For muse_shuffle | April Disc One
01. all i really wanna say
is you're the reason i wanna stay
i loved you before i met you
and i met you just in time
'cause there was nothing left
[‘Don’t Change Your Plans’ - Ben Folds Five]
Co-written with agentfraser
Harri hadn't asked Marc to leave as she got re-dressed after the ultrasound. Riley had given them both some privacy on the promise that no hanky panky was about to take place, and Harri had agreed--after managing to stop laughing at the doctor's use of 'hanky panky'. Her and Marc's child had been given the all clear, and she was finding the idea of carrying a child becoming more and more real. The blob didn't look so much like a peanut anymore. It was growing, and Harri was somewhat grateful that all her vomiting hadn't been for no good reason. She was still having moments where there was nothing she could keep down, followed by times when she was ravenous and ate anything she could get her hands on.
Within reason. She was still not touching hot dogs and hamburgers with a ten foot pole. You never knew where the servers had been, and if what you were getting actually had meat. She zipped up her pinstripe pants and glanced over at Marc who seemed to be enamoured with a photograph from the ultrasound. He hadn't even looked twice while Harri had been trying to work out just how much her breasts had grown in recent weeks.
"Alright, love?" she asked him quietly as she came over and rest her chin on his shoulder to look at the blurry image.
Marc glanced up briefly with a nod and then his dark eyes dropped back to the photo. He tilted his head a little, and chewed on his lower lip in thought. "At least it doesn't look like Kermit," he noted, still studying it. He had been thinking about the time he found 'Kermit' in Izzy's draw and how everything exploded in the wake of it, peaking when Ali finally came clean that she was the one knocked up... with Mark's kid, no less. That felt like someone else's life to Marc now, and it really was. Ali had given birth and 'Kermit' turned out to be a gorgeous baby girl. What would this black spot turn out to be? It was almost like he was trying to get the answer by staring at it.
Harri smiled as she wrapped her arm around his waist and nuzzled against the spot behind his ear. These hormones really were making her more affectionate than usual. Or maybe it was Marc. Quite a few things seemed to have changed with him. He'd been wearing his contacts for Riley's benefit, but Harri didn't mind. It was all part of being involved with him. "Kind of reminds me more of Ralph. And before you ask, why yes, I did have a childhood. I used to watch the Muppets, too."
Marc glanced at her with a slight laugh. "Muppets... are not a link I want with this kid," he admitted. "Too many memories. Not all bad, just times past now. I guess I'm just missing my family a little. I wish I could share this with them."
Harri kissed his cheek. "You do have a family... it's just a different one. And maybe one that doesn't quite know you yet. Aiden and Pat are family, love. I'm family. I'm sorry we're not your biological one. I can only imagine what it must be like to miss your family. I don't want a fucking thing to do with mine. My father can find out about the ink blot when it's born. Even then I doubt he'll deign to visit us."
Marc leant against the exam table, his eyes on the ultrasound photo. "Mine were brilliant. My brother was my best mate. Complete and total big brother in its essence. I know from everything Ali's gone through it seems like he's a bastard, and he is for what he's done to her. I would smack his face in for leaving her high and dry. But he's not an arsehole. He's probably just... we were really close," he mumbled. His voice choked up but he let out a rough breath to retain his composure. "Tiny, tiny part of me wants to walk away from it all so I can just be James again. To let them know I'm okay and work as a cab driver or something."
Harri rest her head against his and sighed. "If you did, I'd understand. I wouldn't blame you. I might even be able to let myself be seen as a cabbie's pregnant girlfriend. Assuming you weren't walking away from me, too. Look, I don't know what to tell you. Ali's family, Jamie's family. Even Andrew's family, or will be. You still have family. I know none of them are your brother, or mother, or father... I know none of us bar Ali knew just James. We're still here for you. Even if Aiden looks like he wants to shit himself sometimes."
Marc kept his eyes averted from her. This was something he was going to have to deal with on his own. He couldn't help missing his family; it didn't mean he didn't think anyone in his life now wasn't important. "Yeah, of course," he told her, handing her the photo. "At least it's done now. You don't need another one for a few months."
Harri gave a nod and pushed the photo back towards Marc. "Keep it for a little while, love. Maybe we can frame it and put it somewhere after the papers are signed and we get officially official. In a few months it's probably going to look like an actual baby. Fuck..."
