Gently tip-toeing down your spine, so I enter your beautiful mind...
Click to viewgently tip-toeing down your spine
so i enter your beautiful mind
move in slowly reaching your feet
if i could i would dance them to sleep
feeding on the air that you breathe
as of now, it's all that i need
take another exit this time
take this time
take another exit this time
take
now lean your head heavy head on my chest
do i really tell you the rest?
reach for the light switch, try to find me in here
leave your eyelashes down
when we fall to the ground
take another exit this time
take another exit this time
take this time
take another exit this time
take another this time
Someone gave me 12 months of paid LiveJournal and a v-gift! You're the best! I dunno if they want to be known or not. But, I love you. <3
My family is coming down from Ft. Wayne (2-3 hours away). (edited: they're not coming down now)
I can't begin to explain how much of an impact these people have on me. I don't really believe in past lives, but man, if there was such a thing, we would have been together. There is just something so wonderful being in their presence. It's soothing, it's warm. It's healing. It feels like being home. We've been in so much shit together. We've done so many things in life. Ups and down. Fights. But we continue to adore each other. We are on the same wave lengths. Such a beautiful, rare thing. With most other people my energy gets drained, probably because of my own doings. But with them, I'm completely renewed. They love me 100% exactly how I am, encouraged me to be who I am, and I love them 100% of how they are. They know me inside and out. *starry eyed sigh*
I have a fucking rubix cube in my head man.
So I've been sitting on this journal entry for the past few days. I don't like sitting on ideas and thoughts for that long. I'm trying to get things out of my head and into the universe to hopefully dissolve a bit.
Anyways, that's a side thought. I'm stalling.
Basically... I'm an asshole that hides her feelings with thick sarcastic pudding. Flinging that shit at ANY sign of soft thoughts given to me.
It's true. I regressed back some. I'm fully aware. I even full stop myself from being able to even write what I'm feeling. It's like I'm ashamed to even be feeling these things. Like I shouldn't. I hammer that shit back into the hole that it came from. It's horrible how horrible I am to myself. So, I'm broken. haha. Yeah. -_- Self defeating.
Like right now, in my head I'm saying that I shouldn't ever blog, I shouldn't ever share it on my facebook because everyone is thinking I'm a crazy female that doesn't have her shit together. Who the fuck wants to read about me and my mind? Why even do that? lol NO ONE CARES.
Which, honestly... that doesn't matter if I have my "shit together"(whatever that means) or not. I'm harming no one. I'm not doing anything wrong. I've been blogging since I was fucking 16 (this ain't even my oldest journal).
But the brain isn't fully logical all the time. Or is it?
Past trauma and habits have kept this situation going for years. Perhaps it's my mind's way of protecting itself from potential total melt down/mental break down. Which I've had before. The tried and true, and the very cliche "If I'm not vulnerable, I can't be hurt." My brain keeps me from becoming vulnerable in front of other. Defense mechanism.
Perhaps I've found a purpose for the previous thing I spoke about in another journal entry. As long as I feed and water it, it's not cruel is it?