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-Name of Author: Stephanie Pfeiff. Me!
-Date Created: Aug 27, 2004
-Storyline
-RP character, or so it should have been; tragedy
I wish I'd never met him. He ruined my life. I wonder if he knows that, wherever he is now. I wonder if he knows how much better off I would have been without him. Selfish bastard... He said he wouldn't leave. Always, he promised. Him and me, forever. And I believed it. Like a fool, I believed it, and now look at me. He's gone... He left me here to feel empty and alone.
I still cry for him sometimes. I tell myself I shouldn't. But it's not easy to hate him. Not when I loved him so much. I'll wake up at night, alone in the dark. And I'll feel those arms around me, and I'll just cry and cry. I miss his voice. I miss hearing him tell me forever. I miss being lied to. I weep for him, then, and I wonder if he even remembers my name. Every morning I wake up, and I try to force myself to forget. Until I catch myself picturing his smile across the kitchen table, his laughter filling the room, those jokes he always made, the ones that weren't even funny. But I'd laugh, because I thought it was just so charming to hear him telling them, and see him so proud of himself for being clever. I could still laugh, back then. I close my eyes, and there's his kiss, his hands folding over mine. That's our song they're playing.
I feel so trapped. I hate him. I hate him so much.
But when I don't dream about his touch, I dream about him dying. I dream about him hurting the way I hurt now, bleeding the way I bleed inside. It's not real either, anymore. But it was, once. Just like that kiss, like that smile. The world's darker, without him in it smiling. I cry here too. I apologize, and I tell him I love him. I do. I love him more than I hate him, now. And I'm afraid to say his name. Maybe, if I don't say it, I can forget. I wonder if he's in Heaven. He didn't believe in Heaven. So I suppose he can't be. But it doesn't seem right that he could be anywhere but in paradise. Waiting for me... Please, God, let him be waiting. He swore to me he would. He didn't blame me. He told me not to hate myself. That's why I have to hate him. He didn't have to die for me. He didn't... Someone needs to be blamed.
I hate these tears the most. They blind me. But it doesn't matter now. There's nothing to see anymore. only then. He smiled for me. One last time, before the world went grey without him. He smiled. He said that he loved me. And I could barely see him for my tears, could barely hear it, for my own sobbing. He told me to be happy. Selfish... How can he expect so much of me? How can I be happy? How can I do it without him?
I hate him.
I need him.
He said he would be waiting for me. He promised. But... He promised me forever once...
And if I've misinterpreted the content and whatnot allowed here, I apologize in advance. I read the rules, but it's late, and when it comes to making mistakes, I am very human. ._.
-Date Created: Aug 27, 2004
-Storyline
-RP character, or so it should have been; tragedy
I wish I'd never met him. He ruined my life. I wonder if he knows that, wherever he is now. I wonder if he knows how much better off I would have been without him. Selfish bastard... He said he wouldn't leave. Always, he promised. Him and me, forever. And I believed it. Like a fool, I believed it, and now look at me. He's gone... He left me here to feel empty and alone.
I still cry for him sometimes. I tell myself I shouldn't. But it's not easy to hate him. Not when I loved him so much. I'll wake up at night, alone in the dark. And I'll feel those arms around me, and I'll just cry and cry. I miss his voice. I miss hearing him tell me forever. I miss being lied to. I weep for him, then, and I wonder if he even remembers my name. Every morning I wake up, and I try to force myself to forget. Until I catch myself picturing his smile across the kitchen table, his laughter filling the room, those jokes he always made, the ones that weren't even funny. But I'd laugh, because I thought it was just so charming to hear him telling them, and see him so proud of himself for being clever. I could still laugh, back then. I close my eyes, and there's his kiss, his hands folding over mine. That's our song they're playing.
I feel so trapped. I hate him. I hate him so much.
But when I don't dream about his touch, I dream about him dying. I dream about him hurting the way I hurt now, bleeding the way I bleed inside. It's not real either, anymore. But it was, once. Just like that kiss, like that smile. The world's darker, without him in it smiling. I cry here too. I apologize, and I tell him I love him. I do. I love him more than I hate him, now. And I'm afraid to say his name. Maybe, if I don't say it, I can forget. I wonder if he's in Heaven. He didn't believe in Heaven. So I suppose he can't be. But it doesn't seem right that he could be anywhere but in paradise. Waiting for me... Please, God, let him be waiting. He swore to me he would. He didn't blame me. He told me not to hate myself. That's why I have to hate him. He didn't have to die for me. He didn't... Someone needs to be blamed.
I hate these tears the most. They blind me. But it doesn't matter now. There's nothing to see anymore. only then. He smiled for me. One last time, before the world went grey without him. He smiled. He said that he loved me. And I could barely see him for my tears, could barely hear it, for my own sobbing. He told me to be happy. Selfish... How can he expect so much of me? How can I be happy? How can I do it without him?
I hate him.
I need him.
He said he would be waiting for me. He promised. But... He promised me forever once...
And if I've misinterpreted the content and whatnot allowed here, I apologize in advance. I read the rules, but it's late, and when it comes to making mistakes, I am very human. ._.