Gintama: Just Because... (Gintoki, Hattori)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor, Parody
Summary: Gintoki and Hattori argue about who would be on top. Expansion of a hospital scene in episode 67, where Kagura and Shinpachi walk in on Gintoki holding a candle stuck up Hattori's ass. You may want to rewatch if you don't remember because this fic goes straight into it. Plus, it's just an awesome episode for yaoi fans.
Just Because There Are Two Good-Looking Guys in an Anime
Doesn't Mean You Should Slash Them
"Even if I go home and explain, it'll still leave an awkward feeling!"
"My bad. I'll go with you to explain."
"That'll be even more suspicious! Don't come! Don't stand in scenes I'm in anymore!"
"What? Are you telling me I can't have any screentime? How selfish can you be, JUMP-stealing natural perm. Besides, it was obviously a misunderstanding. There's no way I'd be the uke."
"Hey now, are you saying that I, Gin-san, would be the uke? Keh, you must be dreaming. I'll have you know that I've never been bottom in anything. Even when playing leapfrog, I've always been the leaper. You're a shinobi, aren't you? And shinobis are nekos, aren't they? You nekos should accept your place on the bottom, neko bastard."
"Neko neko neko... don't think you can make it true just by repeating it. Beside, don't forget that I'm here because of my hemorrhoids. There's no way I can be the uke."
"Have more confidence in yourself, Hattori-kun. You're used to it, aren't you? Didn't you just take in some fairly large objects? In truth, your hemorrhoids are nothing more than the results of a gangbang, aren't they, cherry boy? Well, it's true that Gin-san is bigger but the human body is pretty amazing. It's like this... if there's a hole you can shove it in, it'll go in."
"What kind of logic is that? You must be hated by women. And don't call me Hattori-kun like we're friends. It's seriously pissing me off. Besides, you have the same hole as I do."
"Don't kid around, Hattori-kuuun! Gin-san's hole is a delicate flower. It'll wither and die if anyone sticks anything in me. Besides, don't forget I'm taller. Which means I am automatically the seme."
"Your hair's the only thing that's taller. If I could stand up straight, I'd prove it."
"Let's not forget that Gin-san is also older and therefore your senpai. Just look at my white hair."
"Is that hair supposed to be white? Isn't it supposed to be silver? Aren't you supposed to be Gintoki? Anyway, I'll have you know my old man was over eigh- no, a hundred when he died. Which means I must be at least seventy. I was head of the Oniwabanshu when you were a hairless brat who didn't know JUMP from Sunday."
"Ah, but you know, it's like that. It's now popular to reverse the stereotypical older seme-younger uke roles. It gives the reader a sense of thrill, not knowing whether the salaryman will take or be taken by the bishounen who turns out to be a high school junior."
"What kind of nonsensical rules are these? Are you making them up? A yaoi fanboy? Are you a secret yaoi fanboy?"
"Ahah! Don't underestimate living with a teenage girl, Hattori-kun! Kagura has a stash of doujinshi I've confiscated and I'm seme in them all! There's no one who can top Gin-san the super-seme."
"Don't kid yourself. I'll have you know that I have a doujinshi where you're uke to Space Monster Stefan."
"You're wrong. That monster was Elizabeth."
"Hah! You admitted it. You've read it, too, haven't you?"
"... Ah, such nice weather today."
"Ah, it really i-- don't change the subject!"
"Anyway, if Gin-san was to join the other team, I could do much better. For example... well... if I had to, and ONLY if I had to, I guess Zura has the girliest face."
Obligatory panover to Katsura. It's not Zura, it's Katsura!
"But compared to you, even Madao or Oogushi-kun or baka ouji would be better than you, bastard. Wait a minute, aren't we forgetting something?"
"Yabe, I forgot all about it."
"Temporary truce?"
"Okay. Let's make a run for it on three."
"One."
"Two."
"Threeeeee!!"
-----
The End (dies a little inside)
-----
Note: In episode 63, Hattori likens ninjas to cats (neko). Neko is also slang for the bottom in yuri (girl/girl) relationships. So not a perfect fit but I couldn't resist the wordplay here.
Random idea, experimental writing style with no real beginning or end.... and damn if the Hattori dialogue ended up sounding more like what Gintoki's should be.
