Title: The Internet is the Most Fun ... [TezuRyo; PG-13]
Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Title: The Internet is the Most Fun You Can Have Without Taking Your Clothes Off
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Tezuka/Ryoma mainly, but there's a lot of gay.
Disclaimer: Nope, PoT still doesn't belong go me.
Summary: federer_sucks has entered the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
A/N: Sort of crack. Sort of serious. Set in post-anime canon, written for pillarchallenge. Dedicated to thebrandnewman, who is beautiful and who is supportive of my love of gay tennis, and also to 1167 for putting up with my dead muse. Credit for Ryoma's SN goes to bookshop, which in turn inspired Tezuka's.
federer_sucks has entered the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
miz_uke69xxx: Salutations, stranger. ;)
burning_power: A/S/L???!!! WANNA CYBER?
federer_sucks: it's really none of your business. and no.
killercounters: fEiStY, eH? ^_^ iNtErEsTiNg. HaVeN't SeEn YoU aRoUnD hErE bEfOrE.
dr_dataman007: There is a 99.87% chance that this is your first time in the "Gay Tennis Players" chat. I have statistics on everyone who has ever entered its glorious cyber halls.
federer_sucks: …
magnificent_me: Why hello, Ore-sama may as well point out that Ore-sama is the most attractive and brilliant and all around best player in this room. Ne, azn_hulk?
azn_hulk: YESSS.
federer_sucks: che. i could beat you.
magnificent_me: Oh really, brat? Your confidence amuses me.
demonbaby: *sulks* I’ll beat you all -- one day.
demonbaby has left the “Gay Tennis Players” chatroom.
talksalot: How interesting that this newcomer is already starting a fight with magnificent_me and has driven demonbaby out. One could say that he has an attitude problem. I wonder if he really has the abilities to back up his big talk. I doubt it. However, I kind of admire his confidence in his own abilities. And he seems to think he is better than Federer. Personally, I think Federer is a fantastic player, but one who is arrogant. I don't like people who think they are better than me. Sometimes I wish I were clever and concise with words like federer_sucks is and had the courage to stand up to other players, but I don’t want anyone to think that I’m rude. It’s better for me to get on alright with people and not start conflicts. Oh my, I really hate how this chat program has a character limit. I think I’m about to run ou
burning_power: *ROLLS EYES* WANNA CYBER, TALKSALOT???!!! IT WILL BE BURNING HOT!!! OMG OMG OMG, COME ON BABY!!! I WILL LET YOU TALK DIRTY TO ME FOR HOURS!!!
talksalot has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
burning_power has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
killercounters: hE's On FiRe ToNiGhT, nE?
magnificent_me: talksalot is just easy. Ore-sama has grown tired of this chatroom. Come on, azn_hulk.
azn_hulk: YESSS.
magnificent_me has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
azn_hulk has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
mammmushi has entered the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
supergreatdunk has entered the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
supergreatdunk: BAKA MAMUSHI!! I WASN'T DONE YELLING AT YOU.
mammmushi: FSSHHHH. I WASN'T "CYBERING" WITH DATAMAN. I WAS HELPING HIM GET SOME ... DATA.
dr_dataman007: ... I knew there was a 87.2% chance that you didn't feel the same way.
dr_dataman007 has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
mammmushi: I didn't mean it that way! BASTARD THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
mammmushi has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
supergreatdunk has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
miz_uke69xxx: *le sigh* How about you and me, federer-baby, leave these losers behind and go to a private session?
federer_sucks: how about no.
miz_uke69xxx: Hmph. Well it doesn't matter, because I am destined for killercounters anyway.
killercounters: wHo ArE yOu, AgAiN? ^_^
miz_uke69xxx: *eye twitches*
miz_uke69xxx has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
xx_kittynyao_xx: hoiii, enough of throwing our knickers at the n00b~!! moony, back to our talk about whether or not i look good in pink!! <<333
1moonvolley1: That wasn't very nice! Hello, federer_sucks. I'm the moderator of this chat, and I apologize for my boyfriend's rudeness.
xx_kittynyao_xx: blah blah blah
1moonvolley1: You can be so immature -- politeness isn’t a joke! And pink clashes horribly with your hair.
xx_kittynyao_xx: *pouts* thats it, egghead. im angry now. >>>:(((
xx_kittynyao_xx has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
1moonvolley1: Sorry, guys. I guess I shouldn't have spoken so harshly to him. :/
1moonvolley1 has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
killercounters: sO mUcH dRaMa ToNiGhT. hOw ExCiTiNg. ^_^
federer_sucks: the way you type is really annoying.
killercounters: ^_^ yOu'Re CuTe.
federer_sucks: ...