"That's what the doctor says," Marc replied and slipped the photo into his breast pocket. It was probably going to hit him later on, after he broke down and cried for his family for a few hours. Maybe he could stop by Ali's at some point. He wouldn't have to offload it to Harri then. It was the last thing she needed. "He's a nice guy."
"He's the only doctor I've ever liked, so he has to be doing something right. I don't know if it's because he's nice, though. I think it's because he doesn't bullshit. People can be nice, but still bullshit." Harri pulled away, and rest a hand against her stomach. "I'll have a bump by then, too."
Marc nodded. "He's the one who got HIV, right? Andrew's cousin is marrying his sister? I'll get my head around all that six degrees of separation one day. Must help that he's a fellow Brit, only he's got a slight Scottish accent with some of his words." So he had been studying the guy closely. So what? The health of his kid was in the bloke's hands. They had to be more than adequate hands. "You don't want one?"
Harri gave a nod. "Yes, that's right. Believe me, I've hardly got my head around all of it myself. I think he spent some time in Scotland... and his best friend is a Scot. Both best friends. He's close to Pat after all..." Harri trailed off as she smirked a little. "Another one of your sorts. Likes it both ways. Except he's getting married himself. To a nurse." Harri looked up. "I do want one... I think that's what's throwing me off. I wasn't expecting to want one."
"My sorts, huh?" Marc said, smirking. "What are you on about? I'm deadly straight in this world. The guy had a nice arse, though. There's something about scrubs," he teased. "It's a gradual transition. You won't just wake up with it. Though I remember with Ali... damn. She hid it and she hid it well. Next thing I know I'm discovering she's pregnant and she's standing there with a bump out here." He gestured out the front of his stomach with his hands. "Enough to give a guy a stroke. I'd prefer the gradual, I think."
Harri nodded. "Yes, your sort. James' sort, I suppose. And I'm lucky you're my deadly straight sort, or we'd be in trouble. Not that I'm any stranger to being a fag hag." She took his hand, and held it against her still flat stomach. "And you're not getting the stroke, you're getting gradual. You've been involved since the beginning."
Marc didn't really know what he was supposed to be feeling. He wasn't quite to the point of acceptance Harri was yet. He was still trying to process it and wonder how the hell it was all going to work logistically. Any time he tried to think he was going to be a father, he let himself get distracted to stop thinking about it. He'd mostly resorted to trying to deal with it like he did most things in his life... with an analytical process of smaller processes and evidence to support them. Maybe joining the SS had caused him to become institutionalised. The worry had been tickling away in his brain for weeks now. It's when he had started toying with the idea of returning to his old life while it still might be salvageable. Not his whole old life. Harri was his life now, but some of the other things he had left behind. "It still feels weird," he had to tell her, not wanting to lie to her about this.
"I know, love." And she did. Harri had her moments of acceptance, but other times she just sat there and wondered what the fuck she'd gotten herself into. She was at the point where she needed to take things five hours at a time. And during this five hours she wasn't suffering morning sickness, and she was accepting of being pregnant. She released his hand and picked up her jacket. "I'd say let's go home, but we have dinner with Aiden and Pat tonight. Any idea what Marc and Harri should do in Princeton?"
Marc shook his head. "We've only got a few of hours to kill. I wouldn't suggest going around early because they're probably shagging each others brains out in lieu of a honeymoon. We should head to the shops, try and see if we can find them a wedding gift," he suggested. "And while we're here, I have to drop in on Alex for a briefing."
"I don't think they'd appreciate an audience. Pity..." Harri smirked at the idea as she pulled her jacket on, and smoothed it down. "Do you need me to busy myself elsewhere while you speak with Alex? I can get a head start on the shopping."
Marc raised his eyebrows curiously. "Have you watched Aiden before?" he asked. He tilted his head in consideration. "Actually, you might like to meet the real Alex. His real name is Teddy Darcy. Or Theodore, to be more accurate. His parents must've hated him when he was born, but apparently his sister drew the short straw as well. He's not in the same situation as me. He didn't walk away from his other life to go undercover. He's just undercover here in Princeton and bounces between his two lives."
Harri shook her head. "No, not once. I've always joked about it, but truth is, I would never intrude on his private life. Just ask for the gory details. Which have kind of stopped since I slept with Pat's twin." Harri grinned. "It's not as if I can't relate to the naming thing. If you're okay with it, I'll tag along. I promise not to bring up Kara."
