OH! Since he only had one heart, and couldn't regenerate or do any of that other Time Lord stuff, does that mean his body was different from yours? I mean, he was pretty well hung for such a skinny bloke, I really expected something--"
"Do not finish that sentence!"
"--oh relax space man, I was merely curious, that's all. Come on, give us a peek," Donna said, grinning. "Just one."
"NO! Right, that's it, no more library for you!"
"Are all aliens prudes, or is it just you?" Donna asked.
"Are all humans so obnoxious, or just you?"
For a moment they just glared at one another.
"Well hung? Really?" the Doctor finally asked, his curiosity peaked.
"Ooh yeah," Donna said, grinning.
The Doctor looked unbearably smug.
"Of course, anything would probably look big in comparison to the rest of you," she said, looking him up and down. "Is that why you wear the coat? Trying to bulk up a bit?"
"Just for that, we're going somewhere cold next. Somewhere very, very cold," the Doctor pouted, slamming a lever with more force than was strictly necessary.
Donna shrugged. "Suit yourself, but you know what they say about the cold," she said, moving to grab a hold of the railing.
"No, what do they say about the cold?" the Doctor asked, looking sideways at Donna.
Donna bit the tip of her tongue for a moment. "Shrinkage," she said in a sing song voice.
The Doctor took them to the desert planet of Eurindi, where even the nights were sweltering.
~ * ~
"Donna?"
"Hmm?" Donna asked, looking up from her book.
"It's been a week," the Doctor said, chewing on his cheek.
"I know, right! In the last two months I've never made it longer than five days! I think this thing is finally balancing out."
"No headaches or anything?"
"Just the normal ones you give me with your yammering," Donna answered, smiling brightly.
"So you do still have headaches?" the Doctor asked, almost hopeful.
"Well yeah, but nothing bad," Donna said, frowning. "Why? Is there something wrong with me? If there is something wrong with me I want to know."
"No! No no no! I was just thinking that some preventive maintenance might be good. Keep them from getting bad. I mean, what if we're being chased by something and it happens? Can't stop and say, oh excuse me, can you hold off on killing us for just a tick, she's got headache and I need to give her a snog."
Sighing, Donna got up from the couch. "You know what I think, time boy," she said, walking toward him and poking him in the chest. "I think you're just looking for an excuse to kiss me. Is that what you did to poor Martha? Kept pestering her to snog you until she got fed up and left?"
"What? No! Of course not! Look, I was just trying to save you a little pain," the Doctor said, shrugging as if it didn't matter. "If you're not interested, we'll just wait until your brain is about to explode, then you'll--"
Donna pressed him against the wall and kissed him senseless. There was no feeling of energy being drained away this time, which made Donna feel quite pleased. She always was rather good at snogging and it appeared the great and powerful time boy from Gallifrey wasn't immune to her skills.
She pulled back, smiling smugly at the Doctor's stunned face. His eyes were half lidded and his jaw was slack as he stood there blinking.
"That, Martian boy, is how Earth girls kiss." She patted his cheek and went back to her place on the sofa. "Oi, did you eat all the chocolate biscuits?" she complained as she picked up her book. "You could try leaving some for other people you know!"
The Doctor blinked for a moment longer, a daft smile appearing on his face. "I'm just going to--I'll be---bye," he said, wiggling his fingers and leaving the room in a hurry.
"Oh you better not be having a wank," Donna muttered, leafing through her book. "You better not be going off to wank!" she shouted. "Not going to have some scrawny alien thinking of me while he bangs one out!"
The Doctor's head popped back into the room. "Time Lords don't wank. Don't need to."
His head disappeared again.
"So your bits are just for show then?" Donna called back. "Shocking!"
The Doctor reappeared, slightly breathless. "Didn't say that either. My bits work just fine thanks."
Then he was gone again.
"Great, of all the aliens in the universe, I get the pervert!"
"I heard that!" the Doctor shouted back.
"Been wasted if you hadn't!" Donna called back, grinning.
~ * ~
"I figured it out!"
"Figured what out?"
"Your bits!"
The Doctor dropped his spanner. "What is your fascination with my bits?!" The Doctor went to pick up the spanner, but thought better of it. Instead, he turned so he was facing Donna before bending over.
"Oh please, you haven't got an arse to speak of. So, you know how you made it so I could hear the Ood song, right? And how you wiped my mind, which you're still not forgiven for, by the way."
