Merry Christmas from Strangetown!
Nevermind the fact that Strangetown residents probably don't celebrate Christmas, I thought we could do a little alternate reality Christmas party, just for fun.
Warnings: language (well, you see Ripp there, so obviously), and lots of kissing under the mistletoe.
Johnny, Ripp, and Ophelia Throw a Christmas Party
Ripp: You mean, we even have an actual tree, and not a fucking cactus, or something? Sweet!
Ophelia: Yeah, isn't it great?
Johnny: This party is going to be so much fun. I hope so, anyway, after all the decorating that we did.
Ophelia: Where did this nutcracker thing come from? *fits of laughter*
Ripp: Oh, that ugly thing? It's Johnny's.
Ophelia: It's so... well, it's pretty ugly, Johnny.
Johnny: Hey, that's been in my family for generations!
Ripp: Yeah, because nobody else fucking wants it!
Ripp: See, Johnny? I got just as many fucking presents as you did, and I was ten times as naughty! You must feel pretty stupid now.
Johnny: Not really, Ripp.
Ripp: I know that you're lying. Still trying to be fucking nice for Santa? He doesn't like liars, you know.
Johnny: Whatever, Ripp. God, you're an idiot.
Johnny: So who did we invite again?
Ophelia: Well, we invited your friend, Jayne, and her friend, Stella. Then there was Ripp's band, Buck, Jill, Tank... oh, and his roommate, Frances.
Johnny: Tank?! I didn't approve that!
Ophelia: It's Christmas, Johnny. He's not so bad, you know.
Johnny: Ugh. Okay. Just this once...
Ripp: Good news! The punch bowl works!
Johnny: You want to save some of that for the guests, Ripp?!
Ripp: Not really, but I'll try...
Johnny: Is the big one from you, Phi?
Ophelia: Yeah...
Johnny: Nice.
Ripp: It's totally for me, though, Johnny. Just look at the fucking label.
Johnny: What?!
Ophelia: Bigger isn't always better, Johnny.
Ripp: I beg to fucking differ.
Ripp: Mmmm. Tastes like excellence.
Johnny: If you're drunk before the guests arrive, I will punch you right in the face, Ripp.
Ripp: Who do you fucking think I am, Johnny - YOU?!
Ophelia: You're not going to believe this, guys!
Ophelia: It's snowing!
Johnny: That's weird! Cool, but weird.
Ophelia: It's STRANGE, Johnny! Very strange.
Johnny: Hey, that's funny because we live in...
Ophelia: Yeah, I get it, Johnny.
Johnny: Well, now we wait... do you want one, Phi?
Ophelia: Yeah, sure, Johnny.
Ripp: Finally decided to lighten up and have a drink, Johnny?
Johnny: Well, yeah, the guests will be here shortly. I didn't start three hours ago.
Ripp: Was that three hours ago? No fucking way...
Ophelia: Three and a half, actually.
Ripp No shit!
Ophelia: They're here!
Buck: Merry Christmas, Jill!
Jill: Merry Christmas, Buck! The snow is so pretty.
Buck: It is. It's very pretty.
Jaxy: Merry fucking Christmas, Zoey!
Zoey: Oh, just kiss me, Jax!
Johnny: I didn't know that your bandmates were lesbians, Ripp...
Ripp: How fucking clueless are you, Johnny? Everybody knows Jasmine Rai. You need to get around more.
*various party activities and conversations ensue*
Frances: pssst! Tank... I don't know any of these people... care to fill me in?
Tank: Ummm, sure, Worthington. Well, those three sitting there are Johnny, Ripp, and Ophelia. Johnny's the green one, Ophelia's the pretty one, and Ripp is the one that looks like he might ask you for some change on the street corner.
Frances: Wait... Ripp is your brother, right?
Tank: Regrettably, yes.
Ripp: Hey, Tank - It's Christmas! Can't you give it a fucking rest for once?
Tank: Can't you try to clean up for once? I sure hope that Santa is planning to bring you a razor!
Frances: Doesn't Johnny know that blue and green should never be seen?
Buck: Oh, nobody really follows those rules anymore, Frances. I think it's a nice analogous colour scheme.
*bickering continues until Tank pokes Ripp and he walks away*
Ripp: I promised myself that I wasn't going to cry!
Frances: Hey, is he okay?
Tank: He's FINE! Give it up, Ripp. You're embarrassing me...
Ripp: *sobbing* Now I look like a fucking weiner and everyone is watching me - even that douche, Gunnar!
Gunnar: Did you just call me a douche, Ripp?
Frances: I think it's pretty obvious that he called you a douche, Gunnar.
Tank: Ripp, do you really have to do that with your arms? It kind of freaks me out! God, how flexible are you?
Ripp: Oww! My arms! heheheh...
Ophelia: We keep telling him to stop doing that. He's going to break something...
Ripp: They're broken! I broke my fucking arms! heheh.
Tank: Well, you got over that pretty fast.
Ripp: Look, Tank. Let's call a truce, for now. I know we can get along for a little while if we try.
Tank: Sure, okay, Ripp. I can do that.
Ripp: Now... give me a fucking hug.
Tank: What?
Ripp: I said, hug me, you asshole!
Ripp: See? That wasn't so fucking bad, was it?
Tank: No. It was kinda nice, Ripp.
Jill: Umm, Johnny... How much rum did you put in this, anyway?