Marc just laughed. "You should. Watch the undercover thing work in it's essence. He'll smoothly feed you 101 reasons why he hasn't been able to contact her and they will all sound as plausible as the next. He's not too bad a guy, he was just a royal pain in my arse when I landed him as my partner. Planted his foot firmly in his mouth the minute I met him, not realising I was me. His SS personality isn't as light and jokey as his kid doctor one. Kara might not actually like the real him."
"Don't you all find it tiring pretending to be someone you're not? I'm not sure I'd have enough energy to sustain being something like a ridiculously upbeat Valley Girl." Harri shuddered at the idea as she moved towards the door. "Sure you're not just mellowing in your old age?" she teased. "Kara is probably more concerned with sex right now, but it's not up to us. It's up to her, and I guess it's up to Teddy. I won't push anything. He can keep using the 101 excuses. Kara will persist if there was something she liked, but he may well succeed in making her lose interest."
Marc smirked and shook his head. He pulled his own long coat on and started to button it up. "It's not really like that. It's just like any other process you're trained for in a job. Only a lot of it is being aware and forward thinking. Infuriating for the likes of you who probably wonders what the fuck is going on in my head sometimes. It'll get clearer for you sooner, I promise. The Princeton-New York thing might be making the whole sex thing difficult. He's mentioned her a few times, but he's a good Agent. Persistence is the only thing that will cause him to think it would be worth it. It seems it's a Catch 22," he said wryly.
"Hopefully if I've taught her anything, it's persistence. Location shouldn't matter, though if it helps I can always open up an office here in Princeton... for no other reason than just because I can. I managed to hook you, after all. If I can do it, Kara can." Harri leaned forward to grab Marc's face as she gave him a kiss. "Think you would mind an hour or so clothes shopping? We can defile only the classiest of changerooms."
"And I take it you know all the classiest changerooms in Princeton?" Marc laughed. "Or did Riley feed you that info before he let me in the room?"
"Bit of both," Harri said with a grin. "So is it a date?"
Marc smirked. "See, I bought his innocent look. Yours, no way," he told her and took her hand. "It's a date."
Words: 2363 | All muses referenced with permission
is you're the reason i wanna stay
i loved you before i met you
and i met you just in time
'cause there was nothing left
[‘Don’t Change Your Plans’ - Ben Folds Five]
Co-written with agentfraser
Harri hadn't asked Marc to leave as she got re-dressed after the ultrasound. Riley had given them both some privacy on the promise that no hanky panky was about to take place, and Harri had agreed--after managing to stop laughing at the doctor's use of 'hanky panky'. Her and Marc's child had been given the all clear, and she was finding the idea of carrying a child becoming more and more real. The blob didn't look so much like a peanut anymore. It was growing, and Harri was somewhat grateful that all her vomiting hadn't been for no good reason. She was still having moments where there was nothing she could keep down, followed by times when she was ravenous and ate anything she could get her hands on.
Within reason. She was still not touching hot dogs and hamburgers with a ten foot pole. You never knew where the servers had been, and if what you were getting actually had meat. She zipped up her pinstripe pants and glanced over at Marc who seemed to be enamoured with a photograph from the ultrasound. He hadn't even looked twice while Harri had been trying to work out just how much her breasts had grown in recent weeks.
"Alright, love?" she asked him quietly as she came over and rest her chin on his shoulder to look at the blurry image.
Marc glanced up briefly with a nod and then his dark eyes dropped back to the photo. He tilted his head a little, and chewed on his lower lip in thought. "At least it doesn't look like Kermit," he noted, still studying it. He had been thinking about the time he found 'Kermit' in Izzy's draw and how everything exploded in the wake of it, peaking when Ali finally came clean that she was the one knocked up... with Mark's kid, no less. That felt like someone else's life to Marc now, and it really was. Ali had given birth and 'Kermit' turned out to be a gorgeous baby girl. What would this black spot turn out to be? It was almost like he was trying to get the answer by staring at it.
Harri smiled as she wrapped her arm around his waist and nuzzled against the spot behind his ear. These hormones really were making her more affectionate than usual. Or maybe it was Marc. Quite a few things seemed to have changed with him. He'd been wearing his contacts for Riley's benefit, but Harri didn't mind. It was all part of being involved with him. "Kind of reminds me more of Ralph. And before you ask, why yes, I did have a childhood. I used to watch the Muppets, too."
