I get this so hard. I've been meaning to comment since you posted this, but wasn't quite sure how to put it into words. But the lack of feeling, was something I went through when my grandma was dying. I've written about it a little bit in my journal, and how I've struggled with denying myself the natural emotions that go with grief. But I literally just could not deal with that in real time. I was stone-cold for a good portion of her passing and the time leading up to it. There was too much emotion flying around among my family and to be honest, it made me squeamish. I just couldn't deal with them and their emotional baggage. It just seemed so fucking typical at the time. For me, it was like "can we not with the crying and the tragedy of the situation? Yes it's fucking sad. The saddest thing I've been through in a long time. Can we not dwell on that for the love of Christ? Can we just not?!" My mom has always been one to compound her grief by sharing it and spreading it around to others. I think that her modeling as a kid made me
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