im baaaack
so haven't really posted on lj in a long long time. much has changed.... i seem to find myself the poster child of support for something that, though im ok with, am honestly still deeply hurt about. i think that it was needed to FINALLY officially close that chapter in my life, but it went down shady and its put me into an awkward position.
but the cool thing is that with things like this i tend to get pushed into healthy practices.
1. exercising a lot
2. watching my food intake.... though not sure how "good" it is. i've lost my appetite for about, well, since all this went down.
3. im dressing up, wearing contacts, wearing makeup
4. getting self-confidence back. im so critical on myself and ya know what? im fucking hot and i just need that part of me to shine.
i know it sounds like a lot, but i want to lose ideally 65 lbs. im already about 5 in :)
thanksgiving is coming up and these are the things im truely grateful for:
1. friends: you guys are my first real family and i really wanna thank you for always being there-- whatever the reason, whatever the time.
2. my brother- he fucked up early in moving away but he did what he thought he needed to do. he's totally stepped up and helped me out a lot now and for that i KNOW i am thankful for
3. my children-- my kids always make me feel at peace (ya know, in between waking me up, eating my underwear, etc) but there's a look of love always in their eyes that makes me know im doing something right. i have a new kitten, sproket, who is such a fighter. i love him
4. my life. im alive. i can provide for myself and my kids. i am getting a free university education. im ACTUALLY applying to medical school (god, that makes me feel not a kid anymore.... i'll be learning how to keep other human beings alive!!!). i kick ass at work-- im surprised how much i know about something i never was trained in.
5. my mom. she's very very very far from perfect but bottom line, however cheesy, i wouldn't be here without her. she obviously provided well enough that im 1) not a murderer 2) not completely socially retarded 3) am really independent and not afriad to be.
6. challenges. they are stressful, shitty, fucked up, emotionally draining, bullshit --- but they allow you to re-evaluate your life. they let you understand your personal strengths and lack thereof as well as understand other people. its weird how you think you may know someone but until things are really shaken up, their true personalities will always be shunted. its not good, not bad, just a thing. and from it, in a positive manner, you come away a better person (stronger, more faith, etc) and know which friends can be the best supporters in different situations.
ok. im done spamming your journals. take care, sweet dreams, and god bless <3
~aj~
but the cool thing is that with things like this i tend to get pushed into healthy practices.
1. exercising a lot
2. watching my food intake.... though not sure how "good" it is. i've lost my appetite for about, well, since all this went down.
3. im dressing up, wearing contacts, wearing makeup
4. getting self-confidence back. im so critical on myself and ya know what? im fucking hot and i just need that part of me to shine.
i know it sounds like a lot, but i want to lose ideally 65 lbs. im already about 5 in :)
thanksgiving is coming up and these are the things im truely grateful for:
1. friends: you guys are my first real family and i really wanna thank you for always being there-- whatever the reason, whatever the time.
2. my brother- he fucked up early in moving away but he did what he thought he needed to do. he's totally stepped up and helped me out a lot now and for that i KNOW i am thankful for
3. my children-- my kids always make me feel at peace (ya know, in between waking me up, eating my underwear, etc) but there's a look of love always in their eyes that makes me know im doing something right. i have a new kitten, sproket, who is such a fighter. i love him
4. my life. im alive. i can provide for myself and my kids. i am getting a free university education. im ACTUALLY applying to medical school (god, that makes me feel not a kid anymore.... i'll be learning how to keep other human beings alive!!!). i kick ass at work-- im surprised how much i know about something i never was trained in.
5. my mom. she's very very very far from perfect but bottom line, however cheesy, i wouldn't be here without her. she obviously provided well enough that im 1) not a murderer 2) not completely socially retarded 3) am really independent and not afriad to be.
6. challenges. they are stressful, shitty, fucked up, emotionally draining, bullshit --- but they allow you to re-evaluate your life. they let you understand your personal strengths and lack thereof as well as understand other people. its weird how you think you may know someone but until things are really shaken up, their true personalities will always be shunted. its not good, not bad, just a thing. and from it, in a positive manner, you come away a better person (stronger, more faith, etc) and know which friends can be the best supporters in different situations.
ok. im done spamming your journals. take care, sweet dreams, and god bless <3
~aj~