Johnny: I didn't do it, Jill. Ripp did, of course! And you shouldn't even be drinking that!
Jill: Oh, bite me, Johnny! You're so bossy!
Tank: I know that we have to be able to agree on at least one thing, right, Ripp?
Ripp: You mean the fact that Ophelia is totally fucking hot? Yeah, I agree.
Ophelia: You guys do realize that I'm sitting right here and can hear you, right?
Ripp: I am so fucking glad that we invited that Frances dicksmack! He's really the life of the party...
Ophelia: Oh, you could learn a thing or two, Ripp!
Ripp: Studying is for fucking morons. For well behaved little silky boys like Frances.
Ophelia: Ripp!
Ripp: Well, seriously, Phi. Just look at him! I'm not being mean, or anything - like I really give a shit what team he pitches for - but the boy is silky, okay?
Ripp: Well, heelllllooooo, there! Strumming on my instrument, are we?
Ripp: So you like music? I like music. Music is fucking cool!
Jayne: Ya, totally! I just love it.
Ripp: You have to come see my band play! I'm lead guitar.
Jayne: Wow! That's awesome.
Stella: That's the band I was telling you about, Jayne! They're really good.
Johnny: Hey, what's Tank drinking?
Ripp: I like this party. It's getting a bit hot in here, though...
Buck: A cold shower might help you, Ripp.
Ripp: There's no shower fucking cold enough to take care of my hotness.
Buck: Sure, Ripp. Sure...
Ripp: Thanks for coming, Buck! Merry Christmas!
Buck: Merry Christmas, Ripp.
Stella: Yes, love is nice, but I'm more interested in the physical details, you know?
Gunnar: Oh, I totally agree. *puts hand into Buck's back*
Stella: Maybe you could help me in my studies...
Gunnar: Anything for a fan.
Ripp: Shit! I didn't know that we had mistletoe!
Jaxy: You look like you're up to fucking no good, Ripp.
Ripp: Shut up and kiss me!
Jaxy: Back off, Ripp! I will fuck you up!
Ripp: But it's mistletoe!
Jaxy: I don't give a flying fuck what it is! Keep your disgusting man stink off of me, Ripp!
Jaxy: Unless the fucking mistletoe suddenly makes your cock disappear, you can forget it.
Ripp: Man, somebody has to want to kiss me...
Jayne: Oh, is someone giving out kisses?
Ripp: Yes! Free of charge, but only the first one...
Jayne: Okay, you have a deal!
Ripp: Merry Christmas, sweetie!
Ophelia: Do I get one too?
Ophelia: Merry Christmas, Ripp!
Ripp: I feel funny...
Ophelia: It's okay. Johnny won't mind. It's just a Christmas kiss.
Ripp: I fucking love Christmas.
Ophelia: You're silly.
Zoey: Horny. The word you're looking for is horny.
Ripp: Hey, where do you think you're going, Zoey?
Zoey: I already have my own mistletoe, and I'm going to set it up over in the corner. You coming, Jax?
Jaxy: Oh yeah!
Ripp: You'll kiss me, right, Stella?
Stella: Yeah, why not? I need to study those things...
Ripp: Fuck, I need to pick up whatever course you're taking!
Stella: Be sure to do that thing where you put your tongue in my mouth, okay?
Ripp: Oh, if you insist...
Jaxy: Can we reduce the amount of breeder PDA in here, please?! Get a fucking room!
Ripp: Now... Did I miss anyone?
Ripp: Oh hey, Jill! Merry Christmas!
Jill: !!! *heart explodes*
Ophelia: Merry Christmas, Tank!
Tank: Thanks, Ophelia! You too.
Ripp: Johnny, you better go grab Ophelia before my brother gets any fucking ideas...
Johnny: That's not a bad idea, Ripp.
Johnny: Saving the best for last, Phi?
Ophelia: *kissing*
The Shifting Paradymes: *various discussions of gigs and parties*
Jill: Oh gross, Johnny. I don't need to see that!
Stella: I do. Hmmm... he moves his tongue around really fast...
Jill: Hey, Stella - where did you get that cool hat?
Stella: Well, it wasn't on this planet...
Jill: Oh, shitty...
Jaxy: Ripp, you need to tune this fucking guitar. It sounds like shit, you lazy motherfucker!
(Soon, the guests leave, and the three friends head outside in the snow for a bit.)
(Well, that sure was fun.)
Johnny: Where's your guitar, Ripp?
Ripp: Oh. Jax got fucking pissed off because I tried to kiss her, so instead of ripping my balls off, she stole my guitar.
Johnny: Is she going to give it back?
Ripp: Oh yeah, of course. She does shit like that all the time.
Johnny: Sounds like a fun time...
Ripp: Merry Christmas, John Smith!
Johnny: Same to you, Ripp.
All: We did it! Our party was awesome!
Ripp: Fuckin' right! I totally got Stella's phone number too. She invited me over to do some "group research".
Johnny: It's nice to see you finally buckling down and doing some course work, Ripp...
Ophelia: Ummm, Johnny... that's not what he means.
Johnny: Oh, right... I get it.
*scene fades on extended smustling session*
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Whatever you may celebrate, I hope you have a great one! I'll resume with a chapter early in the new year. Lots of things are yet to come...
Oh, I could so easily spin this story off into a Three's Company style sitcom, couldn't I? *chuckle*
Interesting note: In case you didn't notice, Ripp had positive chemistry with EVERY girl at that party. He's a living legend.