Marc glanced at her with a slight laugh. "Muppets... are not a link I want with this kid," he admitted. "Too many memories. Not all bad, just times past now. I guess I'm just missing my family a little. I wish I could share this with them."
Harri kissed his cheek. "You do have a family... it's just a different one. And maybe one that doesn't quite know you yet. Aiden and Pat are family, love. I'm family. I'm sorry we're not your biological one. I can only imagine what it must be like to miss your family. I don't want a fucking thing to do with mine. My father can find out about the ink blot when it's born. Even then I doubt he'll deign to visit us."
Marc leant against the exam table, his eyes on the ultrasound photo. "Mine were brilliant. My brother was my best mate. Complete and total big brother in its essence. I know from everything Ali's gone through it seems like he's a bastard, and he is for what he's done to her. I would smack his face in for leaving her high and dry. But he's not an arsehole. He's probably just... we were really close," he mumbled. His voice choked up but he let out a rough breath to retain his composure. "Tiny, tiny part of me wants to walk away from it all so I can just be James again. To let them know I'm okay and work as a cab driver or something."
Harri rest her head against his and sighed. "If you did, I'd understand. I wouldn't blame you. I might even be able to let myself be seen as a cabbie's pregnant girlfriend. Assuming you weren't walking away from me, too. Look, I don't know what to tell you. Ali's family, Jamie's family. Even Andrew's family, or will be. You still have family. I know none of them are your brother, or mother, or father... I know none of us bar Ali knew just James. We're still here for you. Even if Aiden looks like he wants to shit himself sometimes."
Marc kept his eyes averted from her. This was something he was going to have to deal with on his own. He couldn't help missing his family; it didn't mean he didn't think anyone in his life now wasn't important. "Yeah, of course," he told her, handing her the photo. "At least it's done now. You don't need another one for a few months."
Harri gave a nod and pushed the photo back towards Marc. "Keep it for a little while, love. Maybe we can frame it and put it somewhere after the papers are signed and we get officially official. In a few months it's probably going to look like an actual baby. Fuck..."
"That's what the doctor says," Marc replied and slipped the photo into his breast pocket. It was probably going to hit him later on, after he broke down and cried for his family for a few hours. Maybe he could stop by Ali's at some point. He wouldn't have to offload it to Harri then. It was the last thing she needed. "He's a nice guy."
"He's the only doctor I've ever liked, so he has to be doing something right. I don't know if it's because he's nice, though. I think it's because he doesn't bullshit. People can be nice, but still bullshit." Harri pulled away, and rest a hand against her stomach. "I'll have a bump by then, too."
Marc nodded. "He's the one who got HIV, right? Andrew's cousin is marrying his sister? I'll get my head around all that six degrees of separation one day. Must help that he's a fellow Brit, only he's got a slight Scottish accent with some of his words." So he had been studying the guy closely. So what? The health of his kid was in the bloke's hands. They had to be more than adequate hands. "You don't want one?"
Harri gave a nod. "Yes, that's right. Believe me, I've hardly got my head around all of it myself. I think he spent some time in Scotland... and his best friend is a Scot. Both best friends. He's close to Pat after all..." Harri trailed off as she smirked a little. "Another one of your sorts. Likes it both ways. Except he's getting married himself. To a nurse." Harri looked up. "I do want one... I think that's what's throwing me off. I wasn't expecting to want one."
"My sorts, huh?" Marc said, smirking. "What are you on about? I'm deadly straight in this world. The guy had a nice arse, though. There's something about scrubs," he teased. "It's a gradual transition. You won't just wake up with it. Though I remember with Ali... damn. She hid it and she hid it well. Next thing I know I'm discovering she's pregnant and she's standing there with a bump out here." He gestured out the front of his stomach with his hands. "Enough to give a guy a stroke. I'd prefer the gradual, I think."
Harri nodded. "Yes, your sort. James' sort, I suppose. And I'm lucky you're my deadly straight sort, or we'd be in trouble. Not that I'm any stranger to being a fag hag." She took his hand, and held it against her still flat stomach. "And you're not getting the stroke, you're getting gradual. You've been involved since the beginning."