Also posted to fanfiction.net
Genre: Humor, Parody
Summary: Gintoki and Hattori argue about who would be on top. Expansion of a hospital scene in episode 67, where Kagura and Shinpachi walk in on Gintoki holding a candle stuck up Hattori's ass. You may want to rewatch if you don't remember because this fic goes straight into it. Plus, it's just an awesome episode for yaoi fans.
Just Because There Are Two Good-Looking Guys in an Anime
Doesn't Mean You Should Slash Them
"Even if I go home and explain, it'll still leave an awkward feeling!"
"My bad. I'll go with you to explain."
"That'll be even more suspicious! Don't come! Don't stand in scenes I'm in anymore!"
"What? Are you telling me I can't have any screentime? How selfish can you be, JUMP-stealing natural perm. Besides, it was obviously a misunderstanding. There's no way I'd be the uke."
"Hey now, are you saying that I, Gin-san, would be the uke? Keh, you must be dreaming. I'll have you know that I've never been bottom in anything. Even when playing leapfrog, I've always been the leaper. You're a shinobi, aren't you? And shinobis are nekos, aren't they? You nekos should accept your place on the bottom, neko bastard."
"Neko neko neko... don't think you can make it true just by repeating it. Beside, don't forget that I'm here because of my hemorrhoids. There's no way I can be the uke."
"Have more confidence in yourself, Hattori-kun. You're used to it, aren't you? Didn't you just take in some fairly large objects? In truth, your hemorrhoids are nothing more than the results of a gangbang, aren't they, cherry boy? Well, it's true that Gin-san is bigger but the human body is pretty amazing. It's like this... if there's a hole you can shove it in, it'll go in."
"What kind of logic is that? You must be hated by women. And don't call me Hattori-kun like we're friends. It's seriously pissing me off. Besides, you have the same hole as I do."
"Don't kid around, Hattori-kuuun! Gin-san's hole is a delicate flower. It'll wither and die if anyone sticks anything in me. Besides, don't forget I'm taller. Which means I am automatically the seme."
"Your hair's the only thing that's taller. If I could stand up straight, I'd prove it."
"Let's not forget that Gin-san is also older and therefore your senpai. Just look at my white hair."
"Is that hair supposed to be white? Isn't it supposed to be silver? Aren't you supposed to be Gintoki? Anyway, I'll have you know my old man was over eigh- no, a hundred when he died. Which means I must be at least seventy. I was head of the Oniwabanshu when you were a hairless brat who didn't know JUMP from Sunday."
"Ah, but you know, it's like that. It's now popular to reverse the stereotypical older seme-younger uke roles. It gives the reader a sense of thrill, not knowing whether the salaryman will take or be taken by the bishounen who turns out to be a high school junior."
"What kind of nonsensical rules are these? Are you making them up? A yaoi fanboy? Are you a secret yaoi fanboy?"
"Ahah! Don't underestimate living with a teenage girl, Hattori-kun! Kagura has a stash of doujinshi I've confiscated and I'm seme in them all! There's no one who can top Gin-san the super-seme."
"Don't kid yourself. I'll have you know that I have a doujinshi where you're uke to Space Monster Stefan."
"You're wrong. That monster was Elizabeth."
"Hah! You admitted it. You've read it, too, haven't you?"
"... Ah, such nice weather today."
"Ah, it really i-- don't change the subject!"
"Anyway, if Gin-san was to join the other team, I could do much better. For example... well... if I had to, and ONLY if I had to, I guess Zura has the girliest face."
Obligatory panover to Katsura. It's not Zura, it's Katsura!
"But compared to you, even Madao or Oogushi-kun or baka ouji would be better than you, bastard. Wait a minute, aren't we forgetting something?"
"Yabe, I forgot all about it."
"Temporary truce?"
"Okay. Let's make a run for it on three."
"One."
"Two."
"Threeeeee!!"
-----
The End (dies a little inside)
-----
Note: In episode 63, Hattori likens ninjas to cats (neko). Neko is also slang for the bottom in yuri (girl/girl) relationships. So not a perfect fit but I couldn't resist the wordplay here.
Random idea, experimental writing style with no real beginning or end.... and damn if the Hattori dialogue ended up sounding more like what Gintoki's should be.
Also posted to fanfiction.net