"Yes, you've reminded me at least once a week for the last two months. You really need to get over that."
"Well, I was readin' this book about you lot, and one of the chapters was about your psychic powers," she said, waving her hands in the air and making an 'Oooo' noise.
"Yeah," the Doctor answered, looking wary. Donna reading about Time Lords was never a good thing.
"You use your brains for sex! Mind. Sex. Am I right? I'm right aren't I? I mean, I'd always heard people going on about the brain being your greatest sexual organ, but that is such a load of rubbish," Donna said, rolling her eyes. "But! You've got that whole green brained psychic energy kind of thing going on, don't you? Not like us mere humans."
The Doctor was scowling. "You are far too concerned about my sex life."
Donna snorted. "You haven't got one! Well, unless you do use your brain, in which case, I don't even want to know what you get up to in your bedroom at night and I swear if I find out you've been thinking about me I'll show you stars, space man."
"Donna--"
"Hang on!" Donna cried, eyes widening. "Is that why Rose and Martha fancied you so much? Did you have mind sex with them? Oh you are a pervy Martian aren't you?"
"Donna--"
"Oi! Hang on! What's wrong with me? Why haven't you tried any funny business with me?"
"Donna we--"
"And the snogging doesn't count! I'm talking full on mind sex here. Is it because I'm not some blonde willowy thing? Are you calling me fat?!"
"DONNA!"
"WHAT?"
"SHUT UP!"
Donna's mouth snapped shut.
"Why are you obsessing over this?" the Doctor asked, grabbing her shoulders. "Of all the things you can learn about, why are you studying me?"
"I don't know, why did you kiss me?" she returned.
"Why did you kiss me back?" he asked.
"I was proving a point. Your turn."
"Gallifryans don't generally kiss in a sexual context. I've been kissing you for three months now and I'm finding out I rather like it. Especially that thing you do...with the sucking. Oh I love that. It makes my left pinky toe curl. What point were you trying to prove?"
"That there are some things humans do better. Do you have mind sex?"
"It's a part of it, yes and before you ask, no, I have never done it with a companion."
"Well you ain't doing it with me neither!"
"Never said I wanted to."
"Why not?!" Donna asked, insulted.
The Doctor frowned. "It complicates things, I told you that."
"How do you know, you said you'd never done it with a companion."
"You're sorted now aren't you? When was the last time you actually needed the energy transference?"
"Three weeks ago."
"So the three times I've kissed you since then?"
Donna smiled cheekily. "I like a good snog now and then. You're getting better at it. Seemed a shame to stop. By the time I'm through with you, you'll be better than the mediocre kisser you are now."
The Doctor blinked for a minute, then smiled. "I like the kissing part. It's still unfamiliar and different, especially in this body. I mean, Cassandra kissed me when she had taken over Rose, and I kissed Martha, but I needed her DNA. Reinette kissed me, and I really liked that."
"Who's Reinette?"
The Doctor waved a hand. "Madame De Pompadour, made a stop at Versailles, rode a horse through a mirror, was brilliant. Anyway, there was Reinette and Astrid, who also kissed me by the way. And then there was, well there was you. Worked well as a shock by the way, well played."
"Blimey you must think you're just the bees’ knees don't you?" Donna said, eyes sparkling with amusement. "Girl in every port have ya?"
"No, it's not like that and you know it."
"I know, but I like the face you make when you honor is questioned. So this mind sex stuff, do we have to actually be touching? Or could I just like, kick back on the couch while you do it?
"If we were going to do it, which we are not, yes, we would need to be touching."
"Come on, I want to see! Just give me a little example of what you can do," she challenged. "Traveling around with you doesn't leave much opportunity for sex. Well, unless you're into aliens and I really don't want to shag an alien. I'd probably get pregnant and have an octopus baby or something!"
"No," the Doctor answered, setting Donna back from him.
"What's the matter? Afraid you might enjoy it, space man?" Donna challenged.
The Doctor's eyes darkened slightly and his gaze intensified. "I know I'll enjoy it, Donna, but I don't think you realize what you're asking for."
Donna rolled her eyes. "DUH! That's why I'm asking you to show me! Come on space man, give us a mind shag!"
"No!"
"Fine. Sodding scrawny alien prude," Donna muttered, shoving his shoulder before stomping away in a huff.
