Hail, Hail, The Gang's All Here
When 
Counsellor Lothar appeared on Surak's Razor (as per my instructions) his clothing was burnt and smoldering. "Hey," the ship's AI shouted from its recessed speakers, "there's no smoking allowed in the elevator! That could start a fire! Ummm, I can't find my sprinkler system, you'll have to find your own liquid..."
"Don't mind if I do," Lothar said politely, punching a fist through one of the speakers as punctuation. He then found a bottle of Romulan Ale and began to drink heartily. Every now and then, drops of the highly-flammable liquid would drip onto his clothing, causing intermittent flickers of flame. The AI protested once, lost another speaker, and then decided to stop objecting.
While Lothar rejuvenated himself with alcohol and I waited for
Mib Khan and
Lieutenant Heavens to revive, I continued interrogating the AI as to the exact nature and programming of the virus which had infected both Surak's Razor and the
USS Murgatroid. I began to form a plan.
When Khan woke up and told me he'd lost ansible contact with his other selves ("I could repair it if only I had the Drunken Bastard here"), I could see only one option. "We have two problems," I announced, briefing the small team I had brought to Surak's Razor. "The Murgatroid's computer has become a hostile entity, attacking her crew and crippling her systems. The first thing we must do is neutralize that threat and revive the crew so that they may begin repairs. They will not be able to repair the warp drive or the defensive systems unassisted, with just the remains of their tools and Surak's Razor; but they must repair the environmental systems since they cannot all fit onto the Razor. Once this has been accomplished, Surak's Razor can depart to find help."
"The second threat," I continued, "is the possible continued existence of
Evil Janeway. She, after all, is the source of the virus, and would eagerly destroy the Murgatroid and all aboard her if she could, while the Murgatroid is helpless. Surak's Razor would be incapable of mounting a defense against any weaponry that Janeway could bring to bear, which is why the only logical course of action is for the Razor to seek help as soon as possible. Surak's Razor may have subpar weaponry, designed primarily to attack unarmed traders, but she is most likely the fastest ship in the quadrant."
In the background, the AI began to sing You'll Never Walk Alone. "That is, when the ship is actually functioning," I concluded.
Counsellor Lothar appeared on Surak's Razor (as per my instructions) his clothing was burnt and smoldering. "Hey," the ship's AI shouted from its recessed speakers, "there's no smoking allowed in the elevator! That could start a fire! Ummm, I can't find my sprinkler system, you'll have to find your own liquid..."
"Don't mind if I do," Lothar said politely, punching a fist through one of the speakers as punctuation. He then found a bottle of Romulan Ale and began to drink heartily. Every now and then, drops of the highly-flammable liquid would drip onto his clothing, causing intermittent flickers of flame. The AI protested once, lost another speaker, and then decided to stop objecting.
While Lothar rejuvenated himself with alcohol and I waited for
Mib Khan and
Lieutenant Heavens to revive, I continued interrogating the AI as to the exact nature and programming of the virus which had infected both Surak's Razor and the
USS Murgatroid. I began to form a plan.
When Khan woke up and told me he'd lost ansible contact with his other selves ("I could repair it if only I had the Drunken Bastard here"), I could see only one option. "We have two problems," I announced, briefing the small team I had brought to Surak's Razor. "The Murgatroid's computer has become a hostile entity, attacking her crew and crippling her systems. The first thing we must do is neutralize that threat and revive the crew so that they may begin repairs. They will not be able to repair the warp drive or the defensive systems unassisted, with just the remains of their tools and Surak's Razor; but they must repair the environmental systems since they cannot all fit onto the Razor. Once this has been accomplished, Surak's Razor can depart to find help."
"The second threat," I continued, "is the possible continued existence of
Evil Janeway. She, after all, is the source of the virus, and would eagerly destroy the Murgatroid and all aboard her if she could, while the Murgatroid is helpless. Surak's Razor would be incapable of mounting a defense against any weaponry that Janeway could bring to bear, which is why the only logical course of action is for the Razor to seek help as soon as possible. Surak's Razor may have subpar weaponry, designed primarily to attack unarmed traders, but she is most likely the fastest ship in the quadrant."
In the background, the AI began to sing You'll Never Walk Alone. "That is, when the ship is actually functioning," I concluded.