fu_aniki has entered the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
fu_aniki: Has anyone here seen miz_uke69xxx?
killercounters: wHy, HeLLo ThErE. ^_^
fu_aniki: Oh ... you ...
killercounters: wAnT tO pLaY tHaT GaMe AgAiN? ^_~
fu_aniki: Okay ...
killercounters: YoU nAuGhTy MiNx ... YoU nEeD a SpAnKiNg, DoN't YoU?
fu_aniki: Yes ... Daddy.
fu_aniki has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
killercounters has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
federer_sucks: i can see your name in the window. i guess we're the only two left.
beyond_sampras: It would seem so.
federer_sucks: you don't talk much, do you.
beyond_sampras: You didn't seem too articulate while everyone else was here.
federer_sucks: for a tennis chat, there wasn't much interest in tennis.
beyond_sampras: I see.
beyond_sampras: Federer hardly "sucks". He's an excellent player, and quite an attractive man.
federer_sucks: he sucks and he's NOT hot.
beyond_sampras: And you're the authority on this?
federer_sucks: yeah.
beyond_sampras: You're ... funny.
federer_sucks: shut up. so how good of a player are you?
beyond_sampras: Good enough to know I could be better.
federer_sucks: can i ask you something?
beyond_sampras: You just have. But yes, you may ask something else.
federer_sucks: why do you play tennis?
beyond_sampras: Why do you want to know?
federer_sucks: i just do. i've been thinking a lot about it.
beyond_sampras: What have you been thinking?
federer_sucks: i've been playing tennis for longer than i can remember. i used to want to play it so i could beat someone. but then, someone else played me, and utterly defeated me, and i decided i wanted to beat him instead. then i did beat him, and i felt like i could beat anyone after that. i could. i did. but i ... i still want to play him.
beyond_sampras: Why is that?
federer_sucks: i want him to rise up to me. i want him to show me the right way to go. i think i'm kind of lost right now. i mean, i turned up in the gay tennis players chat. it's not normal for me.
beyond_sampras: Maybe he has nothing left to teach you.
federer_sucks: maybe i just want him.
beyond_sampras has left the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
~~~
Do you want to accept the private instant message sent by beyond_sampras?
beyond_sampras: I'm sorry that I left so abruptly last night. It was rude of me.
federer_sucks: no shit. i don't really tell things to other people at all. i wish i just asked my cat for advice instead of blabbing all of that to an anonymous stranger.
beyond_sampras: I'm sorry. You ... You reminded me of someone I know. I don't confide very much either -- I'd rather take anxieties into myself and not burden other people with them.
federer_sucks: so you're saying my problems are a burden to you?
beyond_sampras: No. Not at all. I just never really ... expected to end up having a meaningful conversation that struck so close to home last night.
federer_sucks: oh. you were just looking for some cyber ass?
beyond_sampras: I don't know what I was looking for. In any case, I thought about your question.
federer_sucks: do you have an answer?
beyond_sampras: I was going to tell you that I play tennis because I love it. I was going to tell you that it's more than a game to me -- there's nothing like it. I was going to tell you that I play because each stroke is a reaffirmation of who I am and what my capabilities are. But really -- really, I play because there's someone who I don't want to disappoint by not being good enough. And I wish that person were myself, but it's not. I want to beat him. I want to beat him and show him that he can go higher. I want to go higher with him
beyond_sampras: That is why I play tennis.
federer_sucks: so what does this guy think of all of this?
beyond_sampras: I haven't exactly told him all of this.
federer_sucks: why?
beyond_sampras: It's ... complicated.
federer_sucks: whatever. sounds like you're chickenshit.
beyond_sampras: Some of the feelings I have aren't exactly related to tennis.
federer_sucks: duh. you were in the "gay tennis players" chat.
beyond_sampras: It's not just that. There's an age difference.
federer_sucks: oh. how much?
beyond_sampras: Two years.
federer_sucks: ...
beyond_sampras: He's also a lot shorter than I am.
federer_sucks: ...
beyond_sampras: Look, there are other factors at hand that I'm not really at liberty to discuss.
federer_sucks: sure. well, my old man is yelling at me to get off so he can look at his porn sites.
beyond_sampras: He sounds like quite a character. I'll talk to you ... tomorrow, then?
federer_sucks: i guess.
federer_sucks has signed off.
beyond_sampras: Take care, Echizen
Your instant message could not be received because federer_sucks is currently offline.
~~~
federer_sucks: so what kind of music do you listen to?
beyond_sampras: I am fond of Beethoven.
federer_sucks: what are you, 80?
beyond_sampras: Well what sort of music to you like, then? The Black Eyed Peas?
federer_sucks: ... ew. seriously. gackt is kind of cool.
beyond_sampras: Are you attracted to Gackt?
federer_sucks: are you jealous?
beyond_sampras: Gackt isn't hot.
federer_sucks: actually, he totally is.
beyond_sampras: Whatever.