~ * ~
"Do something!" Donna cried as the pounding on the door grew louder.
"I'm trying!" the Doctor shouted in returned. "I'm locked out! Can't stop the signal!"
"That door's not going to hold them off much longer! I told you that you couldn't trust a robot! Didn't I tell you!"
Donna was looking over his shoulder at the display as he continued trying different sequences of numbers. At a particularly loud thump, she looked to see a large dent in the center of the metal door. "Doctor," she warned.
He ignored her, focusing solely on the console in front of him.
"Come with me, he says. Nice relaxing trip to the shore, he says," Donna murmured, looking around the room for something she could use as a weapon. She covered every square inch, even peeking behind the space behind the control panel. There wasn't a weapon there, but there was something else.
"Doctor!"
"Not now!"
"Doctor!"
He didn't even bother to shush her that time, which really infuriated her. "Suit yourself," she muttered, bending down and grabbing the large cable that ran into the wall. She gave it a good yank and everything went silent.
The Doctor's head shot up, looking wide eyed at Donna. "What did you do?"
Donna held up the plug. "Pulled the plug," she said, a smug smile on her face.
"You...what?" the Doctor asked, his face still a mask of confusion.
"I. Pulled. The. Plug." Donna repeated. "You must be one of the slower Time Lords. Probably had to take your A-levels more than once didn't you?"
The Doctor grinned, going to Donna and hugging her tightly. "But that's brilliant!"
"I know!" Donna cried, beaming for a moment. "Didn't spend all that time in the library for nothing, you know, not that I needed a ruddy book to tell me that if you pull the plug, the power dies."
The Doctor pulled back, looking at Donna and smiling. She saw the moment the look in his eye change. "Oi!" she shouted, pushing him away. "You can't be serious."
"What?" the Doctor asked, a hurt frown on his face.
"You know what! It's that look you get right before you say that I need a bit of 'preventive maintenance', which is just your way of asking for a snog! Hello! Middle of a robot uprising!"
"Power's off," the Doctor said, his smile returning. "They aren't getting signals anymore, therefore, no uprising until I get the main computer reprogrammed and get them up and running again. Plenty of time for a...you know."
"Oh I don't think so," Donna said, shoving the plug at him. "I just saved a planet and you want a snog as a reward?"
"No, more of a celebration," the Doctor said, pouting now. "And you could do that thing that you do, you know, with your tongue. I love that bit."
"Yes, it makes your pinky toe curl," Donna said, rolling her eyes. "I have two words for you space man. Mind. Sex."
The Doctor's face fell. "But I just want a snog."
"And I want a shag, but I ain't getting that either," Donna said, walking away to put her ear to the door. "You reckon it's safe to go out?"
"Yeah, they've got no signal, you killed it," the Doctor said, looking pathetic. "Give me a few hours and I can disconnect the satellite feed and reprogram the computers and we can go. They won't be a threat to anyone."
Donna was still cautious when she peeked outside the door. The robots that had been chasing them not five minutes ago were silent and still. "Do your thing, space man," she called over her shoulder. "There's a bubble bath with my name on it!"
Sighing, the Doctor went back to work.
~ * ~
Donna walked into the console room and held up her hands. “Alright. No mind sex, but I want a shag.”
The sounds of the Doctor’s head hitting the underside of the console echoed around the room. It was hard to tell if his stunned look was from the blow to his head, or to Donna’s suggestion.
“You want to what?” he asked, his voice rising in pitch.
She held up a hand and began ticking things off on her fingers. “You want to snog, pretty much always. And I haven’t had a shag in what feels like years and I’m desperate enough to do you, space boy. We both get what we want, no strings attached.”
The Doctor frowned. “You use strings?”
“No dumbo, it’s a figure of speech! It means, well it means that it means nothing. Just two people fulfilling each other’s needs.”
The Doctor sighed in frustration. “You know it takes more than that, you know I have to have my mind connected to yours in order for things to…work.” This is why he didn’t get involved with companions, he hated these conversations.
“So, you do whatever you have to do to get it up, and I’ll do the rest. And you can snog me to your heart’s content in the meantime.”
“Donna, I told you, no mind sex.”
Donna rolled her eyes and waved a hand in the air. “I’m not asking for it. God, do you ever listen? I’m talking about sex-sex. You do whatever you have to do to get it up and I’ll do my thing to get myself off, and there will be kissing. Remember kissing? The thing you’re always trying to get me to do?”