Marc didn't really know what he was supposed to be feeling. He wasn't quite to the point of acceptance Harri was yet. He was still trying to process it and wonder how the hell it was all going to work logistically. Any time he tried to think he was going to be a father, he let himself get distracted to stop thinking about it. He'd mostly resorted to trying to deal with it like he did most things in his life... with an analytical process of smaller processes and evidence to support them. Maybe joining the SS had caused him to become institutionalised. The worry had been tickling away in his brain for weeks now. It's when he had started toying with the idea of returning to his old life while it still might be salvageable. Not his whole old life. Harri was his life now, but some of the other things he had left behind. "It still feels weird," he had to tell her, not wanting to lie to her about this.
"I know, love." And she did. Harri had her moments of acceptance, but other times she just sat there and wondered what the fuck she'd gotten herself into. She was at the point where she needed to take things five hours at a time. And during this five hours she wasn't suffering morning sickness, and she was accepting of being pregnant. She released his hand and picked up her jacket. "I'd say let's go home, but we have dinner with Aiden and Pat tonight. Any idea what Marc and Harri should do in Princeton?"
Marc shook his head. "We've only got a few of hours to kill. I wouldn't suggest going around early because they're probably shagging each others brains out in lieu of a honeymoon. We should head to the shops, try and see if we can find them a wedding gift," he suggested. "And while we're here, I have to drop in on Alex for a briefing."
"I don't think they'd appreciate an audience. Pity..." Harri smirked at the idea as she pulled her jacket on, and smoothed it down. "Do you need me to busy myself elsewhere while you speak with Alex? I can get a head start on the shopping."
Marc raised his eyebrows curiously. "Have you watched Aiden before?" he asked. He tilted his head in consideration. "Actually, you might like to meet the real Alex. His real name is Teddy Darcy. Or Theodore, to be more accurate. His parents must've hated him when he was born, but apparently his sister drew the short straw as well. He's not in the same situation as me. He didn't walk away from his other life to go undercover. He's just undercover here in Princeton and bounces between his two lives."
Harri shook her head. "No, not once. I've always joked about it, but truth is, I would never intrude on his private life. Just ask for the gory details. Which have kind of stopped since I slept with Pat's twin." Harri grinned. "It's not as if I can't relate to the naming thing. If you're okay with it, I'll tag along. I promise not to bring up Kara."
Marc just laughed. "You should. Watch the undercover thing work in it's essence. He'll smoothly feed you 101 reasons why he hasn't been able to contact her and they will all sound as plausible as the next. He's not too bad a guy, he was just a royal pain in my arse when I landed him as my partner. Planted his foot firmly in his mouth the minute I met him, not realising I was me. His SS personality isn't as light and jokey as his kid doctor one. Kara might not actually like the real him."
"Don't you all find it tiring pretending to be someone you're not? I'm not sure I'd have enough energy to sustain being something like a ridiculously upbeat Valley Girl." Harri shuddered at the idea as she moved towards the door. "Sure you're not just mellowing in your old age?" she teased. "Kara is probably more concerned with sex right now, but it's not up to us. It's up to her, and I guess it's up to Teddy. I won't push anything. He can keep using the 101 excuses. Kara will persist if there was something she liked, but he may well succeed in making her lose interest."
Marc smirked and shook his head. He pulled his own long coat on and started to button it up. "It's not really like that. It's just like any other process you're trained for in a job. Only a lot of it is being aware and forward thinking. Infuriating for the likes of you who probably wonders what the fuck is going on in my head sometimes. It'll get clearer for you sooner, I promise. The Princeton-New York thing might be making the whole sex thing difficult. He's mentioned her a few times, but he's a good Agent. Persistence is the only thing that will cause him to think it would be worth it. It seems it's a Catch 22," he said wryly.
"Hopefully if I've taught her anything, it's persistence. Location shouldn't matter, though if it helps I can always open up an office here in Princeton... for no other reason than just because I can. I managed to hook you, after all. If I can do it, Kara can." Harri leaned forward to grab Marc's face as she gave him a kiss. "Think you would mind an hour or so clothes shopping? We can defile only the classiest of changerooms."
"And I take it you know all the classiest changerooms in Princeton?" Marc laughed. "Or did Riley feed you that info before he let me in the room?"
"Bit of both," Harri said with a grin. "So is it a date?"
Marc smirked. "See, I bought his innocent look. Yours, no way," he told her and took her hand. "It's a date."
Words: 2363 | All muses referenced with permission