~~~
federer_sucks: you must be kidding. your favorite color is NOT lavender.
beyond_sampras: What's wrong with lavender?
~~~
beyond_sampras: You read Gravitation too?!
federer_sucks: yuki is kind of hot. i like his glasses and his hair. though the smoking and drinking is a big turn-off.
beyond_sampras: I never would have thought you were the type to read gay manga.
federer_sucks: you did meet me in the gay tennis players chatroom.
beyond_sampras: I mean, it seems so unlike your online persona.
~~~
federer_sucks: ponta > tea.
beyond_sampras: You are delusional.
federer_sucks: you are so gay.
~~~
federer_sucks: hey.
beyond_sampras: Hello. How are you doing today?
federer_sucks: i'm nervous. the guy who ... who i've been wanting to play again more than anything for these last two years in entering in a tournament i'm going to be in.
beyond_sampras: What are you nervous about?
federer_sucks: losing. winning. seeing him on the other side of the net.
beyond_sampras: What do you mean?
federer_sucks: i don't want to lose. i hate losing. i'll disappoint him if i haven't grown, i know i win. but if i win, does that mean he can't catch up to me?
beyond_sampras: How do you even know that the two of you will even get to play each other?
federer_sucks: we will. i won't let myself lose, and neither will he.
beyond_sampras: There's no point in worrying. Just play your best and don't get careless.
federer_sucks: yeah. that's what he'd say. well, i'm going to go practice.
beyond_sampras: Alright.
federer_sucks signed off.
beyond_sampras: I'll see you at the center court, Ryoma.
Your instant message could not be received because federer_sucks is currently offline.
~~~
rhythm_pwns: so i was list3ning to my n3w album by hawthorn3 h3ights. omg, it is totally in the rhythm. i lik3d it so much that i put my hair over my other 3y3. anyway, th3n my stupid roommat3 call3d m3 an 3mo homos3xual fr3ak which is just retarded.
magnificent_me: Nobody cares, you emo freak. supergreatdunk and mammmushi will never write you crappy love poetry back. Ne, azn_hulk?
azn_hulk: YESSS.
rhythm_pwns: th3r3 ar3n't the l3tt3rs and numb3rs on this k3yboard to 3xpr3ss how much i lov3 th3m. i'm going to go cry now. :'(
supergreatdunk: O_o
mammmushi: o_O
rhythm_pwns has left the “Gay Tennis Players” chatroom.
federer_sucks has entered the "Gay Tennis Players" chatroom.
magnificent_me: Oh, brat, how wrong you were. Looks like Federer took the U.S. Open yesterday. Ne, azn_hulk?
azn_hulk: YESSS.
supergreatdunk: It's only coz Echizen withdrew, asshole.
mammmushi: Yeah, Federer pisses himself every time he sees that cap across the net. Fssssh.
xx_kittynyao_xx: i cant believe ochibi withdrew though~!! he would have made grand slam! *__*
miz_uke69xxx: It was Echizen's match with Tezuka, I suspect, that led him to withdraw. All of my research points to this variable. It's a pity that Tezuka burned out of the pros in his debut tournament.
1moonvolley1: No one knew Tezuka's shoulder would act up again. It should have healed two years ago. Still ... I think that semifinals match was one of the best recorded. Being able to push Echizen into a tiebreak is not something just anyone could do.
federer_sucks: tezuka shouldn't have played until he injured himself. he's an idiot. i hate him.
killercounters: i tHiNk SoMeOnE hAs A cRuSh!! ^_^
federer_sucks: you are really weird. anyway, have any of you seen beyond_sampras?
1moonvolley1: The really quiet one? I didn't know he even talked to anyone. He hasn't been in the chat for a while.
federer_sucks: well, if you see him, please tell him that i'm looking for him.
burning_power: OH MY GOD!!! YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM???!!! GOOD LUCK, BABY!!!
federer_sucks has left the “Gay Tennis Players” chatroom.
~~~
federer_sucks: hey.
beyond_sampras: Hello.
federer_sucks: don't "hello" me. you haven't been on in two weeks. i've been fucking worried. where were you?
beyond_sampras: I've been in poor health. And you shouldn't get worked up about a random internet stranger. That's dangerous behavior.
federer_sucks: shut up about that. i've already told you i feel like i know you better than i know most people. anyway, are you feeling better now?
beyond_sampras: Not really. I don't want to deceive you anymore, Ryoma.
federer_sucks: how the fuck do you know my name?
beyond_sampras: I was going to tell you after the Open, but you left right after our match.
federer_sucks: is this some sick joke you're playing after tracking my IP address or something, because it's not funny.
beyond_sampras: I played until my shoulder muscle tore because I didn't want to disappoint you. I don't regret it. I took those two sets in a row, and pushed to you tiebreak. I played in a grand slam tournament. I wanted to help you realize that you can always be better. I wanted to help you see that you can always be better, that there is always higher to aim for. People are always mada mada dane. Even you. Even me.
federer_sucks signed off.