The Doctor was absolutely silent.
Finally, Donna couldn’t stand it.
“Well?”
“So we’ll see each other naked?”
“Seen you naked, remember? Or at least, the other you, but I assume the parts are the same,” she said, looking at his crotch. “They were rather nice bits if I’m honest. I could have sooo much fun wit-“
“Donna! Stop that!”
“Oh. My. God. You’re blushing. What’s a matter, you don’t like the idea of me liking your bits?”
“Do you like the idea of me liking your bits?” the Doctor returned.
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, your uh,” he motioned vaguely to her chest, “are very nice. They look like soft pillows.”
“Soft like pillows?” Donna nearly screeched. “My breasts look soft like pillows and that’s what turns you on? Pillows? Is that a Time Lord thing, or just a ‘you’re a freak’ thing?”
“Yes! No!” He sighed again. “I’m getting a headache.”
“Oh no, that’s not going to work.”
“What?” the Doctor asked, looking confused.
Donna pitched her voice higher, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.”
“Do you know, the majority of the time, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the Doctor said, blinking at her.
Donna strode purposely toward him, grabbed the lapels of his suit and snogged him senseless. When she was sure he was good and hooked, she stepped back.
“Now, if you want more of that, I suggest you be in my bedroom within ten minutes, or you’ll never get it again.”
With that, she strode off, leaving a completely flummoxed Doctor staring after her.
At nine minutes and thirty seconds, the Doctor entered Donna’s bedroom and nearly turned around and ran out again. She was completely naked and on her side, smiling at the Doctor.
“Well, come in, I won’t bite, well, unless you’re into that,” she grinned.
“You’re um,” he waved a hand in the air.
“Naked, Doctor. I’m naked. Now it’s your turn. Come on space boy, let’s see what you’ve got under all those clothes. Why are you wearing your coat, by the way?”
The Doctor shrugged, but removed his coat, tossing it over the small sofa. Then, he took a deep breath. “Right. I can do this.”
He walked toward the bed and stood over it, staring down at Donna. His voice was slightly raspy when he spoke. “What’s the first rule, Donna?” He shrugged out of his suit coat, letting it fall to the floor then began on his buttons.
“A condom?” she asked, giving him an odd and slightly hungry look.
“The Doctor lies,” he said, sitting on the side of the bed to undo his Chucks.
“And what does that mean exactly?” Donna actually sounded worried now.
The Doctor stood and slid down his trousers and pants all at once, exposing a very hard and very ready cock. “It’s easier and wiser to tell companions that we work differently, rather than that sex isn’t an issue.”
Donna sat up abruptly. “You lied? You LIED? All these months have you been trying to get in my pants?”
The Doctor lay back on the bed, seemingly fine with his own nudity. “No, if you’ll remember, you’ve been trying to get into mine, and I’ve decided I rather like the idea. It’s been ages, and you’ve said you plan on staying with me.”
They all say that.
He shook off the voice in his head. Donna was here now, that’s all that mattered.
“I believe you said there would be kissing,” the Doctor said, breaking into a large grin. “I assume I can kiss anywhere I want,” he added, eying her breasts.
“You mean my pillows?” Donna asked, rolling her eyes.
“Mmmm yes, those.”
“Right, you aren’t going to sprout any tentacles or anything right? It’s just going -“
“Shut. Up.” And the Doctor kissed her, giving her no choice but to keep her gob otherwise occupied, and oh how he occupied it. He used his mouth on every inch of her body, mentally cataloging what bits tasted good, and what made her moan or say, ‘Oh my god, space boy.’” That one was his favorite, because it was all Donna.
When it came round to the actual shagging, the Doctor made sure that Donna enjoyed herself, multiple times, before he finally gave in and let himself orgasm.
The Doctor rolled off of Donna, his body not sweating, but his hearts were definitely beating faster. Donna had a sheen of sweat on her body that the Doctor thought only made her more beautiful.
“Donna?”
“Unggh,” Donna answered incoherently.
Rolling his eyes, the Doctor waited, then tried again.
“Donna?”
“Hmm Doctor?”
“You’re staying with me, right?”
Donna rolled onto her side to look at him, a slight frown on her face. “I already told you I was, for all of my life.”
