Fired.
Anyone who follows me on Twitter knows that I lost my job on Wednesday. This is bad for a lot of reasons, some obvious, some not so much.
First, I am currently in a lot of debt. I moved to help with that situation, but there remains the fact that I have about zero savings, two credit cards (one of which is past due), three student loans (all three of which are past due), a car payment (which, you guessed it...), final utility bills for the old place, and a helluva lot of medical bills from this fucking leg thing. Thank GOD I have insurance through the 19th, which will cover my surgery on Friday and another week of PT. I'll have to cancel the PT appointments scheduled through the rest of the month. But that's fine, whatever, it's healing anyway. The rest of it... Who the fuck knows. I'll figure it out, I guess.
Second, I'm about 95% sure this means I lost my security clearance. I have heard some possibly conflicting information on that, so I have to check for sure (if anyone knows, please tell me). This will make it much harder to find a job since I just closed a lot of doors to myself.
Third, I have no idea what to do. Like, I don't know where to start. I've never been fired before, so I have no idea how to handle this. How do I explain it in interviews and cover letters? I know that people I worked with really liked me, so I might still be able to get ok references, but my chances of getting hired just dropped significantly since it's easier to get a job when you have a job. Also, I have to see my parents and family this weekend. I don't know if I'm going to tell them and, if I do, what the fuck do I even say? No one knew it was this bad.
Fourth, this situation is ENTIRELY my fault. I know that. I was the one who didn't show up, I was the one who lived beyond my means and have no savings and tons of debt, this is all on me. I will never try to deny that. Which basically means I have some hardcore evidence to reinforce pretty much every bad thing I think about myself ever. I have no idea how I will ever manage to convince myself I'm not a major fuck up. Because, well, I am.
Basically, here's what happened: I oversleep. A lot. Often and by significant amounts. My alarm will go off, I will wake up enough to hit snooze two or three times, and then I am out for a while longer. I am a very heavy sleeper. The alarm will keep going off, but it's too late. I'm passed out and wake up again around 10 or 11 usually. I hate this about myself. I hate how I do this. It's embarrassing. What kind of person can't get herself out of bed on time for work in the morning? When it happened, I would be so intensely humiliated that it was easier to call in sick than late. Sometimes I would go late, but a lot of times, I just wouldn't go at all. Part of it was certainly that I was bored all day and didn't want to go, but it honestly was much more the humiliation of not being a responsible adult.
I'm going to be 31 in 10 days. You'd think I would have my shit figured out by now. But no.