~~~
federer_sucks: i hate you.
Your instant message could not be received because beyond_sampras is currently offline.
federer_sucks: buchou, why do you never think of yourself.
Your instant message could not be received because beyond_sampras is currently offline.
federer_sucks: i miss you.
Your instant message could not be received because beyond_sampras is currently offline.
~~~
killercounters: sO iS fEdErEr_sUcKs rEaLLy EcHiZeN, tEzUka?
beyond_sampras: How did you figure it out?
killercounters: i KnOw EvErYtHiNg. ^_^ He WaS oDdLy AtTrAcTeD tO YoU dEsPiTe YoUr CaRdBoArD PeRsOnALiTy. ThAt, AnD Ip AdDrEsS tRaCKiNg.
beyond_sampras: He hates me.
killercounters: WeLL, yOu HaVeN't TaLkEd To HiM, aNd YoU bLoCkEd HiM aNd aLL HiS sOcKpUpPeT aCcOuNtS fRoM yOuR BuDdY LiSt, So HoW dO YoU kNoW?
beyond_sampras: It's better for him to find focus within himself. Fuji, it's obvious now that I'm not meant for him.
killercounters: Oh, YoU aRe GoiNg tO dO tHaT gAy, I-cAn'T-hAvE-LoVe YuKi-EiRi tHiNg. CaN i HaVe HiM, tHen?
beyond_sampras: No.
~~~
killercounters: buchou.
beyond_sampras: Fuji, I'm not in the mood for that today.
killercounters: fuji-senpai let me use his screen name. but wtf is that supposed to mean?
beyond_sampras: Ah. Echizen. That's really not what it sounds like.
killercounters: never mind, i probably would rather not know. buchou, i was angry. it didn't mean i didn't want to talk to you ever again. i hate what you did. but i want you to get healed and play in the australian open next year. i want to keep talking to you like this.
beyond_sampras: Will you still play in the Open if I'm not there? I can't believe you withdrew -- that's the opposite of what I wanted you to learn.
killercounters: yeah.
beyond_sampras: I'm pleased that you're going to even though you're mad at me.
killercounters: i just want to crush federer into the dust. "ryoma echizen withdrew because he was threatened by my skills" my ass.
beyond_sampras: Oh Ryoma.
killercounters: I'm flying out to Japan next month.
beyond_sampras: For the Open?
killercounters: yeah ... i promised fuji-senpai that i'd play in exchange for using his screen name. if nothing else, i'll get to finally beat him and the monkey king.
beyond_sampras: They are both stronger than you remember.
killercounters: but i'm better.
~~~
beyond_sampras: I don't recall inviting you to my apartment last night, now that I think about it.
federer_sucks: i didn't know that was a rule. did i not give you enough time to put on your makeup?
beyond_sampras: Hmph. Well, congratulations on the Open, I suppose.
federer_sucks: i saw you in the audience. anyone in that much lavender stands out.
beyond_sampras: My mother thinks it looks good on me.
federer_sucks: buchou, i liked kissing you.
beyond_sampras: ... I liked it too.
federer_sucks: were you thinking about it when you were watching me play today?
beyond_sampras: Perhaps.
federer_sucks: can i come over tonight and do it again?
beyond_sampras: I'll take you out to dinner.
federer_sucks: i hate all that niceties bullshit. it's all just a prelude to the good stuff.
beyond_sampras: The good stuff?
~~~
federer_sucks: kunimitsu.
beyond_sampras: Ryoma. Why are you IMing me when you are sitting right beside me on the bed?
federer_sucks: you told me not to say anything to you while you were writing that article.
beyond_sampras: You should stop rubbing my ankle with your toes, or else.
federer_sucks: or else what?
beyond_sampras: Ryoma.
federer_sucks: you didn't say i couldn't kiss you. and you kissed back. karupin is a witness.
beyond_sampras: Ryoma. Look at me.
federer_sucks: you don't have to say it back if you don't want to.
~~~
beyond_sampras: I have good news. The doctor said that I'm in perfect condition.
federer_sucks: you're coming? you're really coming?
beyond_sampras: I'll see you in Melbourne.
federer_sucks: i'll be waiting.