The Doctor nodded and smiled. “You know, since you’ve got a tiny bit of Time Lord in your body, your aging might slow down a bit. Say, you get two years to every one or something. We’ll have to see on that one.”
“Oh. My. God. Can you imagine my school reunion in another ten to twenty years? I will look FABULOUS!”
The Doctor couldn’t figure out if Donna deliberately dodged his point, or if it just went over her head completely.
“We are so doing this again,” Donna said, sitting up and holding a sheet to cover her breasts.
Yup, over her head. He’d try again later.
“If you’d like,” the Doctor conceded, rather wanting to go it again himself. He couldn’t remember what incarnation had put the kabash on sex, but it was back on with a bullet!
“You were BRILLIANT!” she cried. “Why did you make me wait so bloody long?” She hit him in the face with a pillow.
“OI! I had to make myself wait too, you know,” the Doctor said, holding the pillow to his chest. “I just had to make sure you were going to be okay first.”
“Awwww isn’t that sweet. Daft, but sweet. Now get out of here, I need a shower and a nap, you wore me out!”
The Doctor was hurt she didn’t want him to stay for the nap part, but she knew he didn’t sleep. “There’s somewhere I want to take you, so be ready when you wake up And dress casual,” he added, getting out of bed and putting his clothes on, ignoring Donna’s blatant stares. The Doctor finally looked over his shoulder, “What’s the saying? Oh, take a picture, it lasts longer!”
Donna held up her phone, grinning. “Done!”
“I hate you.”
“I know. Now get out!”
***
As a special treat, the Doctor took them to a very tiny planet that was exclusively a spa. Nothing dangerous on this one, nothing really to do but get spa treatments or sit in your room and do nothing, or in his case, read.
He walked up to the front desk, a cheerful smile on his face. “Hello, The Doctor and Donna Noble checking in.”
After a few minutes the girl behind the counter frowned. “I’m sorry Doctor Noble, but I have no record of that.”
Donna choked behind him.
He pulled out his psychic paper. “As you’ll see we have the reservation booked for two months. A massage for the lady, pedicure, manicure, the works. I paid very good money for this,” he said, starting to sound angry.
“I’m sure we can accommodate your wife, Doctor Noble, if you’ll -“
“Oh no, we’re not -“ they both started, then shrugged. Oh, who cared anyway?
He looked at Donna who mouthed “Doctor Noble?” then burst out laughing again. The Doctor scowled. Obviously he needed to be more careful in the order he introduced them.
“Here we are, Penthouse suite and here is the schedule for Mrs. Noble.” The Doctor passed that to Donna, grabbed their keys, signed his name and they went for the elevator.
“Ooh massage in a half hour, followed by a mani-pedi and Tulock therapy. No idea what that is. Will it kill me?”
The Doctor shrugged. “Probably.”
“Doctor!”
“You’ll be fine, Tulocks are masters at aromas. It’s probably some aroma therapy.”
“What are you going to do while I’m of getting pampered?”
“Eh, read a book or go fiddle with the stabilizers on the TARDIS. They haven’t sounded quite right lately.”
“We are on a planet with a giant spa and you’re going to READ?”
The Doctor shrugged. “I don’t like people touching me for that long. It starts to make my teeth itch.”
“Well we did a hell of a lot of touching and you didn’t seem to mind.”
The Doctor grinned at her. “But that was you, so it was okay. Brilliant actually.”
Donna beamed. “In that case, when I get back from all these things you planned for me, we are going to try out that mattress. Not only that, skinny stick in a suit, I’m going to explore every inch of you. How do you like that?”
The Doctor made a face and shrugged. “I could take it or leave it really.”
Donna was on him in less than a second, punching his arm. “Tell me you’re kidding or I’m going for the other arm, then your face.”
The Doctor held up his hand, laughing. “Kidding, kidding! Would you like me naked and tied to the bed when you get back?”
Donna looked at her watch and cursed. Now would be lovely, if not for the massage.
“Yes, why don’t you do that and prepare for a tongue bath with much shagging to follow. Just imagine, me on top with my soft pillows bouncing in the wind,” she teased. “Doctor Noble.”
“Get out of here so you can get back already!” the Doctor snapped, wondering how he would do anything with that image in his head.
Ah well, it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was the Doctor-Donna, in the TARDIS, for as long as possible.